#homestuck liveblog
Now’s a great time to read the spoiler policy!
http://what-the-fuck-is-homestuck.tumblr.com/rules
Naturally, neither Rune nor I have actually read the epilogue update yet. This means the old dynamic where I can filter out the asks that broke the spoiler policy before they read it doesn’t work anymore, because now they’ll spoil me as well.
So please, read and respect the spoiler policy. It’s not hard, and it’ll let us enjoy the Final Homestuck to the fullest.
http://what-the-fuck-is-homestuck.tumblr.com/rules
Breaking the rules is punishable by 3 years in a fridge with a clown.
- Net Navi Turbo
THE SPOOKTOBER SPOOKD8 IS HERE! Time to blog it and hope to the lord of bones that it heavily features the 12-foot Home Depot Skeleton! Continuing from last time.
Will John remember that he should be off protecting the other kids from running off? Or will he search for Vrissy finally, now that he’s spent a literal DAY staring at his house burning down?
This is the last Blood tie with your childhood and the past you were clinging to like a man-child, finally cut. Your psyche is no longer allowed to be….
….Housetrapped.
Now get your Breathy ass over to your more adult responsibilities. Or do something as irresponsible as usual, but more forward focused and thus singularly impressive.
I LITERALLY GASPED
I knew I was a fatally addicted Homestuck fanboy despite the trauma but I didn’t know I was THAT much of a just-over-thirty-year-old fanboy, I literally GASPED out loud. To finally have the joy and confidence for the future that comes with JOHN and KARKAT together IN PERSON and interacting with a common goal.
What a dramatic, perfect shot. This IS Karkat right? That’s what the visuals and my heart and soul said
THEY’RE CLOSE FRIENDS
CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THAT
KARKAT HAS COME SO FAR
Karkat and John conversations are some of the strongest in Homestuck, I ship them as FRIENDS so hard
It brings to mind something I mentioned in the Breath, Blood, and the Flow of Reality explanation/theorypost, which was holy shit SEVEN YEARS AGO wow
I didn’t always understand the appeal of John as a character, ranking him in the middle of my liked characters list. But after a while, I suddenly noticed how enjoyable he was for the things his conversations did to others, making his pesterlogs some of the most enjoyable to read. I wrote the following two years ago, in a character rankings thread, back when we knew jack shit about the import of classes and roles:
“I didn’t really see why I should think John was such an amazing character until I realized his consistent effect on the other party. He’s goofy and doesn’t really understand anything, but he understands just enough about his friends and others to make cutting, hilarious, almost unintentional insights that can change people for the better, even if he’s off the mark. It’s not what he says himself, but what he brings about in others that makes him so great to read. I mean, if you wall him off from everyone else… he kind of fails.
That’s why I take issue with the complaint of protagonist syndrome, here. John is very little by himself, but enhances all the characters around him immensely. Imagine if John were doomed to stay the least powerful and/or game-advancing of the kids and trolls combined; notice how little that would do to the story, or his beneficial role in it.”
John cut himself off from EVERYONE for YEARS in the Candy timeline. He tried to be close to people and just ended up distancing himself from it. He tried to keep himself tied down by his old home and memories of the version of Dad he lost, and all sorts of childish stuff. But that tie is cut, and the bonds he’s forged need to be grasped to bring him out to exercise his maturity, because Breath is futile without real BLOOD.
Awesome shot.
KARKAT: ROUGH DAY, HUH.
(that was supposed to skip to 2:26 when you click but I couldnt embed it that way – I haven’t metal geared i just seen clips and super best friends & know some memes)
So many scars. I used to even ship Jane and Karkat a little so they could just be aghast together at everyone’s shenanigans and level criticism at them together, but to think Jane’s fought and hurt Karkat THIS much…
(And yeah, his blood color is shown through his eyes now at this age, that’s correct.)
Oh my fucking god, going from that to Sprite mode that abruptly. XD
This is great.
JOHN: karkat?
JOHN: what are you doing here?
KARKAT: IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.
Hah, SO close that Karkat’s immediately critical of NOT being greeted warmly. :)
JOHN: this isn’t a battlefield, it’s just…
KARKAT: THE OBLITERATED, SMOLDERING HUSK OF YOUR FORMER HOME.
JOHN: well, yeah.
KARKAT: WHICH WAS DESTROYED AS COLLATERAL IN AN ONGOING MILITARY CONFLICT.
JOHN: oh all right, fine.
JOHN: it just feels weird to call it that.
JOHN: i guess i’m used to thinking of home as somewhere far away from all that war stuff.
Yeah John, the burning down from a bomb that was meant for you and ALL of your friends’ children is supposed to shatter you out of that illusion.
I’d continue criticizing, but Karkat’s about to do it for me:
KARKAT: JESUS *CHRIST* JOHN.
KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO LIST ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH THAT CONSTITUTES A SHORT-SIGHTED AND PUKE-WORTHILY IGNORANT THING TO SAY TO ME, PERSONALLY.
KARKAT: AND FRANKLY I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BOTHER, THANKS TO THE COUNTLESS FIRES I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OUT ALL DAY, THE ONE PRESENTLY CONSUMING YOUR HIVE NOTWITHSTANDING.
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS GO A BIT MORE SMOOTHLY? JUST A FRACTION?
KARKAT: IF YOU HADN’T JUST DECIDED TO WANDER OFF THE INSTANT SHIT STARTED HAPPENING.
JOHN: jeez, i’m sorry karkat.
JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.
JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.
A BIT DISTRACTED. You empty-headed irresponsible guardian.
KARKAT: NOT WANTING TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE UNIQUELY AND MAGICALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH.
JOHN: huh?
KARKAT: YOU KNOW.
KARKAT: WITH YOUR SHOOSH THING.
JOHN: my shoosh thing.
KARKAT: YOUR SHOOSH THING.
KARKAT: THE GUSTY NONSENSE? THE GIFT OF GAS??
KARKAT: YOUR SBURB ALLOCATED BLOW JOB???
JOHN: uh.
KARKAT: THE SUPERNATURAL COMMUNION YOU HAVE WITH ALL THINGS WINDY, YOU ASS!!
JOHN: oh right, that.
JOHN: that would have let me put the fire out, maybe.
JOHN: i don’t think there’s anything in my skillset that would have unexploded my house though.
KARKAT: THAT’S FAIR.
Mhmm. Many of the characters in Candy AND Meat are currently in a situation where due to either years of unpractice in a worshipful society that discourages it by fueling their insecurities or inability to due to confinement in a years-long space trip has caused them to AVOID using their powers for the main beginning stretch of our new story. People have complained about them outright “forgetting” to use their powers, and they’re right, to an extent, but it’s story-justified. They’re almost all physically or psychologically prevented from doing so! But those walls are coming down, starting now. They’re going to come back into their own. And we’re bound to see a LOT MORE of these literal Gods using their abilities to shape the fabric of reality as the story progresses.
JOHN: i suppose i’ll add one more notch to the daily tally of crazy stuff that happened which i just have to accept as my life now.
It was all already happening, you just refused TO accept it until now.
JOHN: so…
JOHN: what else happened while i was caught up watching the symbolic representation of my former life get consumed in a giant fire ball?
KARKAT: OH BOY. WHERE TO START.
KARKAT: SO FIRST OFF, IN HINDSIGHT, TODAY WAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY JUST ONE HUGE BAITED TRAP.
KARKAT: I SAY “IN HINDSIGHT”, BUT FORTUNATELY IT WAS ALSO EXTREMELY APPARENT EVEN IN FORESIGHT TO THOSE OF US WHO SPENT A FEW SECONDS THINKING ABOUT IT.
JOHN: …right.
KARKAT: OH COME ON EGBERT, SERIOUSLY?
KARKAT: KIDNAPPING A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE, ONLY TO LET US KNOW PRECISELY WHERE AND ON WHAT OCCASION THEY WOULD BE MOST ACCESSIBLE FOR A RESCUE ATTEMPT?
KARKAT: HAVING THAT OCCASION BE NONE OTHER THAN THE CORPSE PARTY OF A HIGHLY NOTEWORTHY POLITICAL FIGURE, WHOSE CASKET MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD A GIANT “KICK ME” SIGN DAUBED ON IT?
KARKAT: THERE WAS BASICALLY NO WAY IT WASN’T A FRONT FOR SOMETHING HUGE. AND IT WAS!
KARKAT: WE HAPPEN TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF ONE FACET OF THAT HUGENESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
Wait. Oh, God.
Someonebrought up the possibility that Gamzee might still be revivable by Jane, and I speculated that she’s deliberately CHOOSING not to because she actually doesn’t like him that much or has some semblance of fucking sense left in her.
But what if she PLANNED to have a public funeral for him, and then revive him SOON AFTER to turn him into a Christ-like resurrecting figure? D:
JOHN: well, when you put it like that…
JOHN: i guess we all got pranked pretty hard, huh.
KARKAT: THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY NERD PRANKS JOHN.
KARKAT: FRANKLY I’M INSULTED THAT YOU THINK SUCH A WORD IS EVEN REMOTELY APPOSITE TO THE PRESENT SITUATION.
KARKAT: OTHER THAN TO DESCRIBE THE WAY I AM PERSONALLY BEING “PRANKED” BY REALITY IN HAVING TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS TO YOU.
Pretty much. Get serious, John, actual people are dying by the–
–oh right, he was like this through the apocalypse and death of everyone on Earth.
I guess this is in character. Paradox Space made sure to choose someone empty-headed and disconnected from reality enough to withstand this shit easily. He really is a Breath player.
KARKAT: IT TURNS OUT THAT WE DIDN’T NEED TO PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THE RESCUING YIFFY PART OF THE OPERATION.
KARKAT: SHE BASICALLY RESCUED HERSELF WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE.
