#compulsory heteronormativity
Here are some more examples of how compulsory heterosexuality may manifest itself and look for girls who feel unwanted or ungenuine attraction towards men (feel free to add on):
- I am attracted to men but I don’t want to date them.
- I am attracted to men but I don’t want to do anything with them or when I’m about to do something my attraction to them goes away.
- I am attracted to fictional men or male celebrities, or any other guy who is “unavailable/unattainable".
- I will find a guy eventually! I’m just a late bloomer.
- I don’t like kissing my boyfriend or I’m not attracted to him, but it must just be because he’s not the one for me [or some other excuse].
- I don’t find guys attractive, but I probably will when I get older/go to college/etc! or I don’t find guys attractive, what’s wrong with me? (including pretending to find certain guys or guys in general attractive around others)
- Everyone must feel attraction to girls or think that girls are hot, the way I feel towards other girls is normal for straight girls! (or thinking that other kinds of sexual/romantic feelings/fantasies towards girls is normal for straight girls or is just a “girl crush”)
- I’m too young/busy/etc to have a boyfriend.
- I just have high standards, that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.
- I like [f/f couple(s)] but just as an ally. (or some other excuse)
- I like boys but it’s just not as much as other girls seem to.
- I like [girl] but just platonically! But not as much as I like boys! or I would date [girl] if she was a guy!
- The reason my relationships with men don’t work out is because I’m just bad at relationships. (or some other personal fault)
- etc.
I was trying to remember the first time I consciously realized I was gay, but.. By time I knew what it meant to be lesbian I was neck deep in the “you can’t be gay and Christian” mentality and immediately suppressed those feelings for years. I can’t even remember the first girl I was gay for :(
I hate being a lesbian because I’m scared that it’s irreversible and if I come out and start liking girls, I can’t go back.
I recently got married (to a man) and I kind of regret it. I have two kids. one with this man and one from another. I’ve lived my whole life wanting to be with a woman but afraid of rejection by my family, and I regret it. All of my relationships with men have been emotionally unfulfilling. I have been in love with women, and I connected with them more than I ever had with men. I regret not pursuing relationships with them. I want to be with a woman. I am so frustrated, confused, and torn.
I had a dream of kissing her and woke up feeling so guilty and predatory for liking her like that
Realizing I was a lesbian was one of the hardest things in my life. My wildly homophobic mom will probably cut me off. Who knows about my dad.
I never could come to terms with it before I finally moved out. My mom’s influence was too strong. And I had past romantic feelings for men. But not really sexual ones. (Hence thinking I was ace for years.)
I still think I’m a fake lesbian. Despite the fact that I feel literally sick imagining myself with a man, I wonder if it’s all in my head. I know this isn’t an uncommon feeling for us, but god…
Someone tell me this isn’t uncommon. That I’m not crazy. I wish I knew more people I could talk to but freaking Covid made connections to the queer community out side of online stuff hard.
