rksuas:

this month feels a bit like a whirlwind.  where things seemed to go far too slowly before, days inching by where sua would count down until she could actually deny her contract renewal as if driven by a snail … it all seems too fast now.  now, sphere expects the same out of her that they did back in january, too much time spent in practice rooms and not enough rest.  it’s like they’re telling her once more that they want to break her, but sua is resilient and resistant.  she always has been the rebel with a cause.

this month, aside from her own filming and modeling and recording  -  now, with the addition of chungha, she has a third song to learn in a short period of time.  two songs of her own, and one shared with the second girl in their three part subunit learned in the span of two months.  is it always going to be this hasty?

sua keeps the music sheets in front of her, her face carefully neutral.  love letter is another song that she finds surprisingly to her tastes, and singing it with chungha at her side feels oddly fitting.  turning her attention to chungha, sua tucks back a piece of her now blonde hair  -  that she quite frankly, hates  -  behind her ear before speaking.  “ sorry i haven’t been around to practice with you enough the past week.” she pauses.  “ they’ve had me running everywhere, but .. looking at it, i think this song is good for us.  what do you think?”  

˟ ▀  &. @rkchungha

honestly chungha was still waiting for sphere to pull out the rug from beneath her. it was lingering in her mind every day as she learned the lyrics to singing in the rain. it was more electropop (kind of?) sound but it was definitely unique. it caught chungha’s attention immediately. she had found herself loving it more and more as time went on. sometimes it just didn’t click to her that this song was hers. it wasn’t a cover, it wasn’t homage to another idol, it was hers.

it didn’t seem real.

throw in learning the choreography (which wasn’t too bad, honestly) it really began to cement to chungha that this was it. how crazy was that? her song, her lyrics, her choreography. to add to it: she was even getting a duet with sua who had been confirmed the previous month. chungha’s entire life had been absorbed by the heartz project thus far but it seems like now that’s all her life was. nothing but heartz every day now. it felt chaotic but not in a bad way.

“i like your hair,” chungha tells sua with a smile. it was a little thrilling to be in a subunit with sua. they’ve both come such a long way to get here. it sort of felt….right, almost. she shrugs off sua’s apologies. chungha knew how busy she must have been with her own debut less than a month away and now she has to do a duet with chungha for her debut. it was crazy.

“i can’t expect you to drop everything and sing with me,” chungha jokes. truthfully most of her attention had been on her solo song as well. of course she practised love letter. it was every bit a song of hers as singing in the rain was but it fell to the backburner a bit. especially with her having to do the group evaluation too this month.

“i think i like the sound. it’s kind of slower tempoed but i think it’s really cute. i only heard the track and singing guide. i know it’s going to sound a lot different with our voices.” and the editing and changes to suit their vocals too. even if chungha liked it now, she knows it wouldn’t be the final product. “how have you been doing? excited for next month?”

。˚∘ spirit ;

rksuas​:

it’s clear that chungha doesn’t believe her at all, but this is also not something that sua would get into in the middle of sphere  -  let alone in the middle of a room full of the other heartz girls who would inevitably hear their conversation.  as much as sua hates sphere, she’s not into the idea of social or career suicide and admitting that she loathes being in the project at all would probably be candidacy for both.  either way, it’s nothing that chungha needs to worry about  -  there are her own worries.  

after all, it’s obvious that chungha actually wants this.  she doesn’t need to sit and listen to sua’s bitching about what a shit show she thinks this entire charade of a debut really is.

though she’s sure that chungha hadn’t expected her to turn her question back on her, especially without answering  -  sua also didn’t expect the loss for words coming from the other woman.  chungha always seemed so sure of herself, so the lack of confidence thereof was a little alarming.  is this the effect of predebut on her?  or is this just what chungha really feels all the time? if it’s the latter, chungha does a really good job of hiding it but if it’s the former, sua truly wouldn’t be surprised.  it’s hard not to notice the worry and the fatigue that draws the faces of the other girls.  sometimes, she wonders if she looks like that, too.

