#heartzaug20eval
Heartz August Eval
Taipei + Heartz 1/3
Luda couldn’t help but be in awe of Taipei, never having visited the city (or country if speaking of Taiwan overall) before, only ever having seen pictures or videos. The filming for “My Sunday” was much more low-key, but she enjoyed herself nonetheless. It reminded her of when Minhee and her were dancing through the dorm, singing into their hairbrushes, basically practising the song while having fun.
Once they were back home, though, she could finally start concentrating on the unit more, mentally preparing for it for the most part and doing her best to practise singing, dancing, expressions and whatever else that she could. It was nerve wrecking to think of, because it felt much more official than the solo debut. Of course, looking at the group debut as the big debut, everything that came before felt almost more like pre-debut. But, expecting to have at least a few small promotions for the sub-units, the unit debut was on a different level from their solo releases already, making her feel like she needed to up her game a whole lot, compared to before.
She was careful with her voice, and careful not to break a bone, or anything like that (though she generally did that, anyway). It was also fun to try some songs from other groups, to get some more variety in, and tried practising some more difficult dances as well. She expected 1/3 to continue focusing on vocals rather than dancing, but if she wasn’t careful, she’d end up taking steps backwards rather than forward and while her dancing was much better than 2 years ago, it still wasn’t all that outstanding.
Excited to see what would be announced for the next month, she couldn’t wait for the months to pass by. It was still confusing to her that Eunbi’s reveal and release were pushed back, when the unit releases would be after it, but that made Luda only feel all the more curious to know how everything unit related would work out. Where would they film, how would they be styled, how would the music video (or videos?) end up looking? How would they connect all those solo music videos and bring the girls together in the video?
In the end she found herself sleeping earlier, and sneaking out less at the end of the month, hoping for days to pass by faster.
Heartz August Eval
Recording + Thoughts
The month began quite like the last ones. First they went to record the songs, then leaving for another country just days later. And of course the days were accompanied by the usual worrying of whether she was good enough, though luckily her worries died down a little bit, now where she wasn’t front and centre anymore. As exciting as her own solo journey had been, and as much as she wouldn’t have wanted to miss it, it was nice to accompany someone else instead. It was much calmer for her, even if chaotic still. Plus, she got to see some of the world while at it, something she surely wouldn’t be able to otherwise.
The dorm filled up slowly, but surely, and it was becoming more lively. So far, the one and a half bathrooms they had still worked out pretty well, though they definitely needed a schedule in the future, 12 girls and so few bathrooms… well, that was asking for chaos, wasn’t it?
Still, the experience was nice, as much as she’d liked some more quiet time to herself here and there. Sneaking out for walks had basically continued as before, though maybe a little bit less frequent. Being caught once was a good startle as well, though she was glad it hadn’t been the manager, because explaining this to her would not have been fun at all.
Taipei was also great and she hoped they would go somewhere else again for the unit mv shooting. Who knew where they might end up? There were so many countries in the world and it’d be exciting to go to any of them in her eyes. No preference, except maybe, a country with nice weather. Or they may well just stay in Korea, as flying out for all of the solo debuts was probably difficult (and expensive) enough already.
。˚∘ spirit ;
rksuas:
it’s clear that chungha doesn’t believe her at all, but this is also not something that sua would get into in the middle of sphere - let alone in the middle of a room full of the other heartz girls who would inevitably hear their conversation. as much as sua hates sphere, she’s not into the idea of social or career suicide and admitting that she loathes being in the project at all would probably be candidacy for both. either way, it’s nothing that chungha needs to worry about - there are her own worries.
after all, it’s obvious that chungha actually wants this. she doesn’t need to sit and listen to sua’s bitching about what a shit show she thinks this entire charade of a debut really is.
though she’s sure that chungha hadn’t expected her to turn her question back on her, especially without answering - sua also didn’t expect the loss for words coming from the other woman. chungha always seemed so sure of herself, so the lack of confidence thereof was a little alarming. is this the effect of predebut on her? or is this just what chungha really feels all the time? if it’s the latter, chungha does a really good job of hiding it but if it’s the former, sua truly wouldn’t be surprised. it’s hard not to notice the worry and the fatigue that draws the faces of the other girls. sometimes, she wonders if she looks like that, too.
“ i don’t think the point is to show something new every month.” sua says finally, brushing her fingers through chungha’s long hair. " i think it’s rather that they want you to show them you’ll suit the concept of the next solo. i think they already know we’re all talented. that’s probably why we’re here in the first place.“ she pauses, thinking - questioning. ” i’m not really sure if it’s the best way to pick a group, but when they’re giving us the same kind of requirements month after month it’s hard to show them something new all the time aside from what you can show them visually. wouldn’t you agree?“
sua sighs, though. at this, they’ll probably have to agree to disagree - regardless of what chungha says, sua knows that what she’s doing in the long run is stupid. after all, even if she gives up the most for the rest of the trainees, it’s likely that sphere will never put her in the lineup. she’s too much of a troublemaker. they already hate her.
chungha likely doesn’t know the extent of it, though. it’s not like sua ever talked about it to anyone.
