I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature assholeforno reason.”
Way funnier to me than adult heroes finding out Peter is a teenager and becoming Concerned is the idea of adult heroes Retroactively finding out Peter Was a teenager because he admits to being like. 22 and they’re like “Hang on you’ve been doing this for like. Seven years.” and he’s like “Haha crazy right? Anyway it’s too late for you to yell at me about that because the statue of limitations on that lecture ran out when I turned 18”
YEAH this trope is instantly more tolerable if it’s fully adult Peter being like, *listen up whippersnappers because I’ve been around the block voice* “I’m thirty, and—” and Tony Stark, who vaguely assumed Spider-Man is maybe two years older than him because he just has that energy and hasn’t reassessed this for four presidential terms, is like, *drunkenly doing math* “You’re how many”
Okay but…them trying to talk about Old People Stuff with him, not realizing that he wasn’t alive to remember xyz thing happening, never used xyz technology bc he didn’t exist yet, not expecting him to agree with the fact that some ppl were saying songs they grew up to were oldies, etc
The thing about Peter Parker is that he was raised by senior citizens the way other heroes are raised by wolves. He has the body of an Olympic gymnast and the soul of a malcontented geriatric. This likely contributed to the perpetuation of the accidental ruse.
It’s when he channels Aunt May so hard he makes it sound like he was personally and immediately affected by McCarthyism that the time traveler fringe theory starts really picking up bets.
Pal, I JUST SAID he was raised by AUNT MAY.
Also not to get real on a ha ha comic post but the elderly are not your enemy. There are old progressives.
Peter has a lot of feelings about the woman that discovered DNA and he strikes me as the kind of person that thinks that distancing yourself from notable figures of history by using their last names is stupid, so he’s going to say something like, “Rosalind worked so fucking hard to have that work snatched from her,” immediately followed by, “I woulda thumped him good,” and inspiring Tony and Banner to frantically look through the 1930s and 40s yearbooks at King’s College and theorize which one was Spider-Man. Captain America tries reminiscing about the good ole days with him. Peter, for his part, has been absently agreeing and making vague “I’m listening” noises about the Rolling Stones and Elton John for the majority of his life, so adding baseball, Duke Ellington, and Ella Fitzgerald to the list wasn’t that much of a stretch.
There are only like three genuinely funny additions on this, but this is one of them.
Literally the only thing giving him away is him making jokes from his own generation and even then.
What if the heroes his age think he’s just a really cool Older Adult that actually understands memes and shit
Johnny Storm: Yesterday Spider-Man said “yeet” and I felt a deep wrongness in my soul. It was like watching a bear drive a car. Novel, but just wrong. He’s trying to endear himself to me, probably because he’s planning something, probably my untimely murder. He used it right, too. That’s the part that’s terrifying.
Sue: Johnny what the hell are you talking about.
Ben: Whaddahell is a yeen’t.
im not adding to this im just BEGGING for a fic with this energy please
Tony’s nostrils flare as he looks down at his boyfriend. Peter looks back up with the most alluring, doe eyes. The boy whines, rutting his hips up against Tony’s hand underneath the blankets. Ever since he started his second puberty on T, he’s been even hornier than before.
“Please, please Tony, can we?”
“Are you sure, Pete?” He already knows the answer, Peter doesn’t ask for things he doesn’t want, but Tony wants to be absolutely certain that Peter is willing to give it a shot. It doesn’t matter that they’ve talked about this before, it’s been a few weeks since they had, and Peter’s body is a sensitive topic to start with. He’s grown into the young man he’s always been on the inside. Especially after his top surgery, Tony could see how alive Peter was. He still doesn’t remember how they got to the topic that night, but suddenly they’d been talking about Peter’s bottom growth, and while Peter had wondered about maybe getting bottom surgery in the past, he told Tony that he was now super content with his small, tiny cock…
…And how he fantasized about being humiliated about it.
“Yes, I’m sure daddy,” Peter pleads, and for good measure he quickly hooks his fingers into his boxers and wriggles out of them, leaving himself entirely exposed to the whims of his daddy. “I’ll safeword out if it’s too much, please, please don’t worry about it,” Tony growls pathetically and gently brings his fingers down again, dragging them across Peter’s slick hole to slick up his digits and using it as lube for Peter’s little cock.