“ i don’t think the point is to show something new every month.” sua says finally, brushing her fingers through chungha’s long hair.  " i think it’s rather that they want you to show them you’ll suit the concept of the next solo.  i think they already know we’re all talented.  that’s probably why we’re here in the first place.“ she pauses, thinking  -  questioning.  ” i’m not really sure if it’s the best way to pick a group, but when they’re giving us the same kind of requirements month after month it’s hard to show them something new all the time aside from what you can show them visually.  wouldn’t you agree?“

sua sighs, though.  at this, they’ll probably have to agree to disagree  -  regardless of what chungha says, sua knows that what she’s doing in the long run is stupid.  after all, even if she gives up the most for the rest of the trainees, it’s likely that sphere will never put her in the lineup.  she’s too much of a troublemaker.  they already hate her.

chungha likely doesn’t know the extent of it, though.  it’s not like sua ever talked about it to anyone.

eyes narrowing slightly, sua can’t help but crinkle her nose at chungha’s amusement.  it’s the truth  -  she meant every word she said.  and as much as chungha may not think so, it’s likely that there are other girls out there who may believe she will.  ” you don’t have to worry about it from me.  i wouldn’t say there aren’t girls like that among us, though.“ sua says finally, setting her jaw at the thought of the girls who bullied eunbi to the point of tears, stress, exhaustion.  ” even if you’re not suspicious of me, i still wanted to make sure you knew.“

after all, there’s still a possibility that she’d give up her spot in heartz if it meant that someone better could take her place.  sua’s still not sure what she wants yet.

ah, it would be so exhausted to keep going as chungha does now. despite knowing she doesn’t need to keep trying to be fresh and new every month, there’s something so relieving about hearing sua say it. it’s almost as if sua literally takes the weight off chungha’s shoulders, freeing her. chungha never realised that she needed to hear it. it almost causes tears to spring forth to her eyes. thankfully she holds it back.

she leans into sua’s touch, closing her eyes as the other speaks. chungha always loved her hair being played with. it relaxes her. “yeah, i do,” chungha says with a hum. sua was right: it’s hard to show them something new if it’s always the same deal every month. “i think i kept pushing myself to try something new because i don’t know what it is they’re looking for. i think i defaulted to try and show every aspect of myself until there was nothing left so there would be no question to them where i should ultimately go.” but isn’t it worrying to keep trying and trying and trying without any answer to what she should be doing? chungha ran herself ragged this way. there’s a tenseness in her shoulders, hesitance in her step. and her confidence had definitely faltered. and it’s only been half of the first year of this project.

“oh i know who to look out for,” chungha said with a shrug. “i guess i just haven’t seen it yet personally. not here at least.” after kt, sphere seemed like a dream. a wonderland. and in sphere, chungha actually mattered to the other girls. they interacted, they spent time together outside practise. it was more than she could ever ask for. she would be grateful even if all she got from the sphere girls was a hello and cooperation during evaluations. that alone was more than she ever got in kt.

chungha hums, giving sua a sly look. “ah, you’re always in my mind but not for those suspicious reasons,” chungha jokes, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at the other. she cracks up. “no but seriously….i’ve been a trainee so much of my life. literally.” she rubs the bridge of her nose just thinking about the time she’s spent in companies. six in sm, nearly one in kt. and now she’s in sphere. “it feels like this is the end of the line, you know? so i always want to try extra hard. but i’ll be damned if every other girl here isn’t trying their absolute hardest as well.” she bunts sua’s shoulder gently with her forehead. “kick my ass in this. give it all you got. because honestly, if you aren’t giving it your all then how could any of us be sure that we deserve the positions we ultimately get?”

she lets her words sink in for a moment before smirking. “i promise even if you kick my butt i’ll always have kisses for you~” she laughs again.

。˚∘ spirit ;

rksuas​:

their breaks are short in comparison to the hours on end that they practice to make things perfect.  the group performances of the month are just as important as their solo ones, and with a constant shuffling of the girls, whether they’re being introduced or on their way out, there’s always new challenges to face and little quirks to get used to.  even during the break, there’s things that sua has learned about the other girls that she probably wouldn’t have if she wasn’t in the project  -  things like the way chungha lays upside down on the couch, or how many of them there are to avoid stepping on when they’re all sprawled out on the ground.  her lips purse a little as she looks around her, but chungha makes a move first  -  reaches for her, even.

they haven’t spoken in a long time, even within the project.  chungha has seemed wrapped up in her own worries and sua decided it best not to press it  -  especially since she seemed a little more at ease with the newer additions.  she sits next to her with a small sigh, her elbows resting back against the back of the couch.  how are you feeling  -  and of course, chungha wouldn’t know.  after all, sua doesn’t let onto her emotions as much as the other girls, and sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking.  even now, she shrugs.  how should she admit to chungha that she hates this project with every fibre of her being?  just the fact alone that eunbi was bullied to the point of fear and tears made her want to rip some of the girls to shreds.  " okay, i suppose.“ the words are tight when she speaks them, brows furrowed together.  she knows better than to speak her venom in front of the others.