KARKAT: AND TOOK CARE OF KICKING GAMZEE’S CORPSEBOX OVER WHILE SHE WAS AT IT, IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF EFFICIENCY WHICH THE REST OF US CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO.
Excellent, yeah.
JOHN: it sounds like she’d be a pretty welcome addition to your ranks then.
KARKAT: SHE’S A CHILD, YOU MORON.
Yeah, you’re fucking grown up now, John. Stop thinking of the kids as the ones who have to rise up when the adults aren’t all doomed or dead.
KARKAT: THE VRISKAS, PLURAL.
JOHN: shit.
KARKAT: THEY’VE BOTH BEEN CAPTURED.
JOHN: shiiiiiiiit.
KARKAT: YEAH.
KARKAT: GREAT WORK KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM, BY THE WAY!
KARKAT: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONLY ONE JOB, AND YOU MESSED IT UP IN THE EQUALLY SINGULAR WAY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO.
JOHN: urgh, i know, i know. ):
At least he messed that part up while he was TRYING to watch them, and not when he wandered off and watched his house burn for a whole day instead of protecting the remaining kids.
KARKAT: JANE’S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.
KARKAT: IT’S BIZARRE.
KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
KARKAT: IF IT WASN’T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I’D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.
Leave it to Karkat to point out the blatant absurdity of Homestuck’s nonsense in any given situation.
JOHN: wait.
JOHN: wait a minute.
JOHN: you said that both vriskas have been captured, right?
KARKAT: EXCUSE ME WHILE I WEEP FOR JOY AT THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION FOR ONCE.
JOHN: okay, well putting that emotional outburst aside for a moment.
JOHN: how is that even possible?
JOHN: doesn’t vriska, the original vriska, still have her magic alien mind control powers?
JOHN: it seems like it should be basically impossible for anyone to kidnap her.
KARKAT: YOU’VE STUMBLED ASS BACKWARDS ACROSS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF THIS UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENT.
…Is Karkat going to put two and two together and realize that Vriska must have been intentionally captured of her own free will for some sort of ploy?
KARKAT: YOU ARE CORRECT, IN THAT WITH HER CASTE-TYPICAL, *COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MAGICAL* PSYCHOMANIPULATIVE ABILITIES, STAYING OUT OF CROCKER’S REACH SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY TRIVIAL FOR SERKET PRIME.
KARKAT: EVEN ACCOUNTING FOR THE FACT THAT SAID ABILITIES ARE NOT NEARLY AS POTENT ON HUMANS AS THEY ARE ON FELLOW TROLLS, THEY STILL OUGHT TO HAVE TIPPED ANY ALTERCATION SQUARELY IN HER FAVOR.
KARKAT: BUT SOMEHOW, IT DIDN’T!
KARKAT: INSTEAD, THINGS APPEAR TO HAVE GONE GLOBES UP IN CLASSIC VRISKITE FASHION, AND NOW ONE OF THE MOST UNEXPECTED AND UNWANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS USEFUL WEAPONS IN OUR ARSENAL IS DOING TIME IN CROCKERJAIL.
KARKAT: THAT’S ABOUT ALL WE’VE BEEN ABLE TO GLEAN FROM TAPPING INTO THE BATTERBITCH AIRWAVES, WHICH IS A FANCY TERM FOR EAVESDROPPING ON THOSE OF HER AGENTS WHO TALK A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY IN SEMI-PUBLIC SPACES.
JOHN: jeez.
JOHN: i really screwed that up, didn’t i.
Guh. I guess Karkat is underestimating Vriska a bit or just assuming the worst out of a habit of assuming the worst of everything. (Or, if he has his suspicions, he’s not telling John.)
KARKAT: HAVING SAID ALL OF THAT, AND WITH THE RECOGNITION THAT I AM CHOOSING TO NURSE YOUR BRUISED FEELINGS DURING A PLANET WIDE CONFLICT FOR THE FATE OF MY SPECIES,
KARKAT: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO EXPEDITE YOUR GETTING THE FUCK OVER IT?
JOHN: i… hm.
Yeah, use your shoosh-paps from Karkat wisely, John. You needed them.
JOHN: i don’t really know?
JOHN: this all feels wrong, karkat.
JOHN: no offense, but when you’re around, it’s usually a lot…
KARKAT: A LOT WHAT?
JOHN: a lot funnier.
KARKAT: FUNNIER.
JOHN: how to put this.
JOHN: normally listening to you go on and on about how much we’ve fucked everything up is just very funny!
JOHN: but now it’s just not the same.
JOHN: maybe it’s part of what’s going on with this entire reality? i don’t know.
JOHN: once upon a time i would have put down your ability to pull a silly rant out of your butt as a fundamental law of physics or something.
JOHN: remember back when we first knew each other?
JOHN: it felt like all you ever said to me was how much you thought i was screwing up and being a useless asshole.
JOHN: and once i realized that you were also just a dumb kid who didn’t know what was going on, i started to kind of enjoy it.
JOHN: but now it’s like… the only one who’s still a dumb kid is me, and everyone else has something big and important going on that i just don’t understand.
Mhmm, Karkat has every reason to be mad. And everything really, REALLY close to you that you care about is in danger from the very things he’s mad about. Karkat is RIGHT for once with every angry seemingly-exaggerated-but-not word, and that’s throwing you.
JOHN: i thought that i finally got what was going on with this whole war and everything. i wanted to be useful!
JOHN: i guess i got a little too wrapped up in the feeling of something finally happening again.
JOHN: and then watching it all blow up in my face, kind of literally now that i think about it…
…you think maybe something that happens to be A WAR is actually a big farking deal that you should be serious about??
JOHN: it’s hard not to feel even more dejected about the situation than i was before.
JOHN: and now even the patented karkat vant rant has lost all its sparkle.
IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
JOHN: maybe if you had like, painstakingly itemized a list of all the things wrong with my plan in a comically overdone fashion or something.
KARKAT: I CONSIDERED IT, BUT HONESTLY THERE WAS SO MUCH WRONG THAT I CONCLUDED THAT THE BEST THING FOR EVERYONE WOULD BE TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.
JOHN: oh. okay.
Heheh.
KARKAT: IF WE’RE BEING HONEST, YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A PLAN, JOHN.
KARKAT: CALLING IT A PLAN WOULD IMPLY THAT IT WAS A STRUCTURED SEQUENCE OF STEPS DESIGNED TO ACHIEVE A GOAL.
KARKAT: WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH WAS A CONVOLUTED MESS WHICH STILL SOMEHOW INVOLVED DOING FUCKALL.
KARKAT: AND I USE CONVOLUTED HERE IN THE SAME WAY THAT I WOULD TO DESCRIBE THE FRENZIED DRAWSTICK SCRIBBLES OF A SQUALLING HUMAN INFANT.
All Breath and no Blood? All concept and influence and ephemeral accomplishments and no physical impact or results?
Karkat has been fighting this whole time with physical results in mind. He NEEDS to tie that ephemeral shit down, and once added to his plan, once Breath sweeps the tide of actual sentiment of people, inspires them, you have an actual victory in reach instead of just more attrition.
KARKAT: I APPRECIATE THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE DUG YOUR PAN OUT OF YOUR OWN CHUTE THE FEW MICROMETERS NECESSARY TO NOTICE THE PRECISE DEGREE TO WHICH THE WORLD IS BEING JUDICIOUSLY BATFUCKED RIGHT NOW.
Really need to dig yourself out more than that, John, yeah.
KARKAT: AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, THAT’S A FEAT WHICH NO SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING!
(Which is why your plan of attack needs more Breath!)
KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.
KARKAT: THE NEXT TIME YOU GET THE IMPULSE TO “LEND A HAND”, YOU’D BE BETTER OFF CANNING IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LISTENING TO THOSE OF US WHO’VE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE IT A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE.
KARKAT: THIS ISN’T AN EXERCISE BEING CONDUCTED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR PERSONAL DEGREE OF MORAL RECTITUDE.
KARKAT: AND IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY FAILED MISERABLY! SO DO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A FAVOR AND STOP TREATING IT LIKE ONE.
JOHN: well… all right. if you say so karkat.
Phew. Let’s hope he takes Karkat’s gift of a worldbound, arms-in-the-dirt sense of responsibility (Blood) and runs with it.
KARKAT: I DO SAY SO, EMPHATICALLY AND AT GREAT VOLUME.
KARKAT: AND NOW THAT MY OBLIGATION TO CATECHIZE YOU ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR OWN LIFE IS FULFILLED, I HAVE A WAR TO GET BACK TO.
JOHN: wait, hold on.
KARKAT: OH MY GOD WHAT NOW.
–is it gonna be a hug?
JOHN. Put it together.
JOHN: you can’t be leaving already.
JOHN: there’s… so much we still need to talk about!
No, not that!!
…well, yes, I’m all for more of you two talking but. This ain’t just about you two.
KARKAT: WHAT MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE FOR US TO DISCUSS??
KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT.
JOHN: no, that’s not what i’m talking about at all.
JOHN: karkat, we still haven’t spoken about *you*!
KARKAT: ABOUT ME?
JOHN: yes.
KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?
JOHN: about you.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.
JOHN: well…
JOHN: you know, how you feel!
KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.
JOHN: or just…
JOHN: argh, i don’t know!
This was more of an intervention than a feelings jam, John. I’m not sure John’s in the condition right now to Breathily inspire Karkat somehow and help his war with an idea and drive he didn’t have before – like he SHOULD eventually – but I suppose we’re about to see.
JOHN: it’s just been so long since we’ve seen each other.
JOHN: all sorts of things have happened in that time, and it doesn’t feel right to just not even mention any of it!
KARKAT: LIKE WHAT??
JOHN: oh, i don’t know karkat, literally anything!
JOHN: i mean, look at you.
