The Breakfast of Champions

aka Neil Josten eats a bagel the chapter

ao3: full chapter under cut

Neil woke up in a blind and brief panic, reaching under his pillow for a gun that wasn’t there as a separate pillow hit him in the face. 

“Oh good, you’re alive.” Seth said, turning and immediately leaving the room, “it’s like six in the afternoon.” He called over his shoulder, shutting the door behind him. 

Neil slumped back into his pillow and then reached for his contacts to go and join the world. He ignored Seth’s explanation about where the others had gone but paid close attention to his mention of bagels in the kitchen. Neil swiped one before leaving the dorms in search of fresh air. 

He laid back in the grass behind the dorm and ate his bagel in peace. For all of three minutes. 

“Well at least you’re not wasting that.” Andrew mused. 

“I think setting my bagel on fire would cause a bit of a scene,” Neil mumbled through his food. Andrew sat next to him and lit a cigarette. 

“It’s my turn.” Andrew said, waiting for Neil to nod in agreement. “How wrong, exactly, was Riko’s assumptions about your abandonment issues?” 

Well, wasn’t that a question. Neil had been expecting this- something along these lines at least. The second he’d gotten on the bus and had a second to think about all he’d said at the banquet. He’d realized he’d said a bit too much all around. At least it didn’t really matter. 

“Very.” He answered, his body would probably be far less scared if his parents had ignored him. “My mother cared about me until the day she died.” In her own way of course. He couldn’t imagine most of what she did coming off as caring, but she’d kept him alive. 

“Did you kill her?” Andrew asked. 

Neil almost dropped his bagel. Now, he’d brought up her death on purpose- to hopefully distract from the complete lack of mention of his father. But not only had Neil not been expecting to be accused of his mother’s murder, it also wasn’t Andrew’s turn in the game. 

“Did you kill yours?” He asked instead of answering. 

“Yes.” Andrew said. “I told her what would happen if she hit Aaron again. She didn’t listen.” 

Fair enough, if Neil could kill his father he would and he wasn’t exactly in a judging kind of position; just overall considering his entire life. Neil held up his bagel in a mock salute. 

Andrew raised an eyebrow- as if he’d been expecting anything else as a response. Neil rolled his eyes.

“Oh I’m sorry, is this another ‘concerning for my mental health’ thing? Would you, the most well adjusted man I’ve ever met, like to tell me how I should respond to you confessing to murder?” 

“Meep meep.” Andrew mocked, digging a finger into Neil’s cheek to turn his face away. Neil had no fucking idea what he was talking about. 

“Yeah, I definitely know what that means.” Neil swatted at Andrew’s hand. “Thank you- meep meep.” 

“Is everything that comes out of your mouth a half-assed lie?” It wasn’t a question. “Meep meep is the only dialogue in Road Runner.” 

“Huh, I never had the volume on when I watched it.” He could now, Neil realized, he could go and find a DVD of the show and watch it with the volume as high as it could go. It didn’t matter who snuck up on him now. 

Andrew took a drag from his cigarette. “The three of you seemed cozy yesterday. How often is my doppelganger guest starring at the cheerleader’s math lessons?” 

Oh fuck that. “Nope- nope. I’m not spending the rest of my life dealing with whatever the fuck is going on between you two. Actually,” Neil turned to face Andrew, waving his bagel around for emphasis. “If you really want to drag me into the middle of this you can give me all the context. At least that way I’d know what to be irritated about.”

He wasn’t Andrew’s spy and he refused to be Aaron’s scapegoat. The next person to try and get Neil to be a part of the Minyard Madness would find out just how badly things went when Neil got involved. He was a fixer- he’d always been. Being on the run meant having to use your own hands to get yourself out of every possible problem. Not necessarily the right way, or the kindest way. Which meant no one would like how Neil fixed this if they kept bothering him about it. 

“Fine. Why did you stay with Renee during the banquet?” The ‘when you avoid her most of the time’ went without saying. 

“The same reason you let Katelyn come. Safety in numbers.” Neil got up and shoved the last of his bagel into his mouth- having decided that he was tired of talking. He gave Andrew a two fingered salute and headed back into Fox Tower. 

He found his dorm in a state. Dan and Matt unpacking various alcohol bottles as Allison and Seth argued over music. Neil sat down on the couch without asking, someone would explain unprompted. The upperclassmen loved talking almost as much as they loved weird bets. 

“The Monsters are getting us fucked up tonight. You drink right?” Allison asked, pulling a CD out of Seth’s hand and frowning at it in distaste. Renee came in, leaving the door open and setting a box of cookies on the counter. 

Neil shook his head and then realized she wasn’t looking. “No, I don’t” 

Seth tried to snatch the CD back but Allison held it over his head- her heels made her a good four inches taller than him. 

“That’s okay Neil,” Renee said, dropping onto the couch next to him. “I don’t drink either. We can be mocktail buddies.” 

“How’d they get Andrew to agree to this?” Neil asked in a low voice. 

“Free alcohol,” she said. 

Neil thought that if it were as simple as that Andrew would be drunk 24/7 and the team wouldn’t be divided. 

Seth gave up on getting the CD and just slung Allison over his shoulder, she laughed, dropping the CD and weakly smacking at his back while demanding he put her down. 

“Hey!” Matt yelled as his CD cluncked against the floor. 

“Don’t worry Boyd, nothing broke.” Seth yelled back. 

“Yet, put me down before I break you.” Allison said, still laughing, kicking her legs in the air- again with far less power then she would if she really wanted to get down. 

Seth grumbled but put Allison down once she agreed to some CD Neil didn’t recognize the name of. 

Kevin was the first to arrive, exactly ten seconds before the cousins. He made a beeline for the countertop full of drinks only to be intercepted by Dan with both her arms out. 

“Absolutely not Day, this isn’t just a get shitfaced Sunday. We have a purpose tonight, as a team.” She told him, looking around him as Nicky and Aaron came into the room. “Fancy. Cocktails.” She gestured to the table and swiped a bottle of whiskey in one flourish. 

Nicky cracked his knuckles and grinned. “Mission accepted Captain.” He said, stepping up to the counter. 

Aaron shook his head but stepped up next to him. 

Dan went to where Andrew was still standing in the doorway and handed him the bottle she’d grabbed. He accepted it and crossed the room, joining Neil and Renee on the couch. 

“DRINKS. DRINKS. DRINKS.” Matt started chanting, the others joining in as Nicky and Aaron began making drinks. Nicky performed some tricks and winked every three seconds. Aaron, pretty much just poured liquids into cups as everyone yelled around him. 

Neil watched it all with a ghost of fascination. This was the third party he’d ever been to. If he counted Eden’s Twilight and the Banquet as parties. So maybe it was actually his first. 

The Foxes started playing a drinking game after the first round, Neil couldn’t follow the rules. He didn’t really need to- as he wasn’t drinking or playing. Renee and Andrew weren’t playing either. Although Andrew was drinking. Kevin said he was playing, but was mostly just drinking. And Aaron had said he wouldn’t play but then Nicky had begged and so he did. 

It involved two decks of cards and a lot of yelling. It was an odd thing, watching the Foxes. Neil usually put himself on the outside of them. Observing and listening without participating if he wasn’t outright avoiding. But it was as he watched them play this game, that wasn’t Exy, that he really saw just how much space there was between them. 

Maybe if Neil was going to live, maybe if he would ever be free- truly free from his father, maybe  then he could laugh and drink or at the very least learn how to. Learn how to be a college student and not just a dying thing. 

He glanced at Andrew and Renee. They both put themselves on the outside too but it was different with them. Allison called Renee over yelling that she could just drink water. She smiled serenely and got up off the couch. Andrew took another long sip from the bottle Dan had given him. 

Neither of them were as separate from the team as they tried to make it seem. Renee might not drink or take sides but she was always there. And Andrew might- well Andrew might be Andrew with his knives and homicidal smile. But at the very least as long as Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky were a part of the team he was to. 

And far from the least Neil had noticed plenty. Had noticed how the upperclassmen had waited until the last possible moment to tell Neil that Andrew played games sober. That during that first game Andrew had stepped between Matt and the massive opponent he punched. That Matt had known to run to Andrew in the first place. Neil figured that probably hadn’t been the first time something like that had happened. 

Neil watched Andrew watch the team play their drinking game and Neil thought that as much as everyone said the team was fractured into pieces- despite the fact that Neil had counted out four separate groups when he first got there. The team was only broken in two. The Foxes. And Neil. 

The game dissolved as Nicky and Aaron made another round of drinks. A very drunk Kevin slumped into the couch inbetween Andrew and Neil. 

“Will you tell me something?” Kevin asked in low slurring French. 

Andrew glanced at the two of them but said nothing. 

“Why’d you call him second best?” Kevin asked. It was one of the dumbest questions Neil had ever heard.

“Because he is. You’re better than him.” Neil answered. It would only inflate Kevin’s ego if he remembered it although with all the Foxes there and a majority drinking it didn’t seem as if Kevin had managed to get as drunk as he had at Eden’s. Maybe that had something to do with why Andrew had agreed to this. 

Kevin blinked rapidly and then got back up to rejoin the others. 

Andrew looked pointedly at Neil. 

“I don’t report to you and it’s still my turn.” Neil told him. 

Andrew rolled his eyes and took another drink.

This Would Probably Be Awkward If I Weren’t Going To Die

icon hours at the Fall Banquet.

Ao3: Chapter below cut

The drive to Blackwell University would only be four hours. They won, or lost depending on how much you like throwing parties, the lottery to host the fall banquet that year. Apparently it was supposed to be a two day event, but the Foxes would arrive Saturday and leave Saturday. 

When time came to load onto the bus it wasn’t a surprise that Nicky had a date- some dude named Jim from his acting class. However, Neil did find himself genuinely surprised that Katelyn was there. Apparently Aaron had finally asked her to be his date. The Foxes exchanged money as Andrew completely ignored her presence. Neil would have been curious about that response if he wasn’t too busy being relieved that he wasn’t getting dragged into the couple’s shit. 

They all piled onto the bus, everyone going to their usual seats. Neil made for his, but Katelyn caught the sleeve of his sweatshirt and tugged him into the seat with her Aaron. So much for being relieved. 

“Study with me?” She asked, “I brought snacks.” He would have said no, he would have gone to his usual seat. But Katelyn, the mad woman, pulled out a container of strawberries because she was an evil evil convening fiend. So instead, Neil squeezed into the seat with her and Aaron. 

“God, your handwriting fucking sucks.” Neil told her as she handed him the container and opened up her notebook on their laps. Neil caught on to the lack of any noise on the bus and looked up. Everyone was standing around staring at them. “Oh I’m sorry, is this a group activity?” Neil asked. 

“Are you friends?” Allison asked. 

“I don’t have friends.” Neil pointed out. 

“Hey,” both Seth and Nicky complained at the same time before looking at each other in distress. 

“You don’t think we’re friends?” Matt asked. 

“This is your fault,” Neil said to Katelyn. “Why would we be friends?” It was a genuine question. He wasn’t nice to any of them, they barely knew anything about him that wasn’t a sarcastic lie, he didn’t understand where the confusion was coming from. Although he’d never had friends before so he supposed his reference point of half-assed observation might be off.

“You are so stupid it’s almost tragic.” Aaron said. 

“Figure this shit out sitting down,” Coach ordered, pointedly starting the bus. He waited until everyone was seated to pull out of the parking lot. 

Neil took the minute of silence to immediately start quizzing Katelyn on formulas. They weren’t friends. Neil didn’t have friends- he may not know what exactly constitutes friendship but he was fairly certain you had to be a real person to have friends. 

The other’s seemed to understand that Neil wasn’t in the mood for their shit and went about their business. 

“Hey,” Katelyn whispered when Aaron had fallen asleep almost halfway through the drive. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For knocking out Dustin.”

“I literally do not know who that is.”

“Yesterday? With a skateboard. Aaron told me.” oh so that’s what that guy’s name was.

“It wasn’t difficult.” Neil said. 

Katelyn laughed. “Maybe not for you, but still, thank you.” 

“I could have taken him.” Aaron murmured against the window of the bus- half asleep. 

Neil rolled his eyes. Katelyn pressed her hand to her mouth to hold back her laughter.

“Are you two nerds still studying?” Aaron asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry, is the pre-med major calling me a nerd?” Neil asked. 

“Hey! I’m pre-med.” Katelyn exclaimed, offended. 

“Yeah, you’re both nerds. Not me.” 

“How many math classes are you taking again?” Aaron asked. 

Not enough, Neil thought. “Shut up,” Neil said. He was not a nerd for understanding math. 

The sight of the Blackwell stadium rose into view with Kevin’s hyperventilating. The bus grew silent as Andrew attempted to get Kevin to calm down. The vodka Coach had packed worked a lot better. Neil wasn’t exactly thrilled to be spending so much time with Riko or Tetsuji either. As if either man recognized him, Neil would die sooner rather than later. But he hadn’t grown up with them. 

The only time Kevin had mentioned Tetsuji he’d called him “master” which really told everything Neil needed to know about what growing up in the nest was like. 

Blackwell let the Foxes use the away team locker rooms to get dressed. Neil had gotten ready the fastest out of everyone, going to wait in the middle room between the men’s and women’s lockers. When allison came out of the women’s room with Katelyn, Dan and Renee, she made a beeline for Neil. He tried to duck out of her grasp but it was no good. 

Allison straightened his collar, tugged on his sleeves and ruffled his hair before giving him a smug smile and turning to the others. 

“Am I good or am I great?” She asked. 

She’d put him in a sheer white button up and a black blazer with dark orange bits on it. He’d considered not wearing it until Allison had showed up in his dorm that morning saying “I have the sneaking suspicion you’ve never worn a suit before,’ and then had handed him a tank top to wear under the shirt. 

His scars were hidden so he wasn’t uncomfortable persay, although it was definitely made to fit him tighter then he’d ever wear on his own. 

“You look very nice Neil.” Renee said. 

“Fox colors,” Dan agreed. The rest of the men started filing out of the bathroom. 

“It has no pockets.” Neil observed. 

Andrew reached over and ripped open one of the jacket pockets before continuing on his way to the door. 

“Huh?” Neil inspected it. “They sew them shut?” He asked. 

“It keeps them fresh.” Allison answered. 

“The pockets?” Neil pulled at the other pocket seeing the loose threads stitching it shut. He ripped it open not understanding why anyone would do that.

“It’s amazing watching you discover the world.” Allison observed. 

“I’ve seen plenty.” Neil shook his head. Just because he didn’t know about fancy pockets or eyedrops didn’t mean he’d grown up under some sort of rock. It just meant he had other things to worry about at the time. 

Neil realized that discovering his pockets would be the only good part of the day approximately five minutes later when the Foxes walked into the court. 

First off- right away Neil noticed that the court was being used as the dining/ dance area. And that was horrible enough on it’s own before Dan started cursing and he realized some chucklefuck had decided to put the Foxes at the same table as the Ravens. 

None of the Foxes slowed on their route to the table regardless of how ridiculous the matching dressed-all-in-black-sitting-in-matching-poses-Raven’s were. The only reason they were remotely imposing was because Neil knew they were capable of murder. If he hadn’t known that he might have laughed. 

Coach asked them all to behave somewhat before going off to the coaches table.

Neil ended up seated between Kevin and Katelyn. With Andrew and the upperclassmen following Kevin and Aaron, Nicky and Nicky’s date on the other side of Katelyn. 

Neil attempted to do everyone a favor and tune the Raven’s out as Riko got every other Foxes name wrong. Calling Dan, Hennessey; Seth, Bryan; Renee, Natalie; and Andrew, Doe. Neil was half expecting Riko to pull out some of his own alternative names, there were plenty to choose from if he knew where to look. But no one was talking to Neil. 

No, Riko and Jean were making half-veiled threats to most of the Foxes but largely ignoring Neil and it took him a bit before it clicked. And then it did. Riko simply just didn’t know who Neil was. Not who he really was. If Riko knew he was Nathaniel there was no doubt in Neil’s mind that he’d be leveraging the information. 

But he really, truly believed that Neil Josten was a real boy. And Neil Josten came from nowhere special, was ignored and neglected by his parents, chasing his dreams in Palmetto. A no one trying to be important, hand picked by Kevin Day himself. And if you were trying to pick out Neil Josten’s weakness on paper- just knowing the backstory that Neil had laid out. Being ignored would be an easy one to pick. 

Leaving him alone for a stretch would work just as well as picking at the others insecurities and pasts out loud. At least Riko would think it would. Because he doesn’t know- he just genuinely didn’t. 

Neil realized everyone was looking at him, most of the Foxes looking worried as if fearing his reaction. 

“What?” Neil asked. He turned to Katelyn, “What?” He asked again. 

“Riko asked what your name was, because clearly you’re not important enough to remember.” She stage-whispered to him with wide eyes. 

Neil started laughing. “Sorry, sorry.” He said trying to get ahold of himself. “Oh, wow. It’s been a while since I laughed that hard.” He lost it again. Then he got a semblance of a grip. “My name’s Neil, Ne-il.” he said it as slow as possible. “It seems like you’re really struggling with names tonight, so be glad mine’s so easy. Is this supposed to be scary?” He turned to Kevin. “Really? Oh no, Kevin, the Raven’s said we suck whatever shall I do?’ He started laughing again. A distant part of Neil realized he might be having some kind of mental breakdown. 

“What are you expecting, really?” Neil asked. “That your low opinion of us will be the final straw? Maybe you’re that self conscious but give us Foxes a little more credit then that. We live on bad press.”

