#fuckyouchristmas

I lost an old lover because of you.

I shouldn’t blame you 

but I am

because I am selfish…

or at least that’s what he told me-

he said

you’re losing me, Arin…

but I was already gone

years

before

I

met

you.

my sister gave me a turntable.

I remember
you laughing with me
months ago
when I told you
that I collected vinyl
but had nothing to play them with.

I thought about you as soon as I saw the gold-covered box
under the tree.

she gave me a bunch of records too..

and I remember
you said my taste was classic-alternative
but
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen
to Siouxsie Sioux
without you…

I gave you your Christmas present early,

I don’t know why

but my friend convinced me to.

she said it would give you time 

to think of something really great to give me 

because you don’t even give me your time.

as if a gift will make up for all those nights I spent up crying,

I don’t think a Smiths record will make you see that…