JOHN: you are decked out in a tight body suit and have an eyepatch and everything. there is simply no way there isn’t something to discuss there.
You talked with him plenty while NOT in person, though.
Such MOOD. What a good image.
JOHN: or like, forget the eyepatch, we don’t have to talk about the eyepatch.
JOHN: i feel as though my point still stands?
JOHN: there is basically a bottomless well full of stuff to go through.
JOHN: i mean we kind of glossed over it when you brought her up earlier, but what about yiffy?
JOHN: this might not come across so easily due to human troll cultural boundaries, but her existing is kind of a big deal??
JOHN: i feel like somehow i missed the part where we all sit around and talk about how strange it is that two of our friends went off and had a secret child without any of us knowing!
JOHN: is it too much to ask that we have that part now, karkat?
That’s fair. And they DO need to talk about it! But this is sort of like in the Game – there’s important shit to do, and not a whole lot of time to do it. You’re going to do a lot of talking, but you won’t be able to do all you want with certain people separated from you by the circumstances of how this war is dividing your responsibilities.
JOHN: i mean, maybe it just doesn’t mean that much to you.
KARKAT: JOHN.
JOHN: which is a little strange, given that it ties in to the whole conflict that you had with jade and dave.
JOHN: oh god we have to talk about dave.
KARKAT: JOHN.
KARKAT: FUCKING HELL!
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAVE.
JOHN: no, this is what i mean, karkat.
JOHN: we need to talk about dave!
KARKAT: HAHA! LIKE SHIT WE DO!!
KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW THIS IS EVEN A RELEVANT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION.
JOHN: oh come on.
JOHN: there’s no way you aren’t feeling kind of messed up about him, right?
THIS is fair. Karkat does need to talk about this with somebody. Whether John is the right somebody… I guess he is where Dave is concerned. And he has to talk to Jade eventually, too.
JOHN: i know i am.
JOHN: whenever i think about how things ended between you two…
JOHN: especially now that he’s…
JOHN: ugh, i’m sorry. i’m SO sorry karkat. sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.
JOHN: this whole thing feels so impossibly sad.
JOHN: all i’m trying to say is…
JOHN: it’s not healthy to bottle these feelings up and not acknowledge them.
JOHN: even if you aren’t feeling anything right now, and i don’t for a moment believe that’s true, *i* need to talk about dave!
JOHN: so can we please just talk about dave for a moment.
KARKAT: NNNNGNGNGGGGGGGUUUUUUGUUGHHHHHHHH FINE.
It’s difficult to live in a Daveless world.
KARKAT: IF IT WILL GET YOU TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS TOPIC FOR EVEN A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN FINE.
KARKAT: REGARDLESS OF HOW POINTLESS AN EXERCISE I CONSIDER IT TO BE, I WILL DISCUSS WITH YOU MY “FEELINGS” ABOUT DAVE.
JOHN: okay.
JOHN: thank you.
KARKAT: ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE INUNDATED WITH NONE OTHER THAN AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA VIS A VIS MY SWEEPS-SUPPRESSED, BISCUITFELT EMOTIONS ON THE DAVE SITUATION??
KARKAT: WELL HERE GOES.
–it’s not gonna be short, or cut away, is it? –actually it could just switch to a very sad sunset-like vista of the two sitting there, and one poignant line from him followed by a long, hanging pause.
KARKAT: *DEEP BREATH*
A giant expletive isn’t it.
The best sendoff you could give him.
Holy shit. It really IS a rant!
KARKAT: YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT DAVE?
KARKAT: HOW I FEEL IS THAT I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME ABOUT HIM!!!
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO HE AND JADE GOT HUMAN MARRIED!! BIG DEAL!!!
KARKAT: DO PEOPLE FORGET THAT I WAS THERE?? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS FORGETTING THAT I WAS LITERALLY INVITED TO THE OCCASION.
KARKAT: I’VE EVEN COME TO EXPECT THIS KIND OF AMNESIAC BEHAVIOR FROM EVERYONE ELSE, SINCE I ADMIT THAT I DIDN’T EXACTLY STICK AROUND OR ACTUALLY SHOW MY FACE FOR MOST OF THE ORDEAL, BUT YOU EGBERT SHOULD HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE!
JOHN: wait, karkat, that’s not what i
KARKAT: SO YEAH! THAT WHOLE THING HAPPENED, AND I CAME TO TERMS WITH WHATEVER THERE WAS TO COME TO TERMS WITH, WHICH WAS FUCKING *NOTHING*, AND THEN I GOT ON WITH THE ACTUAL IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF TRYING TO PREVENT THE WORLD FROM CRUMBLING!
KARKAT: WHICH, NOW THAT WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT, IS *STILL FUCKING HAPPENING*!
KARKAT: I AM UTTERLY APPALLED THAT THIS IS AN INFO MORSEL I KEEP HAVING TO SPOONFEED DOWN YOUR WINDCHUTE EVERY FIVE SECONDS, JOHN, I REALLY AM.
KARKAT: I MEAN HOLY SHIT, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS!
KARKAT: AND ONE THING I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD CERTAINTY IS THAT IF DAVE WERE HERE, HE WOULD SAY THE SAME THING!!
Okay he dealt with it by keeping his hands in the dirt working on hard-fighting responsibilities, yeah, as a Blood player might. But the way he’s ranting about it seems a little-
KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE *IS* DAVE??
JOHN: um.
KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE IF ANYONE COULD HAVE PREVENTED TODAY FROM DEVOLVING INTO A HEADLESS CLUSTERFUCK, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN… OKAY, MAYBE NOT HIM, BUT AT LEAST HE MIGHT HAVE HELPED DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSIVE FUGUE A LITTLE SOONER!
JOHN: (oh shit.)
Oh SHIT
Oh no… oh no, they’re BOTH about to let it out together.
They’re gonna have to cry it out. Finally, onscreen. THIS is why they weren’t showing us, why they were saving it. It felt so awkward at the time but it’s because it has to culminate in these two, some of the closest to Dave since CHILDHOOD, get to show us the effect on everyone in a microcosm.
KARKAT: NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MAYBE WITH BOTH OF US HERE WE COULD HAVE DISPENSED WITH THIS ENTIRE SORRY TOPIC ONCE AND FOR ALL, IF ONLY FOR YOUR BENEFIT!
KARKAT: OH HI DAVE, JOHN SEEMS TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE UNSPOKEN HISTORY BETWEEN US IS OF SUFFICIENT IMPORT THAT WE NEED TO HASH IT OUT THIS VERY SECOND IN FRONT OF THE BLASTED REMAINS OF HIS HOME!
KARKAT: yo karkat that does seem to be a strange thing for my best friend john to be concerned about given that he has spent the past five years wallowing in the depths of deepest divorce fever
KARKAT: and especially since jade and i have meanwhile been working as part of your resistance with no complaints, but sure, we can brofist each other and arrange our limbs in an unambiguously platonic way
KARKAT: a way which is also flawlessly calculated to communicate to everyone present that here are two guys who are totally and unequivocally over each other
JOHN: (oh god. you don’t…)
Talk about John’s comment about Karkat’s rants not being hilarious in a situation. THIS situation really tugs it out of them. :(
KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA DAVE, AND WITH THAT MAYBE THAT WAY WE CAN WASH OUR TOUCH STUMPS OF THIS WHOLE ORDEAL AND NEVER HAVE TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!
KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, JOHN?
KARKAT: WOULD THAT SATISFY YOUR CRAVING FOR CATHARSIS ON THE SUBJECT OF DAVE??
KARKAT: WELL WHY DON’T WE TRY IT THEN.
KARKAT: IN FACT, WHY DON’T YOU CALL DAVE AND GET HIM OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!
JOHN: (oh my god…)
These visuals are ON POINT. This entire sequence since Karkat showed up is masterfullydone.
KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD GET JADE TO COME AS WELL!
JOHN: ):
KARKAT: FUCK, WHY NOT INVITE FUCKING EVERYONE!!!
KARKAT: WHY NOT PRESS “PAUSE” ON THE RACE WAR FOR A MOMENT AND HAVE ONE HUGE FEELINGS JAM LAWNMEAL WHERE WE ALL PUBLICLY EXPATIATE OUR VARIOUS CONVOLUTED EMOTIONS.
KARKAT: FORGET PEACE TALKS, GET FUCKING *CROCKER* TO COME!
KARKAT: MAYBE THE SIGHT OF A DAVEKAT RECONCILIATION IS THE SECRET KEY TO UNLOCKING THE PART OF HER BRAIN THAT STOPS HER FROM BEING A GENOCIDAL RACIST BITCH!!!
KARKAT: HOW COULD WE HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN SO BLIND!!!!!!
KARKAT: IF GAMZEE WASN’T DEAD, YOU COULD HAVE INVITED HIM AS WELL!
KARKAT: HAHAHA, THAT’S OKAY, WE STILL HAVE A VERITABLE MENAGERIE OF PEOPLE WE KNOW WHO AREN’T DEAD.
JOHN: ))))):
KARKAT: ALL OF WHOM I AM SURE WILL BE SIMPLY DELIGHTED TO ATTEND WHAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN EARTH C’S BULLSHIT HISTORY.
KARKAT: IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES, EGBERT, THEN I AM PREPARED TO DO IT!
KARKAT: DON’T THINK THAT I WON’T!!
KARKAT: IF JUST FOR AN *INSTANT* IT WILL GET EVERYONE OFF MY CASE ABOUT THIS, I WILL STAND UP WITH DAVE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE ***FUCKING WORLD*** AND SOLEMNLY VOW THAT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!!
JOHN: KARKAT!!!!
That last bit with John. I can HEAR the rawness in his voice as he shouts that last bit… he’s about to burst into tears. And Karkat is going to have to with him. And they’ll cry it out together, as they should.
JOHN: ugh, fuck, this is just too much!