eyes narrowing slightly, sua can’t help but crinkle her nose at chungha’s amusement. it’s the truth - she meant every word she said. and as much as chungha may not think so, it’s likely that there are other girls out there who may believe she will. ” you don’t have to worry about it from me. i wouldn’t say there aren’t girls like that among us, though.“ sua says finally, setting her jaw at the thought of the girls who bullied eunbi to the point of tears, stress, exhaustion. ” even if you’re not suspicious of me, i still wanted to make sure you knew.“
after all, there’s still a possibility that she’d give up her spot in heartz if it meant that someone better could take her place. sua’s still not sure what she wants yet.
ah, it would be so exhausted to keep going as chungha does now. despite knowing she doesn’t need to keep trying to be fresh and new every month, there’s something so relieving about hearing sua say it. it’s almost as if sua literally takes the weight off chungha’s shoulders, freeing her. chungha never realised that she needed to hear it. it almost causes tears to spring forth to her eyes. thankfully she holds it back.
she leans into sua’s touch, closing her eyes as the other speaks. chungha always loved her hair being played with. it relaxes her. “yeah, i do,” chungha says with a hum. sua was right: it’s hard to show them something new if it’s always the same deal every month. “i think i kept pushing myself to try something new because i don’t know what it is they’re looking for. i think i defaulted to try and show every aspect of myself until there was nothing left so there would be no question to them where i should ultimately go.” but isn’t it worrying to keep trying and trying and trying without any answer to what she should be doing? chungha ran herself ragged this way. there’s a tenseness in her shoulders, hesitance in her step. and her confidence had definitely faltered. and it’s only been half of the first year of this project.
“oh i know who to look out for,” chungha said with a shrug. “i guess i just haven’t seen it yet personally. not here at least.” after kt, sphere seemed like a dream. a wonderland. and in sphere, chungha actually mattered to the other girls. they interacted, they spent time together outside practise. it was more than she could ever ask for. she would be grateful even if all she got from the sphere girls was a hello and cooperation during evaluations. that alone was more than she ever got in kt.
chungha hums, giving sua a sly look. “ah, you’re always in my mind but not for those suspicious reasons,” chungha jokes, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at the other. she cracks up. “no but seriously….i’ve been a trainee so much of my life. literally.” she rubs the bridge of her nose just thinking about the time she’s spent in companies. six in sm, nearly one in kt. and now she’s in sphere. “it feels like this is the end of the line, you know? so i always want to try extra hard. but i’ll be damned if every other girl here isn’t trying their absolute hardest as well.” she bunts sua’s shoulder gently with her forehead. “kick my ass in this. give it all you got. because honestly, if you aren’t giving it your all then how could any of us be sure that we deserve the positions we ultimately get?”
she lets her words sink in for a moment before smirking. “i promise even if you kick my butt i’ll always have kisses for you~” she laughs again.
“unnie!” her was bright, too bright but eunji tried to ignore it. now that she was at the company and preparing for their group evaluation, she had to focus on doing well for this. and not that the fact that she hadn’t debuted yet. “two things.” eunji dropped her bags on the floor. “how are you feeling about our song this month?” she did like news, it was also very different from what the company had them doing so far. karma was sexy.
“that and do you have any idea of what you want to do for this month?” it was still early enough to figure something out but she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do herself. “at this point, i have no idea what the company wants to see from me.” she tried bad-ass, cute and everything in between.
chungha turned upon hearing someone call out to her. it’s funny: herself from a few years ago wouldn’t have tolerated a few people calling her unnie like this. only people she was closest to. yet now it seemed to be a common name of hers amongst most of the heartz girls. chungha wasn’t complaining. she didn’t mind nowadays.
“what’s up?” chungha asked, all smiles for the younger girl. eunji and she always touched base with one another. while they weren’t the closest out there, they definitely had a stable friendship. if eunji had any favours, chungha didn’t mind doing them for her. no matter what it was. unsurprisingly it was just questions.
our song; eunji meant the group evaluation song for this month. k.arma definitely had a different vibe from all of the other groups. chungha personally thought luxe and k.arma could go head to head popularity wise. “i like it. i think it’s a different kind of song.” still nothing challenging if chungha wasn’t really doing the most out there.
it was eunji’s second question that made chungha pause and think. “uh…i’m not sure.” she was being honest. at this point she truly felt as if she was running out of steam. what else could she show them that she hasn’t already? soon it’ll just seem like the same thing over and over. “i feel you, honestly. i feel like at this point i don’t have anything new to whip out at them. i tried to keep it fresh by doing performances i like but i also want to bring something impressive to the table, you know?”
and when you’ve shown every part of yourself, you truly run out of things to do. “i’m about an eval away from just doing a stand up comedy skit. that’s the only thing i haven’t shown them at this point.”
