Germans don’t start overt revolutions like those Frenchmen, here we prefer to write calm acoustic songs about our monarchs, pointing out all their flaws, after they’re long gone.
An excerpt from the lyrics for the non-Germanophone people out there:
I leisurely stroll through the Friedrichsstraße [Fredericks-Street] and ask myself
Which of the many Fredericks is it actually named after?
Well, maybe Frederick William I, who they call the “Soldier King”
Who we know from the forced recruitment of the “Langen Kerls” [”tall guys”, a Prussian regiment of taller-than-average men]
A stingy military-head, know for his art of squeezing money out of people
And the invention of the Prussian virtue of beheading children
Who locked his son, together with his cherished buddy Katte,
Into the fortress in Küstrin, because they had run off once
Where he let poor Katte’s head be chopped of
Before his son’s eyes, as they say, just as a rebuke
And if he hadn’t been held back, then he would’ve immediately
Beheaded his own son, unperturbed, so that he’ll turn into a proper man someday
It has to be a different Friedrich, for in this pious country
One wouldn’t have named a street after such a hoodlum
Maybe after Frederick II, Old Fritz, tough and authoritarian
And nothing on his mind except his dogs and his military
And especially not his wife, “I will cast her out”
“As soon as I am the master in this house”, is that why one calls him Frederick the Great?
Well granted, it was he who brought the potato to Germany
But it was also he who put our neighbour off our literature
In eleven year of war he fought fifteen bloody battles
And carried the damn militarism over into our time
Even today he still causes trouble under the earth
With the order that he be buried with his dogs
Only King Helmut [Helmut Kohl, German Chancellor from 1982 to 1998] obeyed, now his dogs have him
The old bone, and we have his Equestrian statue in the middle of Berlin
Frederick Wilhelm I: Be pious, may God and Jesus protect all my successors
Frederick the Great: Everything dies, permanence is a lie, death is the end (but look at these neat territories it would be really convenient to possess)
Also Frederick the Great: And to my lovely wife, the Queen of Prussia, I leave two tonnes of wine per annum and this free stack of wood
Frederick Wilhelm I: Be pious, may God and Jesus protect all my successors
Frederick the Great: Everything dies, permanence is a lie, death is the end (but look at these neat territories it would be really convenient to possess)
Just because a man canenjoyliberté de conscience et de verge, doesn’t mean he should have sexual relations with a donkey.
After a man in Brandenburg-Prussia was sentenced to death for engaging in inappropriate conduct with a female donkey, Frederick the Great personally annulled the sentence, allegedly (because you can’t quite trust Voltaire’s dramatic recounts of events) reasoning that in his lands one enjoys “liberté de conscience et de verge” / “freedom of both conscience and penis”
Voltaire in general just appeared rather willing to perhaps overstate things to suit the literary tastes of the French public, or else share any and all gossip he came across at court. The slightly dicey references to Frederick’s homosexual exploits to be found in his memoirs either fall into the category of artistic freedom, or we can conclude Voltaire really was willing to publish everyone’s private life for some publicity. Cue affronted German/Prussian writers then doing their utmost to emphasise Frederick’s complete and utter heterosexuality at every possible opportunity.
Just because a man canenjoyliberté de conscience et de verge, doesn’t mean he should have sexual relations with a donkey.
After a man in Brandenburg-Prussia was sentenced to death for engaging in inappropriate conduct with a female donkey, Frederick the Great personally annulled the sentence, allegedly (because you can’t quite trust Voltaire’s dramatic recounts of events) reasoning that in his lands one enjoys “liberté de conscience et de verge” / “freedom of both conscience and penis”
Everyone has weird family history tidbits, but a supposed ancestor on my father’s side designed some porcelain figures with wobbly heads that Frederick the Great was so amused by he bought ten and put them on display in Sanssouci
Absolutely losing my mind over Voltaire’s titles listed on Mlle Corneille’s wedding contract jdbdhdjdj WHO let him do this???
“demoiselle Marie-Françoise Corneille […] demeurant actuellement au château de Ferney, pays de Gex, auprès de messire François-Marie Arouet de Voltaire, chevalier, gentilhomme ordinaire de la chambre du roi, et de l’Académie française, seigneur de Ferney, Tournay, Régny, Chambézy et autres places”
Chevalier?? “Autres places”??? Hello???
