#ernest denouement
“vfd’s sub-sub-librarian,” esme lights her cigarette but doesn’t actually smoke it. “that’s just an urban legend, everyone knows.” she huffs. “i haven’t been trained in your precious organization since childhood but even i know that. don’t think you can fool me. it’s just a rumor they made up to scare you into thinking that there’s is someone documenting your every move, collecting evidence of your crime. to scare you into never betraying the vfd. don’t fall for that, kids.”
the crowd of young, new, freshly started firestarters cheer. “you’re absolutely right, miss esme!” “we won’t be fooled!” “there is no sub-sub-librarian!”
“she’s good, isn’t she?” olaf says smugly to ernest. “recruitment’s been going so well with her giving speeches. which is all thanks to me since i’m the one who recruited her!”
“is this what we’re doing? recruitment?” ernest raises an eyebrow.
“oh totally,” olaf says earnestly. “and we are doing actual recruitment, not any of the kidnapping bullshit vfd has got going on. we go around the cities giving speeches and recruit people with the actual truths! inspire the kids! ignite their interests! light the flame in their hearts! ha! do you see the wordplay i did there?”
“wordplay - that’s very vfd,” ernest comments drily.
“yes, but we do it better,” olaf says proudly.
“so do you really believe that the sub-sub-librarian is just an urban legend?”
“please, ernest,” olaf scoffs. “the rumors say that kit is dating this so called sub-sub! as if she can move on from me that quickly. that’s just absurd. obviously he’s fake.”
“actually, we have no idea if the sub-sub-librarian is a he, based on the rumors we have,” ernest says smoothly.
“kit’s not interested in women,” olaf says dismissively. “otherwise B would’ve made her move a long time ago.”
“i thought you said the sub-sub-librarian is all made up and it’s impossible that k’s actually moved on?”
olaf glares. “why are we even arguing about this anyway? it doesn’t matter. today, we’re here for esme. our newest recruiter, talented firestarter, beautiful actress, my girlfriend. now listen, we cheer and clap when she finishes, you hear me?”
AU where aside from his hotel manager job ernest is also a hairdresser part-time / as a hobby , either way he’s excellent with doing your hair whether you need a new hairstyle to fit with your new disguise, or just wanted something fancy for the upcoming masked ball. the quality of the volunteers’ disguises’ hairstyles has gone down drastically after he switched sides. esme lets him test new styles he wanted to try out on her, if he can guarantee they’ll be in very soon
“come on!” dewey says. “can’t you see it? it’s just history repeating itself again and again! this has happened before, if you study the vfd history. it happens every schism! a small group separates themselves out from vfd, creating the schism. the two sides fight, and eventually enough people one side died or ran away or betrayed them there’s just one side left which becomes the new vfd - whether they’re actually the original vfd or the group that separated out and went against vfd or not, and slowly rebuild the organization again. until another schism happens. we just - we keep making the same mistakes!”
“are they mistakes though?” ernest asks. “or is it actually how things should be? the organization has gone down the wrong path and maybe that’s the only way things could change for better at that point - a group of rebels.”
“is that what the firestarters are doing?” dewey demands. “making things better?”
“sometimes, you can only fight fire with fire - i don’t necessarily enjoy it, but sometimes it’s what it takes.”
“it all sounds very philosophical put into phrases like that, but do you really believe in what your side is doing?”
“ask me again when i’m not sober.”
“you’re never drunk.”
“i know.”
“come on!” dewey says. “can’t you see it? it’s just history repeating itself again and again! this has happened before, if you study the vfd history. it happens every schism! a small group separates themselves out from vfd, creating the schism. the two sides fight, and eventually enough people one side died or ran away or betrayed them there’s just one side left which becomes the new vfd - whether they’re actually the original vfd or the group that separated out and went against vfd or not, and slowly rebuild the organization again. until another schism happens. we just - we keep making the same mistakes!”
“are they mistakes though?” ernest asks. “or is it actually how things should be? the organization has gone down the wrong path and maybe that’s the only way things could change for better at that point - a group of rebels.”
“is that what the firestarters are doing?” dewey demands. “making things better?”
“sometimes, you can only fight fire with fire - i don’t necessarily enjoy it, but sometimes it’s what it takes.”
“it all sounds very philosophical put into phrases like that, but do you really believe in what your side is doing?”
“ask me again when i’m not sober.”
“you’re never drunk.”
“i know.”
the last time they saw each other, they were both about half of their current age, or even younger than that. although there was a time when he’d thought the other man would remain at that age forever.
“you know,” he says finally. “i’ve always wondered if you really died.”
lemony snicket’s voice is almost just like he once remembered. “the reports of my death has been greatly exaggerated.”
“so it seems - like everything else in the daily punctilio,” he replies. “tea?”
“that would be very nice.”
“sugar?”
“no,” says lemony. “tea should be as bitter as wormwood, as my brother would say.” he pauses. “actually, i came today to see if you and your brother know anything about where he is. he hasn’t respond to my secret messages that i left in our rendezvous point, which isn’t unusual per say, but it’s been 3 messages and i was wondering if he’s in any trouble.”
he closes his eyes. “you haven’t heard.”
“heardwhat?”
“snicket, i’m sorry.”
lemony stares at him.
ernest swallows. “olaf and esme killed J.”