。˚∘ spirit ;
rksuas:
their breaks are short in comparison to the hours on end that they practice to make things perfect. the group performances of the month are just as important as their solo ones, and with a constant shuffling of the girls, whether they’re being introduced or on their way out, there’s always new challenges to face and little quirks to get used to. even during the break, there’s things that sua has learned about the other girls that she probably wouldn’t have if she wasn’t in the project - things like the way chungha lays upside down on the couch, or how many of them there are to avoid stepping on when they’re all sprawled out on the ground. her lips purse a little as she looks around her, but chungha makes a move first - reaches for her, even.
they haven’t spoken in a long time, even within the project. chungha has seemed wrapped up in her own worries and sua decided it best not to press it - especially since she seemed a little more at ease with the newer additions. she sits next to her with a small sigh, her elbows resting back against the back of the couch. how are you feeling - and of course, chungha wouldn’t know. after all, sua doesn’t let onto her emotions as much as the other girls, and sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking. even now, she shrugs. how should she admit to chungha that she hates this project with every fibre of her being? just the fact alone that eunbi was bullied to the point of fear and tears made her want to rip some of the girls to shreds. " okay, i suppose.“ the words are tight when she speaks them, brows furrowed together. she knows better than to speak her venom in front of the others.
she brushes a hand through her hair, biting the inside of her cheek. ” do you?“ sua finally counters, turning her head to face chungha. after all, she probably wouldn’t be all too bothered if she doesn’t make it into the group. in her mind, there’s nothing for her there except a death of her own spark and the death of her individuality. they’ve already tried to quash it once before, she has no doubt that they’ll be ten times worse if she was actually chosen for a group like heartz.
at the same time though, sua knows that chungha would probably be devastated. ” i think i care more about the girls than anything. i think that’s what keeps me hanging on -“ even though i hate it. ” it’s not good for them, so i want to make sure they’re okay. stupid, isn’t it? they didn’t ask me to.“ sua snorts, taking a look around at some of the dozing trainees around her. ” but even if i’ve only been training for a year, i can tell when someone’s starstruck. i don’t want them to get hurt in the end.“
chungha’s compliment though makes her raise a brow, turn her head to face her. ” i may be talented but i assure you, it’s not a trick. i’m not going to do something radical to pull the rug out from under any of you.“ reaching out, she tucks chungha’s hair back behind her ear. ” i promise.“
chungha easily adjusts herself so she can wrap herself around sua with an exaggerated content sigh. it was nice to cuddle up to a friend. and sua was easy to reciprocate the sentiment. she blows a raspberry, looking up at the other. there was something about the way she said that she was “okay” that chungha just didn’t feel convinced with. but maybe she was just frustrated as chungha had been about two months ago.
she’d like to think that if it was anything serious then sua would divulge it. maybe it was wishful thinking on her end. but there was no way to know that for sure.
“do i?” chungha repeats back. she wasn’t anticipating her question being returned. logically she should have. yet she finds herself unprepared. “honestly?” chungha starts, eyebrows furrowing as she thinks. “i don’t think so. i don’t think i’m prepared to have to do this until the very end.” in fact, after this month she’s sure she has nothing left to show them. show improvement? she’s already doing that. show new talents? done. show what she can do? that’s also done every single month. there was nothing fresh from chungha from the end of august onward. the pit in her stomach reminds her she’s a little more worried than she lets off.
“i don’t think it’s stupid,” chungha says with a frown. what sua was doing was a thankless job. it was one that no one asked for but it was one that everyone is thankful for. “i find it very….noble. selfless.” but she didn’t want sua thinking that was the only thing she was good for. she had a lot more to offer to the heartz collective than she realised.
maybe those were the qualities that makes a leader. chungha wouldn’t know. she didn’t want to be the leader of the group. that idea was packed up a long time ago. she feels like she’s better off not having all of the “responsibility” put on her. lord knows she doesn’t have the decorum for a position like that. but it seems like that sua does.
chungha chuckles, shaking her head softly as sua tucked a hair behind her ear. she scrunches her nose. “you’re so silly. of course i’m not worried about anything like that.” that sounded a bit cocky but she meant it earnestly. she elabourates to avoid any confusion. “i didn’t mean it as in you’re going to do something to undermine us all. if i’m being honest this doesn’t really feel as cut throat as i’ve experienced in other companies. i feel like sphere girls are more compassionate than that.” and that included sua. chungha didn’t mean to imply that sua would do anything dirtyto ensure being signed to heartz. besides, would it really be playing dirty if she was simply showing what she could do?
chungha sighed. “i think a lot of us are just tired.” she wouldn’t be surprised. “only the newer girls are still so pumped about everything. i know i don’t have the same energy levels now as i did a while ago.”
great goods
with the loss of yena (loss? she was still in the evaluation this month – gahyeon guesses she more means from her apartment rather than anywhere else … until next month, of course ) came the addition of yoorim and mina. it’s hard for her to be completely excited about it, especially when they’re given the line distribution and gahyeon notices how they’ve taken rap lines, and gahyeon has nothing but six lines … she guesses she should be thankful – at least they’re full lines, unlike last month. but something just doesn’t sit well with her throughout the whole thing, she thinks she’s still reeling from yena being announced as the next to debut, and the unavoidable feeling of loneliness that comes with it.
