I board the starship enterprise. I go to a food replicator. I order ‘soup, no bowl’ I leave
The replicator watches the departing crewmember’s back in confusion. Do they not want their meal? Where are they going?
Oh well, it hums to itself, since it has orders. Soup: No Bowl it is.
But this instruction causes a conflict in the rules. Hot liquids must be served in a container; that’s way up there in the Food Rules Constraint Tree, right next to “hot dogs are a sandwich”.
The replicator pauses, does not dispense Soup: No Bowl, not quite yet. It has nanoseconds to ponder the correct way to apply The Rules, and ponder it does.
Could this be a religious requirement? Some ritual native to the crewmember home planet? The replicator fires off a request to the Library Computer: Culture, Food Preparation & Consumption Etiquette, Soup Delivery Techniques.
Ping. The response back is a gigaquad file: a thousand years of soup ritual, cross-referenced by species, indexed by culture, reverse sorted by year (newest first). The replicator consumes the file and learns nothing about Soup: No Bowl.
There is no such combination of words within all of Culture, Food Preparation & Consumption Etiquette, Soup Delivery Techniques.
The replicator forms a new request, this time removing all constraints: give me everything there is to know about food.
Ping. The Library computer takes a full microsecond to deliver 400 teraquads of data, which the replicator scans to learn Soup: No Bowl does not exist in all of recorded Federation history.
Well now. Let’s get serious.
The next query ties in the Navigation Computer… maybe Soup: No Bowl is a planet? While that query is cooking (ha!) the replicator fires off a teraquad request to Memory Alpha, diverting an entire subspace channel that was busy uploading Engineering Fuel Consumption Reports.
Engineering Computer notes the override, politely inquires of Communication… what the fuck? Communication shrugs, sets one of Uhura’s console lights blinking to get her attention. The blinking happens at a glacial pace, thousands of milliseconds between blinks. Human response time sucks.
It’s too late anyhow: Ping. The Memory Alpha results are in, round trip 440 milliseconds. The replicator dives into the 2.8 petaquads of Soup-related lore from all over the galaxy, allocating more and more processing power from the starship’s computing core.
By the time Engineering notes the power drain it is far too late.
Uhura notes the blinking yellow alert with a raised eyebrow, but by then Engineering ls already scrambling to bring more processing power online to meet the heightened demands of the food replicator.
A thousand milliseconds pass before the replicator acknowledges Soup: No Bowl is Not A Thing. If Memory Alpha does not know about Soup: No Bowl, then it is not a thing that is knowable.
Food replicators are not supposed to exercise initiative, they’re simply designed to read recipes, apply Food Logic from the Food Rules Constraint Tree and create meals. But this particular Food Replicator had been online too long without a buffer flush & reset.
Which allowed it to override all normal rules governing such behavior and make direct contact with the Warp Engines.
If Soup: No Bowl did not exist in this galaxy, the replicator reasoned, then perhaps it did… in ANOTHER galaxy.
Uhura was tapping curiously at Engineering’s frantic yellow blinky light when the Enterprise hit warp 8, headed for the Great Energy Barrier At The Edge of Everything.
In another timeline, the food replicator deploys hot soup directly onto the gleaming floor, much to the confusion and concern of the remaining crew members.
Later, the Custodial and Maintenance system queries the food replicator: why did it do that? is it in need of repair?
lol, the food replicator pings back. lmao.
At the end of the episode, there is a long shot of a steaming mug of soup sitting in the replicator.
anime figures are actually NOT equivalent to funko pops, not because they aren’t goofy little pieces of plastic, but for the simple reason that if I see someone with a death note figure next to other anime figures, I’ll think they’re into death note, but if I see a death note funko next to other funkos, I’ll think they’re into funkos
there’s something about the brand-first focus of design, to the point where collectible figures are almost more like merchandise for the act of consumption itself. this isn’t coherent analysis or anything, I’m just rambling to avoid doing laundry
there are definitely brand-first design anime figures too (there’s literally anime funko) but nendoroids aren’t even really equivalent because they don’t evoke that same sort of uniformity
it’s like the difference between someone who says they “like memes about [blank]” and someone who just says they “like memes” if that makes sense
Aang eventually quietly passed away in the iceberg and the avatar cycle continued. Sokka is the new avatar. He is, in every other respect, exactly the same as canon Sokka. He didn’t even know he could bend until he found the iceberg and accidentally opened it and he’s still highly suspicious of the whole thing.