JOHN: i thought you KNEW!
KARKAT: KNEW WHAT???
JOHN: dave’s GONE, karkat!
JOHN: he’s…
JOHN: he’s dead.
Let’s see it happen.
Just body language, the blow of the words…
JOHN: i didn’t mean for you to find out like this at all, i thought…
JOHN: i mean, i only heard about it yesterday, but i was convinced someone would have told you already!
JOHN: apparently one minute he was there, and the next…
JOHN: none of us even know how it happened, and it doesn’t make any sense that he’s dead, but he is.
JOHN: he is dead and he’s not coming back.
KARKAT:
JOHN: talk to me karkat, please.
JOHN: please talk to me karkat.
KARKAT:
KARKAT: HE…
Jade and Rose were on a different part of this battlefield, they didn’t have the ability, time, and/or heart to break the news–
KARKAT: HE DIDN’T EVEN SAY GOODBYE?
aaaaAAAA
What a fucking expression, wow.
And what a regret RoboDave has to have for abandoning everyone without so much as a farewell letter. To think that ditching them like that was IN his Ultimate Soul is going to eat away at him. He may be linked to all of his self of selves, but he’s still an individual with individual regrets.
This was a damned good update. See y’all next time.
(It may be the new meds I’m on, but between this and the thorough love I see put into the unofficial archive, I’m suddenly reminded that despite all the drama, I fucking LOVE Homestuck. Even its current incarnation.)
More Homestuck, continuing directly from last time. Gonna Bang Out A Liveblog Quick (GbOALq)…
No chapter title this time, just straight continuation. (By the way, I didn’t reblog it so spoilers don’t headline my blog but this post regarding last upd8 is delightful)
Okay, this makes more sense as to why they both disappeared – Vrissy is either trying to get her back or is going along and just being grousy about it, or one under the pretense of the other or the like.
By the way, if Rose specifically planned in a way that involved telling Vriska to sit on the sidelines and not doing anything, shouldn’t she ABSOLUTELY KNOW, one-hundred percent with a combination of her Seer of Light powers and common sense, that Vriska will Not Do That? –so whatever Vriska is about to do I’m going to assume Rose has accounted for it, unless she’s like…
…sworn off using her powers much, or something. That would super suck and I would hate for that to be in this story regardless of themes.
Vriska Maryam-Lalonde, recently “Vrissy,” and potentially “You Are So Grounded You Are Never Leaving The House Again,” isn’t what’s commonly referred to as an “outside girl”.
She likes grass. It’s fine! To look at. And so are trees, as long as they’re somewhere off in the distance, swaying gently in the breeze. Trampling through them is not on the list of acceptable tree activities. Vrissy is already sweaty and dirt-streaked, and there’s probably like fifty gnats trying to drink her eye fluids. At this rate she almost envies Tavros his role as Batterwitch Bait. Sure, he has to pretend to be threatened by Vrissy’s mom, which is lame as hell and also very embarrassing, but at least his eye fluids are safe.
So she’s fine with this in principle, just not with the work involved? Or–
VRISSY: Hey, can you slow Down a Little?
VRISSY: I have to run over Shru8s and shit, I can’t Fly!
VRISKA: Hah! And who’s fault is that????????
VRISSY: My shitty 8iology I guess!
VRISSY: Sorry, not all of Us had SGRU8 Sessions to make ourselves Immortal.
VRISKA: Well, we’ll take care of that, don’t even worry a8out it.
VRISSY: Lol I wish.
Oh Christ, we really should have seen it coming. OF COURSE VRISKA is going to get her hands on a copy of the Game and try and have these kids play it, regardless of whatever meteor-based consequences to this happy society. FUCK. She doesn’t even see any reason to hide it!
–reading on, some discussion of how people on Earth C view the ability to fly unaided as a sort of religious thing so shot down Roxy’s idea of letting everyone fly. Why does society always keep trying to shut down Roxy all the time
VRISKA: Really, we have to get you a god tier. That’s pretty much the only solution at this point.
VRISKA: Ideally we’d go back to when you were a wiggler and start your training right away, 8ut that’s not exactly an option. So god tier it is.
VRISSY: Is that even Possi8le? outside of the Game?
VRISKA: Nope. 8ut we don’t have to worry a8out that, once we get back into SGRU8.
VRISSY: What???
This is what you get for letting Vriska back into your story: She starts another meteor apocalypse and destroys your Happily Ever After. Fuck.
VRISKA: We have to start this shit over again, you have all let it get so out of hand there’s really nothing to do besides a hard reset.
NO. Fuck you. You just don’t like hard work.
(I know everything is accidentally going to end up working out “alright” whatever happens, but even if Vriska’s self-aggrandizing malfeasance HAPPENS to be the cause of it, I really, really don’t want her fucking ideology to be the cause of it. She shouldn’t be Aesma of Kill Six Billion Demons mythology, she’s had too many flirtations with ACTUALLY learning a lesson and BEING EARNEST ABOUT IT to be the selfish chaos at the heart of victory and living.)
(Yes, I recently caught up with KSBD and it’s awesome.)
VRISKA: This is a perfect spot for a fight. An am8ush point.
VRISSY: !!
VRISKA: Don’t worry about it, that’s good. That’s what we’re looking for.
Vriska leveraging her luck and assuming they’ll be followed when she wants to be.
That’s a really, really damn good waiting-for-an-ambush image. Pretty hilarious.
(Still having a background mental fit about how this HS2 crew might REALLY be trying to make Vriska the Aesma of the Homestuck “universe” which is just aaaAAAUGH NOBODY SHOULD WANT THAT. I’ll be really unhappy with the end product of THIS ENTIRE HS2 PROCESS if they pull that shit, no matter what side benefits there are or how happily it ends. Hell, ESPECIALLY if it ends happily. They’re having fun elevating her somewhat more than most people agree she deserves but they shouldn’t elevate her TO THAT LEVEL. EDIT3: More discussion on that here if you don’t know what I mean.)
VRISKA: This is actually way more fun than I thought it would 8e.
VRISKA: 8ringing around a younger, dum8er me.
VRISSY: I think we’re 8asically the Same Age.
VRISKA: Whatever!
(Fuck you!) :)
wait what the fuck–
MANDATEDHAIRSTYLES?????
what the fuck!???
Vrissy is that fuzzy dice kind what the hell
Circle, fifteen guys, no special significance that i can detect
Oh is War Shit kinda poppin off alongside the whole church thing?
Colorful ship design, weird zoomout frame transition; something wasn’t smooth with that
Anyway is orbital bombardment gonna happen or?
JOHN: vriska!
JOHN: i mean, vriskas!!
JOHN: where are
JOHN: oh fuck
yeap
Is John flying out under the ship away from the house? That’s really irresponsible. (And abruptly transitioned, I didn’t realize it happened at first. KEYFRAME THINGS BETTER AUGH)
–why is that belly button window still there? I thought we had a line about Harry fixing his outfit, or at least having the capability to, did they not have time to finish? Let me check, that’s bugging me:
HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.
Oh GOT IT. Harry TOOK his measurements, but hasn’t fixed his outfit yet.
JOHN WHY DID YOU GO ALL THE WAY TO THE CHURCH WHO THE FUCK IS PROTECTING THE KIDS
Okay you’re back at Your House instead of Roxy’s house?
What, going to fight the ship or
I mean you could but you’re kind of forgetting what was the most important damn thing a few panels ago you jackass
Is that a bomb or fucking take out??
Why blow up John’s HOUSE that’s just so petty
ka-house
(pretty)
about time John stopped languishing in his childhood home instead of living life, anyway.
(o no i didnt want john to be sad tho)
it’s fine, he’ll be angry next panel or so
UM THE WHOLE SKY IS GETTING DARK???? HOW LONG ARE YOU SITTING HERE AND LETTING THIS BURN OUT???
HOW MANY HOURS ARE YOU LEAVING THOSE KIDS UNPROTECTED YOU GOLDFISH MEMORY CHUCKLEFUCK
APPARENTLYALL OF THE HOURS BECAUSE IT’S NIGHT NOW YOU ASS
and that’s the last panel
yknow if we are going to have an arc about john learning to be a slightly more responsible parent it would help if it SHOWED HIM LEARNING ANYTHING
GOODNIGHT
EDIT2: Anonymous asked: “I think the whole "John watches his house burn down” is more him coming to terms with who Jane has become. In the last update they mentioned how Rose(I think it was Rose) baited Jane into believing John and the kids were hiding out at his place, and Jane just destroyed it, so he’s coming to terms with the fact that she just tried to kill not only John and Vriska, but the kids too.“
Oh shit. I forgot about that from the previous update: "JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything.” He really does have to come to terms with the fact that Jane just tried to murder them all, too, so shit is definitely real.
…Which makes the fact that he didn’t rush off to guard the kids in response to THAT NEW FACT still pretty galling, but.
This caught me laaaate at night gosh I’m tired but I’m gonna get it outta the way so it won’t stick in my craw! Already saw the first page, so it’s time for:
Church with chess symbols at the peaks and a Prospit/Derse or Hope/Rage split color theme on the stained glass windows.
JANE: Dearly beloved…
Trolls, humans, and papparazzi. Oh, hm, this church is RATHER carapacian isn’t it? Between the chess and the continuing Prospit-Derse themes, like how this corresponds to how they align in the incipisphere top-left to bottom-right if I recall:
(Minus the outlying orbs to the left and right for symmetry.)
That twisted pattern is interesting, and not quite a spirograph. Is that gonna be important later? If we’re going to get some sort of class chart later in the comic, it’d be easy for them to hint at the chart’s graphical structure subtly by dropping it places like here.
JANE: Ladies…
JANE: Gentlemen…
JANE: News outlets…
JANE: And other valued members of the Human Nation State.