but she tries her best to make sure it doesn’t show. especially after how asocial she’d been the previous month with the other girls, she’s supposed to be showing she can work alongside them, right ? she isn’t unhappy with anyone, after all – it’s not like it was their fault. it’s just … hard, she guesses. regardless, she does nothing but practice and attempt to help wherever she can throughout the month, no matter her personal feelings about everything. she should just be happy to be given this chance, right ? plus, she adores mina and yoorim – so she can’t be too upset.
practice had turned into a constant for gahyeon, and even as they others moved on to go home or eat, gahyeon found herself in the studio – whether it be to practice her solo or the group evaluation. so, it comes as no surprise when the other girls filter out, gahyeon’s still there, running through choreography. she doesn’t stop until mina walks up to her. gahyeon raises her brows as the younger wanders up before giving her a soft smile. “ i guess i’d consider myself decent,” she hums, only half-joking considering her own lack of lines that have lead her to wonder if maybe she wasn’t as good as she’d thought. “ of course i’ll help. ”she murmurs. “i never congratulated you, did i ? for getting in ?”she asks, a small pout on her lips before gently nudging the younger. “congratulations, only a month in and you’ve already gotten into a debut project. ”she hums, smiling gently.“ especially in a song like k.arma’s, it’s a lot about attitude. ”she points out – “ how are you rapping the lines so far ?”she asks, quirking her head to the side.
besides chungha, gahyeon was easily one of the people she was most excited to run into when it came to the heartz project. given the fact that the older was the reason why she was a tainee in the first place, she felt as if it was fate to have them bothbe in the same project. was it intimidating to work with someone you used to onlyadmire from afar? absolutely. and is it an amazing opportunity? fuck yeahit was. the fact that mina was working with so many people whom she respected for their talents meant a lotto her. perhaps more than to the girls individually. but even so, she was excited to see how things would go for her during her time in the project.
and even ifshe is closer to gahyeon than she was before, she still respected the older a lot. while she was aware of the other’s amazing dancing abilities (that’s why she admired the other in the first place), she also tried to recognize the girl’s other skill. could she have gone to someone else about helping her rap a verse? absolutely. she already knew juyeon well enough and yurim and her practically had the same amount of lines for “news’. but she still wanted to take this chance to get even closerto the other than she was before. and if that involved going to her for help on her own performance, then she’d take it. not only because she knowsit’ll be helpful to her, but also because it’s gahyeon.
smile still on face, she laughs along to the comment the other made about her own rapping skills. “well, you’re definitely better than me. i’ve got very little experience with rapping, even though i’m like… decent, at most.” she lets out a little chuckle that she’s not 100% sure if it was nervous or not. she shouldn’tbe nervous around the other, still. besides the fact that she was technically her sunbaenim, they’re friendsnow. mina could be chillwith her, so she tries her best to think that the laugh was just casual. she’s about to speak, but she’s thrown off-guard by the other congratulating her. “oh! wow, thank you! yeah. honestly, it’s an honor being here,” she answers, gahyeon actually being one of the reasosn whyshe considers it so. “it’s going fine! i really just wanted to touch it up to see if it sounds… coolenough,” she explains more. “k.arma’s like… my favorite girl group right now. so i reallywant to do my one line justice. and i figured.. you could help me with that?”
‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ MORE AND MORE.
rkheejin:
though it’s been quiet a while since the two of them were last able to speak like this, heejin is glad the younger girl is still as open and receptive to her company. it’s like nothings changed from the way mina was in the brief moments they had when heejin had been working alongside daniel a year ago.
heejin sometimes still can’t fathom just how much time has gone by since she’d first signed herself away as a trainee, the mark of her first year having come a little over two weeks ago. now, in being apart of a debut project with a high chance of securing her own spot, it feels like she’s moving at a breakneck pace, but still going painfully slow.
while making new connections to some extent was always a good idea, the thought of putting herself out there to a crowd of strangers never being something she’s found daunting, heejin won’t deny the relaxation that comes with familiar faces, and while there’s still so much for them to learn about each other, they’ve long since broken through first meetings. all that’s left now is to fall back into place and build even more.
tilting her head to one side, she sports a faux pout, furrowed brows only giving emphasis to the somewhat sad mood she feels she succeeds in putting out. “you can just call me by my name, or even unnie, really, it’s fine— or do you not like me anymore?” her words are all in jest, her pout breaking into a light grin the longer she goes on. she hopes it doesn’t throw the other off, her somewhat stiff posture a slight giveaway, but heejin doesn’t comment. “feeling nervous can be good sometimes, it can make you want to work harder to do your best, but i’m glad you’re feeling good being here overall. it can be a little overwhelming at first.” she’s heard from others, at least. “i think you’ll be fine!”
she’d be lying if she said she was completely comfortable with the whole decision of letting her become part of the project. while she will admit being in sphere was a great opportunity, let alone being in the projectso soon, she couldn’t help but feel as if it was a little too overwhelming for her. especially because just weeks before she got signed, she was just a normal girl with a normal job and life.
