#balkantalia
My part of an AT with @gospa-dar!!
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Dear (name),
Thank you for ordering from Yugotalia Corp. Here is a list of instructions for caring for your new Yugoloid DRAŽEN unit!
We are not responsible for any damage made to you or your house.
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Your DRAŽEN unit comes with :
One (1) DALMATIAN DOG unit
Two (2) ties and one (1) bow tie
One (1) suit
One (1) military outfit
One (1) poetry and fairytale book
Three (3) bottles of rakija
One (1) guitar
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Technical Specifications:
Name: Dražen Krleža. Will also reply to “ Croatia”, “Hrvatska”, “Cro”, “Selfish bastard”, “Serbia” but he won’t be happy if you call him the last two names….
Age: 23
Place of manufacture: Zagreb, Croatia
Height: 175cm
Weight:TOP SECRET
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PROGRAMMING
DRAŽEN is equipped with following traits:
Singer/Guitarist He is pretty good at singing and better at playing guitar. So if you need a good singer or guitarist in your band, you can use him!
Fashion model Need money? Don’t worry! DRAŽEN has the most beautiful beaches in Europe after all, so you can make him be the Fashion model!
Teacher He is good at teaching Croatian and he would be better art/poetry teacher!
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Removal of DRAŽEN from box
1. Play Croatian anthem really loud. He will jump out of the box and start singing along. While he is singing you can reprogram him.
2. Play Serbian anthem. He will jump out and look around house to find SERBIA. When he clams down you can reprogram him.
3. Make some croatian food and put it next to box. He will open the box and start eating. While he is eating you can reprogram him. He will later give you a little rakija as thank you for food.
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Reprogramming
After getting him out of the box, you can reprogram him to following modes.
Grumpy (default)
Hotheaded and proud (default)
Gentleman
Protective brother
Romantic
Sad
OCC
First two mods are his normal personality.
Gentleman mode is what it means. And he will call you Master/Miss/Lady etc.
Protective brother mode means he will be the over protective sibling you never had….
Romantic mod, you will have to find it out yourself
Sad mod is basically when you remind him of Yugoslav wars, WW2 or WW1. Or any other war. (he hates wars) He will probably lock himself in his or your room for a few weeks.
OCC is when he acts VERY diffrent than usual.
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Relationships with other units
SERBIA : His arch-rival is Serbia and Croatia will do anything to keep him away from his house and friends. If you put them together in romantic mode and lock them in your room for few weeks, you can espect some Serbo-Croatian babys….
SLOVENIA : He was actually pretty good friends with Slovenia, until they started having fights over their backyards. Croatia calls Slovenia a whiny bitch, since he is quite a crybaby to the EU when it comes to this, while Slovenia calls Croatia a selfish bastard since he simply won’t let go.
BOSNIA : DRAŽEN sees him as his little brother, he cares about him. If you want them to have babys than you have to put them in romantic mode and wait few months.
HERZEGOVINA : She is his cousin and they get along.
GERMANY : He is DRAŽENS BFF. But even Germany is a bit afraid of Croatia’s anger button.
ITALY : They were enemies before but they are friends now. They can have romantic relationship if you want.
Everyone else : Most of other units like him becouse he lets them visit his beaches.
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Cleaning
He can clean for himself and he can clean himself. If he trusts you he will want you to take a bath with him. If you see his scars, dont ask him how he got them, it will make him depressed/sad.
Feeding
He loves Balkan and slavic food, but he will eat anything you give him.
Rest
He loves to sail to islands. He sleeps whenever he wants to. Dont wake him up or he will go to his special mode. He also loves romantic films, books and Dating simulation games. He enjoys a good football game too! He loves to go to irish pubs.
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FAQ
Q: His dalmatian dog is gone and he is too!
A: Dont worry, he will come back as soon as he finds his dog.
Q: He looks like he wants to kill me!
A: Congrats! You unlocked his INSANE MODE! He will want to kill you and if he fails he will go and kill half of your town. He is good at hiding it so dont worry about police. You can get him out of this mode by talking to him for a few hours.
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Problem:
I did not get DRAŽEN. I got some little cute kid that speaks only croatian!
Solution:
We send you a Little!Croatia! If you want you can send him back and your DRAŽEN will come in few days!
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He is actually quite polite, hospitable, caring and fun to be with, behind his egoistic facade.
If you want any other Yugotalian or your Yugotalian is broken call this number: 066-545-7878-22 .
So i saw some people do this and i was like why dont i try this with yugotalia?
im sory for my bad english1
DON’T REALLY CALL THAT NUMBER.
-Laura
-Delikuent (fixed typos)
