“what should i apologize for; what i am or what i’m not?” // oh, little hero, how close are you to crumbling under the weight on your shoulders? how heavy has that heart of yours gotten? how deeply has the guilt burrowed into your bones? how permanently has the grief been seared into your soul? you were so tender, and the world so cruel. loss after loss after loss, each another chip on your shoulder.
because you deserved it, didn’t you? if you could be better…faster…stronger…smarter…then maybe it wouldn’t have happened. right? the blood stains your hands, and it won’t wash out will it? but darling, it’s never been your fault. you’ve learned to turn the rage and the regret, the guilt and the grief, inwards. if you’re hurt, it’s your own fault isn’t it?
because then there’s a reason for it, because it gives you some semblance of control, doesn’t it? what you seek is forgiveness, for your perceived wrongs. but oh, little skeleton, you do not need it. stop blaming yourself for what was beyond your control. let go of the past. grow. and learn to breathe with both of your lungs. stop choking on your own self hatred. the weight will ease, i promise. i love you.
rage in silence, in wordless defiance. cheeks dampened, clenched fists tremble, yet cannot move, cannot rise. wronged, your heart demands justice and aches at its absence. you can do nothing but weep, tears flooding the space fury hollows out.
Create a sim in all of their life stages. Or use a sim you’ve created before and create their other life stages. Or use a sim born in game or a premade. In addition to the six life stages you can create in CAS, you can add your own (like a tween for example, also maybe they don’t even live to the elderhood?). You can write their life story if you wish or let us guess. My inspiration for this challenge.
Have fun and tag some people to try this out if you like!
Tag me @someone-elsa and use #life stages cas challenge so I can reblog your posts :)
This unholy mary sue is my oldest OC, the one I’ve written the most extensively about and who I forever regret abandoning when the friends group I created her for ultimately dissipated. She was made for an anything-goes crossover roleplay centering around Sailor Moon, Dragonball Z and basically any other random anime the group happened to be into at the time. I created her as a child of Tenou Haruka (Sailor Uranus) and Mirai Trunks, because I was exactly fifteen and didn’t quiteunderstand how lesbians worked yet.
Kazeno Aoi is a genius when it comes to technology and martial arts, but is woefully inept at most normal tasks – she never learned to cook and is unable to drive due to being too short to reach the pedals. In full adulthood she’s never taller than 4′9″. She was raised exclusively by her father until she was a pre-teen, when he married her stepmother Chikara and brought twin little brothers into the world. Then, the Androids attacked, and she escaped in her father’s time machine to a safer timeline. She met a group of friends who, like her, had a parent who was a Sailor Senshi, and they formed the Millennium Guardians, to protect time and space where others could not since they could travel between dimensions. We never really got around to writing this fic, because we got more invested in a separate version in which the girls met and married basically the entire gang from Gundam Wing and produced a bunch of kids, because we were goofy teenagers. Aoi married Duo Maxwell. It was all much hilarity.
As a tween and teen Aoi’s style is inspired by skater and punk/ska culture, reflecting her rebellious nature spawned from the trauma of losing her home reality. As she ages into adulthood she gains a love of nature and a sort of bohemian style, becoming a crystal-loving, knitting dorky grandma in her elder years. Also I forgot to scale the child and toddler sizes properly to display her height, whoops.
Is Esteban’s face supposed to be relatable because no one can do it, or funny because his full name is Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramírez?
Rules: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better or catch up with!
Favorite Color: it’s this hat (the colors look WAY BETTER irl, sorry for potato-quality)
Last Song: “Writing’s On the Wall” by Sam Smith, part of a playlist i’ve made for a story that does not exist yet. haven’t even figured out which characters to use. i listened to the song at 4am biking home yesterday today from an event.
Last Movie: the new Batman movie. i LOVED IT, and if you’ve seen it, you can PM for my TED talk/essay on why i loved it.
Currently Reading:What We Talk About When We Talk About Love, collection of short stories by Raymond Carver. i like that it’s just lots of super short stories, all random as hell. that’s all i got time for these days, plus the occasional fic - trying to catch up on SasoDei week reading!
Sweet, Savory or Spicy: all of them, preferably all at once.
Currently working on: an original novel project that i can’t wait to eventually share with you all!
how are you coping with your commitment issues? you want love so bad but you are too afraid of heartbreak that you won’t let anyone in. you probably turn every serious topic into a joke because the thought of actually being vulnerable with someone makes you feel deep embarrasment for no reason. it is okay to open up about your issues i promise. fake dating would be fun for you because you get the perks of a relationship without having to seriously commit to someone.
