#distressed bantha
(224): I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well…
Omg… I need a fic of Commandant Hux getting getting a dickpic of Kylo Ren.
Omg….
<General.Hux> I apologise profusely, Father. Some kind of technical tomfoolery by the new recruits, no doubt.
<Commandant.B.Hux> Yes, yes, of course. What’s their name? When do I get to meet them? Do you plan on marrying them?
<General.Hux>Father…
<Commandant.B.Hux>Neither of us are getting any younger, boy. I’m not dying until I know that you’ve secured the bloodline.
<General.Hux>Father, you’re replying to the group thread. Please contact me directly.
<Sn0k3DaSupr3m3>Indeed, General. What are your intentions towards my apprentice? I trust that they are honourable.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Hux! That holopic was FOR YOU ONLY.
<The.Master.of.Ren>WHY HAVE YOU SENT IT TO EVERYONE?
<General.Hux>Stop using this channel immediately. It’s neither private nor secure.
<HuttSlayerLeia> Ben, I FORBID you from marrying that maniac.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Who’s Ben? No-one by that name here.
- -
Private message from: <HuttSlayerLeia>to<General.Hux>
<HuttSlayerLeia>WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SON?
<General.Hux>Madam, are you under the impression that I am taking advantage of him?
<HuttSlayerLeia>You sick beast! Don’t lay so much as another finger on him, or I’ll cut your balls off and force-feed them to you.
<General.Hux>So that’s where he gets his manners from. Charming.
<General.Hux>For the record, your son is the one taking advantage of me. He destroys my ship, terrorises my staff, wilfully disobeys orders, has no concept of personal space and he farts like a distressed bantha.
<HuttSlayerLeia>He’s lactose intolerant.
<HuttSlayerLeia>Now send. him. back!!!!!
- -
Private message from: <The.Master.of.Ren>to<General.Hux>
<The.Master.of.Ren>How could you do this to me?
<The.Master.of.Ren>I’m fielding enquiries from both the Supreme Leader and your father over wedding dates and adoption agency recommendations.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Not to mention that my Knights are furious with me for not telling them about our supposed wedding plans.
- -
<RadarTechMatt>Kylo Ren has an awesome dick.
<YourDeathComesInChrome>I suppose - it is quite cute.
<RadarTechMatt> Right!? It’s the best.
<YourDeathComesInChrome>I’ll take your word for it…
<ClanTechie>Kylo Ren has nothing on a certain radar technician…
<RadarTechMatt>:3
<General.Hux>So sorry to interrupt the conversation, but WOULD EVERYBODY KINDLY GET THE KRIFF OFF OF THIS CHANNEL!?
- -
Private message from: <Commandant.B.Hux>to<General.Hux>
<Commandant.B.Hux>Don’t raise your voice at me, boy! You’re not too big to be put over my knee, you know.
<General.Hux>I apologise, Father.
<Commandant.B.Hux> You’re still coming to Krennic’s barbeque next Primeday, aren’t you? He says that you can bring your partner.
<General.Hux>I might…
<Commandant.B.Hux>If you don’t bring your partner, my finger might accidentally slip and upload some baby pictures of you.
<Commandant.B.Hux>Especially that picture of you asleep on your potty.
<General.Hux>…!
<Commandant.B.Hux> I look forwards to seeing you both on Primeday, then. :)
- -
<Mitth’raw’nuruodo>Interesting. The image possesses a raw uncertainty to it, as though the photographer isn’t sure that the viewer will appreciate what they’re looking at. The subject matter itself is inconsequential - I’ve never understood the human species’ fascination with reproductive organs.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Are you… genuinely passing artistic commentary? Because I do not appreciate having my genitals referred to as ‘inconsequential’.
<General.Hux>STOP USING THIS CHANNEL.
- -
Private message from: <The.Master.of.Ren>to<General.Hux>
<The.Master.of.Ren>Do you think my penis is inconsequential?
<The.Master.of.Ren>I know it’s not as big as you expected, but size isn’t important.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Right?
<The.Master.of.Ren>Your penis isn’t that much bigger than mine.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Two inches. That’sinconsequential.
<General.Hux>Kylo, I have absolutely no complaints to make about your penis.
<General.Hux>I’m not a size queen. As far as I’m concerned, five inches is perfect.
<General.Hux>Besides, I’m in a relationship with you, not your genitals.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Okay. Thank you.
<General.Hux>My father wants to meet you.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Oh.
<The.Master.of.Ren>Maybe I should have introduced you to Han Solo before I killed him.
- -
<General.Hux>I will vent the next person that uses this channel. You have all been warned.
<Millicent>Miaow!
<YourDeathComesInChrome>Hahahaha, Hux is going to kill his cat.
<Sn0k3DaSupr3m3>LMFAO.
<FN-2187>Lol.
<Commandant.B.Hux>XD
<Mitth’raw’nuruodo>Lol!
<HuttSlayerLeia>lololololol
<The.Master.of.Ren>Lol.
<General.Hux> THAT ISN’T FUNNY. I WILL NOTBE VENTING MY CAT.
This is the bEST THING I’VE EVER READ. BYE
THIS ENTIRE POST
DONE
“he’s lactose intolerant”
I laughed out loud.
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