Technically true, but still odd to hear– …oh right, I forgot this was asshole dictator-wannabe Jane, too.
I read an interesting twitter thread recently about the intense psychological distinction between wanting to BE the best, and wanting to be TREATED like you’re the best. Epilogues/HS^2 Jane is kind of written as a case study on the pitfalls of leaning on the latter instead of the former.
They brought Yiffy WITH them-!? –Oh right. The hostage exchange was supposed to happen here wasn’t it.
Yiffy definitely looks like a Harley-Lalonde daughter in this shot.
JANE: Gamzee Makara, High Court Jester, exalted saint of the purple veil, has left us to traverse that grand, gay carnival in the sky, where, I am told by various members of the clownly cloth, he will spend the rest of history, honking in grand tribute to the Mirthful Messiah.
SINGULAR???
Weird. Is it because Alt!Callie “won” here?
Or is Jane just forgetting because she’s culturally used to monotheism (ironically) and is insensitive.
JANE: And my first memory of our Purple Prince, was his robust codpiece–
Wow.
JANE: –As he offered me his friendly support, along with the sacred blood of his brethren, the holy sacrament–
He STILL killed trolls??! (EDIT: No, a friend points out that she’s talking about when she met him first in Act 6 and he tried selling bottles of troll blood to her. EDIT2: -which may be another inconsistency, since Vriska supposedly overwrote that post-retcon.)
It takes Jake a few seconds of puzzled eye contact before he catches exactly what it is Yiffany is tossing down. In his defense, he is distracted by his wife’s speech, which is doing the emotional equivalent of wringing him out like a wet towel, before using that towel to slap the sweaty buttocks of a large, odorous man. Even if he knows everything she’s saying is a load of horsefeathers, it does nothing for his composure to hear her heap praise on that smelly, homewrecking clown.
Bad things about Gamzee deserve to be said here, yes.
Jake wonders what she’ll say about him, at his own funeral.
Now those are some uncomfortable thoughts.
He narrows his eyes in Yiffany’s direction. She’s a lovely girl, really. He wishes he could have gotten to know her under better circumstances. He’d known she existed, of course–Jane had complained about her often enough–but they’d never had much chance to get acquainted. He rather believes her and Tavvy would have been fast friends.
Then again, perhaps it’s better that she never had much of a chance to get to know his family.
He lets go of the leash.
Yep, there’s a plan to set in motion that he’s probably already discussed with her privately. Gotta unite this four-kid team after all.
Wait, are you ATTACKING?!? –Of course you’re attacking. You would even if the plan was something different, wouldn’t you.
JANE: And I know that at times like these it is easy to want to give in.
JANE: To throw in the towel, and turn our faces away from the light of democracy and moral fortitude that we, the citizens of the human kingdom, are blessed with from birth.
JANE: God knows I’ve had my own faith tested in the last few weeks.
Jesus Christ, what has she turned the place into, a fucking theocracy?
She sounds like the leader of some screwed-up, fundamentalist country! Like the United States!
*rimshot*
JANE: As many of you know, I did not grow up with the same privileges that all of you enjoy.
Jesus.
JANE: I was born on proto-Earth, that half-finished dystopia mangled by the ravages of foolish leadership and endless war.
Jesus, she really IS a self-evident takedown of hypocritical entitled political figures. With the bonuses having Jasprose explicitly ADDRESS said entitlement to make things even clearer cut.
JANE: And as for Gamzee, well, his upbringing was even worse.
JANE: He was born to a violent and uncaring home, a lonely child with few natural gifts.
…Some natural gifts and status.
She’s just, shaking with fury here isn’t she? And about to perform an impressive corpse-lob.
JANE: It would be simple to let this disgusting, vile, SHAMEFUL act of spiteful revenge turn us away from the blinding light of the sword of justice that hangs over us all–
This sentence seems suspicious so I’m quoting it to refer to later if I need to, but is probably just platitudes.
JANE: Poised
JANE: Trembling
Okay maybe the sword’s a dick, but what exactly is Yiffany doing?? I’m finding it difficult as usual to tell between some of these image transitions.
JANE: Ready to burst forth–
Bad PR to shock-collar a kid mid press junket. (Very dicks description.)
Click. (Did they swap the shock function with Jane’s necklace somehow, that’d be fun.)
JANE: I want to give up, at times. I understand your pain.
While shocking a kid? GREAT PR.
JANE: I sympathize with your pain.
Wow, those horrified audience members. She REALLY can’t even see herself anymore can she? Not even hear herself. And they’re making sure this is pointed out to EVERYONE watching. They described this as in large part a PR campaign to defeat her, didn’t they?
Great furious businesswoman-villain look, that art.
JANE: But when that pain! Becomes too hard! To endure!
JANE: Remember poor, lifeless Gamzee! Who suffered pain far worse than any of us could ever fathom!
JANE: THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL!
Click click click. This is a fun sequence.
DIRK: Dude, didn’t you lower the voltage on that shock collar?
DIRK: Little Red isn’t looking so hot.
JAKE: Yes of course i did but the damn doohickys got the kick of a donkey!
JAKE: I couldnt remove it completely shed know i was the one who did it!
DIRK: Well, if that supervillain cuntwaffle doesn’t stop, she’s going to kill her. Not really the best at hostage management, is she.
Decent plan. (And of course Dirk would pull out the word cunt.) When’s the cavalry coming?
JANE: But we cannot allow his memory to be in vain!
JANE: For Gamzee Makara taught us that even the most loathsome degenerate can take their place in society.
JANE: All they need is the right redemption arc - !
Trying to hammer home some of the Epilogue’s trolly-critical themes a little less bleakly, I take it.
I kind of like the violent vibration in ALL of these gifs in a row. It makes the scene seem small, slow, teeth-clenching but still full of steady action, emphasizing the importance of the relatively small events from panel to panel while giving them the sense with the animation of them being [i]drawn out[/i] and tortuous instead of just “occurring”. It feels that way to me, anyway.
If he got up alive here, that’d be hilarious. (Presumably he’s been treated and done-up like a normal funeral body, not “dormant” and undecaying like a dead god-tier.)
CORPSE PUNT w/ CLEATS
That face is just. I love that face.
SHE MAD
JANE: Young lady, I am just about at the end of my rope with you.
JANE: Throw all the dog bowls you want at the walls of my warship.
JANE: But don’t you dare act up in front of a
JANE: Live
JANE: Fucking
JANE: Newsfeed!
YIFFY: Grrrrrr
What did you expect to happen? Do you expect to shout her down from this, Jane?
JANE: After everything I’ve done for you–paying for your education, helping your parents cover up your existence from the world!
JANE: Just imagine what Rose and Jade would say if they could see you now, even dissidents can have a little decorum!
JANE: Get down from there at once!
YIFFY: Grrrrrr
But this is GAMZEE. –I guess it’s seriously disrespectful to his followers, though. Still. If you wanted civility from her, a shock collar, leash, and food bowl wasn’t the way to go about it.
JANE: Don’t you threaten me, young lady. Not today!
YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR
What is your PLAN even, Jane? You’ve completely disregarded her.
JANE: There’s nowhere for you to go. My agents are swarming this church. Be reasonable, Yiffany.
JANE: Ugh.
JANE: Disgusting name.
JANE: But that’s hardly your fault. You were always just a footnote. Your parents’ little prank.
JANE: Honestly, that’s why I helped them all those years ago! I do love a good jape.
JANE: But let’s be serious.
JANE: You don’t matter. If you did, they would have come for you already.
Can all the press hear her being such an asshole?
Okay, stereotypically, their arrival should be the next couple panels:
Jake, do something useful like hoping harder.
And she knocks the remote away. Excellent.
And she does. Seemingly at the end of her tolerance for insults toward her name, social status, and heritage, Yiffy performs an impressive backflip off the podium and down onto the church floor. One that, if it hadn’t been happening amidst a sea of other newsworthy events, would surely have ended up on someone’s instagram story within thirty seconds. She gives Gamzee’s corpse one last parting kick: a hard, proper kick that proves those cleats aren’t just for fashion. Although they are certainly also for fashion.
Good, good.
He vanishes into the seething crowd, and we are confident that we will never have to deal with this asshole ever again.
God damnit.
Jake watches this from a safe distance, poised on the edge of intervening to pull Yiffy out of there. But in the end he doesn’t have to. Instead he watches in admiration as she tears the place to utter shreds. An echoing sympathy swells inside of him as she rends apart the funeral flowers and punts Gamzee into the shrieking congregation. Here is a girl who felt the cold, indecent hand of fate wrapping around her, and instead of submitting to it and slowly sublimating down into morasse of boiled doormat, she slapped it away from her with a lively oh, no thank you.
All at once, Jake feels immense affection for his granddaughter. He hopes the two of them can make up for lost time.
Lessons belatedly learned, but learned nonetheless.
JANE: Enough of this.
JANE: Seize her!
Kind of Red Queen of you. (Are those stained glass windows in back of the frame about to burst?)
Yep.
The stained glass window shatters inward, obliterated to stardust. The war is knocking.
Even attacking a disgusting faith’s church is pretty bad form, though.
Tired and busy, seeya next upd8. <3
Hey everybody. I’m Cam, extremely small time internet personality, and this is probably the only real blog that I’ll ever do.
Why? Because I like Homestuck too much, and maybe it’s time that I start blogging my Homestuck takes for the world to see.
Anyway, follow along. I’m reading through Homestuck for the fourth time, and I’m going to provide real time commentary as I go. I have basically no experience with tumblr formatting, so what you see here is what you get. I probably won’t make this too exciting to look at, but I hope that you enjoy what I have to say without too much eye candy.
I’ll be analyzing Homestuck as a work of fiction by itself, and reviewing it as a complete work of fiction. At some point, I might dip my toes into the water of some extended Homestuck content. I’ve read the Epilogues, and will be up front about the fact that I didn’t really like them. At times, I might reference them for the sake of comparing them against the original work.