Also “Gentleman of the King’s Chamber”? What king? Frederick? He gave up that title during their little divorce
Thinking about that letter where Fritz asks for advice on his poetry and that he wants to learn and Vs like “Here’s a list of critiques. Improving would need regular tutoring with me like two hours a day for 6 weeks or 2 months” and Fritz’ response is immediately just “So you’re promising to spend two months with me! Okay I think we should start now cuz I’m not busy rn. I know Émilie’s pregnant or something but I’m willing to pay her for your time away. Also poetry is more important than science”
Fritz: Can you ask your doctor Tronchin to come treat my brother, I got money
Voltaire (to Tronchin) : lol who does he think he is! “money”, so degrading! don’t even respond, lemme tease him
V: No he can’t, he’s busy attending to the French royal house, tell your brother to come to him. by the way, you have no heart, no sympathy, you being a hero means nothing to me
F: *duly triggered, says some bitter stuff*
V: OMG I WAS HELPING YOU!! I was merely telling you what Tronchin said! And THIS is how you repay my KINDNESS???? p.s. don’t you know I love you, because you are the best of kings, in a way?
1pm, November 5th 1757: Frederick’s generals leaving for the battle of Rossbach —————— Several months of defeat, retreats, family feuds and suicidal thoughts later, Frederick at the head of a 20k strong Prussian army staying near the little village of Rossbach saw from the attic of the local manor, that the French-Imperial army with 40,000 men was on their way to outflank and attack him. Frederick decided to take the initiative (as always) and trusted the young general Seydlitz to lead a surprise cavalry charge. The battle ended after just about 30 minutes of action; “30 thousand French, 20 thousand Imperial troops, fled before five battalions and several squadrons.” writes Voltaire in his bitter memoirs, “Prince Henry was slightly wounded on the neck. I believe this is the only Prussian casualty from this day.” - - - I’ve been wanting to draw the attic scene and show a moment of uncertainty and meditation for some time, but since there is already pictures depicting it (almost), I opted for the next moment. Fritz wants to make sure everything’s ok for the last time because he can’t afford to lose the battle; Seydlitz showing that he’s up to the task; Henry who hates his big brother and just wants the thing done.. I also tried to depict jealousy, neutral curiousness and detachment in the older generals, the soldier and the civilians.
This is taken from Frederick the Great’s early journals:
“I admire [Voltaire’s] eyes, so clear and piercing… I would kiss his eloquent lips, 100 times.”
This came as something of a surprise to Voltaire when he found out, particularly considering Voltaire was, at that time, madly in love with Emilie du Chatelet, a renowned physicist. They were on the outs at the time of the trip because Emilie was actually much smarter than Voltaire, which had sent Voltaire into a passion when they discovered it (Emilie placed above Voltaire in an essay contest for the Academie des Sciences).
Fortunately, though Frederick the Great wrote that most evenings he and his court full of young men “lost money at cards, danced till we fell, whispered in each other’s ears, and when that had shifted to love, began other delicious moves,” Voltaire talked about Emilie a great deal and was off the hook.
Less fortunately, he was still irritated with Emilie for being smarter, and his name-dropping turned to mocking quips and complaints about her, which did not amuse Emilie when word got back to her.
Voltaire visited Frederick the Great as a French spy, something which he took no pains to conceal. Most of Europe then thought of Frederick the Great as a floofy monarch who didn’t pose a threat to anyone because his claim to fame had been trying to run off with his boyfriend and then getting caught. His father then threw Frederick the Great into prison, where the guards mocked Frederick for playing his flute and reading French literature.
Surely Frederick wouldn’t catch on. The fact that most of Europe was pretty pissed at Voltaire for his satirical poetry and the mission was pretty much given as a “get-the-hell-out-of-my-country-if-you-won’t-stop-writing-about-me” sort of trip by Louis XV did not daunt Voltaire either. Thus, he set off from France in high spirits, going so far as to grandly inform a sentry guarding Westphalia, “I am Don Quixote!”
The sentry apparently did not speak any language other than German, and smiling and nodding, let Voltaire pass.