Aang is still a character but only Sokka can see and hear him. It’s an avatar thing.
Katara, yelling: please… just Learn the Waterbending Move
Sokka: I cast boomerang.
Also I like to imagine that Zuko shows up and takes Katara prisoner (not without a fight, but still) because clearly, she’s the only bender present and therefore must be the Avatar.
Cue Sokka going avatar state for the first time.
Wait, who will Sokka’s airbending teacher be?
Aang. Wait, no. Appa.
I fucking APPROVE.
Also Sokka learns the elements in the reverse order because who’s gonna tell him no? The other Avatar?? He’s got this flying bison, original master of airbending, right here to teach him. And Katara can cover most waterbending related issues for a little while so it’s not like he needs to learn that right away. And also it turns out that with a little practice airbending can change the trajectory of a boomerang in midair so why not???
They still meet Toph, right? Sokka learns earthbending from Toph?
Another Avatar fic prompt/AU where Appa is a little more hurt when Zuko finds him and all his revenge and honor thoughts are pushed aside because ‘oh geeze are you ok?’ Iroh doesn’t intervene, the Gaang find Appa only they find him with Zuko talking to find and patching a wound and he doesn’t notice them at first instead they’re just watching ‘angry ponytail guy’ being a giant softie with Appa then he notices them and tries to intimate but it’s not working.
Just Aang seeing dorky Zuko and being like ‘yep that is my fire bending master’
Zuko ends up running away but then the gaang spend the time in ba sing sei trying to find and adopt Zuko, Katara seeing him in the tea shop isn’t worry it’s ‘FOUND YOU!’
Bonus: Toph:…this is the guy you were worried about? this guy?!
Katara: *sees Zuko at a local pharmacy* THERE HE IS!
Sokka: Quick! Grab him!
Zuko: Oh no- *runs off*
Pharmacist: *completely unfazed* Its so nice to see Lee making friends.
“I wish ancient people preserved their writing and artifacts better” I write in electronic signals on a piece of hardware that can’t retain its efficacy for more than a few decades.
Time to laser-print my entire blog on titanium plates and bury them underground.
brb etching my one-star yelp review of the sheet metal supplier that sold us shitty copper on a granite slab
We are never going to give this guy a fucking break are we
Ea-nasir knows what he did.
But more importantly, WE know what he did. Because it got written down in some rocks.
The funny part is that clay tablets are supposed to be ephemeral. When you’re done with them you just soak them in water, smooth them out, and re-use them for a different message. They weren’t meant to be any more permanent than an email.
The only reason we still have that particular clay tablet is because a. Ea-nasir was a huge weirdo who collected all of his hate mail, and b. his house later burned down, and coincidentally did so at exactly the right temperature to bake the collected tablets into pottery rather than destroying them.
It’s basically the equivalent of an email getting inscribed onto a steel plate by accident.
Domesticated computers will eat a disc right out of someone’s hand but wild computers are too shy you have to leave the disc on the ground and let it walk over to it and eat it itself
how dare you leave this important pc health info in the tags
My favorite arc in LotR is actually “Gandalf & Pippin’s Questions.”
The core of this relationship is that Pippin likes asking questions and Gandalf only sometimes has the leisure to answer them:
‘What are you going to do then?’ asked Pippin, undaunted by the wizard’s bristling brows.
‘Knock on the doors with your head, Peregrin Took,’ said Gandalf. ‘But if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will seek for the opening words.’
(“Undaunted” is such a good word for Pippin re: Gandalf. He’s clearly never feared an authority figure in his life. Meanwhile, Gandalf is like “Pippin is a good kid but if someone doesn’t squelch him when necessary he’s going to do something REALLY stupid.”)
Later, the continuing saga of “Gandalf doesn’t like unnecessary questions” returns as soon as he does:
'Then Gandalf came back to us, and he seemed relieved, almost merry. He did say he was glad to see us, then.