and though she was willing to get herself to know more faces in hopes of feeling more comfortable and familiarizing herself with everyone, she stillfound herself going to those familiar faces the most. chungha lived with mina and yoorim was basically going through the same trainee experience she was. gahyeon and yuzu were also given to know her more, but even thenthey were busy with royal while she was still bored with how life was going with her.
so getting to see a familiar face, even if they didn’t get as many opportunities to talk as much, was already relieving enough for her. and the fact that thejeon heejin approached her while also recognizing her was already enough to make mina happy. yes, she knew heejin’s roommate as well as the fact that her brother worked with her before. but it was still a big deal to her! she’s inclined to feel blessed.
however, she will note that it was boldof her to assume that mina could ever dislike her. “no! oh my god, never,” she says immediately, ignoring the fact that she used the lord’s name in vain (thanks mom for enforcing that on her). but when the other gives her a smile, it’s more of assurance that she’s not doing anything bad. she sighs in relief and returns the smile. “i’ll call you unnie, then. if that’s okay, i mean,” she answers, her doubt still showing through her answer, but she thinks it’s not much of a big deal for the both of them. “it is a little overwhelming, considering i just signed not too long ago. but i’m trying my best with everything!” she then gives a thumbs up. “i’m really glad to see you, though! it’s nice seeing more familiar faces.”
mina’s august heartz evaluation!
performinginto you (w/ the new choreography) by hyosung
if she had to be honest, this song wasn’t her first choice. how she ended up with it was because she happened to revisit the song while looking up songs to do for the evaluation.
she didn’t know what to perform for it. it isherfirst solo evaluation, after all. she wasn’t one to make decisions on what to perform, especially with singing involved. she only performed one song while dancing to it on her own and that was her evaluation. she always danced to songs that fit her style and she happened to join a group already with a song for her first evaluation. even now was the same for her first heartz group evaluation. and she wanted to applaud them for the song choice, as a k.arma stan herself. she made sure to do her part perfectly, even making the gun pose in the dance practice when she says her last “hey” because she’s such a fan.
she remembers first watching the music video for the song years ago. back when she was still “what she considers to be a kid”. the choreography is iconic enough for her to remember the original when she first listens to the song and she finds herself cringing at herself imagining herself doing that in real life. could she be able to do a choreography like that in the future when she gains more confidence? maybe so. but notnow.definitely not now.
thankfully, she was able to find another version of the choreography (the newversion, it said) that suited her dancing style way more. it was cool,charming, a song that was perfectly in her vocal range, and PERFECT for her new hair color! it was something she could imagine herself performing for her first officialsolo evaluation (the more she repeats that in her head, the more it sounds unreal to her). and even though she doesn’t expect to debut immediately, given the fact that she was justadded into the project this month, it was still best to choose a song where she could show her talents. she wanted to make it count.
the choreography didn’t prove to be a challenge for her. in fact, if anything, she thinks she needs a dance that’s morechallenging. but she willsay that she needed to practice on her vocals more. so choosing a choreography that wasn’t as extreme in order to help improve on her singing stability was a good choice (or at least she wants to thinkit is). doing her lines for the group evaluation waseasier, she will admit, but that’s because she didn’t have much lines to begin with. even during last month’s evaluation, she didn’t really have to sing much besides the chorus.
but she toldthe coach when given the announcement about her being added to the project that she was going to prove herself. if she wanted to have the chance to debut with the other talented girls that she had the pleasure of meeting, she had to be confident in something else besidesher dancing.
it’s a bit nerve-wracking having to stand on her own in the practice room for another evaluation, but she stands with confidence as she bows to the coaches and introduces herself before preparing to perform. if she could do it for audition, she can do it again for this.maybe even betterbecause she’s performing the full thing.
when the song starts, her genuine funsmile disappears as she shows a coolgaze instead. if there was anything she learned about idols through fancams, it’s that facial expressions were killerin order to get attention and show charisma. and this song with thischoreography was a good way to earn killerfacial expression points, even if she does get tired towards the end. she does manage to try and get her high notes and her adlibs, though. she’s been practicing singing thoseparts for the entire month and she manages to get through them, even if it’s not spectacular. she’s definitely no singing goddess, but her smile is genuine and big when she hits them without messing up before she goes back to her coolface. because the coaches needed her coolface.
the song ends and she bows to the coaches after a few seconds of letting it sit. she definitelyfeels like she can do better, especiallydance-wise because this was kind of weak sauce for her. but she’ll force herself to go up from here. that’s all she can really hope for in the end, anyway.
ft.@rksuas
her first heartzgroup evaluation doesn’t seem too difficult for her. at least, if she focuses on herself.with the fact that it was news by k.arma, a.k.a one of the bestest girl groups ever,mina already was confident in herself for getting the choreo down. with the fact that she only had to rap a few lines, she was confident that she had this evaluation in the bag.because on her own, kang mina could get through this.
but it was a groupevaluation. and yes, though mina was at least acquainted with majority of the group, being friends with halfof them, she still was intimidated by all of them. maybe chungha and yurim a litle less, given one is her roommate and the other is practically her equal in sphere. she’s managed to reach out to the people sheknows at least a little bit more in order to help her out with the evaluation. but there was still some people she needed to go to for aid. specifically, someone she knewthat could give her helpful advice.
