#enzocomics

Just karaoke my name and I’ll be there (I’ll be there)

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The truth is out there now, don’t let yourself get brainwashed by Big Bicycle Seat
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This one time I went to pee with my headset on thinking I was on mute. I wasn’t. Nobody ever addressed it, but the shame…. it will stay with me for the rest of my life

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Ok I’m completely out of baby name jokes at this point wait no actually last one: DysenTerry if it’s a boy
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the Geneva Convention recently banned a chemical warfare option that allowed the Swoleby to disperse Chicken Pox Gas

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Sticks and stones can break my bones. Words too. Even compliments. I can handle nothing

product idea: shirt with the Metallica logo except it says “Mozzarella sticks”

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Disclaimer: I received a jillion dollars for this influencer post but the only thing I am allowed to buy are cat trees

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This is all a calculated attempt to ease her into the fact that I am going to name our first child Luke/Leia Skywalker

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It’s kinda disturbing though because the first thing the plantcare instructions tell you to do is kill the plant’s uncle

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I finally found where all my socks have been disappearing to all these years

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I’m happy to report I’ve received an early acceptance into the NADs (National Association of Dads ) and will receive my official polo shirt + khaki shorts + sandals & socks dad uniform in the mail

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someone please send help our water bill is seven hundred dollars an hour

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at least try the vanhella, which is regular vanilla but made out of fire

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jane: follow her to the death

enzo: follow him to your death

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I’m relieved at the fact that a baby shower isn’t actually us literally getting showered with random babies

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I want you to know I’m only eating this XL triple-bean six-cheese burrito because I love you

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Don’t worry! if you sign up for our three-year plan then we will guarantee the dog goes to heaven

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Tetanus Timmy also attempted to pay Phil with exposure.. to tetanus.
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Today I learned our future child is  one of the monsters from Binding of Isaac
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