#the road delivered us home

The following piece of ficcery was unashamedly inspired by Certain Incidents Involving Dwalin The Cookie Monster from keelywolf’s Most Excellent Bagginshield Fic The Road Delivered Us Home

The Rise of the Cookie Bandit Commander

It was a common misconception held by Certain Dwarves (read: Thror, who was proud of his grandson and Thrain, who was utterly mortified) that the Infamous Cookie Bandit Commander of Erebor was none other than young Prince Thorin.   It was known, of course, that Thorin loved Chunky Chocolate Chip cookies and the chunkier the chips, the better!

They couldn’t be further from the truth. 

In fact, it was Balin who discovered that the said Cookie Bandit Commander was none other than his own younger brother Dwalin. Dwalin was the one who inducted Thorin in the fine art of Cookie Banditry.  One had to stage a Cookie Raid with all the cunning, stealth and skill of a general preparing to go to war. 

And as for Cookies, Dwalin had no special preference because he loved all types of Cookies and was always ready to try new kinds.  Though he did have a weakness for classics such as Oatmeal Raisin. 

Balin, it must be said, kept his silence, after being suitably bribed with a Fudge Bar Cookie.  

There were many successful raids taken on by Prince Thorin and Dwalin, though they never forgot the number one rule which was Always return the jar.  Obviously, returning the jar meant more cookies and a raid to be planned for another day.  And a broken jar meant disgrace and dishonor indeed!

Later on, Dwalin would induct Fili and Kili in the fine art of Cookie Banditry.  Like his Uncle, Fili loved Chunky Chocolate Chip.  However, young Kili would inherit the Durin Chocolate Madness, which was, if one thought about it, a much saner alternative to Gold Sickness and easily remedied.  It was pure Chocolate Dipped for Kili and he would take Daring but Especially Clever Risks for the sake of these cookies, so much so that Dwalin had contemplated that perhaps Kili would be his successor after Mahal had recalled the older warrior to his Halls. 

These days, with the dwobbits of Thorin and Bilbo running loose in Erebor, Dwalin would have Frerin (the Child of Man’s height was especially useful for tall shelves), Bella and wee Frodo, to plan Cookie Raids with.  And recently, with the pending arrival of Frodo’s Took and Brandybuck cousins, plus young Samwise Gamgee, the ranks of Dwalin’s recruits would be swelling indeed.

Let Bilbo Baggins and Bombur beware and guard their kitchens well.  The Cookie Bandit Commander of Erebor was on the move!

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*cackles madly*