#carnival of aros
AUREA - Call for Submissions - May Carnival of Aros
AUREA is hosting the May Carnival of Aros!
[Image Description: A photo of a black calligraphy pen laying on a folded aromantic flag. Overlaid on the picture are the words “AUREA- Call for Submissions - May Carnival of Aros”]
AUREA - Roundup - May Carnival of Aros
The May Carnival of Aros roundup, hosted by the AUREA Book Project Team, can be found here!
Carnival of Aros - Self-care, Self-love, and Aromanticism
I am coming out of my work-ridden space with some thoughts on self-care and work-life balance, so it seems incredibly fitting that this month’s Carnival of Aros theme is self-care and self-love.
As always, my thoughts are under ‘Keep Reading.’
Aro self-care is something I find to be very specific and different from my other forms of self-care. When I struggle daily with relationship norms and values that I actively disidentify with because of my aromanticism, I can’t help but think that we do need these resources.
Below are some of the ways I have been learning to care for myself when I encounter thoughts that are regurgitations of anti-aro sentiments. Internalized aromisia/arophobia is very real and sometimes we all have to struggle with it. In different ways, too. Being an aroflux person means that sometimes I devalue my place in the aro community for being “not aro enough.” And other times, I devalue my place in broader society because I’m “too aro.” Sometimes I am frustrated I don’t feel any love, including self-love, and other times I’m called selfish for caring too much.
Self-care for me means accepting all of my identity, all of my struggles, my happinesses, and my feelings. That’s so much harder in practice than in theory.
What my self-care looks like
Something I have been reading a lot more about recently (particularly when my therapist also mentioned it) was the idea of being in relationships with everything around me. I recall a First Nations idea of interconnectedness or connectivity, and trying to implement this way of thinking has been helping me understand myself and others in our complex world.
I think of my identity and myself as a collection of selves, and my work with myself is a kind of ’Parts Work,’ as my therapist calls it. I try to build relationships with different parts of myself. For example, young parts of me that still exist and express fear when I encounter certain triggering circumstances. Or the parts of myself I’m trying to cultivate and let enter me but am still developing. I work with myself and all of my parts to co-create a self-sustaining system (note: I don’t mean system as in plurality; I am not plural personally).
Just like I have parts of me I really enjoy, like my very creative selves, I also have parts of me I struggle with and have often suppressed, like the internal critic that thinks my aromanticism and identity are fake. What has been incredibly important to me in my self-development is caring for ALL of those parts.
That includes caring for parts I don’t like and am often frustrated with or angry at. At the end of the day, all of the parts of me are trying to help, even if they don’t really do so in an effective way. Just like I wouldn’t yell at a child who may have broken my plate when they were trying to help me put away the dishes, I don’t want to yell at the parts of myself that make mistakes in good faith.
Things I try to remember to implement in my self-care
- Not beating myself up for having internalized amatonormative beliefs, and instead sitting with them curiously. Hearing myself out and comforting that part while also being firm and clear about my boundaries engaging with it.
- Not beating myself up for not having the energy to sit with all of my parts or feelings as they come up. I don’t have to be ready to work on and parent myself literally all of the time.
- I can ask for help or for company when I engage with other parts of me or engage in self-care activities. People are often way more excited to be invited to that kind of personal and intimate experience than they are weirded out by it. If they’re weirded out by it, it’s not on me, it’s more about them and their comfort and that’s all valid. We all relationship differently and I need to be aware that my queering of relationship structures isn’t universal.
- I can say no to others asking things of me, including asking to help and be part of my self-care. Sometimes it is caring for myself to try to practice doing things independently to build up my resilience, while other times even when I could deal with things on my own, it’s an exercise in being vulnerable to invite others.
- I’m allowed to change up my self-care strategies and routines whenever the hell I want. I don’t have to take a bath and do a facial every Sunday. I can play a video game instead, go for a walk, hang out with a friend, spontaneously paint a plant pot, write a shitton of posts for this aro blog (hi, yes, I’m currently doing this).