“Excuse me?” Riko asked. 

“Neil-” Kevin let out a pained groan. 

“You’re excused, I doubt even your over bloated team of self obsessed goths wants you around this long. Go on, run along Rodney.” 

“You can’t say that,” Jean said. 

“I can say whatever I want, I’ve been told people find it annoying. But I can’t imagine it’s actually worse than this shitty attempt at intimidation.” A glance around showed that about half of the Foxes had their heads in their hands and the other half looked like Christmas had come early. . 

“It would do you well to remember your place. We’re the best team-”

“Shut the fuck up, oh my god.” Neil interrupted. “‘We’re the best team,’” he mocked, “‘we have matching outfits,’ give me a break. I’ve seen rabid dogs less try hard than you.” 

“Matt, Coach, now.” Dan had one hand over her mouth and the other shoving at Matt’s arm. 

Matt seemed vaguely upset at having to leave. 

Kevin started sinking lower and lower next to Neil. 

“Control your dog,” Jean ordered Kevin in French. 

“I have no control here,” Kevin uttered back. 

“It’s rude to call people dogs.” Neil said in French. Neil had done it because he was rude, but Jean should show some decorum. 

“Who do you think you are?” Jean asked. 

“Oh, you’re fearless leader’s got that part right. No one important.” Neil answered before switching to English. “I’m a Fox, we have a bit of a bite.” it felt fairly silly to say, but no more than anything the Raven’s done in the last half hour. 

“Careful,” Riko grit out. “Biting dogs get put down.” 

“Promise?” Neil asked. “I mean you know all about my abandonment issues right? That’s why you said you didn’t remember me, oh to be forgotten by the second best Exy player,” Neil put his hand over his heart. “You really know where it hurts don’t you Rodney.” 

“On your feet,” Wymack interrupted before Riko could lunge across the table and strangle Neil. It was unfortunate, Neil thought he might have actually gotten Riko to kill him right then and there. “Abby is talking to the event coordinators about finding us a new table.” 

Neil sighed and got out of his seat. The Foxes cleared out and Abby brought them to their new seat on the outskirts of the event. They’d switched with the coaches- apparently. They all sat back down in the same order they’d been in before. 

Kevin immediately began lightly thumping his head against the table. Katelyn had both hands on her mouth. 

“I’m sorry, you all look really serious. Was that serious?” She asked, clearly struggling not to laugh. 

“Neil,” Seth started. “That man tried to kill me.” 

“Well, I never said I was smart.” Neil shrugged. The Foxes dissolved into laughter. Stilted quiet laughter that highlighted both how horrifying it was and how absurd. 

“We’re so fucked.” Dan said inbetween laughs. 

“Why did you call him Rodney?” Allison asked. 

Kevin sat up and turned to Neil. “Do you want to die?” He asked- the only one not laughing.

“I don’t exactly have a choice in dying-” Neil gestured nonchalantly. Especially now that he’d insulted Riko and suggested that the man didn’t know anything about him. 

“I for one am surprised our resident loud mouth lasted that long before tying himself a rope for Riko to hang him with.” Andrew observed. 

“I wanted to see how long it would take him to talk to me.” And now Riko would probably look deeper into Neil’s past, realize it was fake and find the real length of rope lurking behind the ruse. 

“Right, your ‘abandonment’ issues.” 

“Well , you see, my parents never came to my Exy games. Ask anyone at Millport and they’ll tell you about how much mr. and mrs. Josten work. I’m neglected, it’s a tragedy.” 

“Do you even have parents?” Aaron asked. 

Neil shrugged. 

Andrew turned to Kevin. “Kevin, Kevin. Is it as bad as you thought it would be?” 

“We haven’t even been here an hour and we’re all gonna die.” 

“Oh it sounds like someone needs Vodka.” Andrew hummed. 

“Yeah, we could all use some Vodka- why should Kevin get to hoard it. Sharing is caring.” Seth said. 

“Speak for yourself I want tequila,” Allison said. The upperclassmen groaned. 

“Tequila Allison sucks,” Matt complained. 

“I want mimosas.” Nicky said. “We should all have mimosa’s tomorrow.”

“See- Nicky gets it. Team Vodka.” Seth leaned across the table with a hand out. 

“What?” asked Nicky. 

“What do you mean what?” 

“Mimosas are champagne and orange juice not Vodka,” Aaron corrected. 

“Oh whatever, at least Kevin’s on team Vodka.” Seth sat back down. 

“I think I’m having a panic attack.” Kevin said. 

“It would be weird if you weren’t.” Katelyn said, leaning over Neil to talk to Kevin. “That guy is intense.” 

“Why do you know so much about mimosas anyways?” Seth asked Aaron. 

“We worked at a bar for like three years,” Aaron answered in a tone that suggested everyone should know that already.

“Kevin, can you tell me five things you can see?” Katelyn asked. 

“This is what I’ve been talking about!” Dan exclaimed, “everyone’s holding back. Aaron, tomorrow I want you to get me fucked up. Why are we only just learning you all can make cocktails.” 

“My ever-shortening lifespan-” Kevin started to list. 

Oddly, Neil realized, this was the longest all of them have ever held a conversation for without someone threatening murder. Kevin was having a panic attack for the first ten minutes- but by the time the rest of the table filled up with Coaches from other teams, Katelyn had gotten him to calm down. Apparently she had some anxiety disorder and there were like hacks and shit to stop panic attacks. 

Neil wasn’t sure if he knew what a panic attack was, but he was fairly certain that he’d been in a state like Kevin’s before. 

Neil glanced over at Andrew, but the man seemed too focused on keeping an eye out for stray Raven’s to realize his team was getting along. 

After dinner, Wymack came back around to make all the Foxes get up and socialize. Neil lagged back with Andrew and Kevin as the other’s dispersed. Wymack started counting down and Kevin took off, Andrew at his side. But Neil stayed back a second- there was something he was overlooking. Wymack turning them all loose onto the dance floor was bizarre- Riko had already attempted murder for not getting to fuck with Kevin for a sufficent amount of time. Why were they safe here? Witnesses?

He glanced around the court. Oh- of course. It was in a way, because Seth had been alone when he was attacked. But currently Allison was glued to his side. Matt and Dan, Aaron and Katelyn, Andrew and Kevin, Nicky and that guy he brought. This was probably the exact reason Andrew hadn’t reacted to Katelyn. Buddy system.

Neil’s eyes landed on Renee who had followed Allison and Seth away from the table but was now talking to some Breckinridge player on her own. Wymack had gotten down to five in his count. Neil sighed. He waved off the Coach and went over to Renee. 

He nodded at the Breckenridge player but didn’t add anything to the conversation. Barely listening as Renee and the woman discussed being goalies. The other woman eventually took her leave and Renee turned to Neil. 

“I must say, I’m a bit surprised you’ve decided to accompany me.” 

“None of us should be alone.” Neil shrugged. Not then, not with the Raven’s around. Besides if Riko did anything that night it’d be Neil’s fault for calling him a second-best try hard. 

“Surprised but not unhappy,” Renee smiled and held out an arm, Neil accepted his fate as Renee’s tagalong for the night and put his arm through hers. 

They made rounds, Neil left most of the conversation to Renee, instead keeping an eye on the Ravens. It seemed they’d taken on a divide and conquer strategy. Which was annoying as it meant that he couldn’t keep eyes on every member of the team. He just had to trust that everyone was sticking to their date. 

A few “ran into” Neil and Renee and started to regale them with how horrible they were at offense and defense, untilt the Raven’s realized they weren’t getting a repeat performance from Neil and that all Renee had for them was an aura of disappointed energy. 

After hearing a ruckus, they’d found a pissed off Dan and smug Matt who’d just gotten rid of their Ravens. Apparently they’d made some comments about Dan’s previous job until she punched one of them in the dick. Neil was sort of mad he missed it. 

Before too long all the Foxes had gathered at one section of wall and Wymack found them- having deemed that they’d spent enough time at the party they all made to leave. Kevin seemed worse for wear- Neil assumed he’d run into Tetsuji, but Andrew wouldn’t have left him alone. And clearly hadn’t as Kevin was still alive and with the foxes. 

“Stealing my date, Josten?” Andrew asked with a pointed look at their arms. Neil hadn’t known that Andrew and Renee were there together. He raised an eyebrow back at Andrew. 

“I was very vocal about not bringing a date, but if we’re going to get all technical about who spent the most time with who- I think yours was Kevin not Renee.” 

Renee seemed amused. 

“Et tu brute?” Andrew asked Renee. 

“How was Kevin?” She asked innocently. 

Neil felt eyes on himself as they left the court. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Riko staring him down. Ah well- life had been terrible while it lasted. He didn’t think it had exactly been his best work insult wise- but Neil was proud enough to die by it. There was something vindicating about knowing Riko or Andrew killing him. At least they both had fair reasons- Neil’s dad wanted to kill him for existing. 

Well- running. But still that wasn’t nearly as good as being killed for any of the many reasons Andrew or Riko might. Although if he had his pick Andrew would kill him for stealing his date or something. That seemed like it’d be quick

“If you want to kill me Andrew, you’ll have to do it soon. It seems my terminal stupidity is reaching advanced stages.”

I Have Never Once IN My Life Behaved

aka foxes have a game, neil is a mess but he’s our mess<3

ao3: chapter below cut

On Thursday, after a week of nights spent doing it automatically every twenty minutes, when regular afternoon practice devolved into arguing Neil just opened his mouth and shrieked until everyone stopped. 

Well- he shrieked until he realized what he was doing. 

“What THE FUCK?” Dan asked the second he stopped. Kevin and Seth immediately dissolved into laughter, as they were used to this. 

Neil opened his mouth and then realized he didn’t have a good explanation for why he’d just done that. So he closed his mouth without a word. 

“He-” Seth tried to get ahold of himself and failed. 

“At night practice whenever me and Seth start arguing he does that,” Kevin pointed at Neil. “To get us to stop.” 

“Fucking animal,” Seth croaked. 

“That works?” Allison asked. 

“You go to the night practices?” Nicky asked. “And make Neil scream all night with Kevin? Kinky.” 

“Listen, you little fa-” 

“Seth.” Neil interrupted him. He could already see this sparking another fight and his throat was sore as is. “Pull your head out of your ass, no one else says that shit.” Even Aaron didn’t go as far as Seth with the homophobic bullshit and Aaron said a lot of shit that clearly made Nicky uncomfortable. 

Everyone was silent for a moment, Seth looking around as if he’d only just realized he didn’t have the team’s support against Nicky. 

“Who said you assholes could take a break to gossip!” Coach yelled. 

The next day would be the game against USC-Columbia, which meant practice ended with a minor argument between Nicky and Wymack. As Nicky wanted to take a separate car to the game, tomorrow, so the Minyard Bunch could go to Eden’s after. And Wymack wanted everyone to remain sober and in scolding distance so close to the banquet. 

As in thirty-eight hours close. So far Neil had avoided having to get a date for it, but something about the fact that Aaron had yet to ask Katelyn reeked of schemes. 

Schemes were-sadly but not surprisingly- confirmed after practice when Neil was walking back from the store with cigarettes. 

“Hey, Neil!” Katelyn yelled, running to catch up to him. “What’s up?” 

He shook the pack of cigarettes, Katelyn made a face but apparently decided the argument wouldn’t be worth it. 

“So, I’ve got an idea,” she said. Neil immediately had concerns. “We’ve got that quiz next week right?” She asked. 

“We do.” They did, he couldn’t disagree with fact. 

“What if we studied together, Saturday?” Saturday, as in the day of the banquet. As in the day Neil would be on a bus for most of the day. As in the day of the event that Neil had dodged having a date for with all the elegance and poise of someone who had avoided people for his entire life. 

“Katelyn, You said no one-“

“Was asking you for anything, but math- am I?”

Neil stopped walking and turned to her. 

“I’m not asking you to the banquet,” She assured him. “Or asking you to ask me to the banquet. I’m asking you to study with me and also maybe- just not outright say I’m not your date?”

“Lying by omission is still lying.” 

“What are you, Catholic?”

“Why do you two even think that lying is the best way to deal with this? Andrew values honesty? Just fucking go together?” Neil could tell and he didn’t even spend much time with Andrew that’s how obvious it was. Aaron was related to the fucker, why was he instead wrapping his relationship in nine layers of subterfuge and Neil. 

“Because it’s complicated, they have some deal or something. Aaron’s never told me all the details but whatever it is it means this is the only way.” 

It sort of made sense. Neil could believe Andrew having made some convoluted deal. He could believe Aaron being dumb enough to take a deal and then try to get around it. 

“Whatever, it’s your bad choices- two things Katelyn, two things. I’m not Catholic and I’m not taking anyone to the banquet. I’ve said that loudly and often and no one would believe otherwise without me getting directly involved. And I refuse to.” For a moment he thought she was going to argue. 

“Fair enough,” she sighed. “Thank you for hearing me out.” She tapped him on the shoulder and then jogged back to wherever it was she had come from. 

The bus ride to the game Friday was short. He spent it listening to the Foxes chat and staring at the ceiling of the bus and thinking about the impending banquet. Kevin hadn’t recognized Neil and honestly after spending so much time around the man he understood why. Kevin had too many things to worry about to remember Neil. 

The real question was would Riko. Neil figured he’d be able to avoid Riko enough all night to not risk it. They hadn’t won yet, it would be no good if Riko got him killed before the Foxes could pull it together.

Neil sat down with Renee, Allison, and Nicky as the rest of the Foxes went to their starting positions. 

The whistle blew, the game started. Dan had first deal, she passed it to Seth as everyone ran about the court. 

“Holy shit,” Allison said. 

Neil found himself agreeing as they all watched Seth actually cooperate for once. He passed to Kevin, he didn’t body slam any of the Foxes. He passed to Kevin. He flipped off Kevin, but only once. 

“Well,” Nicky said. 

Neil had spent every night that week getting inbetween the two of them, the fact that they weren’t throwing punches was enough for him to be amazed. 

He went in for Seth, clacking racquets as they passed each other. 

Neil would never tire of this. The timer counting down, the crowds cheers fading out as everything narrowed down to the court. Time didn’t exist, his father didn’t exist. Neil didn’t exist. He was just a striker, running for the goal. It was the most alive he ever felt. 

They won. 8-6. Kevin and Seth each got three and Neil got two. He almost couldn’t believe it, staring at the scoreboard. 

The Foxes went nuts. They were louder than the crowd, slamming into each other with shouts of pure joy. 

Neil found himself yelling along, jumping with them. He still didn’t believe it but he knew it was true. 

The mood stayed with them. Coach gave them a proud smile and a nod before telling Renee and Kevin to do press and the rest of them to change out. 

They’d done it, hadn’t they. The Foxes. They’d really won. It’s like they hadn’t before, they’d gotten to championships the year before Neil had joined. But that’s the issue wasn’t it, that they hadn’t won a single game with Neil on their team until then. 

But they won, and Neil played, and Neil scored. So it wasn’t him, not completely, that had been losing them games. It wasn’t his fault. 

The drive back seemed shorter, probably because Neil passed out after ten minutes and didn’t wake up until they were back in Palmetto. 

The upperclassmen invited everyone back to the girls dorm to celebrate. Andrew laughed and then left. Kevin followed after him with a shrug. Nicky seemed like he wanted to party with the others but followed Andrew and Kevin back to the dorms. Aaron claimed he needed to study with classmates. Neil figured he was just going to see Katelyn. 

Neil didn’t really want to party, whatever that entailed. But he was wide awake from his nap so he sat down on the floor in the girls room and watched everyone talk. They were all still bragging and discussing the game. 

“Who knew all you needed to get along with Kevin was Neil yelling at you every night for a week,” Allison laughed. 

“He gets fucking- high pitched, I’m surprised no one called the cops,” Seth said. 

Neil had seen regular people… interact- be friends? Before. He’d gone to middle school and high school. But still, it was odd being around it so long. As dysfunctional as the Foxes were, as much as he avoided them, they were the longest Neil had spent around anyone other than his mother. 

Watching them just be was odd enough. Watching them all be so happy. Neil wrapped his arms around his legs and five minutes later still couldn’t decipher what he was feeling. 

Allison, Seth, and Renee left to get drinks and snacks. Neil leaned his head against his knee and watched Matt and Dan have a silent conversation. 

“Neil-” Dan started. “Whatever you’re doing- could you keep doing it? Do it more?” What in the everloving fuck was she talking about. Play Exy? Be hostile? Neil didn’t do much and figured she wasn’t talking about his cigarette habit or the fact that he was dying. 

“What?” He asked. 

“The team’s divided Neil, but you… You’re right inbetween, if you can bring Seth and Kevin together, you could fix the team.” 

“I had nothing to do with that, Seth decided to come to night practice on his own. I don’t know why everyone thinks I’m here to save the team or help or whatever. Go ask Renee for a savior.” Neil wasn’t even a real person, it was ridiculous to expect this much from him.

“Renee won’t take sides,” Matt said. “And we aren’t asking you to save us, dickhead. Just keeping yelling people into working together.” 

Dan nodded. 

Neil hadn’t planned on changing any of his behavior anyways. He got to his feet and left before they could ask him to do something else. 

He left the dorms, he didn’t go to his usual spot on the off chance Andrew felt like having a chat to request Neil playing the saxophone or something. Instead he lit a cigarette and just wandered campus. 

There was a lot to observe on a Friday night. Drunk people roaming from party to party. A group of people playing baseball in a parking lot. Aaron arguing with someone. A raccoon trying to knock over a garbage can. 

