Because I am a kind and giving person, from time to time I allow my parents to use my amazon account to order things and get free two-day shipping with Prime. It never occurred to me that this might be a problem until today when I went to look at sex toys (yes, in case you didn’t know, Amazon has sex toys!) and noticed carpet pads in my shopping cart, which were clearly a pending parental purchase.
I immediately scoured my “Saved for Later” items and was relieved to note that the most scandalous thing was a book of “Best Women’s Erotica.” I relaxed, joking with a friend, until I glanced at the right side of my screen. There, under the heading “Items from Your Wish List,” was a SpareParts Sasha Couture Harness, a Tantus Realdoe Vibrator, and a Joque Harness..
I think they know.
Granted, they may have known already. I do recall strongly implying to my mother at some point that I would be getting a shipment of sex toys as a present from a friend, and they both know that about my ottoman with a secret compartment that they aren’t allowed to touch. And that doesn’t even include all of the packages I’ve had delivered that I have given them calm and subtle instructions to DON’T OPEN THAT IT’S FOR ME DON’T OPEN IT IT’S PRIVATE IT’S FOR ME DON’T OPEN IT.
Of course, knowing that your daughter buys sex toys is quite different from knowing that she buys harnesses and lifelike vibrating cocks.
It might be time to sit them down and have The Talk. Honestly, although coming out to them as queer wasn’t the calmest or most fun thing ever, I think “coming out” as sexually active/forcing them to acknowledge their knowledge would be even more stressful and have much worse fallout.
I can’t imagine they haven’t already figured it out or guessed at it. There was at least one occasion in high school when my father strongly implied he knew that my boyfriend was coming over when they went to play bridge. And then there is the fact that the boyfriend I had from junior year to the first half of senior year of undergrad lived close to me. First, a 10 minute walk and then one floor below me in the same building. The only thing I can imagine is that they have willfully repressed the implications of that fact and ignored all the other signs.
Still, I know that making them actively face the fact that their little girl is fucking, and not only that, fucking with a harness*, would have repercussions that would be unpleasant for everyone involved. I think maybe I will just continue with the unspoken agreement that they won’t intrude into my sex life so long as they don’t have to actually acknowledge it and accept it.
*I wouldn’t actually say this, but if they even glanced at the side of their computer screens like I did, they must have noticed the harnesses and dildo.
