#head phones
“Sleep aid, huh…”
“Come on! Please? It’s for a project!” Taylor pleaded with me.
I raised an eyebrow.
“Oh come on, don’t get all skeptic on me! You’re the one who believes in horoscopes!”
I opened my mouth to protest. “That was in middle school!” I huffed, embarrassed.
“You know what else started in middle school? Your sleeping issues!” Taylor’s voice returned to its usual excited, over-hyped tone. “And I’ve got just the solution for my 4.0! And your sleep problems, of course!”
“Okay, but…I don’t get how it works.” I chewed my lip. “White noise–”
“Static.”
“Yeah whatever, static…that seems like it’d just be unnecessarily loud. Like, I hate hearing static on the T.V. or on the radio.”
“Because it blocks things out! And so when you’re sleeping, it works! It’s a lot of sound science mumbo jumbo, you wouldn’t understand.” Taylor pushed the headphones into my hands. “Just try it. I promise I’ll find another test subject if it doesn’t work for you.”
“Where are the wires?” I spun it around, observing the pair of boring-looking earphones, if not a bit bulky.
“It’s part of it! I just have a super small music player in one ear. If you check the left side,”
I checked.
“there’s a little switch – just flick that on when you settle into bed and it’ll start the music player. I just put the one track on it, so it’ll start playing.”
“Huh. That’s neat. How’d you make it so that it turns off? Does it turn off or just pause?”
Taylor smiled sheepishly. “That…doesn’t work yet. I haven’t figured it out yet. The switch is just for looks. So make sure you only turn it on when you’re already in bed and ready to sleep. And allow for eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.”
I looked up. “I thought you said I’d definitely fall asleep within half an hour.”
“Well yeah but…uh, but you need eight hours for restful sleep! I don’t want you to try it and only sleep for 2 hours and blame me when you say you’re still tired.” Taylor offered a too-fast explanation. “I’m running late for class. Don’t forget! Eight hours.”
–
I checked the clock. 12:00 A.M. The earliest I’d ever gotten ready for bed. More than eight hours allowed until I had to wake up at 8:30 A.M. My sleeping problems could just be from a bad sleeping schedule, I mused. I settled into bed, got into a comfortable position, and placed the headphones on – strangely comfortable, snug, almost custom fit to my head – a perfect fit, if not a little too hard to take off. My finger hovered over the left hand switch. I used to be afraid of static as a kid. Running down the stairs to my parent’s bedroom, only to get stuck right outside the living room with the T.V. on, static on the screen, static in my ears, static…that somehow unnerving white noise sound, was going to help me sleep?
Oh, whatever. If it didn’t work, I’d just make fun of Taylor later.
Flick.
I heard a click, as if the click of recording. Then –
So for the person listening to this…I’m going to take you into a deep, deep sleep. I use…
Taylor’s voice droned on in my head as I suppressed a snicker. This low, calm voice was so unlike the usual too-fast, too-excited voice I was used to. Taylor tried hard for this project. The explanations for why the static worked effectively as a sleep aid, what the technical terms and reasons were flew over my head. How long was this spiel going to last?
And to think, it’s only been 5 minutes. I hope you’ve relaxed a bit, listening to my voice. Seven hours, fifty-five minutes to go. The static will fade in soon.
No, twenty-five minutes, I thought to myself. Taylor had promised half an hour of this noise would knock me out. And before I could think any further, sure enough, I heard the faint sound of static in the back of my head, low, rumbling, in my ears, getting louder, and louder, and louder…
It was louder than I thought it would be. Surely a sleep aid didn’t need to be this loud. And surely—
Static.
God. It was so loud I could barely hear myself think. Or think at all. It was blocking my thoughts out. It was just so…static.
I guess it wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I remembered it being when I was younger. It almost sounded like a heavy rain. A heavy rain, a cloud, a fog over my head. It was comforting. But it was just static. I could have sworn I heard a voice too, a soft one, but I was probably just imagining it. Just static. It was comforting. Static.
Static.
Static.
What was that? I could have sworn it was a voice saying static. I know I didn’t imagine it. But I—
So loud. The static was just so loud. Even if there were a voice the static would be drowning it out.
And I wasn’t sure. Why. There was a voice? That I didn’t hear. That I wasn’t. I was? Not me. Another voice. But me too. I was. Static. Static.
“…Static…”
That voice sounded like me saying…static. Static. Static.“Static.”Repeating it with the voice in my head, in my ears.
Static. Static. My head was full of…sticky stuff. Hard to move in. Hard to think. It felt weird. I felt scared. Like before. I tried to move the headphones off but it was too tight around my head. My hands and arms were too weak. I turned the switch off. Nothing happened. It kept continuing. Getting louder. Just more and more static. Static. Static fading. Fading, but still there. Static not in my ears. Static in my head.
There was a*click*.
Static.
“Static.”
The voice sounded so familiar. It was just the voice now, but the static was still there, still…still static…
Static.
“Static.”
Static.
“Static.”
I wonder if you’re aware during this second track.
I’ll assume it’s working. If not this track, then the next.
“Static.”
Anyways, good, good. I’m so glad you decided to trust me.
“Static.”
I told you this would help with your sleeping. And now you’re perfectly, deep, in a deep deeeeep static sleep. Isn’t that right?
“Static.”
And to think, we’ve got seven hours, thirty minutes to go…oh, the things we’ll do while you’re in static.
“Static.”
Static.
Static.
Static.
This is *too hot*
Hot damn
Make a dragon wanna retire, man.
Here is a list of items that you need to stay away from because they ignore the laws of physics along with space and time.
Leach Pad: IPad that, when used to take a selfie, devours your skin pigmentation, leaving you as an albino.
Dead Set: Head phones that allows you to hear the last thoughts of the dying. This has a side effect of relaxing your normal hearing with only being able to hear the thoughts of the dying.
Always Watched: A wrist watch that destroys your perception of time when worn for longer than an hour.
Always Awake: An alarm clock that when heard will always be heard even when turned off. So when you listen to an alarm one time, from that day forward you will hear an alarm at the exact time that you first heard it for the rest of your life.
Fan Tastic: Fan that creates portals directly behind the person who is touched by the wind blown by the fan. These portals are normally gateways to a labyrinth with no food and no escape. So don’t fall backwards into it.
Garage Hell Opener: A garage door opener that when used can cause someone you know who has died to come back from death and hunt you down and try to kill you. I have no idea what this has to do with garages.
Universal Charger: A charging cord that has a charging end for almost anything. When used it drains the nearest star in order to power your object. Thankfully this doesn’t drain our sun, but it does always destroy a star with every charge and put all that energy within the object.
Fear Bulb: A lightbulb that when put into a lamp, and then turned off but then turned back on while in the presence of the individual who turned off the light, creates whatever it is that the person is afraid of, within that room.
Keep an eye out and be safe everyone.
Merry Christmas
New Super Sonico figure
