#amused mastery
Even the most submissive of wives will test you from time to time. These tests might be intentional, or they might be subconscious, but the purpose of these tests are to ensure that she is safe in your leadership.
A test might like look outright intentional disobedience, or it might be more subtle - testing a boundary, pushing you to get a reaction, or generally bratty behavior.
The key to passing these tests are to recognize them for what they are. She’s looking to see if you will remain a strong oak in the face of adversity.
It’s easy to fail these tests - losing your temper, reacting in kind, or letting her attitude change yours. On the other side of the spectrum, you can also fail these tests by being aloof, indifferent, or giving in. These reactions tell her that she is not safe with you, and impairs her ability to fully submit.
Passing the test can be equally easy by exercising a technique called amused mastery.
Imagine that you were play-wrestling with your kids. You’d allow them to pin you, and it wouldn’t hurt your pride. You wouldn’t take them as a serious threat. Even though they might be using every ounce of their strength to try to take you down, you’d see no need to match their effort. You’d find the whole thing fun and cute, confident in the fact that you know (and your kids know) that if they took things to far you could easily bring an end to it.
So it should be when your wife tests you. You shouldn’t match her emotional level, or get sucked into a battle. Your reaction to her should be loving, secure, and somewhat amused.
Amused Mastery in Action
My wife recently announced that she was on a laundry strike. “A what?”, I asked, arching my eyebrow with a mild grin. She then proceeded to tell me that there was too much laundry to do, and it wasn’t fair that she had to do all of it, so she was going on strike.
Now, there are a couple ways I could have failed this test.
I could have tried to logically explain to her we laundry was her responsibility and that if she had done more during the week, there wouldn’t be so much to do right now (pro-tip: if your plan for navigating your wife’s tests involves the use of logic … best of luck with that)
I could have lost my temper and yelled at her, which would have probably resulted in the laundry getting done but her feeling unsafe in my leadership.
I could have acquiesced with a “yes dear”. This would have also left her feeling unsafe in my leadership.
Here’s how it actually played out. I’m not saying it is the perfect approach, but hopefully it illustrates amused mastery in action. Picking the story back up …
Her: “(some convoluted reasoning on why she was on a laundry strike)
Me: “Ok, so you are on strike. Where is your picket sign?”
Her, stomp foot: “I’m serious!”
Me: “I know dear, this is all very serious. I guess I’ll need to do some laundry then. In fact, I should get started now.”
Her: “Good! Hey, what are you doing?”
Me: (Unzipping the back of her dress) “I’m doing laundry! Let’s get these in the washer ASAP”
Her: (starting to giggle but trying to remain very serious) “This isn’t what I meant!”
Me: (Undoing her bra and lowering her panties) “Sorry, but I am doing the laundry now and nothing can stop me”
Her: “We’ll see about that!”
Fast-forward. I’m lying in bed in a post-sex haze when I hear her quietly tip-toe out of the bedroom to start a load of laundry.
