#arrogance
One thing I’ve been realizing for a while now is that arrogance and conceitedness and so on, is not a question of objective merit, it’s a question of self-esteem neediness - narcissism, in a sense.
Like, it doesn’t matter how great I am, what matters is that I give too many fucks about how great I am. The problematic part isn’t recognizing above-average merit in the self - the problematic part is giving any amount of fucks about it, at an emotional level. Giving too much fucks about your merit relative to others, or about getting accurate recognition for it, is what motivates the bad stuff.
The more I understand the narcissism in myself, the more I see the image of Narcissus looking at his reflection as apt.
I’ve said before that this image misses a critical point: that narcissists are best understood as having trouble seeing themselves well, and severely hurt by seeing themselves poorly, rather than as constantly seeing themselves well. This is still true, but it was incomplete.
The missing part is this: narcissism is not so much the wrong relationship with your reflection, as much as it is too much of that relationship.
Near as I can tell, past a certain point, the improvement is to just find a way to truly not care. Not cover deep true acute caring with the chosen and declared value of not caring. Not protect against the pain of our perceived flaws with true evidence of our above-average merits. But just… look less often at the reflection.
Of course this is an interlocking process where you achieve not looking by having enough experienced evidence that you don’t need to look, and yeah, having true merit and only reasonable flaws is part of getting to that point.
But past a certain point, a big part of being less narcissistic is practicing not looking, not checking your reflection, I mean especially not even the reflection in your mind, practicing just more fully doing whatever you are doing in the moment.
Marten van Valckenborch, Tower of Babel, c. 1600, oil on panel, 69 x 98 cm., Private collection.
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Jan van Scorel, The Tower of Babel, 1550, oil on panel, 58 x 75 cm., Galleria Giorgio Franchetti alla Ca d'Oro, Venezia.
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Abel Grimmer (attributed), The Tower of Babel, 1586-1620, oil on panel, 53 x 78 cm., Private collection.
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Joachim Patinir (attributed), The Building of the Tower of Babel, 1500-1524, oil on panel, 74 x 103 cm., Brighton and Hove Museums and Art Galleries,
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Abel Grimmer, The Tower of Babel, c. 1600, oil on panel, 65 x 50 cm., Galerie de Jonckheere, Paris.
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Marten van Valckenborch, The Building of the Tower of Babel, c. 1600, oil on panel, 102 x 152 cm., Towneley Hall Art Gallery and Museum, Burnley.
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Abel Grimmer, The Tower of Babel, 1604, oil on panel, 51 x 66 cm., Johnny van Haeften, Surrey.
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Meister der Weltenchronik, Construction of the Tower of Babel, c. 1370, parchment, Bayerische Staatsbibliothek, München.
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Hendrick van Cleve, The Tower of Babel, 16th century, oil on copper, 42 x 55 cm., Fondation Custodia, Collection Frits Lugt, Paris.
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Joos de Momper (attributed to Frans Francken the Younger), The Tower of Babel, 1590-1635, oil on canvas, 175 x 249 cm., Musées Royaux des Beaux-Arts de Belgique, Bruxelles.
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Joos de Momper, Tower of Babel, 1595-1605, oil on copper, 38 x 47 cm., Museu Nacional de Arte Antiga, Lisboa.
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Lucas van Valckenborch, The Tower of Babel, second half of the 16th century, oil on canvas, 40 x 51 cm., Musée des Beaux-Arts de Strasbourg.
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Marten van Valckenborch the Elder, The Tower of Babel, 1595, oil, 75 x 105 cm., Gemäldegalerie Alte Meister, Staatliche Kunstammlungen, Dresden.
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Frederik van Valckenborch, The Construction of the Tower of Babel, c. 1600, oil on canvas, 182 x 292 cm., Kunsthistorisches Museum, Wien.
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Lucas van Valckenborch, The Tower of Babel, 1595, oil on oak, 43 x 64 cm., Mittelrhein-Museum, Koblenz.
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Lucas van Valckenborch, The Tower of Babel, 1560-1600, oil on panel, 48.5 x 64 cm., Private collection.
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