she brushes a hand through her hair, biting the inside of her cheek.  ” do you?“ sua finally counters, turning her head to face chungha.  after all, she probably wouldn’t be all too bothered if she doesn’t make it into the group.  in her mind, there’s nothing for her there except a death of her own spark and the death of her individuality.  they’ve already tried to quash it once before, she has no doubt that they’ll be ten times worse if she was actually chosen for a group like heartz.  

at the same time though, sua knows that chungha would probably be devastated.  ” i think i care more about the girls than anything.  i think that’s what keeps me hanging on  -“  even though i hate it.  ” it’s not good for them, so i want to make sure they’re okay.  stupid, isn’t it? they didn’t ask me to.“ sua snorts, taking a look around at some of the dozing trainees around her.  ” but even if i’ve only been training for a year, i can tell when someone’s starstruck.  i don’t want them to get hurt in the end.“

chungha’s compliment though makes her raise a brow, turn her head to face her.  ” i may be talented but i assure you, it’s not a trick.  i’m not going to do something radical to pull the rug out from under any of you.“  reaching out, she tucks chungha’s hair back behind her ear.  ” i promise.“

chungha easily adjusts herself so she can wrap herself around sua with an exaggerated content sigh. it was nice to cuddle up to a friend. and sua was easy to reciprocate the sentiment. she blows a raspberry, looking up at the other. there was something about the way she said that she was “okay” that chungha just didn’t feel convinced with. but maybe she was just frustrated as chungha had been about two months ago.

she’d like to think that if it was anything serious then sua would divulge it. maybe it was wishful thinking on her end. but there was no way to know that for sure.

“do i?” chungha repeats back. she wasn’t anticipating her question being returned. logically she should have. yet she finds herself unprepared. “honestly?” chungha starts, eyebrows furrowing as she thinks. “i don’t think so. i don’t think i’m prepared to have to do this until the very end.” in fact, after this month she’s sure she has nothing left to show them. show improvement? she’s already doing that. show new talents? done. show what she can do? that’s also done every single month. there was nothing fresh from chungha from the end of august onward. the pit in her stomach reminds her she’s a little more worried than she lets off.

“i don’t think it’s stupid,” chungha says with a frown. what sua was doing was a thankless job. it was one that no one asked for but it was one that everyone is thankful for. “i find it very….noble. selfless.” but she didn’t want sua thinking that was the only thing she was good for. she had a lot more to offer to the heartz collective than she realised.

maybe those were the qualities that makes a leader. chungha wouldn’t know. she didn’t want to be the leader of the group. that idea was packed up a long time ago. she feels like she’s better off not having all of the “responsibility” put on her. lord knows she doesn’t have the decorum for a position like that. but it seems like that sua does.

chungha chuckles, shaking her head softly as sua tucked a hair behind her ear. she scrunches her nose. “you’re so silly. of course i’m not worried about anything like that.” that sounded a bit cocky but she meant it earnestly. she elabourates to avoid any confusion. “i didn’t mean it as in you’re going to do something to undermine us all. if i’m being honest this doesn’t really feel as cut throat as i’ve experienced in other companies. i feel like sphere girls are more compassionate than that.” and that included sua. chungha didn’t mean to imply that sua would do anything dirtyto ensure being signed to heartz. besides, would it really be playing dirty if she was simply showing what she could do?

chungha sighed. “i think a lot of us are just tired.” she wouldn’t be surprised. “only the newer girls are still so pumped about everything. i know i don’t have the same energy levels now as i did a while ago.”

