So I get asked every other day about dildos. Mostly about @baddragontoys in particular. Usually I’ll recommend a firmness, model or size; but I rarely ever inform people that there are alternatives.

While I admire BD for kickstarting the fantasy dildo revolution, I find them genuinely difficult to recommend sometimes. From the direction the company is taking, some less than ethical business practices, and obviously, the price!

(Malus by @blue-ritual)

Due to the growing popularity of fantasy dildos, a number of indie outfits have popped up creating toys of comparable quality at a substantially lower price. From animal based toys created by the likes of @twintailtoys, to alien dicks by @xenocatartifacts​. Whatever you desire, there is something for everyone!

A few I can mention are (North America based):

-New Folklore Silicone(Fantasy)
-Twin Tail Creations (Animal, Fantasy)
-Exotic Erotics (Animal, Fantasy)
-FckBuddies(Fantasy)
-Pleasure Forge(Fantasy)
-Strange Bedfellas(Fantasy)
-XenoCat Artifacts(Sci-fi)
-DamnAverage (Demon, Fantasy)
-Phoenixflame Creations(Fantasy)
-MonsterMaxim(Fantasy)
-AKrowsNest (Pirate, Fantasy)
-DreadTheEmpire (Fantasy, Sci-fi)
-KuduVoodoo(Fantasy)
-Hodgepodge(Fantasy)
-Fantasticocks (Fantasy, Aesthetic)
-FriskyLabz(Fantasy)
-YiffMonkey (Animal, Fantasy)
-Lust Arts(Fantasy)

Others include (Europe based):

-Akifu (Demon, Mythology)
-KnotMe!(Animal)
-Qimera Forge(Fantasy)
-JoyFlexToys(Fantasy)
-BeesBizarreBazaar(Fantasy)
-Neotori(Animal)
-TheToySheep(Fantasy)

And lastly (Australia based):

-Geeky Sex Toys (Fantasy, Geeky)
-VaqueroToys(Fantasy)

But a question you may have is “Why do you own so many Bad-Dragon toys if there are alternatives?”. Good question! Since these indie outfits operate at a much smaller scale, they often don’t have the capacity to make toys in the larger sizes I desire. This is improving however, and more companies are making bigger and bigger toys.

(Atlas by @twintailtoys)

So there you go folks! Next time you’re thinking about grabbing a new toy, just remember that there are alternatives, and the few listed above are just a selection of those available!

Last night on Skype, Reaction Junkie asked me how hard it is for me to carry on conversation when I have something in my holes. Thinking that he wanted me to fuck myself with a dildo while we talked, I thought back to all the times I’d Skyped with The Super Sadist and Marxman while fucking myself. I told him that having something in me wasn’t very distracting.

“Good,” he said. Then he asked, “How long can you wear a plug for? Can you wear a buttplug for eight hours?” I hemmed and hawed until he finally said, “Can. You. Wear. A. Plug. For. Eight. Hours?” “Yes, dear,” I responded, looking down. He smiled at me and informed me, “You’ll be wearing your plug for eight hours at work tomorrow.”

I was happy to do so, and said that it might even be helpful, since I’m seeing Legolas today and plan to be prepared for anal. Reaction Junkie thought for a moment and said, “Well, maybe you should have something in your cunt, too.” I wasn’t sure and said, “I don’t know if I have anything that will stay in.” “That depends how tight your underwear is, doesn’t it?” he responded. I agreed, and he informed me that I would keep my small dildo in my pussy during work, and when I leave for happy hour tonight, I’m to switch it to a larger one.

I smiled, despite knowing it could get uncomfortable. He hasn’t given me many, if any orders like this, that last for an extended time and provide a constant reminder of my place, and I really enjoy them. I lovelovelove our switchy dynamic, and wouldn’t change it. However, it does lend itself to a reduction in the time I spend feeling properly subby, since I feel as though I could take control at any moment. Of course, realistically I know that he owns me, that he’s in charge, that he enjoys bottoming and the feel of submitting so he allows me to play at that role, but I don’t always feel that truth on a deeper level. Sometimes I miss falling into submission like I used to, that heady feeling of being controlled, the fuzzy warmth of being owned.

