#horror movie review
Anyway, I paid 4.99 for peacock (with ads!) so I could review this movie. Give me notes.
I went in with the notion that this movie would be mid. I liked the first movie and I really like the director so I thought I’d try to clear my head of expectations and let the movie speak for itself.
What is this movie?
Bad.
How scary is it?
It’s not. I feel like everyone has seen Michael Myers do his thing enough to the point there’s no way the image of him popping out can be scary.
At some point someone says, “There’s something in our house, and I don’t think it’s kids,” which would be scary in a different movie, if it created some suspense as to what exactly is in the house and let our imagination run wild, if we didn’t know the fate of these characters. But in this movie, it’s Michael Myers. If the people in the house simply leave, then they are safe. But if they decide to stay for whatever reason, they’ll die. It’s as simple as that.
Jump scares?
Uh, kind of? Maybe? Maybe Michael pops up sometimes, but it doesn’t really do much.
Is there blood and gore?
It’s the only thing this movie has going for it besides Dylan Arnold’s hair and Judy Greer.
On a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being Al– actually, Halloween Kills is the new 10), how dumb were the characters?
Imagine watching a bunch of people walking into a woodchipper and then thinking to yourself, “Well, I’m built different,” and proceeding to walk into said woodchipper, naked. That’s a decision every single character not named Michael Myers makes in this movie.
Does the story make logical sense if you think about it too long?
No.
Can’t you just enjoy it as a dumb fun slasher flick?
If it fucking LET ME.
The thing about this franchise is, the 2018 Halloween was actually good. It was a lean, mean slasher movie that didn’t reinvent the wheel but had some interesting things going on in its head with Laurie’s PTSD and that fracturing her relationship with her family.
This movie also tries to have deeper themes. It forgets those along the way. It feels as if it’ll have something to say about making sure the next generation doesn’t experience the same trauma, then a man who has Michael Myers PTSD takes his son on a Michael Myers-hunting stroll about town. There is also a weird mob mentality storyline that says nothing and adds nothing but 15 minutes of brain-killing runtime.
There are a gazillion characters in this, and this movie lets you latch onto exactly zero. Jamie Lee Curtis hangs out in a hospital gown for 15 minutes before cashing her check. The camera lingers meaningfully while introducing or re-introducing various characters who you think will provide some narrative cohesion and emotional weight to the story. Then they don’t. They probably get up and run naked into the woodchipper and call it a day. One character gets like a 15 minute flashback sequence then has probably 5 minutes of present day screen time. Anthony Michael Hall says one emotionally complex sentence and then is directed to act like an angry Elmer Fudd for all his other scenes.
And then the drama. It wants you to feel awful about some kills, and then it makes some kills kind of funny. Having someone goofily assist Michael Myers in their own murder in one scene and then having someone grieving over their loved one’s corpse in another is some tonal whiplash more brutal than any of the executions.
It feels as if this movie was made in spurts. As if they had to pause production because of Covid multiple times, but every time they resumed production, they had completely forgotten what they were going for last time they were all together. I wish I could forget the same way. 2/10
I liked the intro thing with the burning pumpkins.
Spoiler-y thoughts below
I guess Big John and Little John were kind of fun.
I would have decked that skull kid who took all the candy. Crushed him.
“Since Laurie is in the hospital, I wonder if the main characters in this movie are gonna be the doctor and nurse… nevermind.”
I thought that dude who played Joe Collie in Midnight Mass, the dude who Michael let live as a kid, was going to have some meaningful encounter with the killer. Nope. Dude gets fucking stuffed.
Dude’s son also gets destroyed.
That was Theo from You. Damn. But this franchise could take some cues from You on how to balance the fucking tone in a murderfest.
They seem to bring back characters from the dead all willy-nilly, and it looked like Michael was just stabbing Judy Greer’s arms. She was blocking like she was playing RE, so I kinda doubt she’s dead.
Michael Myers is immortal. Sure.
