I know I’m pretty new to 911 & buddie but I’ve been enjoying the ship in silence for a couple months & I have a question…
Why in the fanfics & headcanons does the fandom insist that Buck is loud & open but Eddie is the one who fails to express his feelings?
I can see where you get confused, Eddie is catholic (to an extent), was in the military, has a panic attack over a new relationship that results in a doctor calling him “repressed”. All those surface level point to a man who is terrible at expressing himself I get it.
But I wanna talk about Buck & Eddie here & how canon shows us this isn’t TRUE.
Buck may be loud in his love but only with other people who aren’t Eddie.
Like with his sister, when he first starts his friendship with Eddie he goes on & on about what a great father he is & how he needs some help. She even calls it a crush before giving him advice. He doesn’t talk about this moment with Eddie of course.
Then we have off screen to think about. Where he calls Carla to ask for help on Eddie’s behalf. Because we KNOW the conversation was probably similar to the one he had with Maddie. Where he rants & raves about how great Eddie is as a father & how adorable Chris is before explaining that they need a little help. Carla, well she probably thinks about the time Abby’s mom went missing & Buck rushed over to help find her even when him & Abby hadn’t even MET yet because that’s what he does for people he loves. He tries to fix the problems for them & Carla probably gets it. Understands before Buck might even that he loves Eddie & doesn’t hesitate to meet with this mystery person with the amazing son.
If you think Eddie is quiet you are mistaken, he is private. Also he can express his feelings very well you just may not be able to translate them yet.
Because Eddie doesn’t say things in a way people can always understand but if you do than you can hear Eddie screaming his love for Buck & you wouldn’t call him quiet.
Eddie “you can have my back anyday” Diaz isn’t quiet.
After the tsunami he looked Buck in the eye with his hand on his shoulder & thumb on his pulse & said clear as day “Buck, there’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.” Thats pretty freaking straightforward if you ask me.
Lets go to the well now. Where as soon as that dirt fell with Eddie under it Buck screamed & sobbed & yelled & tried to dig Eddie out with his bare hands in front of an audience of strangers some other firefighters & some not. And no one probably told Eddie how insane Buck went with grief. They probably never talked about it once he got out because under the water Eddie was passing out & Buck’s voice was the first one he heard when things started to go black. But then Eddie swam out & the first thing he did was go to his lawyer about changing his will.
Then we have the lawsuit & the grocery store argument. Where Buck is stumbling & stuttering & failing to make his team understand, to make Eddie understand his point of view because Buck isn’t actually SAYING anything. Then we have Eddie. Eddie who is PISSED Eddie who calls Buck exhausting & says how much he wishes he can talk to Buck & how much Chris MISSES Buck & yeah it hurts like hell to hear but at least Eddie is SAYING something when Buck isn’t saying much of anything.
Then we go to the make up. Where Buck is quick to make a joke about ghosting & Halloween because he fails at communicating well and Eddie doesn’t laugh because nothing about this has been funny to him. Then Buck gets serious & begs Eddie to talk to him even if its to yell & say he’s still angry like he did in the grocery store. Because Buck knows anything is better than this silence because Eddie normally isn’t this silent, not with him, not with Buck anyway. Then they are okay again or at least on their way.
Don’t get me wrong though Buck still fails at interpreting Eddie speak too, even if he’s the expert. Like in that kitchen scene (you know the one) where Buck admits his failure to see Eddie was in pain & needed help. He even says he understands that Eddie probably wanted to beat the crap out of him & Eddie laughs it off like “I wouldn’t do that… you’re on blood thinners” & Buck doesn’t fully grasp that’s Eddie speak for “I would never hit you no matter how pissed you make me.” It doesn’t matter though because their son is in the living room waiting for a round of video games so they just fall back into their routine.
Then we get to the shooting. There’s so much blood, so much so that Eddie gets confused & asks if Buck is hurt because he thinks he may have been shot too & that would probably kill Eddie before the bullet does.
Then we have Buck being asked if he’s okay by a fellow firefighter & him answering an honest “no”, then he’s shaking in front of Taylor, & breaking down crying in front of Chris & all these people GET it. Get how much Buck loves Eddie but Eddie doesn’t SEE these moments does he? He may get a second retelling by his son but by then Buck already mentioned the crying & its been downplayed & washed of any romantic subtext. And Buck says how he should have gotten shot instead of Eddie & you can SEE the tears forming in Eddie’s eyes because how can Buck casually say such a heartbreaking thing like that? Doesn’t he GET it? How much he means to Eddie? Hasn’t he HEARD Eddie over the years? Then Eddie realizes once again that even Buck isn’t an absolute expert on Eddie speak yet so he doesn’t know giving him his son to watch & love is the equivalent to Eddie ripping out his own heart & saying “here its yours.” Or that “you can have my back” isn’t a proper way to ask someone out. Or that “Chris misses you” doesn’t exactly translate into “I miss you” automatically.
Then they talk & Eddie says that Buck is legally in charge of his child in the result of his death because Buck is important & loved & not expendable like he thought because how could he have ever thought that? And Eddie did this a year ago right after he almost died & the first voice his heard in his head was Buck’s & its crazy to me that you guys say Buck is louder in his love & better at communicating when Eddie is out here getting legal documents filed out signed with Evan Buckley on them without hesitation.
Maybe you guys just aren’t an expert at Eddie speak yet.