Neil dropped his cigarette and turned on his heel. Aaron was across the street yelling at some guy. Neil couldn’t make out the words as he put his head in his hands and wondered why he was still alive. Neil crept across the street diagonally, moving silently, both men too caught up in whatever bullshit to notice him. 

And Neil could have kept walking, of course he could of. But he saw Aaron shifting one leg back, his fist clenching and unclenching. And Neil understood that in under a minute Aaron was gonna swing. He understood violence intimately, Neil had been raised with knives and guns. He knew what violence looked like. He knew for a fact that Aaron was going to swing. And he knew for a fact that if Aaron got a black eye Andrew would burn down the campus. 

So Neil crept across the street and looked for something to use. Ah, he swiped up an abandoned skateboard and weighed it in his hands. 

“You Fucking Disgusting Little Creep,” Aaron spat at the man, his right arm coming back gearing up for the hit. Neil swung first. The Creep went down like a ton of bricks. “Josten, what the fuck!?” Aaron asked at an uncalled for volume. 

“Oh I’m sorry, did you want to watch your brother get thrown in prison for murder after you came back with a broken nose?” 

“I- fuck you, I wouldn’t have gotten hit!” Aaron sputtered. 

Neil glanced around. “Let’s fucking go before he wakes up, who is he by the way?” Neil tossed the skateboard back into the grass and started moving.

“Goddammit Neil,” Aaron ran after him. “He’s Katelyn’s math tutor.” 

“What, did you decide to beat him into competence?” 

“No, he’s-” Aaron groaned. “He’s a fucking creep, he was following her around last year and got a job tutoring just to stalk her. He fucking tracked me down to yell about how I’m bad for her and how he could kick my ass.” 

“Well, he was taller than you.”

“Maybe I’ll tell Andrew you tried to hit me.” 

“Yeah okay.” All things considered Andrew wasn’t the worst person to be murdered by.

A Certified Minyard Moment

Neil is plagued with blonds

Ao3 chapter under cut

On Monday while Neil was preoccupied with English assignments and ignoring his phone. He found himself faced with Katelyn and Aaron, standing shoulder to shoulder. Well, as close to shoulder to shoulder the two could get, considering Katelyn was a foot taller than Aaron. 

“Please?” Katelyn finished. Neil had ignored most of the request. The first few words were enough for him to understand that for some reason her university ordered tutor was still incompetent or whatever and she needed to not fail Calc. He could tell that was the truth in the same way he could tell it wasn’t the whole truth. His hand was already wrapped around the strap of his backpack ready to leave, he didn’t want to be a part of whatever clusterfuck this secretly was. But the memory of Allison bothering him all day Saturday about a date for the banquet stopped him.

“Fine, I’ll help you. But you need to make sure none of the other Foxes try to set me up with your cheerleaders.” 

“Are you actually gay? I’ve never seen a man avoid cheerleaders this hard?” Aaron asked. 

“I have no interest in anyone, do you want my help or not?”

“It’s a deal,” Katelyn stuck out a hand to shake, Neil ignored her in favor of pulling his workbook out of his bag. 

A loud piercing sound rang out. A text notification on his phone. He pulled the phone out and then tossed it onto the floor under the table, maybe it’d be quieter there.

Katelyn bent down. 

“Leave it.” 

“You have a phone?” She asked, standing back up and sitting down at the table. Aaron taking the chair next to her.

“No, I have a shrieking little mechanical monster that Coach said I can’t get rid of.” Neil hadn’t sweated the marathon threat but then Wymack had switched to threatening Neil with something called ‘the buddy system.’ It sounded horrendous, so he had the phone with him. 

“You do know you can switch off the ringer, right?” She asked. 

He did know that, it’s just that Neil was used to burner phones and only one person messaging him. The beast Allison had bought him had too many buttons and it seemed like half the team had something to say to him. He leaned down and picked the phone back, dropping it onto the table as it dinged again. “How do I make it stop?” He asked. 

“Can I see it?” Katelyn asked. 

He slid the phone over to her. She picked it up and started to fiddle with it.

“So, are either of you going to tell me the real reason I’m the only possible person who could help you with this?” He decided to get it out of the way first, seeing no reason to pretend he ddin’t know there was more at play here.

Katelyn looked up from the beast and glanced at Aaron. 

“Talking to me at the game but not Aaron, ‘don’t tell Andrew,” He mimicked Aaron’s voice. “How stupid do you think I am?” 

“That’s not how I sound!” Aaron argued. 

“Yes it is, now out with it. If I’m being a scapegoat I’d like to know what for.” It was their own fault for being so obvious about having something to hide. 

“It’s none of your business.” Aaron said, the audacious motherfucker. 

“You made it my business asshole, if you don’t want to get into the specifics that’s fine just give me the overview.” Neil twirled a finger.  

Katelyn put a hand on Aaron’s arm.

“Andrew is… overprotective and he doesn’t like me.” Katelyn started to carefully explain. “But if you and I are friends then I have a reason to be around more that he can’t argue with.” 

He saw some reason in it, because Andrew could argue with Aaron, but historically and quite publicly had no control over Neil. Neil had doubts about being capable of preventing Andrew from doing anything, much less anything to Katelyn if he really didn’t want her around Aaron. More than that he had no motive whatsoever to even attempt that to begin with.

“First off- we’re not friends. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. Secondly, why the fuck am I the choice here, I’m sure any of the upperclassmen would love being apart of your inane schemes. Thirdly, what makes you think I’d do anything to prevent Andrew from getting rid of you?” 

“I thought you weren’t that stupid,” Aaron said. “None of us are allowed to socialize with the upperclassmen, you haven’t picked a side so you’re the only option.” 

A side- why couldn’t everyone just play Exy. There was no good reason for any of the drama on the team- or well if there was a good reason Neil certainly didn’t know it.

“Besides,” Katelyn cut in. “No one’s asking you to do anything but help me with my math homework and you already agreed to that.” 

She made a compelling argument. And Neil realized for a moment just how profoundly unlucky he was. He imagined the world where Katelyn had asked for help with English homework and Neil refused immediately. The world where Wymack asked him to join his baseball team and Neil lived. Anything but Exy and Math and he’d be in South America, still on the run, instead of a dead man in a library. 

Neil sighed and pulled out his workbook. 

Katelyn and Aaron weren’t that bad. None of the Foxes were that bad, they were annoying assholes who made obnoxious decisions. But no one had stabbed him yet- yes, the bar was really that low. 

The eye drops were nice. It was odd to not feel the need to rub at his eyes every five minutes. He hadn’t realized just how bad it was until he realized his headache was gone. That he didn’t really remember when it had started. 

Neil knew Exy, he knew survival, running,  he knew hundreds of ways to kill a man and very few of them were slow. But he didn’t know eye drops existed. There were gaps in his personhood that he realized would never be filled. He was honestly surprised he’d lived long enough to find out about the drops. For his headache to go away.

It came back that night when he heard the tell tale knock of Kevin at the door and Seth got up with him. 

“What?” Neil asked, his hand freezing right above the door knob. 

“What do you mean? What?” Seth asked, pulling on his sneakers. 

“What do you mean? What do I mean? What?” 

“NEIL!” Kevin yelled through the door. 

Neil opened the door. “Just a minute, Kevin.” He told the confused man before shutting the door again. “What are you doing?” He asked Seth.

“I’m coming with you.” 

Neil wondered what he’d done to deserve this. “Why?”

“You told me to start listening to Kevin- what’s the issue am I intruding on some gay shit or is it Exy?” 

“You’re fucking insuffrable, is the issue.” 

“You’re the one that told Renee to go to the bar with us. You little shit. You care about me.” 

“Care is a fucking stretch,” Neil ignored Kevin’s knocking as it started again. 

“Then why bother? Telling her to go with us or calling Allison the other day?”

“Because,” Neil said. “If you die then when I’m inevitably murdered the team will be too small to play.” The extent of Neil’s courtesy, it would just be rude.

“I genuinely can’t tell if you’re joking right now or not.” 

Neil shrugged. 

“Whatever, stop being a dick because you didn’t expect me to listen to you.”

“Why are you listening to me?” Neil hissed.. 

“I WILL LEAVE WITHOUT YOU!” Kevin yelled through the door. 

Neil swung open the door again. “Kevin, chill the fuck out!” He tried to shut the door again, but Kevin shouldered right into it, stepping into the dorm. 

“What is going on?” He asked, loudly. 

“I’m coming to night practice.” Seth declared. 

Kevin’s eyes went wide and he blinked slowly. He looked at Neil. 

“You know what,” Neil decided this wasn’t his problem. “I’m going downstairs.” He walked quickly, hearing Seth and Kevin following him but not stopping or looking back. 

“We actually practice, Gordan,” Kevin informed him. “I know that’s a difficult concept for you so if you’re just coming to be useless- don’t.” 

“You see, this is why you’re not captain, Day. You don’t own the court, I can practice if I want to.” 

“If I have to listen to the two of you argue all night,” Neil started slamming the elevator button and then giving up. “I don’t know what I’ll do but it’ll be fucked up.” 

“This was your idea!” Seth groaned. 

Kevin smacked Neil on the arm. 

“It wasn’t, I didn’t say come to night practice and antagonize Kevin. I said get better at Exy and stop antagonizing everyone!”

“Right because no one else on the team is antagonizing,” Seth argued. “Kevin literally just called me useless.”

“Because you are.” 

Neil had been tortured a few times, well more then a few really, growing up. This felt worse. On the brightside there was a good chance that when Andrew saw Seth was coming with he’d just kill Neil anyways. 

“You’re so encouraging Kevin-”

“Shut up,” Neil cut him off. “You are both going to shut the fuck up right now or I will just scream over until you do.” 

They both managed to keep it down to muttering until they walked out of the building. Andrew waiting in his car. As they approached Andrew rolled his window down. “That is not allowed in my car.” He said pointing directly at Seth. 

Seth threw his hands up in the air, but went over to Allison’s car, unlocking it and slamming the door behind him. 

Neil got into the backseat of Andrew’s car, Kevin in the passenger seat. 

“Why am I being subjected to Exy and Seth so late at night?” Andrew asked. 

“Ask Neil,” Kevin deflected. 

“This is not my fault.” Neil said. 

“Then who’s is it? The invisible man?” 

“Seth’s the one who decided he was joining practice. But if we need someone else to blame, maybe Riko for the attempted murder.” Neil offered. 

Kevin flinched against the window. 

“Weak link was your word choice, wasn’t it?” Andrew laughed.

“I didn’t think he’d listen.” 

Andrew pulled out of the parking lot, Seth following. They all got out of the cars and went into the stadium. Andrew stopped Seth from following Neil and Kevin into the locker room for a minute. Neil didn’t wait for him, nor did he ask what Andrew said. The fact that Seth was both alive and still there was shocking enough. 

During the practice whenever Seth and Kevin got too annoying, instead of taking sides Neil would just scream until they both stopped. Then Neil would go quiet and for a moment all they could hear in the court was Andrew laughing. 

They ended early, but no one died. And somehow no actual fight broke out between the other two strikers, so Neil counted it as a success. Kevin got changed first and left the locker room, leaving Neil and Seth alone. 

Neil shut his locker and turned to leave as well. 

“It’s because you were right.” Seth said into his own locker. He was dressed but he hadn’t shut it yet.

“What?”

“I decided to listen to you because I knew you were right. If I had died that night… they wouldn’t have cared. Not for long. Because they would have won the game Friday. It would have been a real inspiration. ‘Foxes prevail after losing one of their own. Win first game of the season.’” He shut the locker quietly. “I refuse to be worth more dead.”  

Neil crept out of the dorms that night, around two in the morning. He went around to his spot and sat down in the grass behind the dormitory. It was cold but he didn’t shiver, he just lit a cigarette and watched the smoke rise. 

He closed his eyes and thought he could hear the ocean. The roaring of a bonfire. He still didn’t shiver, even as he could feel that breeze, smell burning flesh.

“You’re wasting nicotine,” Andrew drawled from behind him. Neil applauded himself for not visibly jumping at the sudden noise. 

Neil leaned back, looking at Andrew upside down. “Sure,” he said with a shrug. 

“So this is where you’re always scampering off to,” he observed. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever scampered in my life.” Neil narrowed his eyes. “Is there a bet about this?”

“You scamper constantly. Skittish squirrels scamper.” Andrew answered, laughing. “There’s a lot of bets about you, including where you run off to and about you speaking French- you’re just full of surprises. I hate surprises by the way.” 

“Oh no, I’d never want to upset you, Minyard.” Neil sighed. “If this is going to be a whole thing you might as well sit down- unless you’re allergic to grass or something.” Mostly Neil was just tired of the angle his head was at. He didn’t think Andrew would actually sit down- but he did. A fair two feet away, Andrew plopped down in the grass and lit his own cigarette. 

A moment passed in silence, Neil put his eyes back on his own cigarette. He took a drag to prevent it from dying. “Why are you here?” He found himself asking after a moment. 

“Bored.” Andrew answered eloquently. 

“Wasn’t practice tonight entertaining enough?” 

“Watching Seth bleed a little would be more entertaining.” 

“Well, I’m sure sooner or later he’ll do something to make you stab him.” 

“Surprise me with something like that again and I might stab you.” 

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to call you next time someone decides they’re joining night practice.” Neil lied. Not even death would make him want to use his phone. 

“Hm,” Andrew hummed. “I heard that you didn’t go to the little team meeting last week where Nicky shared some family secrets?” 

Neil raised an eyebrow, it was an odd non-sequitur. “I didn’t, it wasn’t my business.” 

“You’re not curious at all?” 

It’s not that Neil was curious, it’s that he knew that if he were acting more like himself he’d be endlessly curious. When he was trying to survive he needed information. Information was everything. If he’d come to Palmetto with the intention of living after it, he’d have gone into the dorms with the Foxes and asked Nicky every question. He’d probably stick his nose into everyone’s life until he was sure there was no secret bomb waiting to go off that’d get him too.

“I wouldn’t say that, it just seemed like a you problem.” 

“How about this, we play a little honesty game. I ask you a question, you ask me for one. Truth for a truth.” 

“Why?”

“Is that your question?”

“Is that yours? I haven’t agreed to play yet.”

“Like I said, I’m bored. I hate surprises and you seem to cause one every other day.” Andrew explained. He wanted a warning. It seemed fair. 

 Neil took another drag from his cigarette. “There’s some shit I won’t answer.” He told Andrew. 

“Likewise.” 

“Fine then, ask away.”

“What other languages do you speak?” 

Oh Neil was absolutely getting stabbed. “Well, French- obviously. My Spanish sucks, so does my Portugues. I’m conversational in Italian, okay-ish in Greek.” He glanced at Andrew. “Pretty fluent in German.” 

“What’d I say about surprises?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, when was I supposed to share that tidbit of information. When you were pretending to be Aaron to fuck with me, my first day here, or when you drugged me?” 

“Is that your question?”

“Fuck off.” Neil took a second to think about it. “Why’d you get a phone call from the police?”

“I thought it wasn’t your business.”

“Yes, well, you brought it up.” 

“Children’s services is opening an investigation into one of my foster fathers.” Andrew stared at his cigarette for a moment. “Pig Higgins knew I lived with them, so he called me looking for a testimony.” 

“Was it a surprise?” Neil asked. 

“It’s my turn. How’d you meet the cheerleader?” 

“I don’t know if you know this, but she goes to Palmetto.” Neil answered. “I’m helping her with math homework.” 

“Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days? I thought you didn’t swing.” 

“I don’t, what the fuck is everyone’s obsession with fucking?” Neil felt a rant coming on. “Is there some kind of banner or some shit I can wave so everyone stops with this shit. I’m helping Katelyn with math homework, I have no interest in whatever it is kids are calling it these days! Jesus fucking Christ.” He hadn’t realized how fed up he’d gotten with no one believing him about his own sexuality, or lack thereof. Then he looked down and realized he’d snapped his cigarette in half. He put out the still smoldering end and then lit a new cigarette. 

“Are you sticking with the same question?” Andrew asked instead of commenting on Neil’s minor breakdown. 

“What?”

“‘Was it a surprise,’ is that still your question?”

Neil nodded. 

“Yes.” Andrew answered. “You don’t smoke.” It wasn’t a question. “Why light it then?” Andrew asked after a long moment. 

“I like the smell.” It centered him, put things into perspective, reminded him of his future. He flicked the ash off his cigarette- scattered to the four winds that’s where he’d be. “What do you get out of your deal with Kevin? It can’t be his companionship.” 

“Irritated, is what I get.” Andrew considered the question. “He said he’d give me something to base my life around after I got sober.” 

“We both know all he has is Exy, I thought you hated it?” He mocked Andrew’s voice. 

“I don’t sound like that, but yes Kevin is under the delusion that I’ll care once I’m sober. I won’t but it’s funny to watch him hope.” 

“What do you care about?” Neil asked. 

“It’s not your turn,” Andrew stood up. “And I think I’ve had enough for the night, I’ll save mine for later.”

I Am Having A Terrible Time

AKA get in bitch we’re going shopping.

ao3 Chapter under cut

Somehow, in much the same line of confusing dominoes that had turned a little league exy game into a blood bath. Getting a drunk Seth off the dorm floor had turned into going shopping with Allison. 

“Help me get him to the car,” “help me get him to Abby’s,” “Coach’s orders. Someone needs to take you shopping and because you keep dodging Dan and Matt that leaves me. Unless you’d rather go with Renee or Nicky.” 

