im watching alucard (2008), and i cannot stress this enough, quincey just shot out the window
DRACULAS PENIS???
ok. i promised more details, so here are some screenshots from what is legitimately and without a doubt the most faithful-to-the-book dracula.
[ID: jonathan harker sitting on a bed in a dingy, decrepit room with a regular ass radiator in the background. he is typing on a very thick, clunky laptop that looks like it’s from the 90s.]
[ID: four people sitting at a table covered with a red tablecloth with little empty plates and glasses of water. behind them are many similar tables, all of which are unoccupied. it looks like they’re at a shitty conference reception or something.]
[ID: a yellow screen on top of a tv static background. on the yellow screen there is a news reporter and a smaller window showing something i can’t even make out. above the reporter and the small window, red text reads “nilbog tv: news flash with ash.” the entire thing is very pixely.]
[ID: van helsing and doctor seward in the foreground of a bland white room having a conversation. between them in the background is quincey morris, wearing a black coat and baggy pants stuffed into his tan cowboy boots. i’m sharing this image to highlight this outfit.]
[ID: a white paper with “nilbog” written on it in sharpie.]
[ID: a piece of graph paper on a wooden table showing a bar graph labelled “renfield’s moods.” the data is too small to read, but probably unimportant.]
[ID: five men having a toast with what looks like glasses of kool aid. they are standing in a white break room with a cabinet in the background.]
[ID: several arms in the foreground coming from behind the camera holding out crosses of varying size at dracula, who is completely ass naked. i have taken the liberty of scribbling over his hog, which absolutely was in plain view.]
[ID: arthur and quincey at sea. arthur is tucking a walkie talkie into his jacket. quincey is wearing a cowboy hat.]
[ID: a different shot of arthur and quincey at sea, showing that they are traveling in a motor raft? whatever you call it?]
it should also be noted that in the beginning jonathan was transported up to meet dracula in like. a minivan. & the end credit music is a rap about dracula. they also never say the name dracula in the movie, his name is alucard. but it 100% is definitely the most faithful adaptation out there, and you can watch it on flixfling, which you need a subscription for but i think you can get a free week? i already cant remember