- My self-care doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. If it feels good for me to disconnect from everything and everyone to play my piano for five hours straight until my fingers start to get sore, it is no one’s right to judge that behaviour as wrong or right for me. If I want cuddles and hugs and intimate time with someone without a relationship structure, it is no one’s right to judge that. If I don’t want hugs or love from others, even when well-meaning, that’s well and valid.
- I am not my own judge. I am my own parent. Those are not the same thing. I also don’t need to be in parenting mode all of the time. I can be neither judge nor parent.
- Self-love is not a prerequisite for self-care.
My relationship with self-love and self-care is inherently queer because I am queer. Because I am aro. That last bullet point is something I think is particularly important as an aro engaging in self-care, and it’s something I would personally put on an aro self-care list.
At the end of the day, I am a human being who is flawed and growing and changing all the time. My identity grows and changes with me. I love a lot, but sometimes I don’t love at all. And that’s all ok. I am not beholden to anything or anyone, and that also includes me.
Like a dullard, I’m pretty sure I forgot to actually submit last month’s piece. I just published it here and promptly ran off to do who-knows-what. Goes to show how occupied my brain has been recently.
This month’s theme is one that feels very sweet to me. As always, my thoughts are under the cut. This time a bit more poetic than usual. Something about this prompt really dug deeply into my emotional roots.
For me, Happily Ever After means love and family. It means kindness and devotion in all areas of my life. It means holding inter-generational friendships that often cross the line to found family. It means supporting others and giving in ways that move their hearts and minds forward.
Happily Ever After is a feeling for me, not a place, not a person, not one particular scenario. It means finding joy in every little thing, and appreciating joys I may have missed in the moment, only visible in hindsight. It’s something I keep building. Sometimes I’m working on my own on my little shed in the backyard, but that shed is still part of a land I share with the rest of the world. Sometimes I’m helping others build their sheds, or giving them extra parts from mine. Sometimes I’m just supervising and keeping others company while they build theirs. It’s always an ongoing decorating project. That’s my Happily Ever After.
Carnival of Aros - Self-care, Self-love, and Aromanticism
I am coming out of my work-ridden space with some thoughts on self-care and work-life balance, so it seems incredibly fitting that this month’s Carnival of Aros theme is self-care and self-love.
As always, my thoughts are under ‘Keep Reading.’
Carnival of Aros Call for Submissions, April 2021
Hey all! I’m hosting the Carnival of Aros again this month! For more information on this project (or to volunteer to host it), see its home blog here. In short: I’ll propose a prompt for conversation, and those interested in responding to it can do so. At the end of the month, I’ll put together a post that links to everything submitted. Submissions can be anything I can link to in a blog like this one: other blog posts, images, videos, creative writing, music/sound files, etc. Comment below with links to what you’d like to submit, or email me at [email protected]! (If you’d like me to post your response for you–whether because you’d like it to be anonymous or for another reason–email me your submission, and I can post it here.)
You can find last month’s call for subs here and roundup post here. The topic was intersectionality and inclusivity!April topic: self-care and self-love
Some things I’ve been mulling over this year:
- How do I balance caring for others and caring for myself? When is it better for me to work, and when is it better for me to take breaks?
- If I write a love letter to my past or future self, does that connection constitute a relationship? Am I roommates with my future self?
- What’s their love language? Can I speak it?
- How do I perform self-care, if performis the right word at all? Do I have self-love? Is self-love aromantic if it’s only about me? Or if I link it to my aromanticism, purposely loving myself as others might a romantic partner?
- Could I take myself out (or in) on a date and call that self-care or self-love?
- How have I neglected to care for or love myself while in romantic/etc. relationships in the past? (What does it even mean to love one’s self?) Is self-care just not dating people for me?
