#dwobbits

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6819325/chapters/15566281

Chapter one: Eating is Very Important

Frerin II was the most beloved babe in Erebor.

           It was not just because he was the son of King Thorin Oakenshield, reclaimer of Erebor and defeater of Azog the pale Orc. Nor was it just because he was also the son of Bilbo Baggins, Consort to the King, Burglar of the Company, Barrel Rider, Banisher of Smaug, and Bravest Little Hobbit. Nor was it because Mahal gifted Frerin to his parents when they would otherwise be unable to conceive. No, though all of those aspects were large parts of why Frerin was respected and admired… they were not the only reasons why the people of Erebor loved him.

          Frerin was a Dwobbit, though do not mention that name to Bilbo or Thorin who still regret letting Kíli and Fíli coin the term before Frerin’s birth. He was half Hobbit and half Dwarf, a blend of two species in many ways dissimilar and yet somehow attributes of each race came together in Frerin in such a complimentary and agreeable way it was wonder why Dwarrow and Hobbits did not think to breed before.

          Firstly, physically Frerin was not quite like either race. He had larger feet than the average Dwarf and while they were indeed covered in copious amounts of fur he did not quite have the advantages that most Hobbits had in terms of the durability of his feet. While it was true that Frerin refused to wear shoes 95% of the time, sometimes when it snowed and his family went to Dale he had to cover his feet in lamb’s wool to prevent chill.

           Not that he was walking too much yet, at three years old Frerin is only in the beginning months of being able to walk and therefore usually falls on his bottom before making much real progress. As a blend of Thorin and Bilbo it is unsure when Frerin will hit certain milestones in his growth. So far he has struck a balance right in between Dwarrow and Hobbit timelines of maturation. Slower than a normal faunt, but much faster than the usual Dwarfling. While his parents try not to rely on this estimation, both fathers are relieved that their little boy is as normal as Dwobbit carved from stone can be.

           One thing that Frerin excels in is that he is much closer to Fauntlings in terms of his mental capacity. He can already talk twice the amount Dwarflings his age would be able to. He delights in babbling in baby talk at his parents, sometimes using real words in either Khuzdul or Westron, sometimes in a language of his own design. His parents never fail to pay him very close attention when he’s speaking and he delights in making the people around him smile, laughing and clapping his hands when people reply to him as if he’s making any sense.

           But in the end what makes Frerin so beloved is mostly his temperament. While Dwarflings are known to be quite fussy, often crying long into the night with colicky abandon, Frerin can be quieted down when his needs are attended to with little guessing about what is the matter. He is also shockingly polite for a toddler, he already has his “pleases” and “thank yous” drilled into his manners from a persistent Bilbo. This in combination with his vivacious attitude endears him to Dwarrow, Men, Hobbits, and Elves alike and there are few who are able to withstand the charms of the youngest Prince of Erebor.

————-

“It is a good thing that it is nearly impossible to spoil a faunt,” Gandalf once said on a visit to the mountain. He was a big tall man with a long grey beard who had a hat Frerin liked to play with. “Or else Frerin would be the brattiest Dwobbit to ever exist.”

“You have met Lobelia, haven’t you? It is certainly not impossible to be a spoiled Hobbit,” Bilbo replied taking a long drag from his pipe while Frerin gnawed on a teaser at his feet.

“’m a Dwobbit,” Frerin inputted helpfully.

———–

          Indeed, with large blue eyes, black wavy hair, and a slightly smaller frame Frerin was too adorable to not lavish with attention and gifts. He could very easily have been spoiled if he were anyone else. He never wanted for babysitters as any member of the Company would gladly offer up their services to the royal couple when they were unable to care for their son. Not that Bilbo and Thorin wanted much time away from Frerin. Even three years after Frerin’s birth they still thanked Mahal for his gift multiple times every day.

————-

“Stop trying to steal my son, sister,” Thorin grumped one day while Dís had Frerin bouncing on her knee while Fíli and Kíli made faces at their cousin.

“Nonsense, you got to take care of these two when they were Dwarflings. I just want time with my nephew!” Dís glared at her older brother.

“Your sons were menaces,” Thorin retorted.

“Hey!” Fíli and Kíli objected in unison.

—————–

          Indeed, whether it was kin, guards, citizens, or even visiting Men and Elves, Frerin had everyone under his thrall. This was very useful for the growing boy since one of the things he inherited from Bilbo was his ability to watch people without the subject of his observation realizing it. Frerin dissected everyone around him– it’s what allowed him to learn so quickly. Though he was just a toddler Frerin’s views on life were beginning to form, where he fit in the world was becoming clearer to him and although it was still very complicated Frerin learned something new every day. But mostly he was just concerned with what he could fit in his mouth.

