#holy shit this chapter was so fun to write

This Would Probably Be Awkward If I Weren’t Going To Die

icon hours at the Fall Banquet.

Ao3: Chapter below cut

The drive to Blackwell University would only be four hours. They won, or lost depending on how much you like throwing parties, the lottery to host the fall banquet that year. Apparently it was supposed to be a two day event, but the Foxes would arrive Saturday and leave Saturday. 

When time came to load onto the bus it wasn’t a surprise that Nicky had a date- some dude named Jim from his acting class. However, Neil did find himself genuinely surprised that Katelyn was there. Apparently Aaron had finally asked her to be his date. The Foxes exchanged money as Andrew completely ignored her presence. Neil would have been curious about that response if he wasn’t too busy being relieved that he wasn’t getting dragged into the couple’s shit. 

They all piled onto the bus, everyone going to their usual seats. Neil made for his, but Katelyn caught the sleeve of his sweatshirt and tugged him into the seat with her Aaron. So much for being relieved. 

“Study with me?” She asked, “I brought snacks.” He would have said no, he would have gone to his usual seat. But Katelyn, the mad woman, pulled out a container of strawberries because she was an evil evil convening fiend. So instead, Neil squeezed into the seat with her and Aaron. 

“God, your handwriting fucking sucks.” Neil told her as she handed him the container and opened up her notebook on their laps. Neil caught on to the lack of any noise on the bus and looked up. Everyone was standing around staring at them. “Oh I’m sorry, is this a group activity?” Neil asked. 

“Are you friends?” Allison asked. 

“I don’t have friends.” Neil pointed out. 

“Hey,” both Seth and Nicky complained at the same time before looking at each other in distress. 

“You don’t think we’re friends?” Matt asked. 

“This is your fault,” Neil said to Katelyn. “Why would we be friends?” It was a genuine question. He wasn’t nice to any of them, they barely knew anything about him that wasn’t a sarcastic lie, he didn’t understand where the confusion was coming from. Although he’d never had friends before so he supposed his reference point of half-assed observation might be off.

“You are so stupid it’s almost tragic.” Aaron said. 

“Figure this shit out sitting down,” Coach ordered, pointedly starting the bus. He waited until everyone was seated to pull out of the parking lot. 

Neil took the minute of silence to immediately start quizzing Katelyn on formulas. They weren’t friends. Neil didn’t have friends- he may not know what exactly constitutes friendship but he was fairly certain you had to be a real person to have friends. 

The other’s seemed to understand that Neil wasn’t in the mood for their shit and went about their business. 

“Hey,” Katelyn whispered when Aaron had fallen asleep almost halfway through the drive. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For knocking out Dustin.”

“I literally do not know who that is.”

“Yesterday? With a skateboard. Aaron told me.” oh so that’s what that guy’s name was.

“It wasn’t difficult.” Neil said. 

Katelyn laughed. “Maybe not for you, but still, thank you.” 

“I could have taken him.” Aaron murmured against the window of the bus- half asleep. 

Neil rolled his eyes. Katelyn pressed her hand to her mouth to hold back her laughter.

“Are you two nerds still studying?” Aaron asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry, is the pre-med major calling me a nerd?” Neil asked. 

“Hey! I’m pre-med.” Katelyn exclaimed, offended. 

“Yeah, you’re both nerds. Not me.” 

“How many math classes are you taking again?” Aaron asked. 

Not enough, Neil thought. “Shut up,” Neil said. He was not a nerd for understanding math. 

The sight of the Blackwell stadium rose into view with Kevin’s hyperventilating. The bus grew silent as Andrew attempted to get Kevin to calm down. The vodka Coach had packed worked a lot better. Neil wasn’t exactly thrilled to be spending so much time with Riko or Tetsuji either. As if either man recognized him, Neil would die sooner rather than later. But he hadn’t grown up with them. 

The only time Kevin had mentioned Tetsuji he’d called him “master” which really told everything Neil needed to know about what growing up in the nest was like. 

Blackwell let the Foxes use the away team locker rooms to get dressed. Neil had gotten ready the fastest out of everyone, going to wait in the middle room between the men’s and women’s lockers. When allison came out of the women’s room with Katelyn, Dan and Renee, she made a beeline for Neil. He tried to duck out of her grasp but it was no good. 

Allison straightened his collar, tugged on his sleeves and ruffled his hair before giving him a smug smile and turning to the others. 

“Am I good or am I great?” She asked. 

