#castlevania

(416): you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.

(609): And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you

(970): I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I’m not even ashamed. Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

(781): My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card … happy holidays.

(908): I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

(620): Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving

(954): I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey “see you thursday”. I seriously have issues

My friend and I had a “Beat Castlevania Bloodlines” party.

The game had other ideas.

(512): We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.

(856): i hate when i ask a girl what she’s being for halloween and the first word isn’t “slutty”

(425): So what are you going to be for halloween?

(503): A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.

I’m not sure what’s funnier to me: The fact that this wig exists, or the fact that it’s Netflix Dracula’s hairstyle.

(303): Realized I’m still too drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here’s to responsible hang overs.

(204): This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children “don’t be that girl” in reference to me. I’m either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right

(360): DIN’T JUSGE NE.

(803): Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning

(416): I never had a problem I couldn’t slut my way out of.

(717): Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit

(1-717): It usually does with you

(707): This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL….

m-oshun:

Netflix Castlevania Dracula is the most requested character I’ve gotten, I hope he is everything you dreamed