NAME : reverend monsignor john michael pruitt ( alias – father paul hill ) EYE COLOUR : dark brown, near black. post-resurrection, his pupils reflect a glow that looks like a blood moon. HAIR STYLE / COLOUR : raven black, thick, wavy-curly, length cut to nape of neck. HEIGHT : 6-foot 4-inches. CLOTHING STYLE : these days, he opts for button-downs, cardigans, and skinny jeans, in order to dress the age he appears. as for when he was actuallyyounger, John kept a pretty standard every-day clerical wardrobe ( black slacks and collared shirts ) both under his liturgical vestments or without them. in the privacy of his own company, or when properly “off-duty” and gathering socially with friends, he did have various sweaters, polos, casual button-downs, some different-colored slacks and yes even jeans as was typical of men’s fashion from the late 50s and into the 70s. overall, his non-clerical wardrobe choices visibly favored darker and cooler colors ( blues, greys, greens, etc. ). rarely was he ever seen without his black panama hat. BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE : the big brown doe eyes are the clear winners. but those beefy arms are a very close second.
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FEARS : that he’s wasting his life on a path he’s good at, but not supposed to be on. and death,inregards to both himself and losing his loved ones to it. GUILTY PLEASURE : sleeping with the local hot navy wife <3 BIGGEST PET PEEVE : micro-management — despite needing the assistance in his older age, he got fairly heated whenever Bev insisted on bossing him around even beforethe dementia set in, he likes to function independently whenever possible. tardiness. the teens texting during youth group and mass ( “damn phones” ). passive aggression and cold shoulders ( crockett’s small town gossip culture took some getting used to). and other people’s stubbornness and refusal to listen to his point, which is ironic, considering he himself is about as damn mulish as they come. AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE : truly and honestly he justwants to take his place at his family’s side. all of the hard work he’s put into his priesthood and helping his community sometimes feels like he’s trying to push the loneliness out of sight and out of mind by staying busy ( … and he is ).
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FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP : wash his face. drink some coffee. then he’ll be able to properly think about the day ahead. THEY THINK ABOUT MOST : how unfathomably tiny and almost insignificant his life must be in the grand scheme of things. his life’s meaning, and the meaning of everyone else’s. is he doing this right? does God truly love him as much as everyone says He does? ( sometimes he’s not so sure, John reassures everyone otherwise but he knowsthat He tends to dole out suffering just as often as love, if not more so ). is his loneliness a blessing for having experienced love at all, or is it penance for a sin? death’s meaning, most notably. the things that frighten him are often the things that fascinate him most. and then, mercifully, the overwhelming fog of his thoughts clear. all that’s left are thoughts of his girls — millie’s summer dresses have him flushed under the collar. and seeing sarah sport the little pins he found and ( anonymously ) gifted her on her overalls brings a smile to his face. WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED : events of the day. things he ran out of time for and needs to complete in the morning. how empty the space beside him feels. WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS : his faith and devotion ( he means to God, but I’d argue his faith and devotion to the peoplein his lifeis even more profound ).
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SINGLE OR GROUP DATES : single. even if it wasn’t primarily because he shouldn’tbe dating at all, he’d still prefer one-on-one dates. he wants his partner’s full attention. he’s a little greedy like that! sue him! TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED :loved,absolutely. BEAUTY OR BRAINS : it’s not that he doesn’t appreciate beauty, but he is most certainly the type to enjoy deep conversations about faith and academic subjects and life / the world around him in general. DOGS OR CATS : he truly adores all animals, but if he was pressed to pick? cats. mickey would surely have something to say about it otherwise.
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LIE : yes. John has a penchant for collecting skeletons in his closet — literally and figuratively. BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES : yes. a little too much, even. BELIEVE IN LOVE : not only does he believe in it, but he’s hopelesslycaught up in it. no one should have let this romantic be a priest, honestly. WANT SOMEONE : “want” scratches only the surface of this man’s longing.
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BEEN ON STAGE : not in a theatrical sense. but all eyes are on him whether he’s commanding the room from a pulpit or a lecture hall platform. public speaking is a big part of his career, so i’d say that counts! CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN : unless it’s for purposes of flying under the radar as a born-again old-man vampire? no. John marches to the beat of his own drum, for better or for worse.
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FAVOURITE COLOUR : shades of dark jungle and forest greens. moody grey-blues are a close second. FAVOURITE ANIMAL : partial to birds of all kinds! corvids, raptors, and parrots being his favored. FAVOURITE BOOK : The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. FAVOURITE GAME : games can be sub-categorized — sports games: baseball and boxing. ;card games: poker, spades, solitaire. ; puzzles and strategy: chess, sudoku, newspaper crosswords, and scrabble. ; drinking: he and millie have a date night game where they watch book-to-movie adaptations and take shots / sips of wine each time the film makes a particularly shitty deviation from the original plot. these two book snobs end up drunk as skunks and howling with laughter, more often than not.