           If  there is one thing Frerin knows in this world it’s that eating is important. So important! Food should be the priority in everyone’s life. Sometimes he wakes up crying and he is SO upset and he doesn’t even know WHY but then Papa or Adad comes into his room and gives him a bottle of milk which is SO tasty and makes him stop crying and he falls asleep again.

           Now that he’s a big boy who can sit up and chew he’s even allowed to have tastier food! Adad cuts some soft meats or bread into tiny tiny pieces and lets him chew on it until he can swallow it. Real food is the best even though apple sauce is pretty great and he still likes soft foods but every time he tries a new food it’s always very tasty and Frerin doesn’t think he’ll ever try a food he won’t like.

“My goodness, you never have to trick him to eat?” His Irak'amad asks his Adad while Adad is feeding him some tasty scones covered in strawberry jam.

“Never, if it’s food time he’s ready to eat, nothing like when Fíli and Kíli were young,” Adad says while Frerin grabs another piece of pastry.

“Well he doesn’t get that from you,” Irak'amad Dís replies. Frerin really likes jam, he’s glad he doesn’t really remember what life was like before jam.

“How would you know? I’m older than you!” Adad frowns, wiping some jam from the sides of Frerin’s mouth. Eating was messy! It was worth it though, and he never really cared when some food didn’t make it to his mouth the way his parents did.

“Amad told me.”
“Sigin'amad!” Frerin chirps. He was smart! He knows that Adad and Irak'amad’s mother was HIS Sigin'amad. Just like how Papa’s Mum and Dad were HIS Grandma and Grandpa. He’d never met any of them, apparently they weren’t around, but they were still his!

“Yes, Irakdashat, your Sigin'amad told me,” irak'amad smiles before turning back to Adad. “She would have loved him.”

——-

          No, eating was the best! But the older Frerin got the more he noticed different types of people ate differently. Normally he was only concerned about getting food at any and all costs, but somewhere along the way he began noticing that even his own family ate differently!

          For example, Papa always had six meals a day, sometimes even seven if he was still hungry after dinner or Adad was late and had to have supper instead. Usually every two hours there was SOMETHING to eat and on the days that Papa was too busy to eat much made him very grumpy indeed! When Ori and Dwalin took care of Frerin they had to ask him what time he should eat because although they knew Bilbo fed him frequently they weren’t quite sure when the formal food times were.

——-

“Owi!” Frerin had to cry one day. “Ewevensies pwease!”
“Oh!” The now-married scribe looked up from a book, as far as Frerin could tell Ori was always looking at books. For what reason? He didn’t know, they must be fun though to distract someone from food.

“And what do you eat during elevensies?” Ori asked scooping him up and bringing him to his home’s kitchen where there was a picnic basket that Bilbo had prepared for Frerin’s babysitters.

“Cawwots!” Frerin shouted happily. Carrots! With a yogurt for dipping.

“Oh, hmmm.” Ori mused, “those are vegetables, aren’t they? Well, I supposed if you like them. Hobbits probably need more vegetables besides potatoes.”

——-

           But he wasn’t a Hobbit! Papa was a Hobbit– all Frerin knew was that he was a Dwobbit, the only one! He was “oon-neek” which meant there was no one else like him and he was special! But people usually said he ate like his Papa, which led to Frerin observing how his Adad ate.

           At first, Frerin assumed that his Adad was having his extra meals when he was at work as the King. The King is supposed to be very important so of course he should have all of his meals! After all, Frerin and Papa were very well fed. In one day they would have fish, mushrooms, cake, fruit, cheese, AND apple sauce! Papa cooked a lot but he was also able to get things from Bombur who was a big Dwarf with a LOT of kids some of who were even young enough to play with Frerin sometimes! Bombur didn’t seem to care much about what time he ate and instead ate most of the time. Maybe that’s what confused Frerin? He thought all Dwarrow could eat like Bombur but instead he was slowly discovering the truth!

—–

          It was a minor holiday weekend which meant that Thorin was allowed to stay at home. No extra responsibilities because no one else was working either. This meant he could stay with his family and bask in the glow of domestic bliss. It was just after nine in the morning and rather than partake in Second Breakfast since he was still full from Breakfast and knew Elevensies was imminent anyways he decided to abstain from eating and instead nurse his coffee at the dining table while Frerin and  Bilbo had a snack consisting of cream and fruit.