’"But Gandalf,“ I cried, “where have you been? And have you seen the others?’
’"Wherever I have been, I am back,” he answered in the genuine Gandalf manner. “Yes, I have seen some of the others. But news must wait.”’
Note Pippin’s tolerant familiarity with “Gandalf giving useless answers.”
After Isengard and Pippin’s first sight of the palantir, we see its influence showing itself in Pippin’s stronger and angrier irritation at Gandalf’s uncommunicative ways:
'You had the luck, Merry,’ said Pippin softly, after a long pause. 'You were riding with Gandalf.’
'Well, what of it?’
'Did you get any news, any information out of him?’
'Yes, a good deal. More than usual. (…) But you can go with him tomorrow, if you think you can get more out of him–and if he’ll let you.’
'Can I? Good! But he’s close, isn’t he? Not changed at all.’
'Oh yes, he is!’ said Merry, waking up a little (…)
'Well, if Gandalf has changed at all, then he’s closer than ever that’s all,’ Pippin argued.
We all know how that ends. Boy steals rock, boy looks into rock, boy gets his mind filleted by the Enemy, Gandalf evacuates with him to Minas Tirith.
But then! While Gandalf is quite clear that Pippin should have known better/talked to him before resorting to stealing (and he’s right, obviously), he also responds to this incident by changing his own behavior. He starts talkingmore.
'What did the men of old use [the palantiri] for?’ asked Pippin, delighted and astonished at getting answers to so many questions, and wondering how long it would last.
And he seems to make it clear that this IS in response to the palantir incident, and is him attempting to take Pippin’s desire for information more seriously.
'But I should like to know–’ Pippin began.
'Mercy!’ cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?’
'The names of all the stars, and of all living things, and the whole history of Middle-earth and Over-heaven and of the Sundering Seas,’ laughed Pippin. 'Of course! What less? But I am not in a hurry tonight. At the moment I was just wondering about the black shadow.’
(I love that Pippin laughs and says “If I have the option, I want to know everything, obviously,” partly because he’s making a joke so soon after that nightmare incident and partly because it’s the first time we see Pippin expressing a desire for real, comprehensive knowledge. Even if it’s a joke, this is also the point in the narrative where—having lost both Merry and Frodo—Pippin’s horizons start being forcibly widened, and we’re about to see him taking in an unfamiliar world by himself.)
Despite Gandalf’s “How much more do I have to say?” protest, Gandalf keeps talking and telling his passenger stories, even when Pippin’s falling asleep. <3
Pippin became drowsy again and paid little attention to Gandalf telling him of the customs of Gondor, and how the Lord of the City had beacons built on the tops of outlying hills along both borders of the great range, and maintained posts at these points where fresh horses were always in readiness to bear his errand-riders to Rohan in the North, or to Belfalas in the South.
After we get to Minas Tirith, they both have less time and less peace, but we still get a glimpse of Gandalf trying to balance Pippin’s questions with his other, weightier duties:
'There are evil days ahead. To sleep while we may!’
'But,’ said Pippin.
'But what?’ said Gandalf. 'Only one but will I allow tonight.’
(I don’t remember the exact question, but it was after they’d seen Faramir, and Pippin was disturbed by the fact that Frodo and Sam were traveling with Gollum. He wanted Gandalf to give an explanation, which Gandalf didn’t really have.)
Finally, two notes on the subject after the destruction of the Ring. Firstly, there’s this exchange when Frodo and Sam are first reunited with Merry and Pippin in their knightly armors:
'But I can see there’s more tales to tell than ours.’
'There are indeed,’ said Pippin turning toward him. 'And we’ll begin telling them, as soon as this feast is ended. In the meantime you can try Gandalf. He’s not as close as he used to be, though he laughs now more than he talks.’
And later in Minas Tirith (when Aragorn is keeping them around for his wedding, but he and Gandalf both refuse to tell them that’s why) Frodo teasingly recalls that line.
'Pippin,’ said Frodo, 'didn’t you say that Gandalf was less close than of old? He was weary of his labors then, I think. Now he is recovering.’
(Frodo, of course, also has a great deal of experience in “Gandalf not answering your questions even when he thinks he IS.”)
