#baek yi jin
Forever’s Just Too Short
Summary: That fight in the tunnel leads to different results.
Author’s note: Cathartic to write about this now after a few days to process my thoughts. Although Yi-jin blames himself a lot in this, I don’t think anyone’s really at fault it just seemed in character that he would blame himself. Dedicated to @orphiccsand@truccieeboo and all the other Baekdo stans in my asks and comments. A commercial break from sexual therapy.
The words cut like a dagger slashing across the tender flesh of his heart, sinking deep and drawing blood. The pain sears through his skin and plummels at his bones, a hurt like no other he’s ever endured before mostly due to it being at her hands, or better yet her words.
“Watch what you say.” He bites back intense fury, hurt and devastation all crashing over him like the thunderous waves of a tsunami.
How could she dare to utter those words to him? Did such a short period of time apart negate all the love and devotion he’d poured into her and this relationship? He was fucking broken standing on a ledge hovering over damnation and what, she was going to be the final blow that threw him over the edge?
Angry tears pool in her eyes and he viciously silences the piece of him that wants to comfort her, rock her back and forth in his arms and whispers sweet nothings into her ears. They weren’t each other’s lifelines anymore or so she claimed.
“This love isn’t supporting me anymore Baek Yi-jin. I want to stop.”
Her face at this heart shattering moment will haunt him more than the scarred ashen dead bodies being carried on stretchers.
He will never forget the way his heart cracked as he looks at her putting a stop to their love, this unnameable love. This rainbow like love that once brought them both so much joy and understanding.
Then without his input again, she starts to walk away and it feels final. Like she’s walking out of his life forever.
He feels cemented to the ground, immobile as she goes further and further away her shoulders trembling with each step she takes away from him.
His vision is blurry and it’s impossible to catch his breath, he can’t even find the air to call her name or beg her to stop.
Please. Don’t go. You’re all I have. I need you. I love you.
He wants to say it all but he can’t. His mouth won’t open.
This is it.
This is how they end.
Then like film flashing through this mind he sees the victims of that horrific attack, recalls the quiver in their voices as they told him what happened, begged him to help them and cried about their lost loved ones.
“I couldn’t stop screaming. I had to know if he was still alive. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t, so I called his name over and over and over. Even when I was rescued, his name was the only thing on my tongue. He was..my everything. I had to see him for myself. Even if it was to say goodbye.”
Bearing witness to suffering of those people both destroyed him and strengthened him. Scared him and provided hope.
What was he doing? How could he let her go without a fight, without even trying? He had the privilege of choice. Something others would have given anything for. His cowardice was an insult to their pain.
“Na Hee-do!”
Her name rumbles from deep down below, his throat feels raw and stripped but once he’s starts he can’t stop.
“Na Hee-do! Don’t you dare take another step away from me!” He bellows, his voice echoing.
She stands frozen, as he repeats the very words that made all his walls crumple around him like glass sugar. He can now hear her deep sobs as his feet finally lift from the ground now light as a feather, walking, jogging then all but flying to her. If he lets her go now then it’s all over and he’ll give up everything before he allows that to happen.
He doesn’t wait for her to turn around. Instead he grabs her shoulders and pulls her back into his arms, ignoring the stiffness in her body it only lasts a second too long before she’s shattering inside his embrace. Immediately he tightens the hold, keeping her together with his bare hands.
“Baek Yi-jin,” she sobs her hot tears landing on his forearms, “I don’t know what to do. What should I do? I don’t know how to keep you! I can’t ask you to stay here but I can’t let you go, if you go back I’ll lose you forever. There’ll be nothing left of you for me to have.”
She’s not wrong. September 11 has stolen a part of him that he fears he’ll never get back. A light that will forever be darkened.
But he’s still here and he still loves her. The darkness hasn’t swallowed him whole, not yet.
“I turned down the position.”
That’s a white lie. He hasn’t turned it down yet but he’s going to. He’s done all he can do there, told the stories that needed to be heard and lent an ear to those who needed one. He foolishly believed he was quitting if he came back to Korea, but all those endless nights and countless glasses of scotch have shown him that was false, he’s surviving. He has to do this to live.
“What? But I don-”
“I did it for me.”
She doesn’t say a word but he knows what she’s thinking already. Remembers when he lied and told her that he would have chased down that referee for anyone. She had pretended not to be hurt then too. He’s tried of them playing pretend.
“I’m doing it because I need you. I can live without you but I don’t want to. I don’t want to live a life where I can’t see you and make you laugh and be the one who loves you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything Hee-do. I want to marry you, have kids with you and share all of my life with you. It can’t be anyone but me. I won’t allow it.”