If he really had a choice, Neil would rather get shot again. But as Allison was already barreling down the highway to the mall, he just screamed internally and accepted his fate. Although he did glance at the lock of the car door. But ultimately he decided another patch of road rash wasn’t worth the escape. 

“I don’t have money on me.” He informed Allison despite knowing it wouldn’t change anything. 

“Did I ask?” 

He let the rest of the ride pass in silence, rubbing at his dry eyes. Allison parked the car and he followed her into the mall. It seemed like she knew where she was going, he didn’t ask any questions. Largely because he didn’t want to engage and get locked into some stupid conversation. 

She walked into some trendy clothing store and then turned to consider Neil for a moment before pulling clothes off racks and handing them to Neil. He didn’t pay attention, it wasn’t like he’d actually wear any of them. 

Unsurprisingly, Neil didn’t spend much time in malls. Buying clothes new was too expensive while on the run. And there were far too many people for it to feel comfortable. Anyone could be around. 

Allison held up a shirt and then put it back after a moment. Neil blinked a few times to try and get his contacts to stop itching. Then he glanced at his watch, they’d only been there for ten minutes. 

He wondered if the silence was awkward or not, he couldn’t really tell and didn’t care to rectify it.

“Once I’ve got a good selection you’ll need to try stuff on so we can find your actual size.” Allison eventually said. 

Neil preferred the silence.

“I know my size.”

“Yeah, sure.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyways, are you actually stealing Aaron’s girlfriend or are you bringing your own unbearable personality to the banquet as a date?” 

“No, just no to all of that.”

“Come on Josten, you can’t be the loser without a date. Even if you’re not sweeping Katelyn off her feet there has to be someone else. I’m sure any other cheerleader would fall on her ass if you asked her out. Unless, Nicky’s right and you are gay?” 

It was too much. Neil couldn’t deal with being at the mall, Allison’s fucking nonsense, his headache, and his contacts. Something had to go and he didn’t think he could get away with murder in a crowded store in the middle of the day. He wished he could.

He dropped all of the clothes. 

“Neil!” 

“I fucking- just.” He held up a finger and then pulled out his contacts. The relief was instant, late nights with Kevin and early starts with the team meant that he was wearing the contacts more than ever. “Holy fuck that is so much better.” He blinked his eyes, tearing up from the strain. He shoved the contacts into his pocket to throw out later.

“They’re blue!” Allison groaned. “Josten, you just lost me eighty bucks.” 

“Why was there that much money on my eyes?” None of them ever made any fucking sense. He spent twenty-four seven with a bunch of freaks. 

“That’s not even the biggest pot involving you. Also, what the actual fuck do you not own eye drops? You look like you just hot boxed a coffin for three weeks straight.”

“Eye drops?” 

It was rare that Allison looked stunned, her usual modes of facial expression were smug and annoyed. 

“Okay, I’m adding the drug store to the list of places we need to go today. You put eye drops. In your eyes. To prevent that.” She gestured to his face. 

“Those exist?” 

“Yes!” 

Neil ducked down and picked back up all the clothes. He wondered if his mother hadn’t known either, or if she’d just deemed eye drops an excessive luxury. 

“Can we please go back to shopping?” He asked, uncomfortable. 

Allison stared at him for a long moment and then turned back to the rack. The silence lasted barely a minute. 

“If I ask you a question will you be an unbearable little shit about it?” She asked. 

Neil shrugged. 

Allison sighed. “Why do you wear contacts? If they hurt and you didn’t know about eye drops.” 

Neil considered being an unbearable little shit about this. But he couldn’t think of anything good enough. So he just readjusted the clothes in his arms and settled on the truth. 

“I don’t like my eyes.” It came out quieter than he meant it to. 

Allison glanced at him and then handed him a sweater before moving to the pants aisle. 

“I don’t like you.” She said. 

“Okay.”

“You called my boyfriend easy to kill.”

“Well-” He had, he wouldn’t deny it. Seth was easy to kill. 

“I think you’re an asshole.”

“And you aren’t?”

“Let me finish. You’re an asshole. And you’re a Fox.” She squared her shoulders. “When I was sixteen I almost died. No- I’m serious, Neil, put your eyebrow down. I stopped eating and got dizzy and fell off the fucking balcony. I woke up in the hospital with no idea how I got there and all these nurses telling me I was lucky to be alive. If I had fallen in any other way then how I did I would have died or permanently injured myself. I didn’t feel lucky, I hated my body. Ridiculous? I know, I’m amazing.”

She kept picking clothes as she talked. 

Her voice stayed steady. “But when I got out of the hospital I realized I had done it for them. My parents. I did everything for them. I studied what they wanted me to study. Talked to who they wanted me to talk to. Wore what they wanted. Watched what they wanted. Went where they wanted. And when they told me I was getting too big I stopped eating. And it almost killed me. And they didn’t even bother to visit me in the hospital.”

“My life wasn’t-” Allison paused for a second. “Isn’t theirs, it’s mine. My body is mine and once I stopped treating it like it was theirs… Well I stopped falling off of balconies for one.” She looked at Neil. “Whoever it is, or was, or whatever that made you hate your own eyes. It won’t make them love you or treat you differently. It won’t change anything. Your eyes are yours not theirs.” 

Neil didn’t know what to say to that. It wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t? When he was running it was more about hiding than anything else. But he wasn’t running anymore? And sure his mom had hated how much he looked like his father but he didn’t do it for her. He hated the way looked just as much, if not more. It wasn’t about her? It wasn’t. It wasn’t? 

It wasn’t. 

“Yeah, they’re mine and I don’t like them.” He said, staring at the clothes in his arms.

Allison just pointed at the changing room. 

“I don’t-“

“Oh save it, we both know you’re not winning this argument.” 

He hadn’t thought this through. Neil went into the changing room and dropped the clothes on the stool. He could do this, he was fine. 

He tried the clothes on keeping his eyes on his body and avoiding his face. It all fit better then he was used to, but most of it was okay. There was one crop top that he tossed aside immediately. Despite the fact that he planned on never wearing any of it, he made sure that the things he put in the ‘let Allison buy’ pile didn’t let his scars show. 

He tugged back on his own clothes and then gave in. Allison had been right about them being completely bloodshot. She was wrong about them being his though. Completely wrong. Neil looked in the mirror and his father’s eyes looked back. And he was struck with the fact that they would likely be the last thing he saw when he died.

He clenched his jaw and turned from the mirror. He could always get lucky and Andrew or Riko or whoever else he pissed off would kill him instead. 

He left the changing room. He watched Allison buy him the clothes. He followed her into some fancier store to get a suit for the banquet. He didn’t pay attention as measurements were taken. As Allison paid for that. He came back to the world once he realized they were standing in front of a phone store. 

“No.” He said to Allison. “I don’t need or want a phone.” 

“You do,” she corrected. “If you want to keep disappearing to wherever it is you go, you need to be able to tell someone you’re not dead.” 

“I don’t think that’s anyone’s business.” 

“Well you should have thought of that before joining the Foxes.” 

Neil turned around and walked away.

“I’ll meet you outside!” Allison yelled after him. “Don’t get murdered!” 

If the walk were shorter he probably would have just gone back to campus. But it had been a long enough drive that the effort wasn’t worth it. So he just went to Allison’s car and sat down on the closest curb, setting the clothing bags down next to him.

He stared up at the clouds until Allison gave him a gentle kick in the leg. 

“Here,” she held out a phone.

Neil stared at it. 

“What are you allergic?” 

The last time he had a phone he’d been throwing his mother’s into the ocean after burying her. “Deathly.” He said. 

“You used Seth’s to call me.”

“And I hated every second of it.” 

“And you wonder why we keep making bets about you,” Allison snarked. “I know we’ve both had enough of this so just take the phone Josten.”

He reached out and took it from her and then dropped it into one of the clothing bags. 

“Whatever, as long as you keep it on you.” She unlocked her car and got in, leaving Neil with the bags. 

Neil pulled the phone back out of the bag. It was fancier then he was used to, it had a keyboard with every letter and number on it. He turned it on, all the Foxes were already programmed in. As well as Wymack, Abby, and Dobson. He shut it back off. Just another useless thing to carry to the end. 

It wouldn’t do what Allison or anyone else wanted it to. When it came down to it, there was no one among the twelve of them that he would call when his father came to get him because not one of them could save him. 

He stood up and shoved the phone in his back pocket. He grabbed the bags off the pavement and tossed them into the backseat of Allison’s car. Then he got into the passenger seat and waited for her to drive. 

NMFTG CHapter 9

Building a Headache

Neil tries to avoid everyone

ao3 chapter under cut

In the days since the attack, Seth had been acting erratic. To the point that even Neil noticed despite his best efforts to avoid everyone. He made a quick escape after Coach had showed back up on Sunday. Hiding out behind the dorms in the grass until sundown. 

There was just- too much going on. All the blabbing about how the guy disappeared, how the cops weren’t looking into it. All the Foxes talking over each other, he wanted no part in it. But he couldn’t avoid them at practice. 

Seth wasn’t there, not Monday or Tuesday, he was benched for two days for almost being murdered. Go figure. Neil found himself wondering how benched he would be if Coach ever found out how many people were trying to kill him. Forever probably. If anyone on the team knew the truth, the whole truth, he can’t imagine they’d ever let him stay. 

The upperclassmen were subdued at practice and whenever Neil saw Seth he seemed to switch between being a huge asshole and being a quiet asshole- well just quiet but Seth made even that seem angry and ripe with angst. 

They all seemed thrown by the attempted murder, Neil found it all exhausting. If he wanted to face his mortality he’d just look in the mirror. 

He’d figured his stunt the day prior would get them all to give a bit of distance. But Matt and Dan kept trying to talk to him. He should have known better, the upperclassmen still tried to make nice with Andrew and the guy had the disposition of a rabid dog- Neil’d know. 

At night practice Monday, Kevin had gone ahead to set up, getting ready faster then Neil. When Neil walked past the section of stadium that Andrew always sprawled against, he’d spoken up. 

“I thought you said you weren’t running anymore and yet no one’s seen you all day.” 

“This isn’t running, it’s healthy avoidance.” If Neil were running again he wouldn’t be showing up at night practice no matter how much of an effort Kevin put into using actual words instead of secret codes.

“You look like a rabbit hopping around to avoid everyone.” 

“Fuzzy ears too?” Neil deadpanned back as he turned to keep walking before Kevin got impatient on the court. 

He walked out of his Calc class Tuesday only to immediately turn around at the sight of Matt and Dan waiting for him. He ducked out through an unalarmed fire exit and made a beeline for the library. He did have to admit it was awfully rabbity of him.

Studying. It was studying time. The two of them would go back to the dorms or whatever and Neil could do his homework in peace before afternoon practice. 

There was a low level of chatter throughout the entire library, completely silent spaces saved for room students had to reserve. The main room was large- tables, chairs, computers, dingy couches, the expected amount of books and shelves. It measured up to just about any other library Neil had been in over the years. 

He instantly found an empty table to drop his bag on, pulling out his workbooks. This was simple, easy. Math had always been easier than people. He got through almost half of the problems when he leaned back to stretch and noticed Matt and Dan stroll in. 

Fuck.

Neil swiped everything off the table immediately looking for an out or a hiding spot. He did not want to talk. He yanked his hood up  and weaved through tables and then hopped over the back of a couch ducking his head as he settled on it. He craned his neck to see back over without being visible and saw the two of them sitting at a table by the front. He’d need to find a different exit. 

“Josten, what the fuck?” Aaron loudly asked from right next to Neil who had not noticed him. All of Neil’s things slid out of his arms and onto the floor. 

“Shut up, if Dan and Matt realize I’m here I’m screwed.” He sank lower on the couch, glancing at Aaron, who seemed more pissed off than bewildered, and the girl sitting next to him, who seemed entirely bewildered. He didn’t bother with his things yet, if Minyard gave him away he wouldn’t be able to escape even if it was all packed up.

“Why are you screwed?” The girl asked. 

“Who are you?” Neil asked, “wait, don’t answer that-”

“Josten!” Aaron repeated. 

“Shhh” He glanced over again to make sure Dan and Matt were still on the other side of the room. 

“Go away,” Aaron’s voice was filled with barely restrained anger. 

Neil looked around for another exit, there wasn’t one that he could get to unseen without having to crawl around on the floor. He wasn’t crawling around on the floor. 

“No, I’m stuck here until Matt and Dan leave.” 

“Just walk out!”

“Then they’ll want to talk to me!”

“Oh my god! You anti-social freak.” Pot meet kettle, Neil had never even seen Aaron with anyone other than his family and Kevin. Although, considering it appeared that not only did Aaron know a woman but she felt comfortable enough around him to admonish him for the attempted insult, maybe he wasn’t as anti-social as Neil had assumed.

“You must be Neil, the new guy. I’m Katelyn,” the girl greeted, pausing for a moment as if that would mean anything. “With the Vixens.”

“Right, there’s cheerleaders.” Neil realized, still not at all recognizing her. 

“You are not staying here.” Aaron said. 

“You’re taking calc?” Katelyn asked, leaning down and picking up the workbook from the floor. 

“No,” Aaron groaned. 

“Are you in the morning class or the afternoon one?” She flipped through the workbook. 

“Afternoon?” Neil checked to make sure Dan and Matt were still far away- they were. 

“I’m in the morning one-”

“Kat-” Aaron tried to interrupt. 

“And I can’t believe he’s already assigning homework and I honestly have no idea what’s going on and it seems like you’re ahead-”

“Please-” Aaron tried again.

“So, do you?” Katelyn ignored him. 

“What?” Neil asked. 

“Do you understand Calculus?” 

“Who are you again?” 

“Katelyn,” Aaron turned to her, “he’s fucking creepy.” 

“That’s what everyone told me about you.” She said gently. “Neil, do you understand Calculus?” 

Neil wouldn’t have minded much if someone had burst into the room then to shoot him. He’d mind a little, but not much. 

“Yes,” he settled on, still not sure of what was going on. 

“Awesome, so could you explain the first problem to me for lesson three?” 

“Don’t all the athletes get tutors?” 

“We do,” she paused for a moment. “Mine are less than helpful and I was actually just asking Aaron if he knew anyone who could help me because if I don’t understand the fundamentals then I’m definitely gonna fail and low and behold you literally fall from the sky. So, if you helped me out I’d owe you one.” 

Neil did not want to speak to Katelyn, she seemed to talk a lot. He did not want to spend quality time with anyone much less Aaron Minyard. He was stuck on this couch until Matt and Dan left. 

“Fine, but you don’t owe me there is nothing you could possibly give me.” 

“Really? Most people wouldn’t even hesitate before asking me to set them up with another Vixen.” 

“I’ll actually consider us even if you never do that.”

“Got it,” she held her hands up in surrender. 

Neil realized that he just agreed to helping Katelyn at the same time Aaron did.

“What did I do today to deserve this?” Aaron said. 

“I’d consider this worse for me than you.” Neil murmured, taking his workbook back and looking at the problem.

Katelyn patted Aaron on the arm. 

Neil explained the problem, once. Checking periodically that Matt and Dan were still studying. Katelyn asked questions, Aaron mostly brooded. Neil answered both to pass time and because he couldn’t help himself. He knew the answer, he had to say it. 

“You’re really good at this Neil, thank you.” Katelyn said. 

“Okay.” He had no idea how to respond to that. His neck was starting to hurt from the weird position he was sitting in. Katelyn looked at Aaron and then stood up. She winked at Neil- who in turn asked “what the fuck?” 

Katelyn went across the room almost skipping up to Dan and Matt emphatically talking. 

“Oh What-”

“Can it, Josten. She’s gonna get them to leave.”

“What are you two telepathic?”

“No, I just know her and Katelyn’s not the type to sell anyone out. Speaking of- this,” Aaron gestured around. “Doesn’t get back to Andrew, got it?” he was trying to be threatening. Compared to Andrew it was sort of funny, compared to Neil’s dad or Lola it was down right comedic gold. 

“I don’t care enough about you to gossip to Andrew.” Neil told him. “I’m also not one of you goons that has to report back to him.” 

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“Right,” Neil raised an eyebrow, “which is why you and the cheerleader are hiding in a library.” 

“You’re hiding here too fuckface.”

“Yes, to avoid this.” Neil glanced back over his shoulder and sure enough Katelyn had gotten Matt and Dan up and moving out of the library. He jammed all of his things on the floor back into his backpack. “This was terrible, let’s not do it again.”

“I’d rather die.” Aaron said. Seemed a bit dramatic but Neil had to agree. It was the most time he had ever spent talking to Aaron and it made him understand exactly why that was. 

He went out the now accessible exit of the library checking to make sure there weren’t any lurking Foxes. 

He was starting to get a headache, Wednesday wasn’t any better. Not with Seth back at practice oscillating between hostile comments and staring into the distance. Not with the other overly dramatic Minyard deciding it was his time to shine. One cryptic phone call from a cop and a punch directly to the wall and Andrew was off leaving behind a host of confused Foxes. 

“Answer’s now, Aaron.” Wymack said the second the door slammed behind Andrew. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. 

Neil went back to stretching, shaking his head and deciding this wasn’t his business. Even ignoring the shit Andrew had pulled with Neil, his past had at least four dudes nearly beaten to death. Neil was good, he had enough problems. 

“My ass you don’t.” Coach continued. 

Neil tried to find the right angle to stretch to fix the tweak in his neck. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know why Higgins is calling. Call him back or take it up with Andrew if you want answers. He was Andrew’s mentor, not mine. I only met the guy once.” 

“He obviously left an impression if you still remember him.” 