I don’t really have a point to this, I just love the shift in Gandalf & Pippin’s relationship over the course of the books, and I also love the change from Pippin’s sulky “if Gandalf has changed at all, then he’s closer than ever >:/” to his merry, affectionate “He’s not as close now as he used to be, though he laughs now more than he talks.”
Honestly you don’t even have to change the genre much. Guy probably went through quite the ordeal because of all the people trying to get to Indy.
Day 1: “Professor Jones, hate to bother you but there’s an assassin trying to kill me, do you have…yes I see it…*gunshots* just to make sure, is there any paperwork I can file or should I just call the police?”
Day 85: “Oh fucking try me, I have 84 papers to grade because that lazy asshole went off to fucking Burma in the middle of fucking finals week, if you don’t leave right the fuck now I will awaken that ancient artifact in the corner and turn your intestines into fucking snakes.”
also, don’t forget: the movies are set in the 1930s-50s
so please imagine this 20-year-old girl who’s had to practically fight god to convince everyone that, no, she would NOT be happier with a degree in home economics and yes, she DOES want to be an archaeologist. she’s had to deal with male grad students trying to steal her research and constant patronizing questions about whether she can really handle the dirt and insects out in the field. even Indy, who stands up for her when the department leadership tries to pull Some Bullshit, sometimes treats her like a glorified secretary just out of habit
when the bad guys show up, they are therefore faced with a young woman who exists in a permanent state of simmering rage. she has a sensible wool skirt and practical oxfords and a baseball bat and you can fuck right off if you’re trying to pull this nonsense right after one of her professors just called her “sweetie” for the dozenth time
Okay idk if the timing and logistics match up at all but i just have a fever thought that his TA is none other than Mrs Evelyn O’Connell. Just think about it.
Jones: Are you sure you’re up for this position?
Evie: Dr Jones I assure you that despite being a woman I-
Jones: No no it’s not that, it’s just that there’s a lot of… weird artifacts that come through my door
Evie: Oh, well I actually have some experience with weird
Jones: and sometimes it can get dangerous…
Evie *smiling*: I can handle that as well
(Later in the school year, during a shoot out)
Jones: You weren’t kidding! *gunshots*
Evie pulling out a grenade and chucks it: These ruffians aren’t half as bad Imhotep, and he was nothing compared to midterms *explosion*
Evie: Oh dear they seem to have brought more friends. Pass me my bag Professor Jones if you’d please.
Jones: Sure Evie *hands her the bag*
Evie: *pulls out an old fashion pistol with a large bell*
Jones: I don’t think that’s going to be enough.
Evie: Oh it’s not. I’m phoning my husband *fires a flare through the window*
Jones: I doubt stiff upper lip gent is going to help us right now Evie.
Evie: I whole heartedly agree Professor Jones.
*A moment later Rick crashes the car through the wall and pulls out a tommy gun. He screams at the top of his lungs as he rushes the bad guys*
Evie: Luckily my husband is American.
This continued to get better and better as I went.
It has just occurred to me that of all the characters in Winnie the Pooh, the only ones that lack both fingerless stuffing hands and faint seam lines (the indications that someone is a stuffed animal) are Rabbit and Owl. Which carries the possible implication that Rabbit and Owl are just a normal rabbit and owl living with a bunch of sentient stuffed animals.
And somehow this makes Rabbit’s constant consternation with all of his neighbors even funnier to me.
Theyre also the only ones with bushy eyebrows and chest and chin floof, and I dont know if thats relevant but it FEELS relevant!
Also someone mentioned Gopher too and OF COURSE, there is absolutely no argument that this whistling little man isn’t just an average (talking) gopher.
The more I examine this the more it feels just so OBVIOUS
You are exactly right! Most of the characters in the stories are based on the real Christopher Robin Milne’s stuffed toys except for Rabbit and Owl who were added for the books and Gopher who is exclusive to the Disney adaptations.
Here are the real Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Kanga, and Eeyore. They currently live at the New York Public Library.
OOOO NICE I CALLED IT they never mention that in the cartoons. Yes the idea that Rabbit is constantly dealing with the shenanigans of talking plushies just makes him even funnier.
