#bad plot descriptions
Describing Terry Pratchett’s books is difficult. Someone asked me what the book I was reading was about, and I had to tell them it was about banking and the gold standard, but like in a cool way with golems and action.
I don’t think they believed me.
welcome to the club
It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.
yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions
A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert
The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti
It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.
Macbeth but it’s about the witches
Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.
it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo
The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas. Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.
these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet
Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards
Hollywood????
An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.
Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.
The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.
Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter
A sad, pathetic male of his species re-plumbs the depths of his soul and saves the city by wooing a powerful female. The same thing happens to a dragon.
…And all the above are true. :)
Someone invents a) affirmative action and b) black powder firearms. This makes a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
- A convicted (and executed) conman is given the job of looking after the moribund municipal government service and ends up fighting the corrupt businessmen who took over the internet and put it behind a giant paywall.
- Cinderella but it’s about the fairy godmothers (and their opposite numbers), with bonus Frog Princess reversed, Puss-in-Boots reversed, vodoun/ Santería reversed, Casanova sort of reversed, and Wizard of Oz reversed, with musings along the way about identity, justice vs. mercy, and inedible bread,
- Midsummer Night’s Dream meets Fake Boudicca, with bonus teen identity, how to spot and avoid grooming, the purpose of royalty, the purpose of witches, and bees.
- Dracula, but with religion, resisting manipulation, the nature of sin, and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
- The Three Musketeers but literally every role is reversed and there are dragons and secret societies.
- Assassins Creed meets Egyptian Mythology; there are time loops, reanimated mummies, and camels are mathematical geniuses. Also technically incest but it’s okay?
- Proto-Socialist policeman and reluctant noble solves a murder, avenges genocide, and learns kung-fu. There’s high-speed chase shenanigans and a lethal butler. Also harp music and jokes about novelists.
