The VelociPastor(2017)

“After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. Although he is horrified by the new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime.”

Lord have mercy on my soul.

This movie is low budget gold. The dialog is ridiculous and purposely not the greatest. The nonsense is as high as I was when I was watching it. It’s a really good stoner movie, especially if you already enjoy B-movies. There are ridiculous twists, curses, family drama, death, a hooker just trying to get through school, pastors in tiny nightgowns, and it pops off with fight scenes throughout leading to the final fight between the pastor and [REDACTED].

I would recommend this one and have multiple times. Again, especially to stoners.

Showgirls(1995)

“Nomi (Elizabeth Berkley) arrives in Las Vegas with only a suitcase and a dream of becoming a top showgirl. She quickly befriends Molly (Gina Ravera), who works at the high-profile Stardust Hotel, and lands a job at a seedy strip club. A chance meeting with Cristal (Gina Gershon), the Stardust’s marquee dancer, and her powerful boyfriend, Zack (Kyle MacLachlan), brings Nomi one step closer to realizing her dream. But, as she ascends to the top, Nomi begins to wonder if it’s all worth it.

First of all, what the fuck? What the fuuuuck?

It’s problematic, for sure. From the creep men to the cattiness to the manipulation to the horrifying r*pe scene of the ONE good character. This film is something else. It should have been titled Tits and Abuse in Nevada. Truly, this piece was a mess. The ACTING! My gawd! Though Gina Gershon looked too freaking good. I couldn’t get over it and it’s probably the only reason I watched it all the way through. Do I get why it’s considered a cult classic? Yeah yeah yeah. This is one of those movies you only rewatch if you’re exposing it to someone else for the first time.

Sleepaway Camp(1983)

“Sleepaway Camp is an American slasher film franchise consisting of five films, one of which was not fully completed. The franchise primarily focuses on serial killer Angela Baker and the murders she commits, largely at summer camps.”

This is a cult classic that is rarely talked about due to the controversy of a child “trans” killer. I put trans in quotes because I am still unsure if that would be the correct term to use due to what happens to Angela prior to their killing spree. I’m torn about that. I understand why that’s the common take but, I don’t know. Something about the abuse is making me not want to use that term for them.

Anyway, this 1983 film has it all. Corny vintage dialog and graphics,pedo death, boys having a water balloon fight on a roof, family ties, bitter bitches that act like a 45 year old divorcée, inappropriate flirtation between a teen and a 50+ year old man, a drawn out baseball scene, a vintage style hetero bully dressed like a 2020 twink, bees, a mentally ill auntie, a horrifying final scene and 4 other movies that follow it but, in my opinion, 2-3 aren’t canon.

None of the other 4 films match the old campy energy you want when it comes to vintage slashers. Worse scripts and Angela’s character pops off too quickly on people compared to the first movie(and also played by another person in 2-3).

Is it problematic? I think so.

Would I recommend other people watch it? I have already.

If you like older campy slashers and want to see what the controversy is about, then by all means, watch it. There is rewatchability to it. Especially if you’re introducing it to someone who’s never seen it. Or just want to pick it apart.

I’d give it 7/10 red flags lol

I’m Thinking of Ending Things(2020)

The type of person that goes out of their way to come across as smarter than they are? They type of person that would have a top 3 list of movies they know you’ve never watched to make you feel dumb or uncultured? That’s the type of person that would rave about this fucking movie.

This movie is a mess! It’s based on a book that I hope is a lot better. The trailer is the best part. They make it look interesting and they drop past works of staff members(eternal sunshine) but, this fucking movie? Nope. This was executed so poorly. Not because little things were going over my head but, because little things could have been done so much better. Cleaner. Smarter. It was a wreck! Omg. It was scraps. I feel so bad that the author gave the go ahead for THAT.