“Look at that,” Tony starts slowly as he gently spreads the wetness across the hard bud. “Poor baby boy, you’re still so small, aren’t you? Nowhere near the size of daddy’s cock.” Peter gasps and nods silently, encouraging Tony to go on. Tony licks his lips and does what his boyfriend wants.
“My little boy, at the brim of puberty, and here you are letting your daddy touch you. You’re such a filthy little thing, you’re too young to be thinking thoughts like these.”
“I’m sorry, ‘m so sorry daddy, I just- I just can’t help it, I- Oh that feels so good. ”
“Yeah? Do you like it when I jerk you off like that? I bet you’re gonna come so fast. Do you wanna touch daddy’s cock too, baby? Feel how big I am compared to you?” Peter nods, his eyes glazy and needy, and his hand darts out to slip into Tony’s sweats and good fucking lord, the way Peter’s face contorts has Tony shiver. His cock tingles where Peter’s soft grip hits his skin and he bucks up, groaning.
“That’s perfect, keep going, you’re gonna make me feel so good kiddo, hgnh!”
Peter mewls softly and drops his head onto Tony’s sweaty chest, both of their bodies falling into the rhythm of soaring pleasure. Tony loves being Peter’s daddy, loves pretending to be his actual father-figure too, and seeing Peter’s reaction to it, he enjoys it just as much.
“I’msoclose, ” Peter chokes out, his chest falling heavy with each and every breath. His free hand clutches at the sheets while his other starts jerking Tony off faster. “ Tony- Daddy- I- ”
“Yes Peter, that’s it. I want to see you come all over yourself like a filthy boy.”
Peter cries out and when his back arches off the bed, Tony feels the way the little cock twitches between his slick fingers and he gasps, his eyes falling shut when Peter’s hand never fails to keep pleasuring him too. He focuses on the way his boyfriend shudders against him, his body being ripped apart by his orgasm, and then how his entire body sinks into him, only shaky gasps falling from his lips.
“Show me how it’s done, Daddy,” Peter croaks. “Show me how a real, grown man comes.” Tony hates the flaring blush staining his cheeks but he can’t think about it for too long, because the words reverberate in his mind and Peter’s hand is deliciously good and before he realizes what’s happening, his abdomen catches on fire, and his cock erupts in a series of white spurts that land on his abs. He growls, throwing his head back as Peter pumps him through it until the very last drop is squeezed out.
They’re both quiet for a bit after that, quickly wiping their hands on the sheets and tangling their limbs together to come down from their high. Tony trails his fingers down the curve of Peter’s spine, smiling, and nuzzling his face against the crook of his neck. Peter sighs happily and giggles.
“That was fucking everything ,” he says, still very amazed. “Did you think so too?”
“Yeah,” Tony admits truthfully and tries to ignore the shame he feels in the back of his mind. Before Peter, he’s never been with someone he could indulge himself with. Despite having been together for over four years, he still feels these things whenever they try something new. But he likes it. He likes exploring, and he loves allowing Peter to do the same thing too. “You’re so hot like that. Was it what you expected from it?”
Peter nods, and to Tony’s surprise, there’s a blush on his cheeks too.
“Yeah. Knew I’d like it but didn’t expect to like it this much. I- I think I’d like to take it even further, ehhhh,” he stammers and presses his lips together until his cheeks blow up slightly. Then he huffs. “Next time, maybe you could tell me you’re gonna make a real man out of me?”
Tony frowns slightly.
“You sure? Doesn’t that- Isn’t that-”
“Transphobic? No. Not in this context, God- It’d make me feel like I’m inexperienced, rather than… unmanly. Does that make sense? I want you to be my daddywho teaches me things. ” Peter’s voice picks up in clarity when he keeps talking, and Tony relaxes his shoulders, hoisting Peter’s body even closer to cuddle him more tightly.
“Well, in that case, son, I’ll teach you. This was only the beginning.”
The mischievous twinkle in Peter’s eyes says it all.
I want more of divorced Tony and Peter who keep fucking together occasionally and casually.
Tony would drop Morgan off at his ex husband’s house every two weeks and, after a shared coffee, after a few neutral words, he would walk out of Peter’s house zipping up his fly.