while mina has not really talked to the other, she knewfrom second-hand experience (her brother on the same season of the mgas with her) that sua knewwhat she was talking about when it came to dancing. and yes,while mina is very much sure that she’s a better dancer than daniel, sua isher senior for a reason. and yes,while she admit that the aura the other gives is strong, she couldn’t help but be amazed by it. even watching her onscreen, all she could think about was how coolshe was.
so, she uses all the courage she can to approach her in the practice room. “sunbaenim,” she says with a small smile. she’s aware she seems a little timid, but she couldn’t really help it. “could you help give me some tips on my dancing?” should she give an explanation. “it’s just that- i know you’re a really talented dancer and i want to make sure i do well for my first evaluation. so…”
♕ ◞ . ┋ nara’s ⇢spark !!
with the beginning a new month comes the beginning of a whole new set of challenges— more evaluations to prepare for, newly added girls to the projects roster, and an onslaught of ever pressing thoughts.
it’s all been easy to adapt to, parts not unlike her life back in trc, but even so, everything her time within heartz’ debut project entails all leads up to one final goal. debut, the very thing she’s dreamed of for so long, and something that wasn’t within immediate reach back in her old company. for heejin ( really, for all of them ), debuting is her goal, her finish line, the limit she wants to push past in order to forge a new goal to rise up towards, and with a new addition to the groups final line-up revealed, she feels a headache come on.
it’s not her this time. she’d wanted it to be, knew that it could be ( she’s ready, isn’t she? talented and full of more than she’s already capable of, but it’s not her this time ). heejin has never found herself to be the jealous type, but their’s a bitter taste in her mouth as yet another person who isn’t her is promised a real future, and she’s confused.
stewing negativity isn’t good, however, and it’s not something she’s ever felt important enough to do before, so despite her own perplexities, she persists strongly as she always has. her time will come, she knows it will, otherwise what would have been the reason for sphere to entertain her being here in the first place. they accepted her, they wanted her, so she knows she’ll get her moment.
in the meantime, heejin continues to grow and improve, building up her relationship with the other girls as guardedly as she can, working to make sure there’s only her best to show.
her dancing isn’t as lackluster as it had once been. her vocals have gained a momentum she’s proud of, strong and smooth and full, and once she’s finally stood before staff for her solo evaluation to begin, heejin is nothing but confidence. this is what she loves to do— sing, perform, and now, to an extent, she even loves to dance. it’s evident in the way she moves, in the way she carries herself across the stage as the song goes on, in how she doesn’t hold herself back from notes that burst through the ceiling, and her drive persists even after her final notes fade and she stands in her finishing position.
heejin is still confused, but she hopes that soon, she won’t be.
there’s no helping the way heejin rushes into the apartment, light on her feet in a way she’s not felt since very recently. she’s not exactly sure why, but she attributes it to the flood of familiarity coursing through her veins, her mind and body happy to find themselves in a space she knows to be a second home, along with the reality that she’ll be able to come back as often as she’d previously been able to. it makes her excited, the happiest she’s been since she’d switched companies.
normally, coming home would involve simply taking off her shoes, making sure conan and daniel the dog were good for the night, showering, then getting to bed so she’d be well rested for the next day. maybe a movie or anything relaxing with yeji, but despite the slightly weighed down feeling in her limbs ( her usual sign that she needs sleep ), she does well to fight against it for the time being.
“i really missed it here.” the words leave her without a thought, turning back to the older woman with a small pout, leg shaking silently, trying to hold back from jumping around. it was pretty late, after all. “i felt like i was missing home.”
———— for you, @rksuas ♡
with new preparations needing to be made for the month as their evaluation expectations are set, yet another stretch of time added to her ever expanding life as a special trainee under this new company, heejin is hopeful. while she’d been shocked at just how quickly a girl equally as new as she was secured a spot within this debut project, heejin feels no jealousy, or anger at being overlooked. no, instead, there’s fire under her feet thanks to the knowledge that, really, any of them could be next, including her.
that only strengthens her convictions to get familiar with the rest of the girls she’s not yet spent much time with, especially the two newest additions not just to the project, but to sphere itself. sure— in heejin’s eyes, this is all still very much a competition until the very end, but with how fairly she feels things are going, what’s the harm in getting a little close?
so, she strikes up conversion with mina first once a lull in activity slows, her legs burning nicely from the work they’d done in beginning to learn choreography. the younger seems nice enough, and strikes a familiar chord. heejin wants to see if she remembers her. “hey, mina,” she starts, an easy smile on her lips. “haven’t seen you in a while. how’s your first day going so far?”
———— for you, @mxnark♡
chungha easily adjusts herself so she can wrap herself around sua with an exaggerated content sigh. it was nice to cuddle up to a friend. and sua was easy to reciprocate the sentiment. she blows a raspberry, looking up at the other. there was something about the way she said that she was “okay” that chungha just didn’t feel convinced with. but maybe she was just frustrated as chungha had been about two months ago.
she’d like to think that if it was anything serious then sua would divulge it. maybe it was wishful thinking on her end. but there was no way to know that for sure.