@rksuas ( dated to early september )

it’s been a month since yuzu had moved but so far she hadn’t made much progress to feeling at home in this dorm. the constant awareness of 4- now 5 other girls around her she could potentially upset with just being herself keep her more quiet, more thoughtful, more avoidant of them solely out of fear for stepping onto anyone’s toes. 

now that she has not one but two roommates, the unwillingness of her brain to rest and just sleep was even greater and she wondered if she would ever call this place her home.

patting into the kitchen at the woo hours in the morning, she’s surprised to find sua there. how out of it was yuzu to not even have noticed the female missing from her bed. “hey eonni,” she greets the other sleepily, brushing her hair back casually. “what ya doin’ up?”

rksuas​:

[ … ]

the discomfort has been making it hard to sleep.  maybe she’ll have to get her brother to buy her a good mattress at the very least, because this bed in the dorm is just not cutting it for her.

maybe yuzu is the same, because she seems to be padding out of their shared room  -  or maybe she just came out to get a drink or something.  sua doesn’t pretend to know what’s going on in that girl’s head.  “ i can’t sleep.” she says finally, straightening her body as she tilts her head.  “ i could ask the same for you, though.”

in a way yuzu is relieved that she’s not the only one. first luda and now sua seem to be sharing her struggles to get adjusted to this dorm life. “me neither,” she thus replies simply, walking up towards the water cooker and preparing some water to brew herself a cup of tea.

“y’want a cup too?” with how they both got up to chill in the kitchen, she recons they’ll be sitting here together for a while. even if yuzu isn’t sure sua wouldn’t prefer her privacy for a little while. for now she’d worry about the tea first and then figure out if they wanted to talk or if they wanted to just pretend to have some space for a while. taking out the tea box, she takes a peek inside. 

“we got mint, green, chamomile and hibiscus.”

ft.@rksuas

her first heartzgroup evaluation doesn’t seem too difficult for her. at least, if she focuses on herself.with the fact that it was news by k.arma, a.k.a one of the bestest girl groups ever,mina already was confident in herself for getting the choreo down. with the fact that she only had to rap a few lines, she was confident that she had this evaluation in the bag.because on her own, kang mina could get through this.

but it was a groupevaluation. and yes, though mina was at least acquainted with majority of the group, being friends with halfof them, she still was intimidated by all of them. maybe chungha and yurim a litle less, given one is her roommate and the other is practically her equal in sphere. she’s managed to reach out to the people sheknows at least a little bit more in order to help her out with the evaluation. but there was still some people she needed to go to for aid. specifically, someone she knewthat could give her helpful advice.

while mina has not really talked to the other, she knewfrom second-hand experience (her brother on the same season of the mgas with her) that sua knewwhat she was talking about when it came to dancing. and yes,while mina is very much sure that she’s a better dancer than daniel, sua isher senior for a reason. and yes,while she admit that the aura the other gives is strong, she couldn’t help but be amazed by it. even watching her onscreen, all she could think about was how coolshe was.

so, she uses all the courage she can to approach her in the practice room. “sunbaenim,” she says with a small smile. she’s aware she seems a little timid, but she couldn’t really help it. “could you help give me some tips on my dancing?” should she give an explanation. “it’s just that- i know you’re a really talented dancer and i want to make sure i do well for my first evaluation. so…”

rksuas​:

although she doesn’t outwardly show her surprise, the heartache, the lift of her heart, the happiness that heejin has given her just by showing up at her side like this, sua is sure that the younger girl knows.  after all, they’re connected in a way that sua can’t quite explain to others that aren’t related to them.  it’d be hard to convince anyone that heejin is her daughter, one that she’s certain that she must have given birth to in another life.  heejin is hers.

heejin doesn’t need to hear it, because she’s certain that the younger girl can feel it.  especially when sua threads their fingers together and tugs the girl closer, keeping her at her side and showing her off to the other people walking in the halls just as she did once before in another life, in another company, in a way that is both protective and flaunting.  look at my daughter, but if you touch her you die.

“ you should know better.” she chastises flatly, though there isn’t much anger in it.  sphere has been tiresome, more draining than trc ever was in ways that it never could be.  at least trc never disappointed her.  sphere just keeps doing that, over and over.  part of her wishes that heejin just stayed in trc.  part of her wishes that she didn’t come because she wouldn’t face the things that sua is.  “ i’m not sure how it’s something you just forgot to mention.  don’t play with me, i know you laid this plan out this way on purpose.”

but a bigger part of her knows that she needed someone here who understood her.  out of all the people she knows, sua couldn’t think of anyone better than heejin.  “ .. of course.  i thought you’d stay in trc.”

     there’s no fighting the pull on her hand, her own frame seeking warmth she’s inwardly missed for so long, and it’s as if heejins world is righted perfectly once again. she’s lost too much in her life to ever let the older leave on a permanent bases, not if there was something she could do about it, and despite the time apart, there’s nothing that makes her happier than knowing her feelings were recuperated.

     sua is there for her in so many ways, a force of unwavering protection and care as they stick close together, just as they always have ( just as heejin would always love to have ). it may have been a weighty decision, leaving trc to take a chance within a new company, but the time she’d taken to properly weight her options had lead her to believing she made the correct decision— not just for her future, one she can see so clearly, but for the sanctity of her mind and heart.

     heejin has long since accepted the older woman as a mother, her mother, someone to look up to. she firmly believes sua to be someone she knows she’ll always have to lean on if ever in need, and that comfort is something she deeply cherishes.