I might also make some oblique references to stuff going on in my own life, and how Homestuck has affected me as a person, because in case it wasn’t clear based on the fact that I’m reading it for the fourth time and making a blog about it, I care about this work of literature a lot, and it has changed me as a person.
Anyway, without further ado, Cam Blogs Homestuck.
Friend is doing their fourth reread for some reason??? But she’s blogging it this time, and also insightful, so here it is
I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!
…yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)
So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????
Yeah, probably.
Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(
>CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair
Oh huh, I guess not? So… Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?
Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.
Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.
When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.
You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.
He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.
Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?
Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.
Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?
ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid
ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid
ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?
Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway– whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)
ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered
YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT
ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work
ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is
ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin
Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.
JOHN: yea yea sorry im here.
JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.
Hah.
JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i’m kinda grappling with that.
JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so
JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out.
ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win
JOHN: see you soon.
Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~
EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you–
ROXY: sup
ROXY: follow me
ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way
JOHN: haha ok.
Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room
Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC
Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap
John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?
I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU
Yea this seems like a fucc room.
JOHN: it’s not like i could forget!
ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up
ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there
So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”
ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out
ROXY: but so far so good
Ah geez.
ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!
Well, that’ll buff out easy.
ROXY: can i get u anything?
ROXY: just made some coffee
JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.
Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)
Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.
Thatwould be the feeling.
MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit
She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she lovesit
JOHN: so uh anyway.
JOHN: what was this favor?
ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit
ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here
JOHN: haha uh.
JOHN: roxy i uh.
JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now.
JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head.
JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best–
So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.
ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert
JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.
JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.
OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:
ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting
boot knockinXD
ROXY: look john
ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it
ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all
ROXY: but you look like shit
ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u
JOHN: oh.
Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.
Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or… banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)
John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?
Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.
He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.
Just put your feet up yeah
WHAT A CUTE IMAGE
JOHN: sorry. like i said, my “how to react to stuff” meter is completely fucked right now.
ROXY: thats fair bud
she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far
ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever
ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened
Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)
ROXY: im just glad ur ok
ROXY: or like alive
JOHN: yeah, jury’s still out on “ok” but, you know.
ROXY: ya
ROXY: u said ur house is gone??
JOHN: yep.
JOHN: completely.
ROXY: jeez
ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b “prtty bad”
Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i mean.
JOHN: no?
JOHN: it’s weird.
JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess?
JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.
JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?
JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?
JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?
JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?
JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.
JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.
JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?
JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.
JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.
JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.
JOHN: it DID feel good.
JOHN: i DO feel free.
JOHN: sorry.
I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.
ROXY: no need 2 apologize
ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn
JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.
Oh shit
ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing
ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last
ROXY: but like now that u mention it
ROXY: *meaningful pause*
JOHN: …
JOHN: i
JOHN:
ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather
ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep
Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?
ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways
JOHN: yeah…
ROXY: sooooooo
ROXY: movin on
It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little
ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here
JOHN: what?
ROXY: yea
ROXY: i got a secret lair
ROXY: for my sciences
OHFUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement
ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed
ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind
Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?
First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,
Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.
This feels stupid.
ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away
JOHN: uh ok, well…
JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that.
JOHN: why not!
JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though.
ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit
Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.
You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?
ROXY: ok or just like push when i push
ROXY: we both got sick muscles
ROXY: no other adjectives necessary
JOHN: yeah ok.
ROXY: on 3?
Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.
JOHN: holy shit?
ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae
JOHN: so wait, if this thing’s always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me?
ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john
JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here.
ROXY: fine ok checkmate
ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade
ROXY: like im sorry but i said it
ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here
THANK FUCKING CHRIST.
If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.
ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~
JOHN: ok but like
ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum
ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word “sanctum” in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is
ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat
JOHN: yeah!?
JOHN: yes? i guess?
ROXY: aight good
Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it
ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born
ROXY: just push
eyeroll, but yeah, of course
Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.
Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????
That’s like… almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or
ROXY: hey callieee i got him
ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again
ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean
Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)
JOHN: oh it’s ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like!
ROXY: k cool i will
JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?
ROXY: hmmmmmm no
JOHN: oh ok.
JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.
JOHN: space.
JOHN: wherever we are.
ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now
ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi
ROXY: and by that i mean
ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn
JOHN: right, sorry.
JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.
ROXY: u catch on fast egbert
ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me
I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.
JOHN: so… this is all downstairs?
JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.
ROXY: well no not x actly
ROXY: were in the old meteor
JOHN: under the house???
ROXY: ok so
ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like
ROXY: “downstairs”
ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house
ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here
CALLIOPE: #U_U#
ROXY: (hehe)
CALLIOPE: *AHEM*
CALLIOPE: hi john!
CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^
Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.
THEY’RE SO CUTE
JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie!
JOHN: it sure has been a while huh.
JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this…
CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship?
CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i’d rather not rehash that period of oUr lives.
CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: god, jeez, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to–
CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don’t worry.
CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect.
CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe.
CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse!
CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u
Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is – or at least originated as – Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).
CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience.
CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species!
CALLIOPE: it’s actUally qUite interesting, if yoU
ROXY: *nudge*
CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i’m getting a little carried away, haha.
CALLIOPE: argh, i’m sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.
Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?
CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is:
CALLIOPE: don’t beat yourself Up aboUt it john.
CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.
CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.
JOHN: hahaha!!!
JOHN: okay, well that’s good to know!
CALLIOPE: ^u^
Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~
JOHN: so um…
JOHN: i hear that there’s this big secret thing you wanna tell me about?
CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course!
CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU’re on board.
CALLIOPE: i wasn’t sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are.
CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.
Uh oh.
Hopefully babies aren’t involved.
JOHN: oh! well, shucks.
JOHN: not really sure what that means but i’m just glad to be of use somewhere, haha.
JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere,
CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU’re probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.
CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?
JOHN: um… like, the big space things?
CALLIOPE: they aren’t always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality.
JOHN: oh.
CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page.
CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.
Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?
JOHN: um…
JOHN: like, HERE?
JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole?
CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.
JOHN: ok.
Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.
CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole.
JOHN: ok.
CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance!
JOHN: huh!
ROXY: (“huh!”)
ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert)
JOHN: (shhhh!)
And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.
CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point.
CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother.
JOHN: wait, wait.
JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing?
JOHN: oh my god.
JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day.
CALLIOPE: well, that’s not exactly what that–
JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!
JOHN: i’m so sorry.
JOHN: i’m so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):
ROXY: john
ROXY: listen
ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you
JOHN: ):
Yeah shake him out of this shit.
ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter
ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place
ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on
ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers
JOHN: oh.
CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn’t go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented.
CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged.
CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading.
CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.
CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered “tails”, while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered “heads”.
CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst “happened” (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.
JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility.
CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another’s existence, it really doesn’t make sense to call them “right” or “wrong”. they both just “are”.
JOHN: o…kay…
CALLIOPE: u_u
Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.
CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process.
CALLIOPE: it’s easy to forget that this wasn’t obvioUs to everyone from the beginning.
CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole’s singUlarity.
JOHN: oh, wow.
JOHN: um.
JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually… mean for us?
JOHN: is that bad?
JOHN: is it like in movie, um,
JOHN: shoot.
JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched?
ROXY: u mean interstellar
JOHN: RIGHT.
JOHN: the one with the organ.
JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much.
ROXY: lol u can say that again
ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you
JOHN: listen.
JOHN: i simply don’t think you all appreciated the gift you were given.
CALLIOPE: i don’t believe i’m familiar with this particular film ^u^;;
ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much
JOHN: (gasp)
This is all gold
ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert
ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love
JOHN: aw.
Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. …Whatever.
CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john.
CALLIOPE: it’s not strictly speaking “bad” for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.
CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.
CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!
CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply “being” here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.
CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us.
CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn’t seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.
CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.
CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole’s bounding horizon.
CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!
JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we’re in here…?
CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!
No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?
CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.
CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.
JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can’t just do that.
CALLIOPE: yoU’ve hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U
CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.
CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole’s surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary “oomph”, and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=
CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there’s simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.
What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.
CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!
So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?
JOHN: …right.
JOHN: so… let me just get this straight.
JOHN: knowing that we’re inside of a black hole… does that actually change anything?
JOHN: like, can’t we just go on living like normal?
CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.
CALLIOPE: i don’t know if yoU’ve noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.
JOHN: oh.
Um, what?
CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.
CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here “matters”, we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it’s totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.
CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u
JOHN: that’s… certainly one way to put it, yeah…
No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).
CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts’ heads, the black to their white, and so forth.
CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.
ROXY: its total bs is what it is
CALLIOPE: right, yes.
CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.
CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.
Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?
ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert
ROXY: we gots quests for yous
CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes.
CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific.
JOHN: oh boy!
ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)
Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.
JOHN: i’m not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i’m up for giving it a try i guess?
JOHN: i have… literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson.
ROXY: nice save lol
YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK
ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh
ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: i’m… not sure i follow, then.
ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense
ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail
CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.
ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point
CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.
CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.
CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.
CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.
CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?
CALLIOPE: …
CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i’m finished.
CALLIOPE:
CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.
…………………………
OOooooh, kay.
Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!
They’re going to attention-wh– attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.
ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great
ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years
CALLIOPE: oh you >u<
ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread
ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump
ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh
JOHN: hahaha.
JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?
Love with who? Callie, John, both?
In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.
Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.
Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or–? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????
Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.
JOHN: did you hear that?
ROXY: wha
ROXY: oh yeah uh
ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too
ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up
ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho
ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska
No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried– oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.
JOHN: i’ll go stall em.
ROXY: thx babe
ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or
JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.
ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!
How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? –Oh wait is it because they’re not together or… but… guh, I don’t know.
Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.