“do i?” chungha repeats back. she wasn’t anticipating her question being returned. logically she should have. yet she finds herself unprepared. “honestly?” chungha starts, eyebrows furrowing as she thinks. “i don’t think so. i don’t think i’m prepared to have to do this until the very end.” in fact, after this month she’s sure she has nothing left to show them. show improvement? she’s already doing that. show new talents? done. show what she can do? that’s also done every single month. there was nothing fresh from chungha from the end of august onward. the pit in her stomach reminds her she’s a little more worried than she lets off.
“i don’t think it’s stupid,” chungha says with a frown. what sua was doing was a thankless job. it was one that no one asked for but it was one that everyone is thankful for. “i find it very….noble. selfless.” but she didn’t want sua thinking that was the only thing she was good for. she had a lot more to offer to the heartz collective than she realised.
maybe those were the qualities that makes a leader. chungha wouldn’t know. she didn’t want to be the leader of the group. that idea was packed up a long time ago. she feels like she’s better off not having all of the “responsibility” put on her. lord knows she doesn’t have the decorum for a position like that. but it seems like that sua does.
chungha chuckles, shaking her head softly as sua tucked a hair behind her ear. she scrunches her nose. “you’re so silly. of course i’m not worried about anything like that.” that sounded a bit cocky but she meant it earnestly. she elabourates to avoid any confusion. “i didn’t mean it as in you’re going to do something to undermine us all. if i’m being honest this doesn’t really feel as cut throat as i’ve experienced in other companies. i feel like sphere girls are more compassionate than that.” and that included sua. chungha didn’t mean to imply that sua would do anything dirtyto ensure being signed to heartz. besides, would it really be playing dirty if she was simply showing what she could do?
chungha sighed. “i think a lot of us are just tired.” she wouldn’t be surprised. “only the newer girls are still so pumped about everything. i know i don’t have the same energy levels now as i did a while ago.”
it’s clear that chungha doesn’t believe her at all, but this is also not something that sua would get into in the middle of sphere - let alone in the middle of a room full of the other heartz girls who would inevitably hear their conversation. as much as sua hates sphere, she’s not into the idea of social or career suicide and admitting that she loathes being in the project at all would probably be candidacy for both. either way, it’s nothing that chungha needs to worry about - there are her own worries.
after all, it’s obvious that chungha actually wants this. she doesn’t need to sit and listen to sua’s bitching about what a shit show she thinks this entire charade of a debut really is.
though she’s sure that chungha hadn’t expected her to turn her question back on her, especially without answering - sua also didn’t expect the loss for words coming from the other woman. chungha always seemed so sure of herself, so the lack of confidence thereof was a little alarming. is this the effect of predebut on her? or is this just what chungha really feels all the time? if it’s the latter, chungha does a really good job of hiding it but if it’s the former, sua truly wouldn’t be surprised. it’s hard not to notice the worry and the fatigue that draws the faces of the other girls. sometimes, she wonders if she looks like that, too.
“ i don’t think the point is to show something new every month.” sua says finally, brushing her fingers through chungha’s long hair. " i think it’s rather that they want you to show them you’ll suit the concept of the next solo. i think they already know we’re all talented. that’s probably why we’re here in the first place.“ she pauses, thinking - questioning. ” i’m not really sure if it’s the best way to pick a group, but when they’re giving us the same kind of requirements month after month it’s hard to show them something new all the time aside from what you can show them visually. wouldn’t you agree?“
sua sighs, though. at this, they’ll probably have to agree to disagree - regardless of what chungha says, sua knows that what she’s doing in the long run is stupid. after all, even if she gives up the most for the rest of the trainees, it’s likely that sphere will never put her in the lineup. she’s too much of a troublemaker. they already hate her.
chungha likely doesn’t know the extent of it, though. it’s not like sua ever talked about it to anyone.
eyes narrowing slightly, sua can’t help but crinkle her nose at chungha’s amusement. it’s the truth - she meant every word she said. and as much as chungha may not think so, it’s likely that there are other girls out there who may believe she will. ” you don’t have to worry about it from me. i wouldn’t say there aren’t girls like that among us, though.“ sua says finally, setting her jaw at the thought of the girls who bullied eunbi to the point of tears, stress, exhaustion. ” even if you’re not suspicious of me, i still wanted to make sure you knew.“
after all, there’s still a possibility that she’d give up her spot in heartz if it meant that someone better could take her place. sua’s still not sure what she wants yet.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ˟ 8월 、heartz solo evaluations
( gotta go , seolhwa ) ______________________
this month is a little more to her tastes but sua doesn’t have her hopes up.
it’s hard to tell what the coaches are thinking, but she’s long since figured that it’s likely she is the last person they’d want in the heartz lineup. sua’s already accepted the fact and knows all too well that she’s just a space filler while they’re trying to find the right girl for the right month - she wonders if they ever thought of putting her in the lineup at all. but now, with new additions and constant shuffles of girls from other companies, it’s hard to believe that they even thought of her possible addition at all. and why would they?