“Oh, is he-” Nicky interjected, trailing off. 

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “He’s the one who told me I had a brother.” 

“What the fuck?” Allison asked. 

“Allison.” Renee scolded gently. 

“No, you can’t just fucking drop that on us. Explain, fun sized.” 

“Fuck you Reynolds,” Aaron shot back.. 

“In your sweet dreams.” 

“Aren’t we supposed to be practicing?’ Neil loudly asked because Kevin hadn’t already. 

Coach knocked everyone into gear, ordering them all to gossip on their own time. And they went into the usual aggressive drills. 

After practice, Neil saw a prophetic vision of everyone being super annoying in every car on the short drive back to the dorms, so he jogged back instead. He walked straight past all the Foxes standing around the parking lot. 

“Hey Neil,” Nicky called. 

“Don’t care.” Neil called back, going directly into the building. He checked his pockets for his cigarettes and went out the side entrance of the dorms. Going to the back to sit in the grass. 

He figured that the Foxes would have some kind of group meeting, sans Andrew and Aaron. They all had too many questions and Nicky was always quick with answers in an effort to make others like him. Neil decided that explaining theorems to Katelyn was enough communication for the week. Maybe next week he’d be a nosey bitch. 

On Friday they had a six hour drive to Belmonte University for a game. After he finished the last of his homework, Neil spent the rest of the ride staring up at the ceiling and debating whether jumping out of the window of a speeding bus would be less painful then his headache. 

When they got to the stadium after a quick dinner, Neil was once more glad that he’d ripped the bandaid of his scars off early. As Belmonte had no shower stalls. If he’d been attempting to live that would have been a conundrum. One that likely would have ended with him kicked off the team for reeking. But alas he didn’t have that problem. 

Once they were all suited up, Neil stared out at the Terrapins. He didn’t think they’d win. Everyone was still on edge from Seth’s attempted murder and Andrew’s phone call. Which meant they were all taking it out on each other. Part of Neil realized he’d probably die before he won another Exy game. 

He saw orange and turned as the Vixen’s filed out to their bench. Right, cheerleaders. Sure enough as all the cheerleaders started checking each other over for ticks or something in a flurry of movement, Katelyn was stood entirely still staring at the Foxes. She made eye contact with Neil and then before he could look away she waved. 

“Hey Neil,” she yelled. 

“Damn, Neil. I get it- you’re too cool for us because you’re stealing Aaron’s girlfriend.” Nicky whistled, giving a wave to Katelyn back when it became obvious Neil wouldn’t. 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Aaron corrected. 

“Jesus fucking christ.” Neil shook his head. He had the distinct feeling that he was being used. 

“How’d you meet Katelyn?” Matt asked. 

“She goes to the same school as us.” Neil unhelpfully informed him. 

Wymack interrupted with his pre-game speech and they were off. It was a disaster. Neil was sort of shocked to find that his night practices with Kevin were paying off, his accuracy and force were both improving. Although he kept finding himself wanting to just run down players instead of passing or making shots. He managed to restrain himself for a while but quickly got tired of some dude calling him a ‘spineless rookie,’ in a grating voice. So he tackled him into the wall.

They lost by two points. Miraculously no one got a red card, but half the team had yellows, Neil included. Everyone moved back into the building, Renee and Dan hanging back for press. They showered and changed out, getting back on the bus for the ride home. 

It was late when they got back and Neil went straight to sleep. Waking up with a headache to an empty dorm. A mostly empty dorm he realized when he stepped out of the bedroom and found Seth drunk on the floor in front of the couch in a pile of blankets and pillows.

Neil started to back up back into the bedroom. 

“Neil?” Seth asked. 

Neil hesitated a moment too long. 

“You were right, weren’t you. I’m the weak link.” For once Seth didn’t angry. He didn’t sound like anything. “We’re just gonna keep being a piece of shit losing team. Cause I’m a piece a shitand I keep hitting everyone.” All of his words slurred together but Neil understood enough.

Neil wondered where everyone was. Wondered if not having a headache would make him more inclined to comfort Seth. Wondered if Seth would die anyways. If the both of them died this season the team wouldn’t have enough players.

“You’re right.’ Neil told him, squatting down in front of Seth and taking the bottle from him. “If you weren’t there picking fights the team would be better.”

“Fuck you.” 

“What do you want Seth, why stick out this long?” Neil asked. Seth was the last remaining member of the original Fox line-up handpicked by Wymack to launch his charitable Fox den. The only one to make it to the fifth year. 

“I don’t have anything else, this is it.” He sat up with a wobble and gestured around to the dorm nearly falling back over. “And fucking stupid Riko almost ended it in a fucking bar bathroom.” 

Neil put the bottle out of his reach and spotted Seth’s phone under the couch. 

“What. Do. You. Want?” Neil’s head was pounding. “Who’d attend your funeral, huh? Allison? You two have broken up twice since I met you. The team? Certainly not Nicky or Kevin. At least Renee might cry for you if you died. No family- I’m guessing. Maybe Riko would have shown up to gloat about killing you. Fucking pull it together. You want to stop being expendable, then fucking knock it off. Because your pity party is giving me a migraine. You’ve been on the team for five years, stop being useless.” 

Neil reached over and grabbed Seth’s phone. “Are you mad at Riko? Then play the fucking game. You’ve met Kevin, he’s like him but worse. All that fuck cares about Exy. So suck it up, leave Nicky alone, listen to Kevin, and stop picking fights. The team will win and maybe when you die someone will say nice things about you.” 

“And what’ll they say at yours, huh? Little bitch.” Seth was still swaying.

“Probably,” Neil sighed. “Now, who am I calling because if you start throwing up I will not stop you from drowning in it.” He held up the phone.

“Bitch,” Seth repeated, reaching for his phone. Neil leaned out of the way. “Ally.” Seth said when he couldn’t reach. “Call her.” 

Neil rolled his eyes and looked through the contacts for Allison. 

The Natalie Problem

The upperclassmen do a food drive!!

Ao3: chapter under cut

Neil hadn’t been paying attention when he agreed to help out at the food drive. Actually, he’s decently sure he never agreed in the first place. But Renee said he had and he hadn’t had the energy to argue. He didn’t have the energy for much. In the weeks after the banquet Neil had managed to get out of bed and to practice and little else.

He hadn’t even managed any sarcastic commentary during study sessions with Katelyn and Aaron. Which led to them both asking him about it. Katelyn in a very gentle- you can talk to me- type of way. And Aaron with much less words and a higher swear to non-swear ratio. 

He hadn’t had an answer for them. Neil didn’t really know what was wrong. By all means everything was fine. He was dying, he was playing Exy, everything was as it should be. He didn’t know why he was so tired. 

But Seth and Matt had dragged him out of bed that Saturday and he’d managed to shove on his shoes and go with them to the charity thing. 

Andrew’s lot were excused from it, or would do the one in the spring or something. Neil figured Renee and Dan had some deal with Andrew about it. He didn’t ask. But they were in Columbia sleeping off their hangovers while Neil and the Upperclassmen set up for the food drive in the stadium parking lot.

The Upperclassmen settled into a practiced rhythm of setting up tables and signs and boxes while letting their usual banter ebb and flow. Neil did his best to follow instructions and stayed mostly quiet unless asked a direct question.

The whole concept of community service was foreign to him. Neil had never had a community. Just his mom. 

They’d never gone to a food pantry, or a homeless shelter, Neil’s mom had always avoided anything that brought attention. And while- okay, Neil could admit most people ignored the homeless. But those types of places were the first that his father’s people would look in each city. 

Asking for help, accepting assistance, they couldn’t trust anyone- the entire general public was a minefield. They couldn’t even trust the contacts he had coded in his binder. Money could buy temporary loyalty, but at the end of the day they were dealing with criminals. They were criminals. Each party involved toeing the line of useful and dangerous with all the grace of a pack of feral wolves. 

People- mostly students- started to show up with cans and boxes of food. The Foxes collected and packed it all away, a small wall of cardboard boxes rising behind the tables. Neil got lost in the monotony, easy repetitive movements that lulled the morning away. 

Right around lunch, the steady rush of people dropping off donations dwindled into nothing. Wymack pulled up with a U-Haul from the food pantry and dropped off a bag of sandwiches for them to eat before heading inside. They were to have lunch and then get the truck packed up within the hour so Wymack could drop all the food off at the pantry. 

Neil grabbed a sandwich and plopped down in the nearest section of grass, diagonal from where the tables were set up along the edge of the parking lot. 

“Josten,” Allison scolded. “Grass stains.” 

Neil held up his middle finger and continued inhaling his food. 

“Oh, leave him alone Ali, the little bastard isn’t even awake yet.” Seth said as he hopped up on one of the tables.

Matt squatted down by Neil, putting out his hand in an offering gesture. He clicked his tongue. “Come on boy, don’t be afraid, do you want some coffee?” Matt asked in a soft tone of voice. 

Neil narrowed his eyes and contemplated throwing his sandwich at Matt- but quickly decided it wouldn’t be worth it. 

“I’m not a wild animal,” Neil muttered. 

Matt grinned and then went to get his own food. Neil let the Upperclassmen’s chatter become background noise as he focused on not thinking and eating his food. 

The noise cut as a car swerved into the parking lot, screeching as it parked. The door swung open and Neil sat up as a man jumped out of the car a gun in hand. No- no. Neil froze-

“Natalie,” The man almost sang. “You didn’t really think you could hide forever did you? Not after what you did to Lincoln, you little bitch.” 

Relief- bitter and fast overtook Neil as he realized it wasn’t his father or his men. And then he looked at Renee, standing behind the table with all the upperclassmen around her. Her face pale and stuck. She didn’t look like she was breathing. Not that the others were in any better shape, looking between the armed man and Renee. 

Neil saw Matt take a step forward and moved first. Neil dropped his food and shot up out of the grass- the bastard-with-a-gun wasn’t even looking at him. Neil grabbed his wrist with one hand, shoving the gun up with the other. Disarming him and shoving him away. 

The man spun around, face twisted in fury and he tried to make for Neil. But Neil cocked the gun. 

“Uh, uh, uh, back up.” He said. 

The man took a step back, his hands up in a placating gesture. 

“Renee,” Neil said, not sharply but clearly. She wracked in a breath and shook her head. 

“Neil-” Matt started, taking another step forward with that same tone of voice. The ‘Neil is a wild animal tone’- albeit more serious this time. 

Neil tsked, he wasn’t a wild animal or stupid. He glanced at the gun, turning it slightly to gauge its make and model. It was decent- not his mom’s favorite. Not Neil’s either, but still one he was familiar with. Arms dealers weren’t always flush with options. He disengaged the chamber, flicked on the safety, ejected the magazine. He dismantled the gun piece by piece in about thirty-five seconds. A time that would have gotten him a pinch from his mother, but hey, he was out of practice. 

The last piece dropped against the pavement and Renee launched herself over the table in a clean move. She kicked the bastard in the chest before he could process exactly how badly this had turned out for him. Renee was fast, brutal, and effective. The idiot never stood a chance. She had him unconscious in next to no time. 

“Holy shit,” Matt said. 

“I think I’m kind of gay?” Allison awed, her eyes glued to Renee, who still had her foot on the man’s back.

“Me too?” Matt said, staring at Neil. 

“What?” Seth asked. “Right now!?” 

Neil decided to ignore all of that.

“Is he down?” Dan asked, her voice only wobbling a little. 

Renee said nothing, still staring down at the man. 

“Renee!” 

“He’s down,” Renee got the words out. Neil could see her trying to put it away, the violence, the fear. He could see her folding up that part of herself and trying to get it down. 

“Okay, I’m gonna get Coach.” Dan said, turning on her heel and speeding into the building. 

Neil took a few steps closer to Renee, not saying anything but making sure she could see him. He had no doubt in his mind that she had it handled, but he imagined that she could take some comfort in knowing that if somehow the man regained consciousness he’d have to get through her and Neil before he could touch the others. 

Coach came barreling out of the stadium, Dan on his heels, he stopped as soon as he reached Renee- a bone deep tired sigh coming out of the man before he started talking to Renee in his low gruff voice. 

Neil, knowing Coach and Renee had it covered, went and peered into the man’s car. He walked all the way around it, no one else was inside the car. It had North Dakota plates, Renee and Dan’s home state. He didn’t like this. Neil came back around to COach on the phone with the cops, Renee still standing over the unconscious man- ready to knock him back out the second he showed any signs of consciousness. 

“How’d you do that, man?” Matt asked. 

“Mom liked guns,” Neil shrugged. 

“She the one that shot you?” Seth asked. 

Neil almost laughed. “No, no, she wasn’t.” 

They all waited for the cops to arrive, Neil remembering Andrew’s warning about suprised. He wondered if he could somehow swing this into being his own fault so Andrew would kill him. Neil didn’t bother attempting to call Andrew, his phone was in his pocket but was deader than Neil would be one day. 

Besides, Coach would inevitably call Andrew. Neil had his own shit to worry about as he realized with no small amount of disdain that because he disarmed the guy he’d probably have to talk to the cops. 

And he did, the almost minimum that he could get away with. There was security footage of the parking lot, the cops had eyes, they could figure it out. Neil paid attention long enough to make sure he wasn’t being arrested and that his cover was in place and then he stared at a wall. 

After several tedious hours with law enforcement Wymack brought them back to Abby’s, letting them know that cousins were on their way back from Columbia. 

Neil went into the house and directly out to the back porch. He lit a cigarette, sitting down on the porch steps. Not killing that guy was smart, he knew that. Turning and running in the opposite direction, dyeing his hair blonde and going to Mexico would be smarter. Would be what his mother would have wanted. 

It had been a month after they’d left Evermore in the middle of the night. She’d taken him out into the woods- some contact of hers had a farm. She’d taught him how to clean the gun first, how to dismantle and put it back together. Timing him until he had it at twenty seconds. Every last one counted. 

Then she taught him how to fire it, how to squeeze the trigger just right, how to plant his feet to handle the kickback. Run first, fire second. That’d been the motto she drilled into him. 

Neil had just never gotten around to getting a gun while in Millport. Which is another thing Mary would have killed him for. Unarmed and playing Exy. He could almost hear her calling him an idiot. And then Neil actually heard the back door open. 

He glanced over his shoulder and watched Renee step out and sit next him on the steps. Tucking her knees up under her chin and wrapping her arms loosely around her legs. 

Neil wondered if he was supposed to say something. He didn’t know what you said to someone who just beat the shit out of someone from their dark mysterious past. Probably not good job. 

“Thank you, Neil.” Renee said quietly, breaking the silence. 

Neil shrugged, then put out his cigarette- thought about tossing it into the dirt and then put it back in the pack. It was Abby’s house. 

“I-” she trailed off. “I was expecting something, but not.. Not him.” 

“You were?” 

“Riko.” She said, “Riko made some insinuations about my past at the banquet.” Neil recognizes the opening to ask her. He’s not a complete fucking moron, he knows vaguely from all of the shit that day that she was involved in some serious shit. But Neil figures enough people are gonna ask Renee about her life. 

“Because you saved Seth.” He says, instead. They had a week before the game with the Ravens, the timing made sense. He hears that voice calling him an idiot again. He should have expected this, he should have known when the guy with the gun had shown up that Riko was involved. He’d just been so relieved that the guy wasn’t there for him that he hadn’t thought any deeper. 

“Yes, I suspect that may have upset him.” She paused for a moment, one of her hands coming up to fiddle with her cross. “Do you- Neil, I was a bit out of it, after.” She took a deep breath. “They, the Foxes, they didn’t seem… scared of me, right?” It was weird to see Renee so unsure of herself. 

“No,” Neil shook his head. “They’re all too stupid to be scared of you.” They all loved her too much. Neil didn’t even fully understand the concept but he could tell that. Whatever her past had been, Renee had clawed herself out. Built herself Renee- a life that was gentle and kind. She’d done it well enough that Neil hadn’t been able to see through it. “You probably could have killed that guy and they’d still be sitting inside waiting for you to come back.” And then Neil took a bit of a guess at what this might really be about. “You’re still Renee.” He assured her quietly. 

After a moment Renee nodded once, stiffly, and then they sat in silence until Abby called them in.

I think I’ve included Neil wanting Andrew to kill him in every chapter of NMFTG.

Ah young love lmao

Consequences? For My Actions? Gross

Neil has to deal with the fallout of the Kathy Show!!

Ao3 chapter below cut, y’all know how it goes.

Neil, Andrew and Kevin climbed onto the bus. Andrew made a beeline for the back. Kevin sunk directly into Abby’s waiting arms in the front. Neil reached the top of the steps and for two seconds there was blissful silence and then everyone started to talk at once. 

“What the hell happened?” Wymack asked, louder than everyone else. So much louder, in fact, that everyone else shut up. 

“Whatever do you mean Coach, power outages happen all the time.” 

“And since when do you speak French?” Nicky asked.

Neil dragged a hand across his face. 

“I got into a fight with a mime and I haven’t been the same since,” Neil went to sit down. 

“Josten, I want an explanation.” Wymack ordered. 

“And I want a nap,” Neil turned back and caught Coach’s eye in the rear view mirror. “I did everyone a favor and got Riko to shut up- let’s just leave it at that.” 

He only waited a moment to drop into his seat and shut his eyes. 

It took an hour for everyone to give up on getting answers out of Neil. Kevin seemed not to care about answering any questions either, too preoccupied with his mental breakdown. 

They made good time, Wymack stalling the bus to let everyone out in front of Fox Tower. Neil got off first not wanting to deal with any more questions. He ignored the conversations happening around him. He took the stairs up to the third floor and unlocked his door. Only to find Seth and Allison barely clothed watching a movie. 

