Whole-heartedly BEGGING writers to unlearn everything schools taught you about how long a paragraph is. If theres a new subject, INCLUDING ACTIONS, theres a new paragraph. A paragraph can be a single word too btw stop making things unreadable
Ok So I’m getting more notes than I thought quicker than I expected! So I’m gonna elaborate bc I want to.
I get it, when you’re someone who writes a lot and talks a lot, it’s hard to keep things readable, but it’s not as much about cutting out the fat(that can be a problem) so much as a formatting issue.
You are also actively NERFING yourself by not formatting it correctly, it can make impactful scenes feel so, so much better. Compare this,
To THIS.
Easier to read, and hits harder.
No more over-saturated paragraphs. Space things out.
Just adding my two cents in here! I totally agree with spacing things out more. Especiallyin the sort of example like above. Dialogue is always better as its own line and clusters of actions deserve their own paragraph.
Here are three reasons why I like the extra paragraphs in the example made by OP.
1) Following a character’s internal dialogue. If you’re having a character move from one thought to another, or one emotion to another, new paragraph! It shows the reader that there’s a shift happening and can really add power to the scene.
“He vaguely remembers what his friend told him about letting go. It…was so horrifying to him- he melted the freezer aisle in fear.
But…he’s tired. He needs to let go.”
The paragraph break between the first thought (it used to scared him) to the second (he needs to let go regardless) has super great flow. It lets me, as a reader, feel the significance of this change through the structure alone.
2) Connecting internal world to external. this one’s a little harder to explain, but bear with me!
“…Yeah.”
He looks in the mirror.
…He’s tired of carrying…
In this scene we have Dialogue to Action to Internal Thought. The sequencing is super clear because of the paragraphs and we get a lot more information from these three lines than we would have otherwise. He verbally comes to a decision. What is that decision? It seems like he hasn’t even fully come to terms with what it is. So he looks in the mirror. Only when he sees himself there does he finally allow his internal monologue to surface.
The writer uses the space in the scene - the mirror - to anchor the narrative. It’s really well done and only succeeds because the new paragraph allows the story to shift from external to internal and then back again.
3) Carrying the journey. In the first example, where there are no paragraphs, the scene is not a journey. It’s a single moment in time where the MC sees himself in the mirror and cuts his hair.
By adding paragraphs, we get a journey. Linearly, the scene only lasts a few moments. But by shifting between internal and external, by showing the MC’s thoughts, etc, these moments take up a lot more narrative space. They become a story on their own and, because of it, there’s so much more tension in the scene.
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There are a lot of reasons why the above scene is so successful. I could go on and on about them! But I particularly liked the point OP made about how much of a difference paragraphs make.
I’m a triplet and born in January. My step-siblings are twins and born in January of the same year. How any of my parents put up with five teenage Aquarius is beyond me
Sorry, but if a customer is being mean, just plain mean, has a history of being mean and foul and evil, I’m going to gaslight them.
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I told Clark as he lambasted me for my service. I turned to get his coffee.
“I don’t feel anything,” Clark snarked at my back.
“Oh, it seems like you’re having a lot of unhappy feelings.” I smiled at Clark as I handed him his coffee. “I hope you have a better experience next time!”
“You make it so difficult every time,” Clark said.
“Maybe I won’t next time,” I said. “Do you need your receipt?”
“I’m calling the district manager,” Clark snarled.
“Oh then you’ll definitely want your receipt,” I said, still smiling. “It has my name on it.”
Clark snatched up his coffee and bustled out of the building.
I’m going to find Clark one day. I’m going to find him in the wild and ask him if he’s having a better day yet.
An elderly woman (late 70s, early 80s) came into the coffee shop I work at to order two frappuccinos for her and her granddaughter who was waiting outside. I was working on something else and didn’t take her order, but I thought it was sweet they were on a little outing together.
The problem arose when her order came out and she was upset to find one of her drinks was wrong. She insisted on what she had ordered (a combination of two fraps) but we had made what she asked for. It just wasn’t what she wanted.
Because of my former work, I’ve dealt with a lot of elderly and I realized what was happening. She had ordered her usual order of a caramel frap but then had ordered her granddaughter’s drink as a strawberry-caramel-frap. Some older folks won’t recall the meaning of words as readily as they used to. To her, her usual order of “caramel frap” justmeant “frap.” So the color was off (because it had coffee in it) and she noticed that it was different than what she wanted. She probably didn’t even realize she was saying “caramel” when ordering the strawberry frap.
A barista made her order for her, a regular strawberry frap, while a few of us chatted with her about her day. By the time she left, the anxiety of receiving the wrong drink was gone and she was laughing.
And it makes me feel great that we were able to give her that experience today. In a fast paced environment like the coffee shop, it can be difficult to really listen to customers, especially those who aren’t able to communicate clearly at times. I’m grateful that my team had the time and space to solve the miscommunication with compassion and understanding so that the customer didn’t have to carry that frustration with her for the rest of the day.
It’s a shame that the way labor is managed in the food/bev industry has changed and is continuing to change in ways that mean we can’toffer that to everyone. When you’re handling 100+ orders per hour, there is no way to reasonably expect a minimum wage employee to have the bandwidth for those sort of conversations.
And, not to talk myself in a circle, but it’s human to want to be compassionate. I’m proud to work with such kind people, but it is absolutelynot their job to extend that to all customers. So the fact that “good customer service” demands they be understanding and nice to everyoneis actually gross, especially considering the insane volume of work they’re expected to juggle on top of that.
Working in this coffee shop is like going through a villain origin story every single day.
I think that in the obsession to be The Writer, the one and original author forever, we sometimes forget the joy of being a reader. I write stories that would make me happy to read. Has it been done before? YES. Because other people enjoy what I like to read! And then theywrite what they like to read and I read that and go “gee that’s cool it makes me think of this—“ so then I write thatand they read it and go “wow, I like that, but wouldn’t it be cool if—“
Art is about consuming life, sure, but it’s only executed well when you’ve consumed other art.
I’m doing it. I’m giving in. I’m going to read an actual book I haven’t read today rather than Dorothy Allison’s short story collection Trashfor the thirtieth time
I’m a shift lead at Starbucks which means I get to handle unhappy customers. Usually it’s an easy fix, but on the rare occasion when someone won’t accept a refund/remake, that’s when I really get gleeful. Please, tell me how my staff can’t do their jobs. Tell me how I can’t do my job. I only grow more powerful the longer you yell.
You wanna storm out? No, let me make this right for you by explaining each and every step of our Beverage Making Routine so we can pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong for you. It’s a two hour presentation but since quality is what you came to Starbucks for, I’m willing to take the time for you
You’re gonna call corporate? Corporate has been dead for thirty years! It’s just me and you, friend. Now if I can direct your attention to slide two—
