#high school funny quotes
Student: “Man how the f*ck are we leaving lunch already?! We’ve only been in this b**ch for ten minutes!”
Student 1, talking to the teacher: “Hey Coach if I leave, mark me present please! I cannot do this today.”
Teacher, while turning to write on the board: “Truancy! That’s illegal you know.”
Student 1, whispering to Student 2: “Text me if he marks me absent.”
*Student 2 nods while Student 1 leaves*
*a few minutes pass before the Teacher turns around, then sighs*
Teacher, asking student 2: “Did [student 1] really just leave while I had my back turned?”
Student 2, shrugging: “I’m not sure. I was answering the warm-up.”
Teacher:“That’s a very diplomatic answer. Well…if she’s not back I will mark her absent.”
Student 2, now texting Student 1: “He’s going to mark you absent.”
*few minutes pass*
Student 1, enters the class while panting: “I was in the bathroom.”
Teacher, laughing: “Sure you were. Totally believable.”
Students, swabbing various objects around the school, chanting down the hallways: “IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE! IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE! IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!”
Teacher via Google Classroom: “Rubber ducky pass needs to return if anyone wants to go anywhere. No one goes ANYWHERE until the duck is back.”
Student, asking the teacher: “Did you go anywhere this weekend?”
Teacher: “Why would I? It’s dangerous out there. There’s people.”
me:*zones out in latin class while the teacher is talking about latin*
me:zones back in like 3 minutes later
some kid: “—ever stuck a bobby pin into an electrical outlet?”
teacher: “Nah, I usually stick with a good old butter knife—old reliable.”
me:???
Student 1: “You’re a fuckboy, I fuck boys, we are not the same.””
Student 2: “Oh, that’s GAY!”
The Principal: “Okay, now you need to fight to the death for the bag of candy, last man standing gets it. There are knives in the kitchen.”
Teacher, teasingly: “Why are you so quiet today?”
Student, responding to teacher: “Please don’t talk to me right now. I will say something that my mom will regret for me, but I won’t be able to care.”
Teacher, quietly: “Fair enough.”
Student 1: “If I see any of you in ten years at a store, know that I will walk away.”
Teacher:“What?Why? It’s not hard to just say hello.”
Student 2: “But a quick ‘hi how are you?’ is so artificial!”
Teacher, visibly confused: “No it’s not? It requires a ‘good and you? Good.’ and then bam you’re done.”
Student 3: “That’s so awkward.”
Teacher, incredulously: “By saying hello?”
Student 1: “Yes, if I see teachers I walk the other way.”
Teacher:“Just say hi, it’s a quick five sentence exchange maximum.”
Student 4: “Oh! So if we see you we can say hi?”
Teacher:“Oh no, absolutely not.”
Student 1: “Are you going to miss us?”
Teacher, jokingly: “Yeah. Boo hoo, you’re the only graduating class I’ve ever had.”
Teacher, shrugging: “Life goes on.”
Student 2, begins crying: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I didn’t even like this class!”
Teacher:*tosses candy at student 1*
Student 1:*misses horribly*
Student 2: “Wow, I thought you played basketball?”
Student 1, now laughing: “AS A BENCH WARMER!”
Teacher: *is now doubled over laughing*
Student: “TikTok stars are like ‘I’m sad, but I hit the woah for six figures.’”
Student, ranting while walking into class: “The article was talking about a nun who got shot. Like sheesh, people have no values!”
Teacher:“Life is tough, once I reach 55 I don’t plan on living anymore.”
Student: “My dad is 67.”
Teacher, solemnly: “He’s brave.”
Student: “I’ve never heard someone refer to dementors as ‘emo boys’.”
Student:“Mr. [name redacted], you’re the main character.”
Older teacher: “Oh, for sure.”
