Hiro: “Why *do* you carry that scarf around?”

Zeus: “Shit the fuck up.”

Hiro:“…”

Zeus: “I mean- shut the fuck off!”

Zeus: “Shut your fuck off!!!”

Did the eye meme on procreate, pretty proud of it!

Alfonse Route, Chapter 1 (11-15)

Last time on the Alfonse Route: Zeus bitched a lot, the prefects didn’t actually do a lot of searching, and Furry Disease was revealed to actually be Zombie Disease, but I’ll be calling it Furry Zombie Disease just because.

We pick up with the prefects gathered in their safe spot, except it’s not the prefects, it’s just Liz, Zeus, and Hiro and they left Caesar, Elias, and Yukiya.

I just… can the writers just forget about him already? Why can’t he just fall into obscurity like Azusa? 

The trio discuss what they saw and how the zombies are immune to damage when another zombie appears. Man, these things are like weeds. Anyway apparently it’s close to Liz and almost attacks her but then….

Alfonse just teleported here?? I guess??? We get a recap on Alfonse’s character so far, because I know the best time for recaps is when I’m about to be eaten by a magic zombie. And then they fall on top of each other because of course they do.

Apparently there are still a bunch of zombies around! Zeus and Hiro prepare to fight them, but Alfonse reminds us that they’re just regular people who happen to be sick. He whips out some potions and we get the first CG of the route.

(And yes, I specifically included it with this line because the colors mentioned are literally the bi flag)

I assume that Hiro was just off to the side going like

Alfonse casts a spell and there’s a lot of prose that describes what’s happening. At the end of his magical boy sequence, all the zombies are suddenly not zombies anymore. Alfonse is congratulated. Zeus tries to suck up to him and make him join the investigation. Alfonse deflects the invitation, and everyone else arrives.

Alfonse Route, Chapter 1 (1-5)

The man, Alfonse Totally-Not-Goldstein. The route number, 19. The season, 7. 

We begin with Remy appointing Liz as Prefect. Didn’t this already happen last season? I thought we were committed to the more linear storyline this time. Perhaps its a dream. Let’s find out. 

Remy says a lot of things about responsibility and “being an example to other students” and a lot of stuff that isn’t really important, because the real reason to become a prefect is to not be bogged down by tedious things such as “class schedules” and “school rules.” 

Remy gives Liz her white prefect cloak and the line is full of symbolism so heavy it’d make my English teacher cry. Apparently, this is not a nightmare that is about to end in a horrible bout of foreshadowing.

Liz launches into a Kissing-Booth-style recap of her life so far- teenage wizardess accepted into Knock Off Hogwarts, rising to the top of the class, dealing with a sudden headmaster change, the reveal of the Night Class, a class that totally existed ever since Season 1, the reveal of the immortal teenage royal person trapped in the magic basement, the thieving incident I already forgot about, and the Big Booty Wizard case, except without dating anyone this time. I want to snark that that sounds great, but the romance routes weren’t super bad, so I didn’t want to claw my eyes out while reading them.

Except Zeus’s. Zeus can go choke.

We skip to a few months later when Liz is standing in some ruins we’ve never seen before. But ho, who is this?

Elias is allowed to be in this route?? Makes sense, since this route is going to have a side of Goldstein family drama. And he’s Deputy Prefect! Hang on, I gotta go feel some emotions for a second here. Liz and Elias as Prefect and Deputy Prefect are the dream team I never knew I needed.

STOP THE PRESSES.

BEST BOY IS BACK. HE’S ALSO DEPUTY PREFECT. HANG ON I NEED TO FEEL THINGS AGAIN.

Anyway, Elias and Yukiya are helping Liz investigate the Mysterious Ruins Unlike Any Seen Before. Elias and Yukiya comment on how surprised they are that Liz asked them to be her deputies, especially since usually a prefect is only allowed one deputy. Liz tells them she picked them for their abilities, and because she trust them. Aw! (Notice how Luca was NOT included. Just sayin’. Dude’s untrusthworthy)

Yukiya almost ruins the vibe by saying he’ll do his best to protect Liz, but Girlboss Liz says “nah fam we’re not doing the protection thing” and says that she wants them to work together and help each other improve. They share a heartfelt moment of friendship before continuing to investigate.

We flash back to the Headmaster’s office, as usual, Zeus is a dick.