She’d put him in a sheer white button up and a black blazer with dark orange bits on it. He’d considered not wearing it until Allison had showed up in his dorm that morning saying “I have the sneaking suspicion you’ve never worn a suit before,’ and then had handed him a tank top to wear under the shirt. 

His scars were hidden so he wasn’t uncomfortable persay, although it was definitely made to fit him tighter then he’d ever wear on his own. 

“You look very nice Neil.” Renee said. 

“Fox colors,” Dan agreed. The rest of the men started filing out of the bathroom. 

“It has no pockets.” Neil observed. 

Andrew reached over and ripped open one of the jacket pockets before continuing on his way to the door. 

“Huh?” Neil inspected it. “They sew them shut?” He asked. 

“It keeps them fresh.” Allison answered. 

“The pockets?” Neil pulled at the other pocket seeing the loose threads stitching it shut. He ripped it open not understanding why anyone would do that.

“It’s amazing watching you discover the world.” Allison observed. 

“I’ve seen plenty.” Neil shook his head. Just because he didn’t know about fancy pockets or eyedrops didn’t mean he’d grown up under some sort of rock. It just meant he had other things to worry about at the time. 

Neil realized that discovering his pockets would be the only good part of the day approximately five minutes later when the Foxes walked into the court. 

First off- right away Neil noticed that the court was being used as the dining/ dance area. And that was horrible enough on it’s own before Dan started cursing and he realized some chucklefuck had decided to put the Foxes at the same table as the Ravens. 

None of the Foxes slowed on their route to the table regardless of how ridiculous the matching dressed-all-in-black-sitting-in-matching-poses-Raven’s were. The only reason they were remotely imposing was because Neil knew they were capable of murder. If he hadn’t known that he might have laughed. 

Coach asked them all to behave somewhat before going off to the coaches table.

Neil ended up seated between Kevin and Katelyn. With Andrew and the upperclassmen following Kevin and Aaron, Nicky and Nicky’s date on the other side of Katelyn. 

Neil attempted to do everyone a favor and tune the Raven’s out as Riko got every other Foxes name wrong. Calling Dan, Hennessey; Seth, Bryan; Renee, Natalie; and Andrew, Doe. Neil was half expecting Riko to pull out some of his own alternative names, there were plenty to choose from if he knew where to look. But no one was talking to Neil. 

No, Riko and Jean were making half-veiled threats to most of the Foxes but largely ignoring Neil and it took him a bit before it clicked. And then it did. Riko simply just didn’t know who Neil was. Not who he really was. If Riko knew he was Nathaniel there was no doubt in Neil’s mind that he’d be leveraging the information. 

But he really, truly believed that Neil Josten was a real boy. And Neil Josten came from nowhere special, was ignored and neglected by his parents, chasing his dreams in Palmetto. A no one trying to be important, hand picked by Kevin Day himself. And if you were trying to pick out Neil Josten’s weakness on paper- just knowing the backstory that Neil had laid out. Being ignored would be an easy one to pick. 

Leaving him alone for a stretch would work just as well as picking at the others insecurities and pasts out loud. At least Riko would think it would. Because he doesn’t know- he just genuinely didn’t. 

Neil realized everyone was looking at him, most of the Foxes looking worried as if fearing his reaction. 

“What?” Neil asked. He turned to Katelyn, “What?” He asked again. 

“Riko asked what your name was, because clearly you’re not important enough to remember.” She stage-whispered to him with wide eyes. 

Neil started laughing. “Sorry, sorry.” He said trying to get ahold of himself. “Oh, wow. It’s been a while since I laughed that hard.” He lost it again. Then he got a semblance of a grip. “My name’s Neil, Ne-il.” he said it as slow as possible. “It seems like you’re really struggling with names tonight, so be glad mine’s so easy. Is this supposed to be scary?” He turned to Kevin. “Really? Oh no, Kevin, the Raven’s said we suck whatever shall I do?’ He started laughing again. A distant part of Neil realized he might be having some kind of mental breakdown. 

“What are you expecting, really?” Neil asked. “That your low opinion of us will be the final straw? Maybe you’re that self conscious but give us Foxes a little more credit then that. We live on bad press.”

“Excuse me?” Riko asked. 

“Neil-” Kevin let out a pained groan. 

“You’re excused, I doubt even your over bloated team of self obsessed goths wants you around this long. Go on, run along Rodney.” 

“You can’t say that,” Jean said. 