     “trc’s roster is full of tricksters, i guess being around them so much was a bad influence on me.” heejin would definitely blame even the thought of trying to surprise sua on chanyeol and minho, the two her indulged her mostly dormant silly side the most. “there won’t have to be any more surprises now, though,” her voice is light, happy, a grin equally as content on her lips. “i know i’ll find out soon enough, but what’s it all like— being in this project?“

     she has half the mind to ask about the other girls, but she supposes that, too, is something she’ll come to learn about for herself in time. “trc is fine, but i think…i was starting to feel a bit bored. and how could i pass up a chance like this?”

rksuas​:

‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ SAFE PLACE.

looking at her now, it’s not hard to tell that heejin is still just a child.  excited over even the smallest of things, but in this case, sua feels warm all over instead of just annoyance.  after all, heejin is excited to be with her, to visit her once more  -  it’s been far too long since they’ve managed to stay together under the same roof, after all.  it was pointless for them to try when their directions never went the same way, but now that heejin is in sphere and back at her side once more, things are a little easier.  they have more time again.

maybe it’s the only thing sua has to be thankful for to sphere.  right now, there’s little left for her to hold onto in the company, but with heejin’s appearance and eunbi’s desire to stay close to her,  aside from hyun asking her to stay … she’s decided that she’ll make her place in sphere.  for now.  

either way, coming home with heejin really feels more like coming home instead of walking into an empty house with nothing but jin and meimei to greet her.  everything feels familiar, and sua feels relief for once when coming home instead of simple, utter exhaustion.  when heejin starts to speak, her head lifts up from her gaze at the floor since she was toeing out of her shoes.  her heart twists  -  maybe it was a bad idea for her to leave trc.  she hadn’t realized heejin would miss her this much, need her this much.  " … you’re home now.“ sua finally says quietly, reaching out to pull heejin close to her.  ” are you hungry? i’ll order us something to eat while you take a bath.“

     heejin welcomes the arms that reach for her, recuperating the action in full, falling into an achingly familiar warmth she’s not been able to have in a long time. there really isn’t anything for her to say that hasn’t already been said before, or shown through her own actions— nothing sua doesn’t already know because she knows just about everything. heejin is incredibly selective, the type to stay guarded and safe, but with sua, there’s not a single thought she doesn’t wear right on her sleeve for the other to see, and while there are still things about sua that heejin can’t read, heejin doesn’t need to be told outright how the older woman feels for her.

     stood securely wrapped in a hug she’ll never grow tired of, heejin knows. now, there’s no need to feel any dread, as if stepping back into the spot she’d had before sua left trc was only temporary, because this wouldn’t be temporary. while sua hadn’t been the deciding factor in wanting to join sphere, it had been one of the biggest pros on her list, and there was no way she’d let this slip between her fingers again now that she was here.

     she doesn’t answer right away, taking a second to think. “i’m a little hungry, i think the last time i ate was for lunch, and i’ve only had a snack between then and now,” she nods her head lightly as she speaks, thankful for having remembered to bring a granola bar with her that morning. “i’ll try not to be long, i don’t need to wash my hair or anything— pajamas are still in the same drawer?”

     there’s no helping the way heejin rushes into the apartment, light on her feet in a way she’s not felt since very recently. she’s not exactly sure why, but she attributes it to the flood of familiarity coursing through her veins, her mind and body happy to find themselves in a space she knows to be a second home, along with the reality that she’ll be able to come back as often as she’d previously been able to. it makes her excited, the happiest she’s been since she’d switched companies.

     normally, coming home would involve simply taking off her shoes, making sure conan and daniel the dog were good for the night, showering, then getting to bed so she’d be well rested for the next day. maybe a movie or anything relaxing with yeji, but despite the slightly weighed down feeling in her limbs ( her usual sign that she needs sleep ), she does well to fight against it for the time being.