He’s terrified when she starts to pull away but it’s only so she can twists in his arms. Her eyes are nearly swollen shut, puffy and red and this time he can’t ignore his instinct so he brushes the tears away just like she did for him. He’s handling something fragile right now, their love feels like spun glass hovering between them.
“I hate you. ”
It hurts momentarily but he knows that hate cannot exist without love.
“I finally understand what a break up feels like now.” She continues, with a shaky smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
He shakes his head, cupping her face and staring deep into her eyes.
“We’re not breaking up.”
All the fight has left her body, the rage depleting until he just sees a broken hearted girl. She looks so young and helpless.
“Do you hear me? We’re not breaking up. I’m going to keep on loving you. Can you love me again?
He can’t blame her for wanting to give up, he left her alone with barely any explanation and then spiralled into a darkness so deep that she couldn’t see him anymore. He purposely ignored her calls worried that his depression would taint her, she was so bright he didn’t want to dim her shine.
She was right. He was pushing her away, only wanting her to see the best side of him and hiding when that wasn’t possible. She should hate him. He hated himself at times, he wasn’t what she deserved.
But he was selfish. Too selfish to give her up.
"I never wanted to depend on someone.”
He knows that. He had probably worsened her trauma and fear of abandonment. Knowing that only makes the self loathing grow deeper.
“I listened to you every night. I took all your recordings from the broadcasting room and I listened to you every night. The first time you left me I walked every night to listen to you on the payphone. How could I ever hate you? I don’t know how to do anything but love you and want you.”
It’s more than a hug. Their limbs tangle in a way that he’s not sure that anyone would be able to tell where she begins and he ends. Interwined just like their souls.
“Please kiss me.”
She begs him, crying louder now gripping at his shirt so tightly it almost hurts and he accepts the pain nearly reveling in it, he wants her to hold on and never let go.
Her lips are salty, both of their faces wet as he answers her plead plunging into her with all his might and desire. She’s uncharacteristically docile in his arms, softer than the Hee-do he knows but he accepts this; accepts what she gives him. He pries her mouth open with a firm tongue, plundering her mouth until she cries out clinging to him now letting him have his way with her mouth.
“Yi-jin.”
He swallows her moan, it’s been too long without her in his arms and her flavor exploding on his tongue.
He kisses her until she’s breathless and pulls away to catch her breath.
But his hands are restless roaming every inch of her skin that he’s been missing. Curving over the sharp blades of her shoulder and the soft dip of her waist.
“I missed you so much.”
He’s said that to her photo every night before bed and every morning upon waking.
But it’s a world of difference saying it to her face. Seeing it wash over her and viewing her eyes regain their spark.
“I thought I was dragging you down.”
“You were the only thing keeping me afloat.”
Her support has meant everything to him. Picked him up on his darkest days when there was no one else, when his thoughts were dangerous and his family was out of reach. When he was his own worst enemy.
He kisses her again. For saving him then and now.
“Don’t give up on me. I’ll get help, I’ll come back to you.”
Her hand trembles on his face as she peers up at him, searching his eyes for the truth. He leaves himself completely open letting her see everything he thought he had to hide to make this work.
“I won’t. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
This time he’s the one to collapse and she catches him, holding him up with all her strength rubbing circles into his back.
“Forever?”
She sniffles into his shoulder, short tight breaths against his skin.
“Yeah. I’d like that. Forever.”
And their forever restarts today. A new forever that they’ll create together.
Hee do & Yi Jin
- Twenty Five Twenty One
- Like or reblog if you save\use
- Twenty Five Twenty One Ep. 10
- Like or reblog if you save
- Twenty Five Twenty One Ep. 10
- Like or reblog if you save
TwentyFiveTwentyOne스물다섯스물하나|1.05
TwentyFiveTwentyOne스물다섯스물하나|1.04
TwentyFiveTwentyOne스물다섯스물하나|1.02
“The times took everything from you. You can’t give up on happiness. From now on, when you hang out with me, you can be happy and keep it a secret.”
Heedo goes back home and sees an envelope outside her house. She opens it and turns out to be an invitation to yurim and jiwoong’s wedding. so they all reuniteand MAYBE yijin and heedo meet again and have those awkward greetings. (im desperate for baekho friendship idc if they aren’t lovers just stay as friends pls) After the wedding event, Yijin walks out to go home but Heedo catches up and shouts his name “BAEK YIJIN!!” Yijin turns around with a smile and sees her. Heedo asks “how have you been” then yk they’re both fine then they decided to be friends again and it ends with a handshake.
(This is not during 2022 because jiwoong proposed at 2009?? and thats gonna be such a long time)
Twenty Five Twenty One ||Ep 1
I Love Twenty Five Twenty one!
It has been my favorite part of the week recently.. and Na Hee-Do is a queen! Such an amazing Kdrama… 100% recommend!