Neil decided to ignore that and their greetings instead going to the bedroom and climbing up onto his bunk. He was exhausted. But he couldn’t sleep. He heard voices from the other room, the upperclassmen talking about the show. He heard Seth laugh. 

Matt came into the room, Neil kept his eyes shut. 

“Hey are you awake? We’re getting pizza?” After a minute passed with no response, Matt left the room. 

He didn’t fall asleep, he didn’t think, Neil just laid there in the dark until he heard his name from the other room in the midst of a commotion. 

He rolled off the top bunk, not managing to stick the landing. Neil grumbled as he got up and opened the door into the living room of the dorm. Everyone seemed to be doing their best to get Nicky to leave the room as Nicky tried his best to plead his case. 

“Come on guys, just get Neil,” Nicky begged.

“What?” Neil asked. 

“Oh thank god, Andrew wants to talk to you,” Nicky explained. 

“You don’t have to go with him, Neil,” Matt said. 

“I don’t have to do anything,” but die someday. Still, he left the room following Nicky back to his dorm. Neil hadn’t been in their room since he’d broken in. Kevin was curled up on a beanbag chair and Aaron was doing the dishes. Nothing had changed from the last time Neil was in the room, as it hadn’t been all that long ago that he’d broken in.

Nicky gestured to the hall and then went to sit with an unmoving Kevin on the couch. 

Neil went into the dark bedroom and shut the door behind him. Andrew was up on a dresser in front of an open window. 

“Be honest, did you leave the lights off for the drama?” Neil asked in lieu of a greeting. 

“You weren’t lying,” Andrew said after a moment. 

“About you being a drama-”

“About you dying of terminal stupidity.” Andrew interrupted. 

Fair enough. 

“Riko’s going to come after you after that stunt you pulled today.”

“Why? I don’t control power outages.” 

“The power outage you may have gotten away with, but then you pulled Riko’s favorite toy off the stage before he was done with it.” 

“Does Kevin know this is how you talk about him?” 

“Do you ever shut up?”

“Not if I can help it,” Neil shrugged. He’d spent years biting his tongue to maintain cover, but he was gonna die whether or not he kept his mouth shut. 

“You told me you don’t care about Kevin or Riko and yet you rushed to Kevin’s aid. I’m not buying the ‘bored of the verbal beatdown’ bullshit.” Andrew changed tactics. 

“Is there a question coming up or did you just want to monologue?”

“Did you lie to me?”

“No, I don’t care about Kevin or Riko.” Neil didn’t care enough about anyone not for what Andrew was thinking. Any nostalgia or exy based admiration he might have held for either of them was far outweighed by their personalities. 

“Then why did you do it?”

Why did he do it? Because Kevin was scared? Because Riko was an asshole? Because someone deserved to make it through alive and it wasn’t going to be Neil? When it came down to it none of that was necessarily wrong. But they weren’t the truth either.

“Because I could.” It was that simple, wasn’t it? Neil couldn’t save himself but he could play exy and he could stop Riko from killing Kevin. At least while he was still alive. 

“No other motives? Why don’t I believe you.” 

“I’m not that complicated Minyard, you’re just gonna have to accept that I do many things for no reason. Terminal stupidity, remember?” 

“So, you’ve put yourself in the line of fire for no reason and are going to just make snappy comments until it kills you?”

“I’m pretty certain we had a long hungover conversation about exactly that. Yes, I run my mouth and someone kills me- that is the plan.” Less of a plan and more of just what would happen if he was being honest. 

“Make a deal with me.”

“What?” Neil asked bewildered. 

“You gave Kevin your game, give me your back and I’ll keep you alive.” 

Neil wanted to laugh, it took serious effort to keep it from escaping his throat. 

“You can’t protect me.” He said. 

“I can,” Andrew’s face twisted. He was so sure of himself. Neil sort of understood, Andrew was already standing between Kevin and a mafia- what was one more? But while he was an idiot, he wasn’t stupid enough to think Andrew with all his knives would make his father or any of his goons do anything but laugh. 

“I’ll admit, you’re definitely more rabid than the average goalie and I’m sure you could handle a lot. But- and this isn’t a knock against you it’s just me being practical. No one can protect me from what’s coming and there is nothing I could give you that would be worth dying in the crossfire.” 

“I know my limits, I wouldn’t offer unless I was sure.” 

Neil dragged a hand through his hair and shook his head. Stubborn, delusional bastard. Neil tried to think of a way to convince him. Andrew had seen his scars- that should have been proof enough.

“Stab me,” Neil said. 

“What?”

“If you can get a knife to my skin, I’ll believe you and I’ll take your deal.” 

“Last time I waved my knife around you folded like a house of cards.”

“I’m aware.” 

Andrew considered him and then drew a knife from his armbands. 

Andrew wasn’t his father. Andrew wasn’t Lola. Andrew wasn’t his father. Andrew didn’t work for his father. He wasn’t Romero or Patrick or Jackson. Andrew wasn’t his father. Andrew might kill him, but it wouldn’t be just then and it wouldn’t be slow. 

Neil took a deep breath. Andrew dove forward. Neil stepped to the side, twisting Andrew’s hand and taking the knife from him, in a move he’d learned at ten years old. 

He’d never managed it against anyone actually after him, but Mary had drilled the movements into him the second they’d stopped driving that first night when they ran.

Andrew froze, Neil retreated to the other side of the room. He put the knife on a dresser. Andrew’s hand curled into a fist and he gave Neil a dark look that Neil didn’t bother deciphering. It seemed self explanatory. 

“You can’t save me, no one can. I’m going to be here until I die but I will die. Nothing will change that.” Nothing. 

“Exy and death. That’s it for you? No running, no fighting.” It wasn’t a question. 

“I’m tired, I ran for a long time. Got in plenty of fights, this isn’t one I’ll win. I’ve accepted that, I just want to play Exy and not leave an exit wound.” 

“You’re going to.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re getting attached, Minyard, I figured the offer was because you wanted something from me.” 

“I don’t want anything and I don’t care what happens to you.” He gestured to the door of the bedroom, to the rest of the team.  “They will.” 

“I’ve been told I have a bit of an attitude problem, it goes a long way in keeping people away.” 

They both lapsed into silence, Andrew crossing the room to take his knife back. He flipped it in his hands and then slid it back into its sheath. 

“We’re going to Columbia tonight, come with us.” 

“I’m not that stupid. Big shocker- my idea of a good time isn’t getting drugged and concussed.”

“You concussed yourself and the drugs would be optional.”

“Right, your word is your bond Mr ‘no more break-ins.’ I’ll stay here and save us both the trouble.” 

Neil left the room before Andrew could respond. 

Neil went back to his own dorm. The upperclassmen’s conversation screeched to a halt as he opened the door. 

“Everything okay Neil?” Dan asked. 

“Yes.” 

Renee got up off the floor where she had been sitting. 

“Neil, why don’t you help yourself to some pizza,” Renee said, gesturing to the counter before heading out of the room.

Neil had reached his limit the second he woke up that morning. But he was hungry, so instead of retreating back to his bed or going anywhere else. Neil went and grabbed a slice of pizza and listened to the upperclassmen talk about the upcoming banquet. 

“You two are in charge of getting him a suit,” Allison said pointing to Seth and Matt before waving a hand at Neil. “I’ve seen everything he wears and I don’t trust him to get something appropriate.”

“I could just not go,” Neil threw out there. Not going to things was one of his favorite pastimes. He’d love to not go. 

“You have to, it’s a team event.” Dan said, 

The door opened and Renee slipped back into the room with a serene smile. 

“What’s the verdict?” Dan asked. 

“It’d be best to stay in tonight. It’s likely Riko will act out.” 

Neil hadn’t wondered where Renee had gone, mostly he had just been relieved to have one less person to deal with. But the unasked mystery had certainly been solved. 

“I’ll go out and get drinks, we can watch movies or something.” Matt offered.

“You can all have drinks and watch movies, me and Seth already have plans.” Allison said. 

“What? Allison-” Dan started.

“I’m not letting my night get wrecked by Riko fucking Moriyama.” Allison interrupted. 

“Seth-” Matt tried to reason. 

“You heard her, fuck Kevin.” Seth shrugged, despite that not at all being what Allison had said.

The four of them started arguing. Neil glanced at Renee standing by the door, she looked between all of them with a tight look on her face. 

“Enough,” Allison practically yelled. “Seth and I are going out. With our friends. Tonight. We’re big boys. We can handle ourselves. So everyone shut the fuck up.” 

She got up and left the room, slamming it behind her. Seth went after her, slamming the door again. 

Dan put her head in her hands. 

“Why,” was all Dan said with a deep and guttural sigh. 

Renee was still standing by the door, staring at it. 

“If you’re so worried just go with them,” Neil found himself saying in between bites of his third slice of pizza. 

“No, no. We’re already gonna be separated enough with the monsters in Columbia. Renee, stay here- please?” Matt argued. 

“No, Neil’s right.” Renee sighed and then turned. “If I go with them I can keep them out of trouble. You and Dan can keep an eye on Neil and Andrew will watch over his.” She waited until Dan and Matt nodded. 

Neil didn’t like the idea of anyone ‘keeping an eye’ on him. But he just continued to eat his pizza, not wanting anyone else to yell. 

Renee left the room, presumably to go inform Allison and Seth that she’d be tagging along on their night. 

Matt and Dan looked at each other. Neil finished his pizza and then turned for the door. 

“Neil-” Dan started. 

“I’ll be back before dark,” he waved her off. If he was going to have to spend more time with them, then he’d need to spend some time alone first. He left the dormitory all together, heading around the back of the building and sprawling out in the grass. 

By all means he had a lot to think about, he just didn’t think about any of it.

He was running out of cigarettes, he’d need to head to the store the next day to get more. He lit the last one up and watched the smoke curl until the sun started to set. 

The dorms were crowded, people coming back from the football games. So Neil took the stairs back up to his floor. He sat down on the couch and attempted to make conversation with the upperclassmen. He watched Allison, Seth and Renee leave. 

Matt and Dan taught him a card game and the three of them played until Neil got tired. Then he went to sleep, leaving the couple in the living room. 

He felt like he had only just fallen asleep, when loud talking seeped into his dreams and pulled him back into the world of the waking. Neil groaned and then got out of bed. 

“Coach said to stay put,” Matt said. 

Neil opened the door, Dan was pacing the living room letting out a long string of curses. 

“Fuck that,” she said emphatically. 

“What the fuck?” Neil asked. They both turned to him. 

“Seth-” She started before cursing again. “I’m not staying put.” She said to Matt. “Fuck- Seth was attacked. I’m calling Coach back.” She pulled out her phone. 

Matt held up placating hands. “He told you, he’d call once he knew more. He’s already at the hospital Dan. Come on.” 

Neil contemplated going back to bed. But it didn’t seem like either of them would stop being loud anytime soon. He sat down on the couch. 

“We don’t know what happened, all we know is that they were at a bar and something happened. And now they’re all at the hospital.” Matt explained, needlessly. 

They kept pacing and frantically talking. Somehow Neil managed to fall back asleep on the couch. He woke up sometime later as the door swung open. In came Renee, Allison, Seth, Coach, and Abby. Back from the hospital at first light. 

Everyone was talking over each other again, a habit it seemed with frantic foxes. 

From what Neil pieced together from the disordered conversation. They had gone into the third bar for the night and everything seemed fine. Then Seth had gone to the bathroom- it had been taking too long so Renee had gone to check on him only to find some guy jamming pills down Seth’s throat. 

She’d fought him off. And then had shoved her bloody fingers down Seth’s throat so he’d throw up the pills. The three of them had gone to the hospital to make sure she’d gotten all of them. 

Renee had a black eye and split knuckles. Seth had gotten his stomach pumped and the doctors had wanted to keep him overnight but he’d gotten Coach to get him out of it. He didn’t seem to like hospitals, Neil gathered from the profuse complaining about having to be in one. 

Allison was still a bit drunk and clearly pissed. 

And apparently none of them knew where the guy had run off to after he’d taken Renee’s beating. 

Neil started to get a headache when Coach and Abby left to go get everyone breakfast. So he got up and went into the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and then just sat on the floor massaging his head.

He heard more voices joining in the group discussion and realized Andrew and his group must have finally gotten back from Columbia. 

He closed his eyes and tried to listen for a moment. Catching Andrew say something about Riko. 

Riko. Right? That was the whole reason Renee had gone with them in the first place. Riko’s retaliation. Neil had figured the guy would just badmouth the foxes on television or look into Neil’s past. But no apparently the guy was deranged enough to attempt murder. 

Because it had to have been some Raven goon sent to kill Seth. 

The intensity of it, the degree to which Riko had gone. It explained why Andrew had offered his protection, why Renee had gone out with Seth and Allison. Once more giving Neil plenty of answers to questions he hadn’t asked. 

He got up off the floor and opened the bathroom door, not sparing a glance at his reflection. Resigning himself to a bigger headache. 

The Upperclassmen were seated on the couch. Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky seated by the counter on stools. Andrew was leaning against the wall near the door. Seth was standing in the center of the room- furious.

“What I want to know?” Seth asked, loudly, over everyone else. “Is why Riko would try to kill me, when Kevin’s the one he has a problem with?” 

No one said anything, the silence jarring compared to how loud the entire morning had been. The silence lasted just long enough for Neil’s mouth to act up. 

“Because you’re the weak link,” Neil answered from the bathroom door. 

“Excuse me?!” Seth asked, rage overtaking his face. Neil recognized that he shouldn’t say anymore, but he also knew that no one else was going to say it. 

“You antagonize everyone on the team, isolating yourself. Making you both the easiest to kill and the easiest to get away with killing.” If Neil had to kill one of them, it’s be Seth. In the same way Riko’s lacky had tried too. 

“What the fuck Neil?” Allison asked, her objection being the loudest in the chorus of comments that occured.

He didn’t get to answer, as Seth stormed across the room lunging for Neil. Neil ducked under his swinging fist, feeling a distinct sense of deja vu. Neil kicked at the back of Seth’s leg, sending him to his knees.

“It wasn’t an insult, so calm the fuck down. It’s just the truth.” In his peripherals, Neil saw that Renee was standing and Andrew had stood up straight, but he kept his eyes on Seth.

“The truth?” Seth stood up whirling around, he grabbed Neil by the collar of his shirt. Neil let him. “What about you fucker? This seems pretty antagonistic to me, new kid? You’re easy to kill too, maybe you’re next.”

Neil did himself a favor and didn’t comment on Seth’s horrible breath, getting punched would only add to the headache. 

“Riko can try,” Neil shrugged as much as he was able in Seth’s grip. “It wouldn’t be anything new and I’m a lot harder to kill.” 

Everyone went silent again. The Foxes were a group of asshole gossips held together with duct tape and sheer force of will. While only the men and Abby had seen Neil without his shirt, he knew that by now the entire team had to know about his scars. 

“Who hurt you?” Allison asked in a way that suggested it was more out of spite than concern. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Neil removed Seth’s hand from his shirt, surprised that Seth let go without a commotion. “Worry about yourselves.” 

Andrew whistled, the grin on his face showing that he was following his parole orders for once. 

“Big bad Neil, where’s your worry?” Andrew mockingly asked. “This apathy seems concerning for your mental health. A teammate almost died.” 

“Andrew,” Dan groaned. 

If Neil’s lack of a reaction was inappropriate, Andrew’s wide smile had to be down right illegal. 

“Oh Captain, my captain. You know I weep for Seth and his troubles. I’m all upset about it.” 

Seth turned to Andrew, clearly on some sort of mission to get kicked again. Or perhaps stabbed this time. But Coach swung open the door before anything else could be said.

The Kathy Ferdinand Show Owes Me Money

Ao3

Chapter under the cut, it’s the Kathy Show Baebyy we all know the drill

As soon as Neil remembered why an alarm was going off at one in the morning he began wishing death on Kevin and Wymack. It was too early to exist and Neil was greeted with the forever shortening time limit on that existence. And here he was wasting precious sleep- precious time. WIth Kevin’s pageantry, with useless talk shows. 

Neil climbed out of bed and found Matt looking far worse than him. They’d all been warned about the early start but the upperclassmen had all stayed up drinking. Neil hadn’t hung out with them, but when he’d gone outside around eleven for a cigarette he’d seen them all still up in the girls’ room. 

Neil shambled out of the room and down to the bus, everyone plopped down into the large seats to sleep. Neil sat somewhere between the upperclassmen and Andrew’s group. He slumped against the window and went to sleep without a word. 

They stopped a bit before six at some fast food place. Neil woke up as Wymack woke Andrew and Kevin as no one else wanted the job. Which made sense, considering the thump of Andrew’s violent reaction and how Kevin couldn’t wake up until he was forced to do laps of the bus. 

They ate and had fifteen more minutes of driving before they pulled into the parking lot of the two-story building that filmed Kathy Ferdinand’s daily show. Wymack parked the bus and they all shuffled off, getting half-way to the building before Kathy herself intercepted them. 

Neil tuned out the overly friendly and off-putting conversation between Kathy and Kevin until Neil realized everyone was staring at him. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Did you talk to him?” Kathy asked Kevin, ignoring Neil’s question. 

“I didn’t think we needed to talk about it,” Kevin said. Neil was gonna kill him. And then Andrew would kill Neil but it’d be worth it. 

“About what?” Neil asked. He hadn’t had enough sleep for Kevin’s shit. 

“I want you on my show this morning,” Kathy said. 