With this instruction, to have two of my holes filled all day, I can feel a bit of that old subby headspace coming back, especially as I write this. It’s intoxicating and makes me want to think more subby thoughts. I want to be obedient and fulfill the orders given to me. The large dildo may be uncomfortable, but I’m not going to ask for him to change his orders. I risk public humiliation if someone notices or if the dildo slips out. That doesn’t matter. I’m going to do what he told me to do. Because I don’t have a choice. When he says to do something, I do it. Property doesn’t get to refuse, doesn’t get to haggle or negotiate.

So, I’m going to sit all day at my desk, my cunt soaked from being filled. Not only from that, of course, I’m also wet from the knowledge that two of my holes are stuffed at the direction of my owner and that I’m willing to obey him at all times, even at work. And I’m happy to do it. I’m grateful that he is willing to spend the time and attention on me to give an order like this. I’m glad for the reminder of my real place as owned property.

I can pretend to be an independent person. Can say that I have my own job, my own apartment, my own life. But coming to work with a dildo in my cunt and a plug in my ass proves that in actuality, I’m an obedient, eager to please, desperate girl who craves giving up that independence in order to submit and be controlled. To give up ownership of myself to be owned by someone else.

I was wanting something sweet and cuddly. Or, at least, that’s what I thought I wanted.

Instead I Skyped with The Super Sadist and got beating on my tits with a lighter and choking myself with a dildo down my throat. He timed me and told me to “Keep it in there, bitch” and “This is what you’re for” and “Don’t you dare take it out,” andwhen I fucked up, I had to slap my tits or my cunt. He stroked his cock while he watched.

I kept it in my throat for 20, 30, then 40 seconds, just a short break between each attmpt. I held it in with my hand as I listened to the barrage of verbal abuse. I teared up. I drooled on myself because he likes it, no matter how I feel about it. I threw up in my mouth a bit during play for the first time. After that happened the third time, I had to take the dildo out early because I couldn’t breathe and there was too much vomit in my mouth and nose.Then I really started to cry in earnest. 

I curled up a bit and cried hard into a pillow until I heard him say “Look at me.” I moved to look at him, and he told me to watch how hard he was getting off to watching me suffer. I watched him and thought about what he was masturbating to. The pain, suffering, humiliation, degradation. Soon my whimpers of suffering turned into whines of arousal as he stroked himself, finally cumming from all the suffering he’d watched me inflict on myself at his instruction and all the tears that had resulted.

I earned a “Mildly impressed,” which is high praise coming from him.

Last night I spent quite a while Skyping with The Super Sadist, a “nice” young man I met off tumblr. We talked for a long time, and he’s genuinely intelligent and interesting, which was fun. We talked about kink and sex and preferences and even feminism. Obviously we both think it’s stupid bullshit thought up by ridiculous cunts and I clearly need to work on wiping the last vestiges of it out of my system. I’m glad he’s on the same page as me on the feminism thing. I wouldn’t play with a man who wasn’t.

After a long conversation, I eventually asked “Do you want to play?” I guess he had enjoyed watching me get off on Friday night, when I first met him, and that he liked the look of me and was curious to see what I would look and sound like while suffering instead of cumming, because he said he did.

His first question was “What do you have around to stick in your butt?” I grabbed my bag of anal toys and showed him the four toys I have, which range from tiny buttplug to gigantic dildo I’ve only gotten in all the way one time. He seemed pleased to see the giant one and we decided I should clean up and call back.

When I came back, he told me I could work up to the big one if I wanted. I considered for a moment, since when I get fucked I don’t do much prep, but decided this time it would be a good life choice. It definitely was the right choice in this instance, because his nickname is The Super Sadist for a reason. I started putting lube on and then was a stupid, but properly behaved, bitch and threw myself under the bus by asking, “Can I use lube?” I didn’t have to say that. He gave no indication that he wasn’t going to let me use lube. There would have been nothing outwardly disobedient if I hadn’t asked. But I still did because I thought of it, and if I think of a clarification to ask for and the answer could make my life more difficult, I really should ask.

He thought for a bit as I sat there with fingers crossed. He told me that I could use lube on the smaller ones I was using to get myself ready for the big one. I sighed in relief because I’ve never actually had anything in my ass sans lube before. I used plenty of lube as I used my second biggest dildo to loosen myself up. When I felt ready, I grabbed the big one and, positioning myself so he could see what he wanted, I started to push it in. There was enough lube that it went in fairly easily, considering the fact that it has obnoxious ridges.