           Bilbo and Thorin were having a lovely conversation about the flowers they would plant together next weekend in Bilbo’s terrace garden when Frerin slammed his hands on the table as loudly as a little Dwobbit sitting in a specially made booster seat could.

“Frerin, what–” Bilbo started but was cut off by their son.

“Adad, eat!” Frerin demanded, scrunching up his face in a way that usually only happened when he was about to poop.

“Me?” Thorin questioned, truly puzzled at his son’s outburst. He rarely had anything to eat in between the larger meals, even when he managed to sneak away from the throne during slower days to sit with Bilbo during his meals for company. The most he would do was to pick at whatever Bilbo had just to taste it.

“Hungry!” Frerin insisted.

“No, Khajimel, I am not hungry.” Thorin hoped he understood what his son was implying.

“Buh–” Frerin protested with one of his favourite words. But, or “buh,” always came out when Frerin thought he knew better. Thorin told Bilbo Frerin had learned it from the Hobbit.

“No buh, Adad has his coffee, sweetling.” Bilbo took another spoonful of fruit and Frerin just looked confused at his food before accepting a spoon from Thorin.

———

          Adad hadn’t eaten second-breakfast and that just wasn’t right! Adad had eaten a LOT at breakfast! More than Papa! But now he wasn’t hungry? When Frerin thought really really hard back, he only remembers Adad eating every other meal when he was with Papa and Frerin! He always ate breakfast, lunch, dinner, and usually had dessert or a pre-bedtime snack but he was still missing four meals. Wasn’t he hungry? Frerin knew he was hungry whenever a meal time came around, and so was Papa! He could tell Papa would become short with people if he hadn’t eaten in awhile, just like Frerin! He wouldn’t cry as much– but sometimes he did! Maybe it was only a Hobbit and Dwobbit thing.

           Dwarrow did eat quite a bit but not as often as Hobbits and Dwobbits.  The more Frerin thought about it, besides Bombur none of the Dwarrow were like Frerin and Bilbo! Not Fee and Kee!! Though they ate a lot too, Irak'amad would say that they were “eating their fourteenths of the treasure.” Whatever that meant… but maybe they ate like Adad? Frerin couldn’t help but wonder about the other people who wandered in and out of the mountain. The other Dwarrow, the Men.. the occasional Elf. Did none of them eat they way he and Papa ate? Did they not know joy? Frerin knew he would have to learn more about the people around him and he knew just the way to do it!

           After Second Breakfast Frerin toddled over to his play desk and sat down with some scroll and the coloured wax sticks Bofur called “crayons” and began his new journal, just like he saw Papa write in most nights after dinner. On the top of the scroll he wrote:

“ The Eating Habits Of the People Of Middle Earth:

Observations by Middle Earth’s Only Dwobbit, Prince Frerin”

“Oh darling, are you drawing a bear?” Papa asked as he looked over Frerin’s shoulder.  Ok, so maybe he couldn’t write yet.. or even draw beyond scribbling.. but it was his journal! It was the way he was going to crack the case of how other people ate. Truly the most noble of endeavours for Frerin, Youngest Prince Under the Mountain.
“That is a ferocious bear, Khajimel,” Adad agreed. One day his parents would understand.

———————-

          Fortunately Frerin had the best opportunity ever to observe the eating habits of a whole buncha different people! Adad and Papa were hosting a deep-low-matic feast and inviting over Men and Elves! He knew Men, sort of. Bard was around every so often and he had children who were Big Kids and liked to play with him even though they were so tall! He doesn’t remember how they ate though because he was just a baby during previous visits and a baby’s only job was to eat! And sleep.. and poop. But now he would know better! How would they eat? He knew they were different, they were much taller, does that mean they had to eat more? But Papa ate more than some Dwarrow, so maybe they ate less.

           He didn’t really know Elves. He knew Adad didn’t like them, that Papa seemed to like some Elves more than others but was always Very Polite to them. Kíli and Fíli had a friend who was an elf but he had never met her. They didn’t come around the mountain a lot, Balin said once that that’s where a lot of the veggies he ate came from so they MUST be different, since Dwarrow didn’t like that many vegetables that weren’t starchy.