“I can say whatever I want, I’ve been told people find it annoying. But I can’t imagine it’s actually worse than this shitty attempt at intimidation.” A glance around showed that about half of the Foxes had their heads in their hands and the other half looked like Christmas had come early. . 

“It would do you well to remember your place. We’re the best team-”

“Shut the fuck up, oh my god.” Neil interrupted. “‘We’re the best team,’” he mocked, “‘we have matching outfits,’ give me a break. I’ve seen rabid dogs less try hard than you.” 

“Matt, Coach, now.” Dan had one hand over her mouth and the other shoving at Matt’s arm. 

Matt seemed vaguely upset at having to leave. 

Kevin started sinking lower and lower next to Neil. 

“Control your dog,” Jean ordered Kevin in French. 

“I have no control here,” Kevin uttered back. 

“It’s rude to call people dogs.” Neil said in French. Neil had done it because he was rude, but Jean should show some decorum. 

“Who do you think you are?” Jean asked. 

“Oh, you’re fearless leader’s got that part right. No one important.” Neil answered before switching to English. “I’m a Fox, we have a bit of a bite.” it felt fairly silly to say, but no more than anything the Raven’s done in the last half hour. 

“Careful,” Riko grit out. “Biting dogs get put down.” 

“Promise?” Neil asked. “I mean you know all about my abandonment issues right? That’s why you said you didn’t remember me, oh to be forgotten by the second best Exy player,” Neil put his hand over his heart. “You really know where it hurts don’t you Rodney.” 

“On your feet,” Wymack interrupted before Riko could lunge across the table and strangle Neil. It was unfortunate, Neil thought he might have actually gotten Riko to kill him right then and there. “Abby is talking to the event coordinators about finding us a new table.” 

Neil sighed and got out of his seat. The Foxes cleared out and Abby brought them to their new seat on the outskirts of the event. They’d switched with the coaches- apparently. They all sat back down in the same order they’d been in before. 

Kevin immediately began lightly thumping his head against the table. Katelyn had both hands on her mouth. 

“I’m sorry, you all look really serious. Was that serious?” She asked, clearly struggling not to laugh. 

“Neil,” Seth started. “That man tried to kill me.” 

“Well, I never said I was smart.” Neil shrugged. The Foxes dissolved into laughter. Stilted quiet laughter that highlighted both how horrifying it was and how absurd. 

“We’re so fucked.” Dan said inbetween laughs. 

“Why did you call him Rodney?” Allison asked. 

Kevin sat up and turned to Neil. “Do you want to die?” He asked- the only one not laughing.

“I don’t exactly have a choice in dying-” Neil gestured nonchalantly. Especially now that he’d insulted Riko and suggested that the man didn’t know anything about him. 

“I for one am surprised our resident loud mouth lasted that long before tying himself a rope for Riko to hang him with.” Andrew observed. 

“I wanted to see how long it would take him to talk to me.” And now Riko would probably look deeper into Neil’s past, realize it was fake and find the real length of rope lurking behind the ruse. 

“Right, your ‘abandonment’ issues.” 

“Well , you see, my parents never came to my Exy games. Ask anyone at Millport and they’ll tell you about how much mr. and mrs. Josten work. I’m neglected, it’s a tragedy.” 

“Do you even have parents?” Aaron asked. 

Neil shrugged. 

Andrew turned to Kevin. “Kevin, Kevin. Is it as bad as you thought it would be?” 

“We haven’t even been here an hour and we’re all gonna die.” 

“Oh it sounds like someone needs Vodka.” Andrew hummed. 

“Yeah, we could all use some Vodka- why should Kevin get to hoard it. Sharing is caring.” Seth said. 

“Speak for yourself I want tequila,” Allison said. The upperclassmen groaned. 

“Tequila Allison sucks,” Matt complained. 

“I want mimosas.” Nicky said. “We should all have mimosa’s tomorrow.”

“See- Nicky gets it. Team Vodka.” Seth leaned across the table with a hand out. 

“What?” asked Nicky. 

“What do you mean what?” 

“Mimosas are champagne and orange juice not Vodka,” Aaron corrected. 

“Oh whatever, at least Kevin’s on team Vodka.” Seth sat back down. 

“I think I’m having a panic attack.” Kevin said. 

“It would be weird if you weren’t.” Katelyn said, leaning over Neil to talk to Kevin. “That guy is intense.” 

“Why do you know so much about mimosas anyways?” Seth asked Aaron. 

“We worked at a bar for like three years,” Aaron answered in a tone that suggested everyone should know that already.

“Kevin, can you tell me five things you can see?” Katelyn asked. 