Finally, after a fair amount of groaning and grimacing, I’d pushed it in as far as it could go. It wasn’t entirely bottomed out, but it just wasn’t going anywhere. I told him it was in as far as it could go, and he said okay. I wanted to do my best, so I tried one last push and said “Yup. Definitely in as far as it can go.” and he told me “I believed you the first time.” I guess I don’t come across as a lazy sub who will lie to wiggle out of the last bit of dildo.

I looked at him to inquire what to do next and he said “Now take it out. Duh.” so I pulled the damn thing almost all the way out. He had me fuck my ass with it, pushing it in as far as I could, then pulling it almost out. After a little while he instructed me to pick up the pace, so I went faster. He seemed to be enjoying my expressions of pain and discomfort, and the trembling/shaking I was doing. It’s good to know that even at a distance I can still manage to provide entertainment via suffering.

Fucking my ass with the large dildo was difficult and uncomfortable, but eventually I got loose enough that it didn’t really hurt anymore. The Super Sadist noticed and asked if it hurt less. I was, of course, honest, and told him that it did. He told me to use a bigger dildo and I told him I was using the biggest one I have. He wanted me to use something else, but I said I didn’t have anything rated for anal penetration. Then I thought of a compromise that would achieve the goal of making it more difficult and painful, and I offered it right up to him. I said that I could wipe the thing off, since there was lube in my ass and on it from when I was loosening myself up with the smaller dildo. I knew it was going to be super unpleasant, but he wanted to watch me suffer more, so I also knew I had to do it.

After I wiped the dildo off, he had me push it back in. The first bit was still fairly easy since there was still lube in my ass, but after an inch or two, it was rough going. Still, I managed to get it in as far as it would go. I was wondering in what he’d have me do next, and I was worried he’d have me fuck myself with it more, now that they was little lube left. That’s not what he did. What he did sucked just as much, if not more.

“Hit it,” he ordered. I was a little out of it, it realized he wanted me to hit the dildo in, so it would slam up against me inside. I did so, but not as hard as I should have he told me “Again.” and I repeated my efforts, not improving much. We continued this for a while, him chastising me for hesitation and saying be didn’t want any of this self-preservation instinct bullshit. He’s right, of course. Having those instincts is fine, but when they’re interfering with a man’s pleasure, then they become a problem.

I kept up with the hitting, feeling it smacking against my insides, making me twitch and moan. Eventually, he had me pull it out most of the way, which sucked, since most of the lube was no longer slick. I wasn’t sure what he was going to have me do next, but I was worried he was going to have me shove it back in. He didn’t. He told me to hit the bottom of the dildo and to hammer it in. I started doing that, still with my ridiculous hesitation. I did start improving, though, especially when he told me that the timer between strikes started when he said “Again,” not when I actually hit the dildo. That motivated me to do better, to go faster. He started leaving less time between strikes, just long enough for me to catch my breath. That also helped, because I had to focus on the next thing I was going to do, not think of worry about the pain I was going to experience.

Next, he told me to slap my cunt after each strike. I took a deep breath and spread my legs a little wider. After in did this a few times, I thought back to Friday night with Marxman, and how he’d made me hit my cunt with the mean rubber paddle. Then I just dove head first under the bus like the over eager cunt I am and told him about the paddle. I said that I would probably be able to hit myself harder, or at least cause more pain if I used the paddle. Then I proceeded to give him all of the information about the damn tool, including the fact that one side is meaner than the other. Luckily, he must have been feeling generous, because he allowed me to use the less harsh side. I told him that telling him about the paddle was one of the dumbest things I’d done in terms of offering up data that would result in suffering for me. He laughed at me and agreed.

I started using my closed fist to hit the dildo, since that allowed me to hit harder. Each time, I would hammer it in, then strike my cunt with the paddle. I curled up a little and groaned in pain each time, but each time returned back to position as soon as I was able. I wasn’t doing that great with the paddle, so I said I should hit multiple times, since that would get rid of hesitation and I’d hit harder, or else I’d at least be hitting multiple times. I did this for a while, and then he increased the number of times I had to hit the dildo, and had me hitting my hole with the edge of the paddle. After doing this for a little, and after a particularly hard hit to the dildo, I felt lightheaded, whether from the pain or not breathing right, I wasn’t sure. He allowed me a moment to start breathing correctly. Then I kept hitting the dildo and smacking my cunt for a decent while. We did interrupt to talk a little and tell offensive jokes about women, but other than that, I kept hurting myself while he watched.