     “i really missed it here.” the words leave her without a thought, turning back to the older woman with a small pout, leg shaking silently, trying to hold back from jumping around. it was pretty late, after all. “i felt like i was missing home.”

                                                           ———— for you, @rksuas ♡

‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ BACK TO YOU.

rksuas​:

she’d heard that there were new girls joining the project only just recently.  truthfully, sua can’t say that she’s surprised  -  perhaps sphere really does want bloodshed and a war, as if they don’t already know that some of the girls have been bothering one of their most recent additions to the lineup.  for all they claim they watch, clearly their ideal vision of everyone getting along just fine is really chalking up to dust.  her lips turn down into a frown and she can only stand to reason that this is something that they know about and just don’t care to fix.  after all, they never do.

brushing fingers through her hair, she flicks it back over her shoulder as she walks.  how many would it be this time? it’s a question that even sua couldn’t fathom the answer to, because this is a project that would go on for what seems like far too long and the company seems hellbent on hurting as many girls as possible.

yes, this is the music industry.

sua doesn’t expect the sound of someone familiar.  her brow furrows when she hears it, and although usually she flinches away from touch from anyone else, it’s like this time her body reacts on its own as she slows her steps after being tapped to reach her hand back.  it’s because she sounds like heejin.  “ i can take you where you need to go.” sua says blankly without turning around.  she’s certain that it’s just because this girl just reminds her of heejin from the voice alone.  maybe that’s why her body acts on instinct.  “ you’re here for heartz, aren’t you?”  by the time she turns around though, her eyes narrow a little  -  because it is heejin.

part of her wishes the girl would have just stayed in trc, but the other part of her needed this.  “ this is the second time you surprised me.  i thought i told you not to do it again after the first time.”

     their reunion isn’t grandiose, isn’t emotionally charged in a way that’d make tears sport from either of their eyes, but for heejin, it’s everything she could’ve hoped for— no matter how she tries, she’s aware of just how hard it is to phase the older woman, to garner unnecessarily big reactions, and that difficulty is something heejin has missed more than words can express ( she feels that sua has always taken her actions in stride with acceptance, offering guidance and care in return ).

     heejin isn’t surprised by the others correct deduction, because really, why would she be? it’d be normal for the rest of the girls to be told of any new arrivals, so she’d assumed they’d be expecting at least one new presence. “that i am.” she doesn’t bother beating around the bush, her appearance alone proving as much. hand held in suas, her own fingers squeeze gently, an almost sheepish grin replacing the wide smile she wasn’t aware she’d had. “i’m sorry, kids can be so forgetful sometimes— there’s plenty of time for me to make it up to you, though.”

     while she hadn’t been nervous, there’s no denying the overwhelming calm that settles over heejin now that she’s made herself known. entering a new company for the mere chance at debuting would’ve been far more stressful without the presence of someone so dear to her. sua simply being here as well eased concerns she’d been so sure she didn’t have in the first place.

     “…did i really surprise you?”

rksuas·:

‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ NEEDED.

there’s at least something that she dislikes about being a confirmed member of heartz  -  amongst all the uncertainty and the fury, they’ve basically stripped her away wholly from heejin.  either that, or heejin has just distanced herself from her and that’s not something that sua is really pleased with either.  although the younger girl was more than happy about her confirmation for debut, sua at this point can’t help but wonder what the distancing was about.  there was so much time this month where she was alone, left to rot in a dorm room that was quiet and unfamiliar.  in the end, she ended up at home more than she even slept in the dorm and it was supposed to be her first month in a brand new place.  heejin could have come over to spend just as much time as they could have together, considering the fact that sua supposes things will get harder now that she’ll be filming in the coming weeks.

at least there’s tonight, but sua doesn’t plan on letting this lie.  she’s not the type to swallow her unhappiness  -  not anymore, not with the people that she cares about.  she stands up and she fights, and that’s where sphere was wrong about her.  she may be lying low for now, but there is no part of sua that has lost her venom.  " … fine.  there’s not much to say about it.  it’s about the same level of annoyance that i expected.“  sua sits gracefully next to the place heejin is curled up on the couch, frowning only slightly.  ” there are more important things to talk about, anyway.“  she turns her head to look at heejin, obvious disapproval in her eyes.  ” do you want to explain to me why you barely even talked to me this month?“

     while suas actions don’t give anything away at first, seamless and natural just as heejin has always known them to be, it’s the shift in her tone, immediateandpressing(unrelentinganddemanding, things the younger both admires and occasionally fears on the scarce chance they’re directed her way ), that’s got her feeling warm with embarrassment— already she feels like a child about to be scolded, but, when she thinks about it, maybe that’s not far off from the truth. she’s rarely ever in the hot seat, not one to cause herself the hassle of being in the wrong, but she knows now that, while unintentional, she’s upset someone she loves.