More Homestuck, continuing from last time’s dramatic scene. (I’ll try to make some time to record Hiveswap Act 2 maybe next weekend.)
I’m having more fun with Homestuck lately, and I’m feeling like that’s gonna continue at pace. :)
–Is it more ship talk over on side Canon? More of Davebot rambling on?
Are we actually going to see WOKEN UP JADE do anything???
(If one of the first things Jade does upon regaining control of her body is hit up Roxy (and Callie possibly) to try and break a too-long celibate streak I am going to die happy even if it probably doesn’t work and probably have a heart attack on the spot if it does work)
–oh wait, flower. Probably something to do with the “enemy” crew on Detritus.
>CHAPTER 15. Ok So There’s This Flower
Pfffff
(so that’s why i was sent a futurama meme)
yesss this ship please have stuff happen on this ship involving jade and the as of yet unseen callie
>==>
ROXY: u are all probably hells of wondering why i gathered u all here today…
ANYTHING you have to say is important, Roxy. Anything you have ever said is important you are an amazing guy
>==>
What a pair of cool dudes
DAVE: i am literally the only person here
DAVE: but ok i guess
heh
DAVE: unless you count jade who we obviously arent
DAVE: seeing as how she is twenty five nautical feet away and not even trying to pay attention to us
DAVE: just reading a book about maybe mushrooms or something that could be seen by some as magical and whimsical but is also somehow scientific
DAVE: glad to have you back dogg (literal)
DAVE: whatever happened there
DAVE: do we know what happened there
What. what excuse me. did jade regain her senses and then just start reading books
I mean mood, but. What is this
ROXY: dave
DAVE: do we want to know what happened there
ROXY: dave
DAVE: feels like it should be an important part of our daily lives
DAVE: i mean i get it
DAVE: you get possessed by the embodiment of space or whatever and then you threaten to eat some chocolate or peanut butter or perhaps some abominable combination of the two and now youre back in control
DAVE: no that makes perfect sense
DAVE: the boldness of peanut butter? the fresh taste of chocolate? together at last?
ROXY: DAVE!
What actually IS going on I feel confused. Please enlighten us Roxy
>==>
–what are you actually doing. just an awkward hand gesture? is that an open mouth or a very hard sadface
>==>
DAVE: thats me
you massive dork
>==>
YOU ASSHOLES ARE DOING THIS INTENTIONALLY PUT HAPPY NONPOSSESSED JADE ON SCREEN
ROXY: i called u here to discuss a v important matter…
ROXY: of extreme delicacy and privacy!!!
DAVE: i feel like i have to stress once again
DAVE: jade is just
DAVE: right there
Of course Roxy would trust Jade with anything, but– is this going to be like. maybe a conversation about. how jades not getting any
I wish I could focus on something other than that but it’s (1) hilarious and (2) I want Jade to be happy literally 200% of the time and she seemed pretty happy when she could sleep around
and (3) Homestuck did that official “HEY REMINDER THAT IT’S NOT FOR KIDS” thing recently and that got it stuck in my head that Homestuck^2 might get racier and Hiveswap might get heavy with fucked-up conditions on Alternia (with the little I’ve heard about Hiveswap Act 2′s emphasis on the conditions on what MigoLiveblogs would probably call “Planet Bitch”, I’ve stayed away from all other spoilers even mild ones)
>==>
YES I AM INCREDIBLY SATISFIED BY THIS. Those rad BOOTS. Those TUNES she’s rockin while reading. YES.
DAVE: not gonna come over here huh
DAVE: no its cool
DAVE: dont get up i know jakes shitty furniture pile is the most comfortable seat in the house
DAVE: wouldnt want to interrupt whatever important mushroom business you got goin on
DAVE: say hi to shiitake for me
DAVE: thats the only mushroom i know this bits falling apart fast back me up
ROXY: theres toadstools
Is the book actually about mushrooms?? I need to know what book she is reading right damn now.
DAVE: thats what i like to hear anyway wow just like in my video games
DAVE: only i wouldnt be caught dead playing that baby shit
DAVE: im a serious gamer who demands a serious ancillary video game guy
DAVE: only the most grizzled and and war hardened men doing only the most upsettingly ludicrous maneuvers can whet my discerning appetite
ROXY: dave my guy
ROXY: gotta stay on task
DAVE: yeah roxy get it together ive had just about enough of your tangents
DAVE: have some pride man
ROXY: lmao oh ok you got me
Dave and Roxy conversations are pretty natural to write.
ROXY: anyways we need to talk about ship etiquette
Oh my goodness.
Is this about when and where Dave and Karkat are having sex and fair warning
Which would then apply to other people like a certain Harley
Hmmmm
(Sorry I’m just. A really hard Jade/Roxy shipper. Science and nonsense together in the cutest combination that could take on pretty much any challenge together. The only thing POTENTIALLY stopping them was how Jade didn’t know Roxy was a guyandnow…)
((Also I doubt those headphones are loud enough to drown out what they’re talking about, those are Bec ears they’re too powerful. –Does she still have her normal ears too? Have we had any solid confirmation on that?))
>==>
Yeah Roxy stand on that table!
I don’t even know why I like that so much. Oh right it’s because Roxy’s doing it. This comic needs more Roxy and Jade
DAVE: just gonna out and say it huh
DAVE: and you know what its about damn time
DAVE: the absolute disrespect i get around here for just living my truest life
DAVE: spitting only these hard truths
DAVE: practically a bard sayin hard sooths
ROXY: this is unfair because u know i usually love ur little raps
DAVE: little raps he says
DAVE: i know youre just trying to distract me from the heinous display of aggression you just dumped on me
DAVE: ship etiquette like i dont know what youre trying to say to me
DAVE: what kind of hapless rube do you take me for
ROXY: tbh that makes this all kinds of easier
Wait, is Roxy actually talking about something uncomfortable for him? (I guess Dave and Karkat screwing all over the ship might be SLIGHTLY uncomfortable…)
DAVE: look we both know you dont need to be gay to see that sasuke and naruto love eachother thats just stone cold facts
ROXY: u cant bait me like this
ROXY: i know u know i cant resist talking about which anime boys kiss which anime boyz(™)
ROXY: but thats not the kind of ship im talkin about
I mean we all know Roxy would totally ramble on about that sort of stuff. Especially with Dirk early on. :( –I miss them being on decent terms, but now Dirk is a dickbag…
ROXY: its actually a lil incredible youd jump there considerin we live on a space ship
ROXY: but if this is how i need to frame this with u then yes sure a certain ship has gotten outta hand
DAVE: have no idea what youre talking about
–so it IS about Dave and Karkat screwing all around the ship instead of just in their room?
>==>
PFFFHAHAHAAHAAHAHHA OH MY GOD
THAT’S PERFECT THAT MAKES THAT TOUCHING SCENE BACK THEN EVEN BETTER HE WAS RIGHT THERE
HAHAHAHAH YES!!!!
AHAHAhohwait he doesn’t like it. It’s just dawning on me that she’s not comfortable with his sonfatherbrother having sick makeouts probably leading to sex in the same room she’s in, HS2 was feeling legitimately so horny to me that I forgot that characters like Roxy are being treated like people with expected emotions instead of flanderized ones. Of COURSE that would make him uncomfortable.
>==>
Oh whoa is that an inflatable couch? You can see the rest of Dave’s arm through it, it’s translucent. Maybe an alchemized gel couch?
ROXY: u know what i think u do
ROXY: i am getting sick and tired of davekat
DAVE: first of all
DAVE: amazing that you named my relationship
DAVE: second of all if i understand ship name vernacular
DAVE: which of course i fucking do
DAVE: pretty bold of you to assume im proverbially “on top” in this scenario
Okay several things :D
I didn’t know that ship name vernacular put the first party on top and the second party on bottom. That’s a thing? That’s probably MOSTLY not a thing. But that’s hilarious.
Second, I love how comfortable Dave is with announcing he’s a bottom,
and THIRD, that phrase “bold of you to assume” has been stuck in my mind lately as like, SUCH a powerful turn of phrase wherever I see it. It’s really fantastic.
ROXY: i actually dont want to hear about this
He’s actually really uncomfortable D:
DAVE: no too late pardner you opened the door
DAVE: im just moseyin on through
DAVE: yippee ki yay
DAVE: no
DAVE: yippee ki GAY?
ROXY: this sucks why r u like this
DAVE: my brains fried on account of i just love to do homo kisses so much
DAVE: i cant contain myself
ROXY: lmao this bit wont work on me anymore
ROXY: we get it!!
ROXY: hashtag love wins!!!!!!
ROXY: ur both very cute and love eachother very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROXY: i just wanna do my laundry
ROXY: without potensh walkin in on two of my bffs goin whole assed ham on top of some socks
Ah, yeah.
ROXY: every
ROXY: single
ROXY: time
Oh. Hahahah
DAVE: wow and youre usually so supportive
DAVE: i cant believe it
DAVE: my own flesh and blood
DAVE: my own brother/father
DAVE: homophobic
DAVE: well hm actually
ROXY: oh yikes dirk lmao
DAVE: yeah haha
ROXY: hehhehhheh
DAVE: …
ROXY: …
DAVE: i mean i dont actually think he-
ROXY: lmao no no
DAVE: like in a real way
ROXY: no def not hes just an asshole
DAVE: haha yeah
ROXY: right
DAVE: right…?
ROXY: haha
DAVE: heh
DAVE: …
ROXY: …
Hm.
Yeah, even THOUGH he’s gay – even though he’s so OPEN about it, and flaunted it so much even as Bro – his flavor of enforcing a twisted sort of toxic masculinity and inflicting it on others, ESPECIALLY as Bro, has quite a lot in common with the abuse you’d expect of a homophobic parent. I’ve a Discord friend who could go on and on about Dirk’s obsession with the classical ideal of Manliness in the greco-roman sense and how it carries all the toxicity of the old ideals with it.