Finally, he told me to pull it out more. When I did, I managed to pull it all the way out like a dumbass. He started to tell me to push it all the way back in, but allowed me to avoid doing that this time, since I needed to go to sleep soon. He had me shown him how stretched I was by pulling my asshole open for him with two fingers. It was a humiliating thing to do, so of course I liked it. He told me I’d done a good job, which made me smile. I’m a sucker for praise like that from doms and tops. It motivates me. Makes me want to be good and push myself to do anything told.

Playing with The Super Sadist was an interesting experience. He’s younger than I am, whereas pretty much every one else I’ve played with is a year or two, or, more frequently, four or more years older than I am. I wasn’t sure I’d have the same urge to please him as I have with those older people. That was not the case. Although I did laugh at myself once or twice, looking in at what I was doing, I wanted to do a good job, to please him. Part of that was likely the fact that I want to be good when men want to use me, because that’s what my owner wants me to do. But part of it was my desire to submit and his attitude. He has a casual domination style, making me feel like he was amused, disdainful, uncaring, entertained at my expense, and maybe even mildly bored, all at the same time. I wanted to behave, to please him, to hold his attention. I wanted to do what he was telling me to do. Especially when he was saying “Again” over and over, rapidly, and when he was clearly enjoying my pain.

I enjoyed being useful to him, despite the suffering. It was a new kind of pain and discomfort than other people have given me, especially with the added challenge of having to do everything to myself. He was unmoved (at least unmoved to sympathy) by any of the reactions I had, and he clearly enjoyed watching my struggle, pain, and discomfort on a number of different levels. He’s a mean fucker, and I like it.

Because I am a kind and giving person, from time to time I allow my parents to use my amazon account to order things and get free two-day shipping with Prime.  It never occurred to me that this might be a problem until today when I went to look at sex toys (yes, in case you didn’t know, Amazon has sex toys!) and noticed carpet pads in my shopping cart, which were clearly a pending parental purchase.

 I immediately scoured my “Saved for Later” items and was relieved to note that the most scandalous thing was a book of “Best Women’s Erotica.”  I relaxed, joking with a friend, until I glanced at the right side of my screen.  There, under the heading “Items from Your Wish List,” was a SpareParts Sasha Couture Harness, a Tantus Realdoe Vibrator, and a Joque Harness..

I think they know.

Granted, they may have known already.  I do recall strongly implying to my mother at some point that I would be getting a shipment of sex toys as a present from a friend, and they both know that about my ottoman with a secret compartment  that they aren’t allowed to touch.  And that doesn’t even include all of the packages I’ve had delivered that I have given them calm and subtle instructions to DON’T OPEN THAT IT’S FOR ME DON’T OPEN IT IT’S PRIVATE IT’S FOR ME DON’T OPEN IT.

Of course, knowing that your daughter buys sex toys is quite different from knowing that she buys harnesses and lifelike vibrating cocks.  

It might be time to sit them down and have The Talk.  
Honestly, although coming out to them as queer wasn’t the calmest or most fun thing ever, I think “coming out” as sexually active/forcing them to acknowledge their knowledge would be even more stressful and have much worse fallout.  

I can’t imagine they haven’t already figured it out or guessed at it.  There was at least one occasion in high school when my father strongly implied he knew that my boyfriend was coming over when they went to play bridge.  And then there is the fact that the boyfriend I had from junior year to the first half of senior year of undergrad lived close to me.  First, a 10 minute walk and then one floor below me in the same building.  The only thing I can imagine is that they have willfully repressed the implications of that fact and ignored all the other signs.

Still, I know that making them actively face the fact that their little girl is fucking, and not only that, fucking with a harness*, would have repercussions that would be unpleasant for everyone involved.  I think maybe I will just continue with the unspoken agreement that they won’t intrude into my sex life so long as they don’t have to actually acknowledge it and accept it.

*I wouldn’t actually say this, but if they even glanced at the side of their computer screens like I did, they must have noticed the harnesses and dildo.

“describe America in one image or less”

Decide to make good use of it and use my vibrator for the first time (really, second time, but first with it actually vibrating). Again, with a good amount of lube, it slipped in with no trouble or pain. The problem I’m having is the discomforting feeling of needed to shit…something I definitely don’t want to do. Also, I seemingly can’t find my prostate, since I was expecting to just feel something amazing upon sticking the vibrator in. Why is this so difficult?! I really need like a bottoming life coach, or else I’ll never feel comfortable enough to get fucked. Otherwise, I’m basically doomed in having a sex life. -_-