Neil wanted to believe he’d misheard her, but he knew what he was dealing with. 

“No,” he said. ‘Nope, no thank you.” Neil shook his head. 

Kathy reached out as if to pat Neil’s shoulder and he backed out of reach. 

“Don’t be shy,” Kathy said. “If you can play in front of sixty-five..” Neil stopped listening. He wasn’t doing this, even if he’d gotten enough sleep he wouldn’t want to do this. 

He waited for her to stop talking. “No,” he repeated. 

“Be smart, Neil. You can’t spend this season running from the press when you’re playing with Kevin Day.” 

“I said no,” he said again. 

“He’ll do it,” Kevin cut in. 

Neil turned to Kevin, biting on the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling. 

“No, I won’t.” Neil said flat out. 

“Stop being stupid,” Kevin said in French. 

“No,” Neil repeated in a bad french accent. He didn’t bother to clock anyone’s reactions to the French. 

“You will do this or I will wash my hands of you.” Kevin continued in french, keeping a polite tone of voice up for appearances sake. He wouldn’t, Kevin was all bluster all the time. The worse Neil would get were insults and glares- he’d had far worse.

“No,” Neil said in an impeccable French accent. Then he turned to Kathy before this could escalate any further. “I’m so sorry Kathy, you’ll have to forgive me if I had known beforehand I would have taken it a little easier last night. You see I’m really hungover right now and if you put me in front of all those bright lights I’ll throw up all over your pretty stage.” He clasped his hands together in an attempt at an apologetic gesture. 

Wymack swore, Andrew laughed. Kevin got this murderous gleam in his eyes that Neil ignored. 

‘Oh,” Kathy said, clearly taken aback. Kevin rushed in for damage control, but Neil figured his work was done so he just ignored everyone and kept squinting at everything. 

It really wasn’t that hard to feign a hangover, Kevin attempting to surprise him with a tv interview was headache inducing enough to make it easy. 

Finally they made their way into the building. Matt and Dan each fell back in the group and leaned in to Neil. 

“You’re hungover?” Matt asked in a whisper. 

“No,” Neil shrugged. 

Matt put his hand over his own mouth to back a laugh. 

“You speak French,” Dan asked. 

“I should have never gotten out of bed today,” Neil answered in French. They could take it however they pleased. 

Andrew looked back at him with a mocking smile. Neil flipped him off. 

A man read them a list of appropriate studio behavior but Neil didn’t really pay attention. He did notice how tense Andrew got as Kevin was led off by an aid- as if the man would spontaneously combust the second he left Minyard’s eyesight. 

They were brought into the main room, Wymack turned to Neil, stopping him in the doorway.

“Would it kill you to cooperate?” Wymack asked, eyeing Neil down. 

“Probably,” he honestly hadn’t thought about it, but the chance was high now that he considered it. He’d been too focused on not having to deal with a talk show to really think about someone important seeing it. “Something’s gonna kill Kevin if he keeps assuming I’ll do whatever he wants though.” Neil tacked on, leaning up on his toes to look over Wymack’s shoulder at Andrew.

“How about no deaths, at all.” Wymack suggested. 

“That’s not up to me, Coach.”

They were all led to their seats. They had to split between two rows. Abby and Wymack both took the ends that met with strangers. Wymack had Andrew sit next to him in the front. Renee sat next to Andrew, then Matt and Dan.  

Nicky sat next to Abby, behind Andrew. Aaron sat next to Nicky. And the last seat left was next to him. So Neil sat there. He’d planned to sit there anyways, aisle seats were a habit he didn’t care enough about to break. 

Some assistant came by and handed Neil a water bottle- courtesy of Kathy. Neil snorted and put it under his seat, not bothering to drink it. 

Perks of pretend hangovers: free gifts.

Crew ran about, getting into positions, fixing the set, moving wires. Neil watched them all move for lack of anything else to do. Not wanting to join any of the conversations his teammates were having as they waited. Not that Aaron was exactly trying to talk to Neil. Although Matt did turn around in his seat and try to ask him something. 

Eventually the lights in the audience dimmed and the music cued up. And Kathy came out to start her show. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, good morning!” She greeted with a bow and a wave. 

Neil let the dialogue become white noise in his ears. He wasn’t interested in the media nonsense. Kathy was talking about Exy and after Kevin walked out in his hilariously fake smile, he too talked about Exy. But none of it was anything surprising or new. Not to Neil at least. 

Kevin is great and he was injured and no one understands why he’s with the Foxes. The Ravens are amazing and why would he ever leave? It was all shit Neil had thought about it, most of which he’d gotten answers for. Or at least puzzled some out. 

Kevin joined the Foxes because that’s where Andrew was, and Andrew was the only man to ever tell the Ravens no. Kevin joined the Foxes because the Foxes are where all broken things end up. And Kevin is the best Exy player out there but he was just as lost as the rest of them. 

The only thing Neil didn’t get was all that hope Kevin seemed to hold for him. He’d seen the announcement from the ERC. They’d included comments about much potential Kevin said he’d have. 

Andrew had said as much back at the start of the summer, but Neil had figured it was just another test. Now he had no idea what it was for, but he certainly wasn’t going to ask Kevin. 

He puzzled out a theory watching all of Kevin’s polite and charming responses to Kathy’s questions. The Foxes needed a player, someone from the middle of nowhere. Good enough to play, but unnoticed by any of the other teams. 

They needed a tenth player to qualify. So Kevin had said whatever he needed to. He’d gushed about how much Neil was worth for the same reason he showered Kathy in compliments and smiles. He had to. 

Music blared from the speakers startling Neil out of his thoughts. Cheers and yells sounded all around them, the crowd losing it’s collective minds as the Raven’s fight song boomed. All around the Foxes people leaped to their feet but the Foxes remained frozen. 

“Oh fuck,” Neil said, watching Riko Moriyama enter the stage in an all black suit.

Riko kissed Kathy’s cheek and then stood over where Kevin was glued to his seat. Kevin’s face was pale and barely holding onto composure. 

“Kevin. It’s been so long.” Riko said after the crowd quieted down. 

In the corner of Neil’s eye he saw Andrew lurch to get up only for Renee to tackle him back into his seat. She slammed a hand against Andrew’s mouth and drove a foot into the floor to keep him from throwing her off. Wymack and Matt helped hold him in his seat, each grabbing an arm. 

On the stage Riko moved and held out a hand to Kevin. Kevin stared at the hand for a long moment before sliding his into Riko’s. Riko pulled him to his feet and into an embrace. The crowd applauded again, missing how long it took for Kevin to return the hug. 

Riko let go of him but kept a hand on his arm. And the interview resumed. 

It was brutal, watching Kevin shrink and shrink. Gone was the asshole, gone was the visionary, gone was the media friendly. Neil couldn’t see it from the distance but he knew Kevin was shaking. 

Neil still remembered that day, the last time the three of them had been in the same room- eight years ago. He remembered exactly how his father cut that man up, exactly what shade of red his blood was. And Neil also remembered how still he’d stood. It was protocol, no reaction, no words, not a tremble left to be had. Neil had stood at ten years old with his hands by his sides perfectly behaved by his father’s standards. 

Kevin had shook, he’d cried, he’d thrown up. 

Riko had cried too, his face pale. He’d been quiet but tears had streamed down his face. A long way from the man on the stage telling Kevin exactly how he’d never measure up in front of a live audience on national television. 

Neil watched this too and for a moment he wasn’t eighteen and ready to die. For a second, a split second as he watched Riko and Kevin, Neil was a child. Neil was young and small and in the basement before his father. Completely powerless and desperate to survive. 

Neil looked over at Andrew, being held down by half the team- he couldn’t do a thing. 

No one was holding Neil down though. No one was even looking at him. 

Neil reached under his seat and grabbed the water bottle Kathy had given him. And then he slipped out of his seat unnoticed. 

There was a certain way to walk to not make a sound. You had to move your feet just right, distribute your body weight at certain times and even the worst floors wouldn’t squeak. It barely even mattered here, everything in the building had been built with live television in mind. 

Audio had to be clear, which meant Neil made it from his seat to a conglomerate of wires without a sound. He followed the wires to where extension cords turned a tangle into a single thick wire and then to where that wire connected to the wall. A breaker box situated just above it. The box had a lock, but most people cared about efficiency over safety. Bad things didn’t happen. Besides, who would touch it during the show? 

Even though Neil hadn’t been paying attention he wasn’t decently sure the pre show, ‘don’t do that’ talk hadn’t even included what he was about to do. It was that inconceivable. 

Neil pulled the metal door open just enough to look inside at the switches and then he opened his water bottle. He gave one last cursory glance to make sure everyone was watching Riko suggest Kevin was mentally unsound. And then Neil squeezed the plastic bottle. Water sparking into darkness as the power shorted out. Screams rattled the building at the loss of light. 

“Whoops,” Neil said to himself. Twisting the cap back on the bottle and sprinting in the dark. He had the route in his mind but he still bumped into someone on his way to the stage. Neil jumped onto the stage and sat next to Kevin just in time for the red emergency lights to flicker on. 

Kathy jumped at Neil’s sudden appearance, but Kevin was shock still. 

“What?” She shrieked. It didn’t get past the stage, the room too chaotic in the aftermath of the power outage. 

“Sorry, I’m terrified of the dark,” Neil said, grabbing Kevin’s arm. “Come on Kevin let’s go find some light.” He yanked Kevin up with him. 

“Excuse me?” Riko sounded indignant. 

“So, nice to meet you,” Neil yelled over his shoulder. Pulling Kevin after him as he ran off the stage. Kevin came willingly, although one look proved that Kevin was still terrified. 

Neil dodged confused looking staff and pulled Kevin through a set of doors. He didn’t know if Riko was following, he didn’t know if security was following. Logically it’d take some time to quell the crowd. But the Foxes would eventually find them, all Neil needed to do was make sure the Foxes were the first to find them. 

He spotted a bright red exit sign and led Kevin outside. It wasn’t the parking lot they’d entered in. Neil pulled Kevin behind a large looking van where they couldn’t immediately be seen from the exit. 

“What did you just do?” Kevin asked in a winded voice. Neil shoved the mostly empty water bottle at him. 

“Just drink this.”

“No, Neil, what the fuck?”

“Oh, did you want to continue your live emotional torture?” 

“Did you make the power go out?” 

“I admit nothing, just give me your phone.” 

“No, use yours.” It was probably a good sign Kevin was being so difficult, although Neil would rather he didn’t. 

“I don’t have a phone, today Day unless you want to wait for Riko to catch up.” 

Kevin pulled his phone out and threw it at Neil. Niel managed to catch it. 

“Drink the water,” He told Kevin again, looking down at the phone. Neil felt his mouth quirk to the side in distaste but he turned it on nonetheless. He looked for Wymacks number and called him. 

“Where the fuck have you gone, Kevin?” Wymack hissed into the phone in lieu of a greeting. It was difficult to hear him, the background noise high. 

“We’re somewhere in the parking lot,” Neil answered. 

“Don’t move.” Wymack said, hanging up the phone. 

Neil turned and held the phone back out to Kevin, who was staring at the water bottle.

“Why haven’t you finished that yet?” Neil asked. 

“I’m not thirsty,” Kevin said. He handed Neil back the water bottle, taking his phone. 

Kevin still looked far too out of it, so Neil opened the bottle and splashed what was left of the water at him. 

“I’m going to kill you,” Kevin said, fury shuttering across his face. 

“Then you’d be down a striker.”

“I’d still have Seth.”

“Wow,” Neil whistled. “I think that’s the most positive thing you’ve ever said about him.” 

Kevin shook his head and wiped the water off his face. 

“Are you?” Kevin asked with no other context. 

“What?”

“Scared of the dark?” 

“Oh, no.” Good lighting was needed to be precise. “You know he’s full of shit right?” Neil leaned his head at the building. Kevin shrunk a bit at the mention. 

“No- yes. No, he was right about some things. The Foxes are a mess.” 

Neil kicked him gently in the shin. Kevin kicked him back much harder. 

“The Foxes are a mess and they’re here for you. You’re in orange fucker, don’t forget it.” 

Kevin opened his mouth to say something but Neil held up a hand and then moved to step in front of him as his ears caught onto the slap of steps against pavement.  

Andrew almost ran past them, stopping and turning back a furious look on his face. 

“What happened?” He asked. 

“I got bored of the verbal beatdown,” Neil shrugged. 

Andrew looked at Kevin. 

“The lights went out and he pulled me off the stage.” Kevin reported. He seemed more tired than scared now, which was enough improvement for Neil. 

“Bored, bored, bored.” Andrew gave Neil an intense look. “That was quite the disappearing act you managed to pull off. The crew is in an uproar trying to get the show back on. Coach is getting the bus. Let’s go.”

They followed him to meet the bus as it slowly circled the lot, looking for Kevin and Neil.

Exy! Exy! Play All About It!

Ao3 full chapter under cut.

Andrew’s group kept their distance on monday, being short and to the point on court. It was both a relief and also more off putting than their usual nonsense. Kevin too, seemed to halt all insulting criticism and instead just stared at Neil all day. 

Neil was lying down after the final practice that night when a knock sounded at the door of the suite. Neil didn’t bother getting up, but he figured out who it was when Matt slammed the door shut and yelled “Kevin, I swear to God—“

Neil knew that the only person Kevin could have been there for was himself, but decided it wasn’t his business until Kevin directly addressed him. So he went to bed. 

He wasn’t surprised when at the end of practice the next day Kevin cornered him in the shower. Neil had just shut off the water when Kevin knocked on the stall door. 

“The next time I come for you, you will follow me,” Kevin said. 

“What?” Neil asked. 

“It’s time to collect what’s mine,” Kevin said, very cryptically. “Andrew isn’t going to interfere anymore.”

“Am I having a stroke? What the fuck are you talking about?” Neil asked. But Kevin was already gone. 

At ten o’clock Neil was trying to avoid watching a movie with Matt and Seth when Kevin knocked on the door again. 

Neil got there before his roommates who quickly got to their feet at the sight of the dreaded Kevin. 

“What part of ‘You’re not welcome here’ do you not understand?” Matt demanded. 

Kevin ignored him and shoved an exy ball at Neil. “Let’s go.” 

“Use your words Kevin, I need more than that.” Neil didn’t move, except to shift in front of Matt and Seth as they geared up for a fight. 

“Extra practice.” Kevin spit out. 

“If you had said that to begin with we would already be at court.” Neil shook his head, he glanced over his shoulder. “I’ll be back later.” He told his roommates. 

“Are you stupid?” Seth asked. 

“In general or right now?” Neil asked back, stepping out and not waiting for an answer. 

“You are an idiot,” Kevin informed him as they went into the elevator. “I shouldn’t need to spell everything out for you.”

“If you don’t want to waste your breath then skip past the cryptic fucking messages. I was given exy equipment, not a supervillain-to-English dictionary. ‘It’s time to collect what’s mine’” Neil mocked. 

Kevin let out a string of French curses and regret under his breath. 

Neil blinked. Why was everyone bilingual? 

“Oh so you’re an asshole in two languages?” He asked in French. 

Kevin turned to him in shock. “How do you know French?” 

“I lived in France.”

“Is that why you’re,” Kevin gestured at Neil’s torso. 

“Yes Kevin, the sheer force of living in France brutally scarred my body and your stupidity is coming for the final blows. It’s a tragedy.”

“Your playing is a tragedy.”

Neil rolled his eyes as they stepped off the elevator and out of the dormitory. Andrew was waiting for them in his car, much to Neil’s initial surprise. Then he remembered Kevin didn’t go anywhere alone. 

They went to the court and Kevin and Neil changed out. They did drills as Andrew sat in the stands. 

The last drill was the hardest, which made sense after Kevin explained it as a Raven’s drill. Neil had done this- giving up- largely for exy. But between the verbal abuse and the complete lack of team synergy Neil had started to spend most of his time reminding himself that he wanted this. That exy was worth it. 

But then he watched Kevin switch back to his left hand and knock down the cones, quickly, with perfect precision, just as Neil called out the numbers. Neil felt it again, for the first time since he saw the court that first day- hungry, desperate inspiration. 

“I want that,” Neil said. 

“Then start really trying.” 

Kevin wanted a lot from Neil that he would never get- but Neil could try. For this, for exy. He could try as long as he was still breathing, until his father came to get him. 

They only played until twelve-thirty, but fatigue set in as soon as they were done. 

When they got back to the dorms, Neil was disturbed to find Matt waiting up for him. He didn’t understand why he would- they weren’t friends. Neil had actively avoided most of the team since they’d gotten there. Spending most of his time sitting behind the dorms watching his cigarettes burn away. Or going for jogs, or napping. 

“You good?” Matt asked. 

“I’m fine, he’s teaching me Ravens drills.” Neil wasn’t sure why he was explaining himself. Too thrown off for some smart comment. 

“You’re going to hate getting up in the morning,” Matt said. 

“No,” Neil shrugged, continuing on into the bedroom. Not wanting to explain that Exy was the main reason he got up any day. Not wanting to face Matt shutting down his laptop now that Neil was back.  

Kevin returned to his usual angry comments, but they were the kind he’d started off with. Not the unreasonably brutal ones he’d started saying after finding out about the transfer. 

The cousins continued being quiet. Not talking to Neil, but talking about him sometimes in German. Well- Nicky would talk about him in German. Then he’d argue with Aaron. Inevitably Seth, who didn’t speak German would call Nicky names, not really needing any excuse to be a dick. 

Andrew mostly kept to himself, as happy and drugged as he was. 