>==>
Everyone contemplates the Prince for a moment and what an asshole he is, and the complicated feelings that result from that.
>==>
DAVE: now you know i like to deflect as much as the next person
DAVE: but ive had mad substantial character development in the last few minutes
DAVE: so maybe im willing to entertain the notion that i may be in the wrong here
ROXY: o damn fr?
DAVE: no ive never been wrong in my entire life
DAVE: but if its important to you i can rein it in
Heheheh.
DAVE: practically a saint
DAVE: even though the only religions that really existed on the new earth we made was fucked up clown catholicism and sixty-nine troll jesus
The Cancer-sign religion persists?
DAVE: cant really call the pope and ask to be sainted like back on real earth
ROXY: could u rly
DAVE: yeah thats how it worked
ROXY: i dont believe u but i dont know enough about religion to argue
DAVE: its ok im making most of it up
Oh good point, Roxy grew up in such a far-flung future that the classic workings of what we’d consider modern religion were too ancient to even be concerned about.
DAVE: the only god i know is the god of rhymes
DAVE: incase that wasnt clear im the god of rhymes
DAVE: its me
ROXY: i thought u were a god of times
DAVE: amateur mistake
DAVE: the letters are right next to each other
DAVE: even then its not like im using the time stuff much anymore
DAVE: not since…
DAVE: …
ROXY: i saw u use ur time powers earlier today to make a banana less brown
DAVE: i have explained this over and over
DAVE: you need to eat the banana before it goes bad
Which of Dave’s many bad experiences is he referring to with his reluctance to time travel?
And I’m very, very glad they’re making casual use of their powers even if we’re not seeing it onscreen. Cool, Dave can just rewind an object, like his alchemized sword used to do to switch from broken-to-full-and-back but with anything. :D
ROXY: its not bad just ripe
DAVE: this is fucking outrageous
ROXY: maybe if u stopped slicing fruit with ur sword all the time u might understand
ROXY: the subtle intricacies
ROXY: of fruit science
DAVE: is fruit science just going apeshit on a practically moldy banana
(I used to only prefer unripe bananas, which have a different sort of sweetness to them, and disdain ripe bananas; now that I’m older I’ve grown to appreciate both varieties.)
ROXY: lmao
DAVE: dont “luhmayo” me
ROXY: lol
DAVE: like i got time to be lectured by somebody who says “lole”
DAVE: barbaric
I’m kinda glad Roxy says shit like this out loud for some reason. –actually I know the reason, it’s because it’s Roxy and anything Roxy does is good. :| (I’d probably be terrified if anyone else actually did that.)
DAVE: you make some sort of unbelievable jest and i say ell oh ell like a real person
ROXY: ok jake english
DAVE: this is the most heinous thing youve ever said to me
Heheheh.
>==>
Jadewhere are you going what are you doing is that a clenched fist or isn’t it what are you feeling PLEASE EXIST HARDER
ROXY: theres somethin i gotta ask
ROXY: bout u kno who
DAVE: voldemort
ROXY: no
DAVE: is it voldemort
ROXY: its not voldemort
DAVE: you havent mentioned wizards once this conversation so im gonna have to assume its voldemort
ROXY: its about
ROXY: you know
ROXY: dirk
DAVE: ok shoot
Yeah, serious talk.
ROXY: what do we do
DAVE: what do you mean
ROXY: u know when we catch up
ROXY: what r we gonna do
That’s a good question.
I don’t think it’s one you can answer before you get there. I don’t think there’s any way to prepare y’all for what MIGHT have to happen, or what you might have to do to him. But hopefully the crazy situation there greases the way.
>==>
DAVE: maybe
DAVE: this whole thing is kinda bullshit and we are adults capable of being the people we need to be at the time it is appropriate to be that person
ROXY: what do u mean
That you’ll decide what you’re capable of, and what needs to be done, in the moment. That–
Well, basically everything I just said, right?
DAVE: ok so theres this flower
ROXY: omg not u too with the flower
ROXY: i heard this story like five times
DAVE: oh ok
DAVE: but you get it right
DAVE: the story is what you make it
DAVE: and in that case maybe we are assigning this cosmic importance to things that dont need metatextual meaning
ROXY: i rly dont think thats the point of the story tbh
Is that how he interprets The Little Prince? Are we going to get–
DAVE: then what do you think it means
ROXY: broson im sayin this with the utmost respect for u
ROXY: its not that deep
ROXY: its just a story
DAVE: then what about this
DAVE: do you think dirks right
DAVE: are we just a story that needs a villain
DAVE: are we heroes rescuing a damsel in distress
–Yeah. We’re getting different interpretations almost intertwined with their aspects. Time is looking to the metatext. Light is feeling like that whole story is aggressively pregnant with meaning for the real world and your own situation. Void is stepping back and not giving the story any broader importance for your life– recognizing it’s just a story.
DAVE: or are we just people doing things that feel right at the time
ROXY: ya maybe this is just our arc
DAVE: i dont think life is just a series of arcs
ROXY: well to be fair
ROXY: our lives have just been a series of arcs
ROXY: and we r basically rushin off to save a damsel
ROXY: tho dont tell her i said that lmao
–took me a minute to remember he was talking about Rose. Yeah, don’t tell her you said that! XD
Dirk’s whole WAR is about defining their lives as a series of arcs, appropriately with Rose and Light on their side. Roxy’s side of the conflict, appropriate for him to be on, is to tear that idea down. That broader meaning for the in-canon setting isn’t the only thing that matters. And appropriately, Roxy’s paired up with the lovely alive!Calliope – one of the people WRITING the B-side non-canon timeline, the competition that’s going to prove as or more engaging than Dirk’s “canon” he’s forging, to prove him wrong once and for all.
ROXY: ofc i want everyone to sort it out
ROXY: hunky dory
DAVE: but thats not what youre asking
ROXY: but thats not what im askin
ROXY: what i wanna know is
–Yep. Are you going to kill him?
>==>
ROXY: do u think u can kill him
ROXY: if it comes to it
DAVE: i-
KARKAT: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ROXY: wtf was that
–wait. Is Jade like,
Kicking Karkat’s ass for like, finally pairing up with Dave after so long, after she tried and failed to get them to get closer, and doing so somewhere she couldn’t see them?? Or something?? I remember her being PRETTY invested in them pairing up– (I guess that WAS a clenched fist)
It’s probably not that or–
–oh my god wait
this means
we’re about to cut
to jade DOING SOMETHING
:DDDDDDD
YES I CANT WAIT CANON JADE IS FINALLY EXISTING AND DOING THINGS
>==>
DAVE: he probably found one of callies little gifts
DAVE: been seein a lot more of them lately which debunks his leading theory that theyve been livin in the vents
ROXY: what
–excuse me?
What?
…..like drawings everywhere? They were insularly locked-in still drawing-obsessed and kinda outlining the situation over in non-canon, that was part of why we haven’t seen them– did Karkat not check in on them and just think they were pulling a Gamzee???
DAVE: i cant believe he never told you
DAVE: its all he talks about
DAVE: i told him it was kinda nuts but
DAVE: you know how he can get
ROXY: well i think since jades regular now
ROXY: callies felt more comfortable being up and around
ROXY: before they were just in the room nesting snug as a bug in a rug
DAVE: nesting
ROXY: ya like a bug in a rug what is there to not get lmao
That’s a real relief. I want Callie to be happy too :C
DAVE: well they keep leaving karkat little piles of meat
DAVE: like a cat
ROXY: damb thats adorbs
That’s–
fffun? That’s–
Hm.
I mean giving him a snack but, but why, what- Roxy you live with them why do you understand that from Callie like thats a thing–
DAVE: in his shoes
DAVE: at the foot of the bed
–what.
DAVE: hes convinced its to dunk on him in some way
DAVE: but thats just karkat being karkat
I really– like there’s not even an ultratheoretical, candy-side-meat-side ANSWER I can come up with for that. Even if I thought something crazy like “trying to comfort him because his Candy side version just went through something horrible”, or “trying to replicate something that’s going to happen in Candy like a drawing of it, but with props instead”, I cannot interpret why it’s MEAT WITHIN SHOES. Of COURSE that would drive Karkat to come up with crazy theories.
ROXY: but in the vents tho
DAVE: yeah i dont know man
DAVE: hes obsessed with it
DAVE: for once in his life he doesnt want to talk about it
DAVE: guess well never know
I suppose the crazy gestures are giving him Gamzee flashbacks, because of the way he–
WAIT MAYBE I GET IT???
Calliope was RAISED by Gamzee. And never SAW him but would have food (raw meat) appear when they needed it. So leaving meat at the foot of their bed probably WAS a comforting gesture. Holy shit???
>MSPA Reader: Know immediately.
Yes please clear this up– *click*
THE MEAT IS NOW INSIDE THE BED
(and Callie KNOWS he can’t eat that stuff right? like Gamzee did?)
And from the angle of this shot we’re about to cut to her in the vents–
Callie what happened to you??? Are you under a chucklevoodoo curse?
>==>
Yep they’re living in the vents.
Why did Dave think this debunked his living in the vents theory? *checks back up* –oh, I misinterpreted the wording. They’ve been seeing Callie up and walking around the ship more often, so Dave thinks that debunks the theory. But Callie’s scuttling around those vents in a way I would call “like a creepy alien” but that would be xenophobic.
wait thats not the important question, CALLIE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. Please tell me it’s just because you were raised with a lack of any social prohibition against doing so, and no reason more sinister than that.
Aight that’s the end of the upd8. (AND JADE DID NOTHING, PLEASE GIVE ME MORE CANON JADE, HS^2.) See y’all whenever I gear up for Hiveswap Act 2 I suppose! Stay tuned for news on whether I plan to, like… record beforehand or schedule a Twitch stream or two or what have you.