I would have crushed him. Just built different.
New YouTube video up. I’m really cranking out the content today. My (video) review of. The 1982 horror movie “The Slumber Party Massacre.”
Movie Review #7: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
My review of the 1982 horror movie “The Slumber Party Massacre.” I would recommend it to anyone who is into 80s era horror movies or slashers.
Click the link to support me and my blog.
spooky tuesday is a (now not so new!) podcast where we’re breaking down all of our favorite slashers, thrillers, monster movies and black comedies on the new scariest day of the week.
kid cudi, we don’t mean to be disrespectful, but — speaking strictly as film critics — we have some questions about a certain scene in x (2022). The new ti west movie has been on everyone’s minds, and now it’s our turn to take a visit to the best little porn house in texas. yes, that’s a dolly parton reference, and apparently so is brittany snow’s whole performance. with a cast that also includes jenna ortega, mia goth x2, and the dad from 2002’s the ring, this ‘70s-style slasher had us hiding behind our hands in theaters.
give spooky tuesday a listen on apple podcasts, spotify, iheart radio, or stitcher
spooky tuesday is a (now not so new!) podcast where we’re breaking down all of our favorite slashers, thrillers, monster movies and black comedies on the new scariest day of the week.
may (2002) is a frankenstein monster of a movie made out of bits and pieces picked out just for us. set right down the street from monica’s place with an aggressive lesbian for chelsea and some blood play for sydney, it really seems like lucky mckee’s indie flick was tailored exactly to spooky tuesday’s tastes — well, almost. starring angela bettis, jeremy sisto, and anna faris, this horror has an ending that could make us forgive pretty much any other misstep. after all, polly’s grandma says it’s the imperfections that make things special.
give spooky tuesday a listen on apple podcasts, spotify, iheart radio, or stitcher
spooky tuesday is a (now not so new!) podcast where we’re breaking down all of our favorite slashers, thrillers, monster movies and black comedies on the new scariest day of the week.
we’ve gotta admit it: we were a little nervous to dip our toes into one of the most famous franchises around, but with the end of april right around the corner, we knew it was time. we’re starting the six month countdown to the spookiest day of the year by celebrating the holiday’s half-birthday the most iconic way we know how: with halloween (1978). the film that launched michael myers to horror icon status and kicked off freaky friday star jamie lee curtis’s career as a scream queen, john carpenter’s classic knows just how to set the mood.
give spooky tuesday a listen on apple podcasts, spotify, iheart radio, or stitcher
spooky tuesday is a (now not so new!) podcast where we’re breaking down all of our favorite slashers, thrillers, monster movies and black comedies on the new scariest day of the week.
we know you’re reading supernatural romance novels in swedish, stephenie meyer!!! there are way too many similarities between twilight and let the right one in (2008) for it to be a coincidence, but there is at least one major difference. namely, one has sparkles, and the other has a sparkling array of trans and queer characters which makes it the perfect way to kick off our pride month lineup. that’s right, the john ajvide lindqvist project follows the sacred rule of vampire media: it’s made for the gays — but that doesn’t mean we don’t have ideas about how it could be even gayer. come for the trans vampires, but stay for what we’re pretty sure are gay dads.
give spooky tuesday a listen on apple podcasts, spotify, iheart radio, or stitcher
spooky tuesday is a (now not so new!) podcast where we’re breaking down all of our favorite slashers, thrillers, monster movies and black comedies on the new scariest day of the week.
hope everyone has their “rocky mountain high” hit clips ready, because we’re traveling back to the start of the new millennium to kick off our final destination summer! that’s right: we’re heading all the way back to the beginning with final destination (2000), and we’ll be covering one of the sequels every month for the next five months. no spoilers though!!! not all of us have seen every movie in the franchise, but we can’t wait to hide behind our hands and cringe our way through each and every agonizing death to come.
give spooky tuesday a listen on apple podcasts, spotify, iheart radio, or stitcher