Two weeks of practice passed before the ERC made the announcement about the district change. Wymack called to warn them and Neil watched the announcement in his dorm. Then he watched Matt and Seth bicker about Kevin and having a future. 

Neil thought it was silly how defeatist Seth was, as far as Neil knew Seth had no expiration date. His attitude made it difficult for anyone to care about him and he wasn’t good enough at exy to make up for it. And Neil told him as much. But if he pulled his head out of his ass and worked with the team, he’d probably go pro. 

Kevin being on the team meant everyone who cared about Exy was watching. If Seth had the ability to impress, he’d have the means to get noticed. 

“You’re too big of a coward to try,” Matt told Seth, summing up enough of Neil’s thoughts. “Neil and I will prove you wrong. Right, Neil?” 

“Don’t rope me into your shit, I don’t care about the future. But, Matt is right. If you pulled your head out of your ass you could probably go pro.”

“Fuck you,” Seth said, while Matt made a few complicated facial expressions. 

“How can you both be so defeatist?“ Matt asked. 

“The only way you get good at anything Matt,” Neil said, getting up from the couch and stretching. “You put in the hours of practice and hard work and one day it all pays off.” And then you die, he added in his head. 

He headed out of the room, having had enough of being around people. He laid down in the cool grass and stared up at the sky until the sun went down and he got too hungry to sit still. 

The Wednesday before classes started was a mess. Everyone had to go in pairs to meet with the psychiatrist Betsy Dobson before the semester started. Every hour a pair would come back and a pair would leave. 

Neil was scheduled to go last, with Renee. While Neil had avoided basically every Fox to the best of his ability, he’d especially avoided being alone with Renee. Nothing about her made sense, he didn’t understand how she was friends with Andrew, much less how she qualified for the Foxes. 

The depth of Neil’s curiosity stemmed from the survival skills his mother had given him. If you understood a person, you could know how they’d react. You could predict their movements. To survive as long as they had, they needed to be able to understand the people around them. To understand the places they went. Just one door out of place could mean the difference between staying ahead of the Butcher and getting thrown in the backseat of a car and having to jump out as it sped down a road. 

Gaps in knowledge led to death, Seattle proved it. They hadn’t checked the warehouse yet when they went inside to sleep. One mistake, no more mom. 

But Neil held his tongue on the way to Reddin. Palmetto wasn’t about survival, he didn’t need to understand Renee or why she was allowed to drive Andrew’s car when Kevin wasn’t. He didn’t need answers, he needed to get through meeting Dobson with his brain intact. 

Renee didn’t attempt conversation, she just drove, parked and then led the way to the waiting room. He sat down and stared up at the ceiling, not watching as Renee disappeared down a hallway in search of Dobson. 

After half an hour Renee returned with Dr. Dobson. 

“You must be Neil,” she said. “Good morning.” She had the type of smile Neil hadn’t seen until he’d left his house. The gentle kind that had to be genuine, but her eyes held an intelligence that made Neil feel like she could already see all of his flaws. 

Neil got up and shook her hand, following her to her office as Renee went to sit down and wait. He sat down on the edge of the couch across from Dr. Dobson and they went through the typical greeting. 

I’m Betsy Dobson

You’re obsessive compulsive

What a normal thing to say Neil, you seem well adjusted

Well, you know, for a while there it was looking rough but then I decided to give up completely and now it’s all a lot more manageable 

Hmm

In reality he fed her the cover story he’d come up with for Neil Josten to fill time. He avoided saying anything she might find troubling, the bar was probably on the floor considering she delt with the Foxes. 

At the very least he didn’t have to try and come up with a good brush off for his scars as this doctor’s visit didn’t require him to lose his shirt. Although it seemed decent odds that someone, whether it was Abby or one of the Foxes, had told Dobson about his scars.

It went by fast enough and then Neil was leaving Reddin and following Renee back to the car. 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy.” Renee said as she unlocked the car. 

“Hate’s a strong word for someone I only have to see twice.” At most, in all likelihood this would be the last time he saw Dobson. 

“Twice a year?” Renee said. 

Neil shrugged, “how do you two get along anyways, you certainly see each other enough for hate to make sense.” 

“Either you think too highly of me or not highly enough of Andrew,” Renee said, getting into the car. Neil slid into the passenger seat. “My faith keeps me and Andrew from always seeing eye-to-eye, but he and I understand each other.” 

“Great, so should I expect you to drug me this weekend? At a church? I’m guessing nightclubs aren’t really your scene.” 

“No, Neil, I won’t be drugging you. But if you wanted to go to church with me, I wouldn’t turn you down.” She seemed amused. 

“Yeah, that’s a no from me.” He’d never gone as a child, but occasionally he and his mother would spend the night in a church, if the weather was bad and they couldn’t find a hotel. The benches were uncomfortable to sleep in. And that’s about all Neil had to say on the subject. 

“He doesn’t take everyone to Columbia, last year he took Dan, Matt, and me. Separately, of course. It wasn’t pleasant, but Andrew deemed it necessary.” 

“Sounds tedious.” 

After afternoon practice, Wymack called an impromptu meeting to tell them to be smart and careful. Much to Neil’s distant amusement. He announced a change in practice times and that Kevin would be going on morning television with Kathy Ferdinand- whoever that was. Much to Neil’s irritation, he’d find out, as Coach said he wasn’t allowed to be on his own until things cooled off. 

The ERC would be announcing Neil’s identity and placement on the Foxes Friday. 

Andrew slept through the entire meeting, apparently he was changing the times he took his meds. None of the Foxes usual dramatic reactions seemed to wake him, but Nicky gave him a shake and everyone watched Andrew wake up swinging hard enough to leave Nicky wheezing. 

The next morning was the first day of classes. Neil finally accepted a ride from Matt to avoid being late for his first class. 

An English class, the syllabus listing so much work that Neil decided the professor was evil and cruel and should be fired out of some kind of cannon. 

Then he went to calculus which was both much easier and less work. The professor seemed the perfect amount of friendliness and detached. 

After, Neil went to the Athletics dining hall. Everyone was up and about, the sidewalks packed with students showing their ‘school spirit’ for the return to campus. A bright orange sea in every direction. 

Neil went back to the dorm after lunch to take a nap before practice. He already had a short paper for the English class and a worksheet for Calculus. But the extra practice the night before was catching up to him. 

If the amount of orange on Thursday had been obnoxious, Neil found himself regretting not buying sunglasses on Friday. Orange and white streamers covered every inch of the campus, ribbons and banners. Every team was in uniform, Neil himself had to wear his jersey as it was a game day. Which drew him a lot of looks and unwanted attempts at conversation. 

Neil didn’t know how to feel about it, but the upperclassmen kept finding him. Renee was waiting outside of his statistics class and then deposited him in the library for his first tutoring meeting. After which Allison and Seth took him to lunch. Allison bugged him about getting a date to the fall banquet and then Seth dropped him off at his Speech class. Neil found Dan waiting outside and she escorted him back to the tower. 

It was weird, being looked after. Having lunch with his teammates. He decided to let it be for the day, but if he stepped out of his statistics class Monday and found Matt waiting for him, he’d go back inside and find a different exit. 

It would just make things worse for the Foxes if they got attached. He did still eat dinner with them when Matt came to get him. Mostly because he’d forgotten to grab anything to eat before the game.

Dan ate fast and then went to check on Andrew’s lot. She came back grim. 

“He’ll be fine,” Matt said. “He was last year.” 

Dan made a face and then looked at Neil, she seemed to be weighing something. Neil continued eating, it wasn’t his problem until someone made it his. 

“There’s something we haven’t told you yet,” Dan said. “We haven’t been sure about how you’d react.” 

“We don’t know if you’ll keep your mouth shut,” Allison translated. 

“I promise you as long as it doesn’t affect me personally I won’t care,” it was an easy promise to make. 

“Well, okay, so Andrew’s technically legally required to take his medication, right?” 

“Sober games?” Neil guessed. Dan looked surprised, but nodded. “Yeah I don’t care. How does he defend the goal sick, though?” He doubted Andrew could do the Cracker dust and shots combo on the court. 

“He’s not sick yet,” Matt explained with fancy hand gestures. “Andrew’s withdrawal is a three-stage process. Imagine you’re flying high all day. Then suddenly you stop drugging. First you crash. That’s stage one. He doesn’t get sick until stage two.” 

“He made a deal with Coach so he misses his dose by a half hour before the game starts. He plays the first half and he’s fine until half-time. Then he takes his meds again and spends the rest of the night on the bench.” Dan said. “You’re not surprised at all?” 

“This literally does not affect me, it’s his body and his dumbass decision. I’ll keep my mouth shut so don;t worry about that.” He glanced at Allison as he said the last part. Neil figured he didn’t want to know what phase three of withdrawals were. 

They packed up and met the others in the hallway before heading out. Despite leaving early they were almost late to the stadium. The whole grounds seemed every inch a circus- by what Neil imagined a circus to be, he’d never been to one. 

Wymack was waiting in the lounge and immediately barked at them to get changed. Neil made for the door but Kevin grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to the back door. Neil pulled out of his grip, elbowing him in the side. 

“Use your words Day.” Neil reminded him. Kevin scowled. 

“Come outside.” Kevin said. 

Close enough, Neil decided, he gestured to the door and Kevin pulled it open. Neil stepped through and then nearly lost his balance at the roar of the crowd. People were yelling and stomping and laughing. It was the loudest thing Neil had ever heard and he’d been shot. 

Then a part of the crowd noticed Kevin and Neil and it got Louder. The campus band playing in rhythm to hype the crowd up further. 

“Don’t waste their time tonight,” Kevin said in his ear. “They came to see you play, so give them something to believe in.”

“They’re not here for me,” Neil said. “They’re here to see the famous Kevin Day”

Kevin shoved him. “Change out.”

Neil looked back up at the crowd and then went inside. 

The game against the Breckenridge Jackals was rough. It started out with Seth flipping off the Jackals strikers and then Kevin. Which largely set the tone for the whole game. It was rough, the Foxes largely hated each other but they hated their opponents more. The way they moved, the teamwork they did manage to accomplish. The game was rough but it was beautiful.

Watching them play he finally understood how such a divided team could make it to third place last fall. They were good. 

Breckinridge was just better. They scored the first point,  Kevin scored a point for the Foxes. Seth and Kevin had a brawl. Seth got crushed against a wall. 

“Going on for Seth Gordon is freshman Neil Josten, number ten, of Millport, Arizona.” 

Neil stepped closer to his inevitable death and clacked sticks with Dan as he did. 

“Hey, Pinocchio,” Andrew called out after interrupting some trash talk from the Jackals. “Time to run. This one’s for you.”

Andrew bounced the ball off the ground and swung with everything he had. Neil didn’t wait; he ran, flying down the court as fast as he could and he was playing. Neil was playing in a real college Exy game. 

It passed in a blur of passes, goals, slamming bodies, and choice words. Someone called Neil a “whore” which was new and sort of funny.

Matt, at Kevin’s request, punched the biggest man on the opposite team who everyone called ‘Gorilla,’ and then ran as fast as he could to the Foxes end of the court. Andrew stepped between Matt and the wall of angry meat chasing after him. The refs stopped the game before it could escalate. 

And the Gorilla was removed from the court due to injury. 

Dan briefly explained that Matt’s mom was a professional boxer before her and Kevin were both taken off the court along with Matt. 

Nicky, Allison and Seth came on and the game continued. Neil scored two goals during the game, it wasn’t enough to be proud persay, but it did make Neil feel a bit better about being on the court. As well as somewhat soothing the vague sting of losing seven to nine. 

But Neil wasn’t too worried, it was the first game of the season and he had the rest of his life to improve.

Tactical Honesty, Given With Concussion

AO3, full chapter below cut

Neil came too with a pounding headache and a distinct lack of awareness for where he was. He could tell he was in a bed. And for a moment he wondered where his mother was, before he remembered that she was buried on a beach in California. 

He peeled his eyes open, still not recognizing his surroundings. He sat up and then immediately regretted it. 

“Side of the bed.” A voice instructed him. Neil was too out of it to question the mysterious voice so he just leaned over the side of the bed and puked into the trash can that was waiting there. 

He glanced to the side, finally placing the voice. It was Andrew sitting in a chair in front of the shut door of someone’s room. Nicky’s considering all the photos plastered on the walls. He seemed to be the only one of that group with that degree of sentimentality.  

“Where are my shoes?” Neil croaked out. 

“Shoes are for good boys who don’t knock themselves unconscious.” Andrew said. 

Neil raised a hand to check on his skull, the bump was tender but not bleeding. Little miracles.  

“Waters on the table.” Andrew added. 

Neil turned and sure enough a plastic cup of water sat on the bedside table. Definitely too flimsy to knock himself out again, not that Neil wanted to. 

“Yeah, uh huh, that water is safe to drink and I would never walk back to Palmetto barefoot.” 

“You’re not leaving until I say so.” 

Neil pressed his palms into his eyes. He didn’t know what time it was, but really any time of day was too early for Andrew’s shit. He’d rather have more time to think and make a proper decision on what to say, or at least remember what he’d spent the week planning. But he doubted Andrew would let him go take a jog to clear his head.  

“Okay, okay. I came here to play exy not your inane mind games. So here’s what’s going to happen. You will tell me exactly what your fucking problem is and I will tell you whatever I fucking feel like sharing and then I’m gonna head out. We’re gonna skip through the Tom and Jerry act and I will remain sober. Got it?” 

“It’s funny that you think you have a say-“

“I understand that ‘no’ is a difficult concept for you to grasp but you don’t actually have any control over me. You just have me locked in a room, barefoot.” Neil interrupted. “So skip the bullshit.”

“You don’t know anything,” Andrew said dangerously. 

“No shit, so remember to use simple words and phrases. Now what the fuck is your issue?”

“You,” Andrew probably could have left it at that and Neil might understand. “A know-nothing from Arizona, catch Kevin’s eye and get on my team. With a million scars and a quarter of a million dollars in a stalker binder devoted to Kevin and Riko. And now Edgar Allen’s in our district. Do you understand?”

“You think I’m a mole?”

“If the shoe fits.”

“You stole my shoes. I’m not a mole and I don’t give a shit about Kevin or Riko. And I certainly don’t work for the Ravens.”

“Prove to me that you’re not a mole.”

“I’d be the worst mole in existence. I haven’t exactly been subtle or secretive about my shit, with all of Riko’s money he could hire someone better.” 

Andrew seemed to think it over for a minute. “You could just be incompetant.” 

“Oh there’s no doubt about that, I’m just not a spy. You’re the one currently without a concussion, you do the math.” 

“You seem to have an extensive shrine for two people you don’t care about.”

It was a fair point.

“The point of it is to look creepy. Most people would open it go ‘yikes’ and then put it down without ever finding the money. I already liked exy so it was convenient to pick them.” 

“Where’d the money come from?”

“I followed a rainbow all the way to the end and found a leprechaun about your size-“

“I thought we were skipping the bullshit.”

“The money is unimportant to your concerns.” 

“You know what I think?” It wasn’t a question. “I think you’re a runaway. You stole the money and whoever you stole it from gave you those scars and you think you can hide with the Foxes.” 

“Decent guess,” Neil admitted. “But I’m not hiding, I’m dying. None of the details matter and it’s not going to be a problem for you or the foxes and neither am I. Not for long at least. I’m here to play and then die quietly.”

“Suicidal? Another Janie Smalls then, how boring Coach will be so disappointed.”

“No.” Neil shook his head. 

“Then what? A terminal illness?”

“Let’s go with terminal stupidity. Being here will kill me, I didn’t have to do anything but sign the contract. So no, I’m not here as an evil envoy from Riko. Think of it as a last meal or a make a wish thing. And I guarantee you I’m a lot less annoying when people aren’t drugging me or beating me up.” 

“So, you Neil Josten are going to just keel over one of these days and that will have no effect on the team?” 

“Exactly, you’re getting it!”

“Not good enough.”

“Listen, that is very squarely a you problem. And an alright problem to have, all things considered, but the more you know the less this becomes a thing that only affects me. So if you want to keep it my problem, just me keeling over, you’re going to need to just accept I’m not the big bad wolf in bright orange clothing and give me back my shoes.” 

“And why should I do what you say?”

“Because you’ve got enough problems, you don’t need mine too. And I’d appreciate it if you kept my impending doom from Coach, I’d really like to play a game or two and it’s not like you guys can actually put anyone new on the team at this point to replace me.”

“Fine, I wash my hands of you. But if I find out your lying I will kill you.”

“Promise?” It might actually be preferable. “Shoes.” Neil held out his hand. 

Andrew stood up and moved the chair out of the way of the door, he swung it open, leaving the room. Neil’s shiny new boots were hanging from the door knob. 

Neil got out of the bed, swallowing down bile at the movement. Then he went and tugged on the shoes. The door across the hall was a bathroom, so Neil went in and splashed water on his face, putting in his spare contacts before looking in the mirror to evaluate his appearance. He looked hungover. 

He made his way through the house blindly, passing the kitchen, the voices of Nicky and Aaron drifting out. 

“Hey Neil,” Nicky called, “you’re up, come get some food before we hit the road.” 

“Go fuck yourself,” Neil said pleasently, “I’ll see you all back at campus.” And he continued on his way, walking directly out of the house and down the road without really knowing where he was. He’d find a gas station and then a phonebook and then he’d call a cab back to Palmetto. 

He’d taken to carrying a few hundreds on him in his wallet, a brief check showed the money was still there. That’d be plenty to get him back to the Tower.