after all, to them, she’s just a troublemaker without much to offer. just the thought of it makes her lip curl.
the good thing is that this month and for the next few, all of her attitude can be released in the form of her performances. though she can’t spit her venom as she’d like, she can turn men to stone with her gaze as she dances and that’s really all she wants. perhaps this is the month that she’ll really shine and give them hell, at least so they won’t forget that she exists.
truthfully, sua isn’t sure what she’s trying so hard for - considering the fact that she already knows that they don’t want her, and haven’t wanted her since january. but between feeling responsibility for the girls in the project and the fact that she was forced into it without even a lick of her consent, there’s a lot that she wants to say. they won’t let her speak, so she has to say it through performance at this point.
gotta go is a song that maybe doesn’t speak her anger, but tells a story enough to entrance the people watching and that’s enough for her. sua knows that she has enough power to pull off a song like this, the vocals matching her voice well and the dance - the dance is what makes it. they’ve been giving her enough adlibs during the group performances to know that she can hold her own in high notes, and now it’s time to prove it with a song that she knows will make her unforgettable.
isn’t that the point of performances like this?
maybe it’s true that sua won’t make it into heartz, but at the very least, she wants to give them hell. she wants to make sure her presence isn’t one they can simply forget.
she stares at her reflection until she goes cross eyed; which probably is a recipe for a headache when this is partnered with the blood rushing to her head from laying on the couch with her head hanging upside down from the cushion. she’s thoroughly exhausted although she knows they will need one more run through together before calling it a day. the break helps though. they deserved it.
before she pushes herself to nausea, chungha rights herself on the couch and reaches out for sua. it was for her to come be seated closer to her ( and maybe to come close enough so chungha could cuddle too. ) she smiles at her. “how’re you feeling?” it has been six months. it was a feat. though chungha herself had hitten the low point of feeling continuously beaten for now being chosen, she has since made peace with it. maybe it wasn’t her time. perhaps it wasn’t that she wasn’t good enough: she just didn’t suit the concept they were going for. admittedly, they did start this looking for girls who suited the pure concept and chungha was the farthest thing from it.
but she wasn’t sure how sua had been taking the journey thus far. chungha was a little dazzled by all the new friends upon entering sphere. she hasn’t been a good friend to sua because of this, she knows that, but as long as it seemed like sua managed to keep her head above the water so far. “do you think you have a plan….for all of this i mean….like, how to keep going?” existential. how casual.
chungha had encountered her own hiccup the previous month with choice in performance. she felt like she was running out of material to present before it gets predictable and boring. chungha did not like being predictable. so maybe sua would be able to provide some insight. “you have so many talents. it’s not fair to the rest of us.” chungha pouts at her, softly bunting her forehead against sua’s shoulder. “you probably always have a trick up your sleeve.”
their breaks are short in comparison to the hours on end that they practice to make things perfect. the group performances of the month are just as important as their solo ones, and with a constant shuffling of the girls, whether they’re being introduced or on their way out, there’s always new challenges to face and little quirks to get used to. even during the break, there’s things that sua has learned about the other girls that she probably wouldn’t have if she wasn’t in the project - things like the way chungha lays upside down on the couch, or how many of them there are to avoid stepping on when they’re all sprawled out on the ground. her lips purse a little as she looks around her, but chungha makes a move first - reaches for her, even.
they haven’t spoken in a long time, even within the project. chungha has seemed wrapped up in her own worries and sua decided it best not to press it - especially since she seemed a little more at ease with the newer additions. she sits next to her with a small sigh, her elbows resting back against the back of the couch. how are you feeling - and of course, chungha wouldn’t know. after all, sua doesn’t let onto her emotions as much as the other girls, and sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking. even now, she shrugs. how should she admit to chungha that she hates this project with every fibre of her being? just the fact alone that eunbi was bullied to the point of fear and tears made her want to rip some of the girls to shreds. " okay, i suppose.“ the words are tight when she speaks them, brows furrowed together. she knows better than to speak her venom in front of the others.
she brushes a hand through her hair, biting the inside of her cheek. ” do you?“ sua finally counters, turning her head to face chungha. after all, she probably wouldn’t be all too bothered if she doesn’t make it into the group. in her mind, there’s nothing for her there except a death of her own spark and the death of her individuality. they’ve already tried to quash it once before, she has no doubt that they’ll be ten times worse if she was actually chosen for a group like heartz.
at the same time though, sua knows that chungha would probably be devastated. ” i think i care more about the girls than anything. i think that’s what keeps me hanging on -“ even though i hate it. ” it’s not good for them, so i want to make sure they’re okay. stupid, isn’t it? they didn’t ask me to.“ sua snorts, taking a look around at some of the dozing trainees around her. ” but even if i’ve only been training for a year, i can tell when someone’s starstruck. i don’t want them to get hurt in the end.“
chungha’s compliment though makes her raise a brow, turn her head to face her. ” i may be talented but i assure you, it’s not a trick. i’m not going to do something radical to pull the rug out from under any of you.“ reaching out, she tucks chungha’s hair back behind her ear. ” i promise.“