           Oh! Frerin knew that they had pointy ears, but not pointy ears like him and Papa. Adad would say that he and Papa had “perfect slightly pointy ears” while Elves were “knife-eared bastards” and then Papa would smack Adad for some reason. He also knew that they were tall, taller than Dwarrow anyways because Dwalin said that they look down on him! Dwalin was the tallest Dwarf EVER so obviously Elves had to be pretty tall. Sometimes Elves would show up in the stories that Papa read him, but Adad would tell him how it was all made up.

           Either way the mountain was very noisy today and Frerin had barely seen his Papa or Adad all day which made him cry a few times because even when they were home they were rushing around and not paying him any attention. It was one of the rare times that Oin was taking care of him and although Frerin was well fed and warm and his nappy was always changed, Oin didn’t react properly when Frerin talked to him! He had this thing he stuck in his ear but it still didn’t help. How hard was it to understand that “pawaple” meant that he wanted his purple horse stuffie? Either way today Frerin is all alone playing in his toy box feeling quite sorry for himself since he didn’t even get to cuddle with his parents.

           Sometime after lunch Bilbo sped into the royal quarters in a flurry. Papa! Papa was here! But then he was talking very quickly and Frerin couldn’t understand (and neither could Oin by the look on his face) and then he was leaving again! Frerin couldn’t help it but burst out crying, his face quickly becoming red with distress and his nose becoming snotty. He stood up and tried to chase after his Papa but it seemed the fast he went the less coordinated his toddler legs became and he fell multiple times on his bottom.

           As if startled from his thoughts, Bilbo immediately whipped around to face his son, scooping him up and holding him tightly as the little Dwobbit sobbed pathetically into his father’s neck.

“P-papa n-no leaaaaaave!” Wailed Frerin.

“Oh shh-shh– It’s alright Oin,” Bilbo waived to the older Dwarf who stood once Frerin started crying. “Shhhh little one, Papa’s here.”

“B-b-but you’re going bye!” Frerin hiccupped and coughed trying to get his words out, but knowing he needed to if he were to keep his Papa with him.

“Not forever sweetling! Oh my precious stone, Papa and Daddy are just busy planning the feast today.” Bilbo bounced Frerin lightly in his arms, cooing and stroking his back in attempt to soothe the bereft Dwobbit.

“Feast no,” Frerin said morosely while snuffling. His tantrums were always short-lived, it seemed that like Hobbits being in a bad mood was more exhausting than it was worth.

“We have to my love,” Bilbo spoke gently into his ear. “There’s going to be a big dinner! The biggest you have ever seen!”
“But Frerin no!” Frerin teared up again. They were going to have so much food without him!

“Not at all my darling,” Bilbo assured. “In fact, Dori is going to be here soon to get you ready! It’s actually very important day for you because you are going to be presented to our allies!”

           Frerin was skeptical. Whenever Dori got him ready for things he had to wear lots and lots of clothes– but he also got to wear pretty shiny jewels so it wasn’t all that bad.

“And…” Bilbo smiled and looked at his son in the eyes, “you will get to go to the feast and eat lots and lots of yummy foods!”

          Frerin was wide eyed. Feasts were Big Deals. Papa would talk about the festivals they would have in Hobbiton where everyone would bring dishes to the Party Tree and there was so much choice. Adad would talk about feasts and about how many people were there were and how ALL of them ate until their bellies got big and had be rolled home! Still, Frerin was suspicious.

“Yummy foods?” Frerin asks to which Bilbo nodded in response. “Wi’ Papa AND Adad?” Again, Bilbo nodded.

“Yes, sweets. We just need to finish up preparing for our guests, I need you to be good for Oin and Dori– if you are you can have all the food you want while sitting next to Adad and me!”  Frerin sniffed and rubbed his eyes of the last of his tantrum while looking at his Papa who he loved and trusted so much before giving in.

“Otay.”

Chapter Two: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6819325/chapters/15579853

Hey guys, so after a three year hiatus I’ve added to my series http://archiveofourown.org/series/36271 Everything’s Good and Nothing Hurts: A Hobbit AU! I still get Kudos emails for this series and I’ve always wanted to add to it but I didn’t have any ideas. I was looking at fluffy Thilbo fan art and got inspired– this time (sort of) from the POV of Bilbo and Thorin’s son Frerin. Also according to Fan Lore apparently my Mahal’s Gift is the first instance on AO3 of the trope “carved from stone”? Which is pretty cool!

I ended up splitting it in two because it was getting big (for me, anyways) but the final chapter should be up soon! Hopefully I finish it tonight or tomorrow.

“The Eating Habits of the People of Middle Earth: Observations by Middle Earth’s Only Dwobbit, Prince Frerin”

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6819325/chapters/15566281