Díme coreanas como fotos que la recuerdan de su mamá.
Dices coreana y significa excepción, tumba de chinas rotas, fantasma morena, plano como ukiyo-e. Cuando tus vecines te necesitan, queride, no quieren la teoría. Necesita tu voz, sin excusas.
Tengo una hanbok sobre mi armario, rosa y floja como pulmón. Lloramos juntas, invisibles, en silencio.
Say coriander fresh from the branch, parse it.
Say Koran, five prayers. The memory of mothers.
Say core of the issue: Sexism. Class. Say the worms and the women they gnaw.
What else is there to say?
It’s another rough week in America. I wrote this piece for my friend today, inspired by listening to her experiences over the past few days. She has graciously given me her permission to do so. Be good to yourselves and each other. Listen to your AAPI neighbors and support them in the ways they ask for. Love to you all.
Díme coreanas como fotos que la recuerdan de su mamá.
Dices coreana y significa excepción, tumba de chinas rotas, fantasma morena, plano como ukiyo-e. Cuando tus vecines te necesitan, queride, no quieren la teoría. Necesita tu voz, sin excusas.
Tengo una hanbok sobre mi armario, rosa y floja como pulmón. Lloramos juntas, invisibles, en silencio.
Say coriander fresh from the branch, parse it.
Say Koran, five prayers. The memory of mothers.
Say core of the issue: Sexism. Class. Say the worms and the women they gnaw.
What else is there to say?
It’s another rough week in America. I wrote this piece for my friend today, inspired by listening to her experiences over the past few days. She has graciously given me her permission to do so. Be good to yourselves and each other. Listen to your AAPI neighbors and support them in the ways they ask for. Love to you all.
Grief takes too long; I can’t begin. Our latest gunman’s on the make, and horror turns to “this again.”
The headlines spit their bulletins: El Paso, Carthage, Moses Lake. Grief takes too long. I can’t begin
before the pundit riflemen arrive to call the victims fake. I feel no horror. Just again.
My mind, a colander. My skin, a thought, a prayer the lord to take. Grief goes too long. I can’t begin.
How many angels on one pin? Don’t ask the NRA. They’ll stake an ad buy on it. Horror again.
We can’t stay safe (the bullets win). I watch the floorboards crack and quake. Grief takes too long; I can’t begin
to fathom all the seraphim we’ve made. This country didn’t break; it hollowed out. It’s just again.
“No, not one more–” Well, there go ten. My protest sign is out of date. Grief takes too long. I can’t begin.
A bang sounds down the hall. The din is nothing; still, our shoulders shake in horror–this time, we’re again.
These graveyards look like bargain bins, like Guinness books. Goodness forsake. Grief takes too long, I can’t begin. My heart, dull horror, thumps “again.”
Meanwhile, Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and the rest of the God-awful Texas GOP gunocracy, who have bragged for years about getting guns into the hands of as many people as possible without the remotest need for licensing, background checks, or anything silly like that, are trying to act like they care about this, and that is somehow even more fucking ghoulish.
It’s half the story. The other half is that a dangerous 18 year-old with a documented history of aggression a mile long and ten miles wide was able to buy an AR-15 with no background check, which is the way Republicans want this system to function.
As an ex-fundie, every time there’s a conservative related tragedy, I just really want people to realize that there are two levels at which the religious right in the US operate.
There’s the select few that are using the movement as a means to coalesce power for themselves. They know what they’re doing, they understand it’s not rooted in religious morality, and you’re never going to convince them of shit.
There’s the much larger group of genuine believers and their beliefs are actually internally consistent much more than the Left would have you believe (saying this as a Leftist).
Per gun violence, yes many of them would indeed rather risk their child’s life ending (and in their view, them going to heaven) than limiting guns.
Something that doesn’t get a lot of media attention outside of fundamentalist churches is that most of them have an emphasis on what I can only describe as apocalyptic fascism. It’s this idea that the end of days have already begun and we’re living in the first phase of the apocalypse and ultimately the return of Jesus Christ. So people shooting up schools is a sign at that escalation and - while no one will admit it - there is an idea that if someone passes away, they’re being spared seeing the more grizzly impacts of the apocalypse as it progresses. That they’re kind of lucky.
They also think that any limitation on guns is more dangerous. They believe True Believers will be rounded up and exterminated at some point (yes, the irony is not lost on me). That one of the signs of the apocalypse escalating is that being a Christian will be effectively outlawed. The select few using the movement have framed protecting ones family as a intrinsically Christian value so - as you might see where this is going - any attack on owning guns is an attack on Christians.
I want to be very very clear that I’m talking about fundamentalist and charismatic Christian churches - not each individual fundamentalist and charismatic Christian, let alone all Christians. I can tell you from personal experience most Catholics and Episcopalians I’ve met when I related some of my experiences as a kid are generally respond with “what the actual fuck.”
So why am I writing about this at all? Isn’t this like a divination blog? Well, one of the Left’s favorite coping mechanisms after tragedies is to funnel that frustration in to picking apart the so called idiosyncrasies in fundamentalist Christian dogma. While I understand it, I just want to help dispel the idea that it’s in any way useful. I want to frame that reaction for what it is - a reaction, a sign that a community in mourning and under real material threat has unmet needs.