     she doesn’t speak first, merely allowing herself to register the very present disapproval coming from the older woman, and heejin hates it. if it had been coming from anyone else, she knows she wouldn’t find it hitting as hard as it does now, but sua is different. “i…” she trails off, unsure of where to start. “i haven’t been around as much purposefully for any bad reason, i just…” there’s a frown on her lips, a crease in her brows as she finds the words. “i haven’t spent much time with the other debuted girls because they’re so busy, so i thought you might get really busy too…i didn’t want to seem bothersome when this is such a big thing…”

     heejin will admit it— throughout september, she hasn’t spent as much time with sua as she normally would, but her reasons are anything but malicious. from the moment the older woman was picked as the next girl to debut, heejin couldn’t have been any happier, couldn’t have been any more proud, to see sua get something she was so deserving of. heejin admired her for a lot of things, but her ability to preserver and work hard was something heejin thought incredibly highly of, and with that in mind, heejin had thought the older woman might want to double down on her debut preparations.

     so, heejin does her best not to seem like a bother, not wanting to take up too much time during something where suas attention was required. now that it’s the end of the month, heejin feels a bit lighter, happy to be at suas apartment after being away for a bit. she’s curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, head resting on the back cushion as she looked at sua. “what have debut preparations been like?”

                                                          ———— for you, @rksuas​ ♡

rksuas​:

fingers brush through heejin’s hair, keeping her hold on the younger girl gentle.  though it’s been awhile since heejin has joined the heartz project and in that, joined sphere, it is the first time that they’ve found the right time to catch up in the form of one of their sleepovers.  heejin keeps ahold of sua like she’s searching for comfort and sua is loathe to let her go.  not when it seems like heejin needs her in this moment  -  it’s easy to read the younger girl, at least for her.  " is everything okay ..?“ she finally asks, brushing gently through a knot that she’s found in heejin’s  hair with her fingers.  ” you can talk to me, you know.  about anything.“

she pulls away gently from their embrace, her hands falling to heejin’s shoulders and holding onto her just as gently.  ” or are you just so happy to be here again that it’s made you emotional?“ her brow lifts quizzically and it’s true that heejin is probably the only person aside from hyun that she’d be this playful with.  

stepping away and tapping heejin on the back to coax her towards the bath, she searches for her cell with her free hand in her bag.  ” then you’re eating.  you can’t keep eating snacks for dinner, heejin.“  sua sighs and shakes her head, her voice sounding like that of a disappointed mother.  ” where they always are.  when you’re done, you can come to the kitchen, the food should be here by then.“  she pauses.  ” and be careful of jin.  he’ll probably attack you as soon as he hears you walking around.“

     there’s silence for a moment, heejin keeping mum, simply letting the older comb fingers through her hair, and already heejin can feel herself growing tired. it’s so easy to forget just how tired she can sometimes get when she spends her days constantly trying to show her best— it’s been that way for her for a long time, and while she’d never admit it, there are times when everything comes somewhat close to a breaking point. she’s a strong girl, she knows she is, but even someone like her has moment where she needs comfort ( regardless of whether she’d admit it or not ).

     when sua pulls away, heejin feels embarrassment at how easy it is for sua to understand her. it’s not bad, she quiet likes that the older has that ability, but it’s only natural since not many are able to do that with her. “i just missed being here, ok…” she’s slightly pouty, eyes wide.

     making her way towards the bath, heejins pout grows a small bit, and while the older can’t see it heejin is sure she can hear it in her voice. “i’ve gotten better! i’ve been trying to snack less so i can get into a more regular eating schedule, this is the first time i’ve forgotten in a while,” she tries to sound convincing because, while it’s not a lie that she’s been trying, she can’t admit this isn’t her first slip up this week alone. “i’m surprised jin hasn’t tried to barrel his way over here yet.”