Do yourself a favor: Set boundaries with people who don’t affirm you.

I’m speaking as much to myself as I am to anyone reading this post.

Today I reconnected with a friend from my old (conservative white evangelical) church. A lot has changed since we last saw each other—I changed my name, found terms that describe my experiences, and embraced my queerness.

Considering my friend responded positively when I came out to her over text, I thought we’d be on the same page when it came to LGBTQ inclusion in the church.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

This is the second close friend who has recently rejected me for my queerness. NGL, it sucks; and I find myself wondering, was coming out really worth it?

Keeping loved ones at arm’s length

Queer Theology has countless resources about rejection, but these two have helped me the most:

Kind Homophobia and Transphobia Is Still Evil

Reading this, I felt reassured that it’s OK to have mixed feelings. That even if my friend wants to continue hanging out with me, and even though we did have some positive conversations (outside of queer and faith topics), her believing that being LGBTQ is a sin is not loving.

Do I Have To Be Okay With Transgender People

Although this article addresses folks who don’t affirm transgender folks, it offers insight into setting boundaries.

In fact, I have started to…

• Quit considering the people who’ve rejected me as my close friends (this has been especially difficult because I’ve known these friends for years)
• Unfollow people on social media from my old (conservative white evangelical) communities
• Rely more on my affirming friends for emotional support

This post was primarily a reminder for me—that it’s OK (and even self-care!) to set boundaries with people who don’t accept me for who I am. But I hope you get some insight or encouragement, too.