But the illusion that what you’re doing will impact people in some way, that being technically correct will protect you, is a trauma response and doesn’t actually take care of the trauma. It tends to make another group a monolith and create more fear and aversion in oneself. Which makes further trauma reactions more likely to less stimulus. And so on. It’s understandable but it’s also avoidable. I just hate seeing folks in my orbit set themselves up to deepen their trauma through participating in ineffectual means. Believe me, I have been there and…yeah. Trauma reactions never heal trauma in my experience.
So what to do instead?
One, vet the information you’re sharing. See if you can confirm it with a known valid news source. If you don’t have the energy to check, just pause on sharing things. You can always share later. It’s important people have accurate information and not info based on fear or theory. One the best ways you can help regulate your community’s nervous systems and not make potential trauma worse.
Two, if you have a personal relationship with people in or still connected with the fundamentalist Christian movement and if you are in a healed enough place to do it, they need your love and compassion. You want to know why my family is substantially more open to social support services and some gun restrictions than the average Fundie family? Because of good faith conversations. I didn’t police which words they chose to use and focused on arriving at a mutual understanding of each others positions. Over time, they’ve shifted. It took about 5 years but most now vote Democrat which would have been unthinkable years ago. They’ll never credit me and I am 100% okay with that. Cause that’s often what it takes to change hearts and minds.
These conversations need to be held in private, away from the public spotlight where people, in my experience, are more open to change. If you’re going to attempt it, the first couple attempts might be rocky. I encourage you to cut things off when you feel yourself getting too angry or you lose touch with compassion. Remember that it’s less about supplying them with facts and more about trying to understand their position. By trying to understand their reasoning alone, you’ll likely change how they think because the perspective your questions come from alone will generally cause them to think about their belief in new ways. Then give it time.
Trust the process. This is basically how my friends helped me begin to break free of fundamentalism as a teenager. By having those conversations, you are engaging in activism, because what most destroys the hold those select few have is their flock beginning to realize the nature of the wolf leading them.
This is one of the reasons I think one of most valuable things we can do as ex-fundies is to heal our relationship with Christianity enough to reengage with it. It’s almost like being bilingual. We know the language, we know what is culturally significant and why, we know what events are treasured and what causes fear. We have the ability to, if we get to a stable place, to best engage with them on their own terms. Which is why so many churches demand friends and family cut off contact with us. They know. They fucking know.
Three, if you don’t have personal relationships with fundamentalists, join larger efforts. I know a lot of people think of protests and they are good, but other work is often needed. If you can provide material support like money - do so. If you can’t or just want to do more, I really can’t understate how useful calling in, writing emails, and writing letters is. I’ve seen direct change from those efforts.
So yeah, this was…way longer than I meant it to be. But basically, one, the fundie political ideology is internally consistent so the nitpicking is just for you but it’s honestly not that good for you and there are ways to actually meet the unmet need you’ve got. For me, this whole process can intersect with shadow work which is why it’s been on my mind lately.
Its been almost 14 years and this is still one of the most unnerving videos I’ve seen. The idea that someone could honestly believe that Scrabble was an oracle of some kind can easily be comical (not that there aren’t any moments of levity in this short) and yet here she’s shown to be obsessed to the point of madness. I’ve seen some crazy stuff involving numerology but this takes the cake.
The ending was especially unnerving, with her implied to have gone and shot that man while he was in the hospital for ruining her percieved prophecy. I think what really makes this whole short unnerving is how it’s all presented against a solid black background with scant but well-placed music and sound effects. It reminds me of those creepy EAS videos.
Ohhhhhh my soul it’s been 359305729 years since I wrote a damn thing and it hurt my brain. Thanks to some coaxing (and messages from @foreverethereal123 ) I have some WIPs. I’m not even going to tag a bunch of people because, let’s face it, it’s been so long and I don’t think anyone except a few people really care
These are for you P!
Broken Pieces (Liam x Ella; Ella x OC) -> thank you @burnsoslow for this idea! Love you
Ella’s eyes widened in fear. “Jay, you have to stop … don’t-”
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Ella!” The gun in his hand slightly trembled as he moved it from her to Drake. “Is this your new man?” Jay’s eyes narrowed, his mouth curled into a devilish smirk. “He looks like a piece of shit to me.”
Drake clenched his jaw in anger. He knew if he antagonized this psychopath it wouldn’t do him or Ella any good. His first priority was getting her away from that gun. He lifted his hands in the air and attempted to make peace. “She and I are just friends, nothing more-”
“Bullshit!” Jay lifted his arm and fired a single bullet into the air. “No. More. Lies.”
**
You’ve Got A Way - The Loft (Liam x Ella)
“Why did you bring me here?” Drake hissed as his eyes darted around the room. “I knew this was shady as fuck!”
“Shut up, Walker, all we said was there would be good whiskey and you got in the car,” Leo snickered.
“I need new friends,” Drake mumbled as he wandered off in search of said whiskey.
Max surveyed the room. “Where’s he going? Our party has to stay together.”
Leo shrugged. “No idea but that blonde over there has me written all over her.”
“That’s not how speed dating works, Leo!” Max grabbed his friend’s arm to keep him in place. “Where did Liam and Ella go?”
Leo turned his head and jutted his chin out. “They’re over there bickering by the entrance.”
Maxwell’s eyes widened. “Shit. If looks could kill-”
“They’d both be dead,” Leo finished as they made their way to the doors to hear better.