“This is what I’ve been talking about!” Dan exclaimed, “everyone’s holding back. Aaron, tomorrow I want you to get me fucked up. Why are we only just learning you all can make cocktails.” 

“My ever-shortening lifespan-” Kevin started to list. 

Oddly, Neil realized, this was the longest all of them have ever held a conversation for without someone threatening murder. Kevin was having a panic attack for the first ten minutes- but by the time the rest of the table filled up with Coaches from other teams, Katelyn had gotten him to calm down. Apparently she had some anxiety disorder and there were like hacks and shit to stop panic attacks. 

Neil wasn’t sure if he knew what a panic attack was, but he was fairly certain that he’d been in a state like Kevin’s before. 

Neil glanced over at Andrew, but the man seemed too focused on keeping an eye out for stray Raven’s to realize his team was getting along. 

After dinner, Wymack came back around to make all the Foxes get up and socialize. Neil lagged back with Andrew and Kevin as the other’s dispersed. Wymack started counting down and Kevin took off, Andrew at his side. But Neil stayed back a second- there was something he was overlooking. Wymack turning them all loose onto the dance floor was bizarre- Riko had already attempted murder for not getting to fuck with Kevin for a sufficent amount of time. Why were they safe here? Witnesses?

He glanced around the court. Oh- of course. It was in a way, because Seth had been alone when he was attacked. But currently Allison was glued to his side. Matt and Dan, Aaron and Katelyn, Andrew and Kevin, Nicky and that guy he brought. This was probably the exact reason Andrew hadn’t reacted to Katelyn. Buddy system.

Neil’s eyes landed on Renee who had followed Allison and Seth away from the table but was now talking to some Breckinridge player on her own. Wymack had gotten down to five in his count. Neil sighed. He waved off the Coach and went over to Renee. 

He nodded at the Breckenridge player but didn’t add anything to the conversation. Barely listening as Renee and the woman discussed being goalies. The other woman eventually took her leave and Renee turned to Neil. 

“I must say, I’m a bit surprised you’ve decided to accompany me.” 

“None of us should be alone.” Neil shrugged. Not then, not with the Raven’s around. Besides if Riko did anything that night it’d be Neil’s fault for calling him a second-best try hard. 

“Surprised but not unhappy,” Renee smiled and held out an arm, Neil accepted his fate as Renee’s tagalong for the night and put his arm through hers. 

They made rounds, Neil left most of the conversation to Renee, instead keeping an eye on the Ravens. It seemed they’d taken on a divide and conquer strategy. Which was annoying as it meant that he couldn’t keep eyes on every member of the team. He just had to trust that everyone was sticking to their date. 

A few “ran into” Neil and Renee and started to regale them with how horrible they were at offense and defense, untilt the Raven’s realized they weren’t getting a repeat performance from Neil and that all Renee had for them was an aura of disappointed energy. 

After hearing a ruckus, they’d found a pissed off Dan and smug Matt who’d just gotten rid of their Ravens. Apparently they’d made some comments about Dan’s previous job until she punched one of them in the dick. Neil was sort of mad he missed it. 

Before too long all the Foxes had gathered at one section of wall and Wymack found them- having deemed that they’d spent enough time at the party they all made to leave. Kevin seemed worse for wear- Neil assumed he’d run into Tetsuji, but Andrew wouldn’t have left him alone. And clearly hadn’t as Kevin was still alive and with the foxes. 

“Stealing my date, Josten?” Andrew asked with a pointed look at their arms. Neil hadn’t known that Andrew and Renee were there together. He raised an eyebrow back at Andrew. 

“I was very vocal about not bringing a date, but if we’re going to get all technical about who spent the most time with who- I think yours was Kevin not Renee.” 

Renee seemed amused. 

“Et tu brute?” Andrew asked Renee. 

“How was Kevin?” She asked innocently. 

Neil felt eyes on himself as they left the court. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Riko staring him down. Ah well- life had been terrible while it lasted. He didn’t think it had exactly been his best work insult wise- but Neil was proud enough to die by it. There was something vindicating about knowing Riko or Andrew killing him. At least they both had fair reasons- Neil’s dad wanted to kill him for existing. 

Well- running. But still that wasn’t nearly as good as being killed for any of the many reasons Andrew or Riko might. Although if he had his pick Andrew would kill him for stealing his date or something. That seemed like it’d be quick

“If you want to kill me Andrew, you’ll have to do it soon. It seems my terminal stupidity is reaching advanced stages.”