Fuck you too, Zeus. You’re actually useless now, Your route’s over, your SEASON’S over, take a hint bro. Zeus starts being a dick to Elias and Yukiya, and Caesar tells him to shut the fuck. Well, I wish he’d actually told him to shut the fuck up, but that’s basically what Caesar said. Hiro also tells Zeus to shut up. Zeus does not. Liz tells Zeus to shut up. Zeus still does not shut up and then boasts about how Hiro’s stronger than the entire Day Class apparently. Sure okay. This dude just cannot save the right attitude for the right time, can he?

The bickering finally ends after Remy reigns them in. Look at this face. This man has aged 20 years after listening to Zeus’s bullshit. This is the same look my chemistry teacher gives the class when someone blurts out something stupid. He just looks like he wants to go back to bed. Man, listening to Zeus ages one like a motherfucker.

Remy tells the prefects that he wants them to investigate a strange disease that turns people into monsters. I think it’s kind of weird that we used to summon specialized ministry people to deal with this stuff, and now we’re just dumping it on the flock of prefects. What are the prefects anymore? At this point they’re like head-students/detectives/teacher’s assistants/teachers. They should just rename the position to “Whatever The Plot Needs Me To Be”

We end on a cliffhanger as Liz reacts with surprise to the Furry Disease. Idk if it actually turns them into furry monsters, but like… come on. Your brain went there too.

Season 6 Relationship Rates

Zeus Brundle

I didn’t like him. 

To throw Solmare a bone, I do think they tried to give him a character. Keyword here is tried. For pretty much the whole route, Zeus was domineering and insulting to Liz and pretty much everyone. Even in their actual relationship, he continues to be this way toward her. What makes me even madder about this is that when I was first introduced to Zeus in one of the event stories, he felt like a fun and flamboyant character. I wish that had been his character. Hell, he could still even be arrogant or boastful, but like… he could have not repeatedly insulted Liz for the hell of it, and he could have not done that thing where he forcibly made her go with him to the Night Class.

Here’s the thing: He could still do the betrayal thing though. I think it would have had more of an impact if Zeus had actually treated Liz better. I think it could have set up a good conflict. People aren’t perfect and characters should be allowed to make mistakes. And in the route, Liz gets to call him out and in happy ending at least, Zeus seems genuinely remorseful about his role in betraying Liz. It would have been a good character arc.

Rate:F in the chat for what could have been.

Klaus Goldstein

Okay can we all agree that “The Absolute Perfection” was a stupid title? Right, now that I’ve got that out of my system, let’s talk about the actual route. It was regrettably okay. The regret part is just a joke; I much prefer this route to his first route. Even though there’s the fact that Klaus is a college graduate now and Liz is still in college, they feel more like equals this route. Klaus seems to respect Liz more as a wizard and a person instead of constantly degrading her for the slightest mistake like a more boring version of Christian Gray. Honestly the worst I could really say about this route in regards to Klaus himself is how over the top the Happy Ending is, but like… it’s funny. It’s not Bad bad, it’s funny bad. It was absolute HILARIOUS to me how over the top that ending was. Idk, maybe I’ve just finally hit the brainrot stage of running this blog because this heavy-emotional-romantic-climax is just so goddamn funny to me.

I feel like the actual romantic route is pretty mediocre? Which I feel really worked this time, since there was a lot of focus on the plot, so the romantic subplot was more of “he loves me, he loves me not” and ¾ (?) of the way through, they get together without any dumb miscommunications or misunderstandings. I appreciate a story that doesn’t engineer miscommunications that make me want to scream.

Rate: Mediocre, but the brainrot makes it good.

Hiro Tachibana

He’s okay. That’s all I can really say about this route. There’s not a lot of groundbreaking stuff. He’s just kind of a normal guy by Gedonelune standards.

Although since the game is now going with HP parallels and Hiro was possessed by a bad guy whose soul was trapped in an object and forced to write giant letters on walls and was obsessed with the guy who had the most main character energy….. #HiroIsGinnyWeasely

Rate: Normal Guy. So, bare minimum.

Ah, can you tell I wrote these three rates at two very different stages of my life?

Also, there was a departure in the usual format of the stories. Instead of telling the same story three different ways, each route had a different plot. I found this to be more fun for me personally. The same story got boring around the third time.