Some prompts–
And a few questions, prompts, etc. in case one of these sparks your fancy! If not, no worries–do send in your response anyway!:
- What does self-care look like for you? What does self-love look like for you? Do you connect either or both with your being on the aro spectrum? Or are they totally different things for you?
- What self-care practices do you engage in (or want to engage in)? Which of them would you recommend to other aros?
- What are some songs/films/posts/books/poems/etc. that you watch/etc. to feel better about things?
- What does not engaging in self-care or self-love look like for you?
- Do you find the terms self-careandself-lovehelpful at all, or do you think of those concepts differently? How else might you articulate the things those terms are referencing (if at all)?
- Write a (not necessarily romantic) love letter to your past/future/etc. self.
- How do different types of love and care fit into this conversation? Do (or could) you see your love for yourself (or lack of it?) as platonic, romantic, familial, sensual, queerplatonic, aesthetic, alterous, etc.?
- What common aro experiences might necessitate care or self-care?
- Plan a date/hangout/etc. with yourself, or go on such an outing and then recount how it goes in your response.
- Would it be helpful to have self-care resources/ideas for aro-spec people specifically? (Or are there already things like that out there?)
All best!
C.
Carnival of Aros: May 2021
It looks like no one’s signed up to host the Carnival of Aros this month, so here’s a casual call for subs! (For more info on the Carnival, see its home blog here for more info.)
I’ll propose here that we do a chill month for May, as many peoples’ semesters come to a close? Feel free to do a doodle or a quick poem or some other 5-minute Thing (and send it along via Tumblr, comment on the blog post version of this call here, or email me at [email protected]), and I’ll do a wrap-up at the end of the month!
Ideas for quick, low-stress responses:
- Doodle, mood board, photo, selfie
- Poem, a quick paragraph, a super short story, a list
- An aro-related meme! (Oof, I need to volunteer to host again so the theme can be memes, bless)
- A thread of tweets, or some other kind of post
- A letter, collage, playlist
(If you’re hosting in June, let me know, and I’ll link to your call for subs in the roundup post!)
May 2022 Call for Submissions: Mental Health
The AUREA book project team is hosting Carnival of Aros for May. This is a monthly blogging event that highlights aromantic and arospec experiences by soliciting posts on a theme. This month’s theme is mental health. AUREA plans to include a chapter on mental health in its forthcoming book and is interested in including quotations and personal narratives from individuals who feel that mental health and neurodivergence have played an important role in shaping their aromantic identity and would like to use this platform to find those willing to contribute their story to the book.
Submissions will be accepted until May 31st at 11:50 PM CDT. The round-up will be published by June 5th. Please email submissions to [email protected].
Call for submissions on the topic of Coming Out and/ or Being Out as Aromantic Spectrum
Hey so I’m hosting the carnival of aros this month!
(all the info on my wordpress will be in this post so don’t worry if you can’t access the link)
The topic I’ve chosen is: Coming Out/Being Out As Arospec.
(Please note the term arospec does include the identity aromantic.)
Here are some more specific suggestions for what to write about:
–Differences between coming out/being out as arospec and other orientations. E.g. is it more difficult to come out as arospec than a more well known orientation?
–Coming out stories
–What it’s like to be out/not out as arospec
–What it’s like to come out/ be out as just arospec (especially if you don’t use the SAM)
–What it’s like to come out/ be out as more than one lgbtqia+ identity
–Any other thoughts related to coming out, being out, or not being out as arospec
To submit send me a link to your submission in an ask/message or email me at [email protected] anytime before the 1st of May 2019.
If you’d like to remain anonymous (or don’t have an account to post your submission to) let me know in your message/email and I’ll post it on my wordpress.
I will respond to submissions I receive so if you haven’t heard from me in a couple of days please email me or message me on my tumblr to check I haven’t missed it. Thank you :)
Since I thought I was aroace for a while I came out as that first, so I’ve never come out to anyone without sort of branching off of asexuality.
My point is I’d love to hear from allo aros with a different experience on this topic.
