The villagers had said justice had been done, and she’d lost patience and told them to go home, then, and pray to whatever gods they believed in that it was never done to them. The smug mask of virtue triumphant could be almost as horrible as the face of wickedness revealed.
Vlad looked imploringly at Agnes, and reached out to her.
“You wouldn’t let them kill me, would you? You wouldn’t let them do this to me? We could have…we might…you wouldn’t,would you?”
The crowd hesitated. This sounded like an important plea. A hundred pairs of eyes stared at Agnes.
She took his hand. I suppose we could work on him, said Perdita. But Agnes thought about Escrow, and the queues, and the children playing while they waited, and how evil might come animal sharp in the night, or grayly by day on a list…
“Vlad,” she said gently, looking deep into his eyes, “I’d even hold their coats.”
“It’s the version my grandmother taught me,” said Oats.
“She was keen on crushing infidels?”
“Well, mainly I think she was in favor of crushing Mrs. Ahrim next door, but you’ve got the right idea, yes. She thought the world would be a better place with a bit more crushing and smiting.”
“Prob'ly true.”
“Not as much smiting and crushing as she’dlike, though, I think,” said Oats. “A bit judgmental, my grandmother.”
“Nothing wrong with that. Judging is human.”
“We prefer to leave it ultimately to Om,” said Oats and, out here in the dark, that statement sounded lost and all alone.
“Bein’ human means judgin’ all the time,” said the voice behind him. “This and that, good and bad, making choices every day…that’s human.”
“And are you so sure you make the right decisions?”
“No. But I do the best I can.”
“And hope for mercy, eh?”
The bony finger prodded him in the back.
“Mercy’s a fine thing, but judgin’ comes first. Otherwise you don’t know what you’re bein’ merciful about.”
[id: fromCarpe Jugulum - “Oats was having some difficulty with his temper. He’d carried the old bit- biddy for miles, he was frozen to the bone, and now they were here she acted as if she’d somehow done him a favour.” fromTwoby Sleeping at Last - “A great honor to hold you up / Like a force to be reckoned with”. This artworkby@alda-rana of Granny and Oats sitting in front of Oats’ fire in the woods, combined with lyrics from Age of Kings by The Mountain Goats - “Felt like God’s annointed when you didn’t push me away”. end id]
Describing Terry Pratchett’s books is difficult. Someone asked me what the book I was reading was about, and I had to tell them it was about banking and the gold standard, but like in a cool way with golems and action.
I don’t think they believed me.
welcome to the club
It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.
yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions
A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert
The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti
It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.
Macbeth but it’s about the witches
Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.
it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo
The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas. Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.
these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet
Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards
Hollywood????
An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.
Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.
The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.
Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter
A sad, pathetic male of his species re-plumbs the depths of his soul and saves the city by wooing a powerful female. The same thing happens to a dragon.
…And all the above are true. :)
Someone invents a) affirmative action and b) black powder firearms. This makes a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
A convicted (and executed) conman is given the job of looking after the moribund municipal government service and ends up fighting the corrupt businessmen who took over the internet and put it behind a giant paywall.
Cinderella but it’s about the fairy godmothers (and their opposite numbers), with bonus Frog Princess reversed, Puss-in-Boots reversed, vodoun/ Santería reversed, Casanova sort of reversed, and Wizard of Oz reversed, with musings along the way about identity, justice vs. mercy, and inedible bread,
Midsummer Night’s Dream meets Fake Boudicca, with bonus teen identity, how to spot and avoid grooming, the purpose of royalty, the purpose of witches, and bees.
Dracula, but with religion, resisting manipulation, the nature of sin, and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Assassins Creed meets Egyptian Mythology; there are time loops, reanimated mummies, and camels are mathematical geniuses. Also technically incest but it’s okay?
Proto-Socialist policeman and reluctant noble solves a murder, avenges genocide, and learns kung-fu. There’s high-speed chase shenanigans and a lethal butler. Also harp music and jokes about novelists.