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DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE : tuesday, november 1st ( all saints day) HOW OLD WILL THEY BE : 86 ( not that it matters a ton anymore lmao )
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I LOVE : my family I FEEL : hopeful, perhaps naively so. I HIDE : it only because i need to. only because it’s for their own good. I MISS : her. I WISH : there was more time.
for years, they’ve been training for this. this is it. the final quest. they’re finally ready to take back what is theirs and fulfill all their vows. they’re ready for revenge. and you? you’re just there to support them. what’s their pain is your pain, what’s their quest is your quest.
here’s your answer: yes, they would. i know you find it hard to believe, but trust me this time. I’m sorry if something or someone in your life made you believe that you’re unlovable; god, you’re so far from that. despite everything, your heart is tender- a little scarred, yeah, but ready to be stitched up with some care and affection. please remember that your past mistakes don’t define you, and nothing, nothing will ever make you unworthy of being loved. you remind me so much of a puppy, a little clumsy and a little uncoordinated, but so precious and tiny. or perhaps- a walnut? hard on the outside, soft on the inside. anyone would be lucky to be with you.
bold what applies - italicize sometimes - strike out never. tag some friends to play along! & repost don’t reblog!
SUN • egotistical• melted wax wings and fingers • stretching sunburnt skin • the most generous soul • blood in the fruit • halos •anger on fire•high vitality • thunderous laughter • is pride really a sin? • halogenic aura
MERCURY •expansion of the mind•silver-tongued • an everlasting wanderer • polyglot•high dexterity•handwritten letters•innately critical • en vogue • eyes in the trees • hidden libraries •there’s always room for improvement
VENUS •in love with strangers•iridescent waters• love potions for your mirror•selfless devotion•shattering crystal•seafoam upon sand•the golden ratio•drowning in your own passion•material value & high principles•luring•plush lips
EARTH • fresh springs • tree hugger • we can start again tomorrow•a blazing rainforest•respects survival of the fittest•nature’s adversity•lazy bones•constantly evolving•flowers sprouting from wounds • a granite altar • fossilized remains
MOON • illusory•silver shimmer off the ocean•secrets and gossip•cycles of reincarnation • a crybaby •physically ethereal•shared glances with a stranger•cat eyes•mistrusting their intuition • fear is a prison • ornate magic wands
MARS • healthy competition•attraction and repulsion• magma and rubies • a blade being forged•wrath wrath wrath • malefic •intense eye contact• cannon fodder & fireworks • blood floods•copper taste on your tongue
JUPITER • red robes and a suit of armor • beacon of stability • leader by birth•thunderbolts and lightning• guilty but can’t stop • secret rich kid •golden touch golden tears•innate optimist•failure isn’t an option•constantly reaching for more•unfinished symphonies
SATURN • traditional• overbearing energy •a sculptor of reality•this existence is a karmic one•has a heart it’s just.. way down deep • law, order & justice • avoid all necessary risk • the sound of shackles clanging • sisyphus’ struggle • grappling with the reality of time•self-governing
URANUS • psychedelic funk music • overflowing cups • a rebellion with skin • looking good in photo id • oblivious but caring • middle fingers in the air•double rainbows•icy diamond exterior• holographic • afraid of their own mediocrity•pearlescent smoke
NEPTUNE • an elegy for the lost•dissolving boundaries • white horses • the burden of mystical conditions•deceptive• escapism is their reality •a polarizing entity•artists soul • paranoia • searching for the unseen • a siren’s swan song
PLUTO• angel statues over graves • power•the cycle of necrosis•transformative•unfathomable depths•an ivory tower toppling over•screaming at the sky •violets and irises•eclipsed darkness• speaks with their shadow•sex, death, rebirth
you’re dipped into the softest, most precious shade of lavender- slightly pinkish, just like your cheeks when you blush. kunzite isn’t a popular crystal unlike the pink quartz, and if you got this result then it means you’re quite unique, rare, a treasure that your loved ones have the privilege to hold close to them. you’re the strawberry flavored lip gloss on your crush’s lips, you’re the pretty purple sky right before dawn. i wanna tell you that you watch the world through pink tinted sunglasses, that you’re a romantic at heart; i like how easily approachable you are, how tender and loving your soul is. my advice, if you accept to take it, is to think about yourself every now and then. take care of others, but take care of yourself first. if you can, please fall in love with yourself. that being said, i think i’d very much like to fall for you.
song stuck in my head: “hungry like the wolf” duran duran (i don’t know why either)
favorite food: I love a good carne asada taco, or a short rib taco! ooo ymmmm
last thing I googled: “coffee natural histamine” (it was a convo with my cousin over whether we thought coffee is a natural antihistamine)
time:11:37am
dream trip: too many, but I’m dreaming of a little cabin on the Isle of Skye all to myself, with lots of books, scotch and all the writing time. That, or going back to Italy and eating so much pasta!
Rules: Make a new post and spell out your URL with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL
Z - Zero, The Smashing Pumpkins A - Animal, VHS Collection F - Fade Into You, Mazzy Star F - Friday I’m In Love, The Cure R - Ready or Not, Fugees E - Ever the Same, Rob Thomas N - NWFWMB, Hozier O - Ophelia, The Lumineers T - True Faith, New Order E - Enjoy the Silence, Depeche Mode S - Say So, Doja Cat (yes, still )
