#chungha sua time 2 be gay

。˚∘ spirit ;

rksuas​:

it’s clear that chungha doesn’t believe her at all, but this is also not something that sua would get into in the middle of sphere  -  let alone in the middle of a room full of the other heartz girls who would inevitably hear their conversation.  as much as sua hates sphere, she’s not into the idea of social or career suicide and admitting that she loathes being in the project at all would probably be candidacy for both.  either way, it’s nothing that chungha needs to worry about  -  there are her own worries.  

after all, it’s obvious that chungha actually wants this.  she doesn’t need to sit and listen to sua’s bitching about what a shit show she thinks this entire charade of a debut really is.

though she’s sure that chungha hadn’t expected her to turn her question back on her, especially without answering  -  sua also didn’t expect the loss for words coming from the other woman.  chungha always seemed so sure of herself, so the lack of confidence thereof was a little alarming.  is this the effect of predebut on her?  or is this just what chungha really feels all the time? if it’s the latter, chungha does a really good job of hiding it but if it’s the former, sua truly wouldn’t be surprised.  it’s hard not to notice the worry and the fatigue that draws the faces of the other girls.  sometimes, she wonders if she looks like that, too.

“ i don’t think the point is to show something new every month.” sua says finally, brushing her fingers through chungha’s long hair.  " i think it’s rather that they want you to show them you’ll suit the concept of the next solo.  i think they already know we’re all talented.  that’s probably why we’re here in the first place.“ she pauses, thinking  -  questioning.  ” i’m not really sure if it’s the best way to pick a group, but when they’re giving us the same kind of requirements month after month it’s hard to show them something new all the time aside from what you can show them visually.  wouldn’t you agree?“

sua sighs, though.  at this, they’ll probably have to agree to disagree  -  regardless of what chungha says, sua knows that what she’s doing in the long run is stupid.  after all, even if she gives up the most for the rest of the trainees, it’s likely that sphere will never put her in the lineup.  she’s too much of a troublemaker.  they already hate her.

chungha likely doesn’t know the extent of it, though.  it’s not like sua ever talked about it to anyone.

eyes narrowing slightly, sua can’t help but crinkle her nose at chungha’s amusement.  it’s the truth  -  she meant every word she said.  and as much as chungha may not think so, it’s likely that there are other girls out there who may believe she will.  ” you don’t have to worry about it from me.  i wouldn’t say there aren’t girls like that among us, though.“ sua says finally, setting her jaw at the thought of the girls who bullied eunbi to the point of tears, stress, exhaustion.  ” even if you’re not suspicious of me, i still wanted to make sure you knew.“

after all, there’s still a possibility that she’d give up her spot in heartz if it meant that someone better could take her place.  sua’s still not sure what she wants yet.

ah, it would be so exhausted to keep going as chungha does now. despite knowing she doesn’t need to keep trying to be fresh and new every month, there’s something so relieving about hearing sua say it. it’s almost as if sua literally takes the weight off chungha’s shoulders, freeing her. chungha never realised that she needed to hear it. it almost causes tears to spring forth to her eyes. thankfully she holds it back.

she leans into sua’s touch, closing her eyes as the other speaks. chungha always loved her hair being played with. it relaxes her. “yeah, i do,” chungha says with a hum. sua was right: it’s hard to show them something new if it’s always the same deal every month. “i think i kept pushing myself to try something new because i don’t know what it is they’re looking for. i think i defaulted to try and show every aspect of myself until there was nothing left so there would be no question to them where i should ultimately go.” but isn’t it worrying to keep trying and trying and trying without any answer to what she should be doing? chungha ran herself ragged this way. there’s a tenseness in her shoulders, hesitance in her step. and her confidence had definitely faltered. and it’s only been half of the first year of this project.

“oh i know who to look out for,” chungha said with a shrug. “i guess i just haven’t seen it yet personally. not here at least.” after kt, sphere seemed like a dream. a wonderland. and in sphere, chungha actually mattered to the other girls. they interacted, they spent time together outside practise. it was more than she could ever ask for. she would be grateful even if all she got from the sphere girls was a hello and cooperation during evaluations. that alone was more than she ever got in kt.

chungha hums, giving sua a sly look. “ah, you’re always in my mind but not for those suspicious reasons,” chungha jokes, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at the other. she cracks up. “no but seriously….i’ve been a trainee so much of my life. literally.” she rubs the bridge of her nose just thinking about the time she’s spent in companies. six in sm, nearly one in kt. and now she’s in sphere. “it feels like this is the end of the line, you know? so i always want to try extra hard. but i’ll be damned if every other girl here isn’t trying their absolute hardest as well.” she bunts sua’s shoulder gently with her forehead. “kick my ass in this. give it all you got. because honestly, if you aren’t giving it your all then how could any of us be sure that we deserve the positions we ultimately get?”

she lets her words sink in for a moment before smirking. “i promise even if you kick my butt i’ll always have kisses for you~” she laughs again.