The horror movie ”halloween kills” was age restricted 16 in Finland, when I went to see it in the theaters with a friend.
95% of the movie is just over the top blood and gore in like the most violent ways you can imagine. Based on the content i would rate the age restriction to be 18.
The logic i imagine being behind the decision to rate that movie 16 is that all kinds of violence is way more acceptable than like, for example, a scene of Michael Myers sucking d—
Summary: What if Michael wasn’t in his sister’s room to stare at his own reflection?
Other’s could only speculate, make up scenarios and even if they didn’t make any sense, they tried to somehow fit it into their own narrative.
Michael was a legend in the community, every Halloween, people gathered to talk about their encounters with him.
You just sat among them, listening and softly laughing at how pathetic they all were.
They didn’t know anything about him.
Nothing.
But they spoke as if they did. Trying to empower one another to help and move on. How silly.
They spoke a big game, trying to make it seem like they had any chance against Michael if it came down to it.
They had no idea what he was capable of. They spoke as if they knew, but they had no clue at all.
And their latest theories included why Michael liked to stand in that specific window so much.
Someone said to look at the people he was going to kill.
Someone said he was thinking or planning.
Then another said he was looking at himself in the reflection, seeing pure evil.
But none were correct. No one knew the truth.
At that time, not even you.
He was there to look at the girl living across the street. From his sister’s room he could clearly see her every day.
Sitting in her room reading, brushing her hair or listening to music and dancing to it.
Michael watched her, she was the only person who was kind to her, she was the one to help him up when others bullied him in school.
He was too young at the time to understand what that meant. You were too young at the time to know better. He was your only friend, even if he barely spoke.
Even now, he had no clue.
But every time he was able to go home, he looked at the house across the street, trying, hoping to see her pop up in the window, but she never did.
But you never did.
After your abusive father finally managed to make your mother leave, he had no one to hit anymore but you.
One Halloween, you head about Michael’s escape, you sat in your window, trying to even just see a glimpse of him.
But your father arrived earlier.
He started trashing up the place and yelling as he usually did. You locked yourself in your room, but he broke the door down.
You assumed Michael saw you from the window. Because after a couple minutes of struggling, yyour father was on the floor chocking on his own blood.
So, how could you ever hate Michael when he saved you? He did what no one else could, he got rid of your father.
He saved you and you loved him for that.
Someone started yelling that Michael was outside in their car, everyone started grabbing weapons.
How cute you thought as you finished your drink.
They have no chance against Michael.
You knew he would go home. So, while they chased whatever was in that car, you headed back home. You knew that a gay couple was now living in Michael’s old house, so, you expected him to deal with them first.
And while the people in town chased a ghost, you knew better.
And sure enough, there he was standing at the window, looking right at you. You gave him a small smile and just stood there.
Then you heard the engines, the cars and the people as they all arrived to kill him.
Fools.
You watched as he killed them all, one by one.
And you were happy, happy to see him free. Happy that he was finally with you. And once he was done with all of them, you just waited and he came, he stood right by your side, where he belonged.
I guess that Michael is only in murder mode on Halloween night and the rest of the year he’s chill. People in Haddonfield see him walk into Walmart or something the day after Halloween to buy some groceries like a normal person and are just like
Anyway, I paid 4.99 for peacock (with ads!) so I could review this movie. Give me notes.
I went in with the notion that this movie would be mid. I liked the first movie and I really like the director so I thought I’d try to clear my head of expectations and let the movie speak for itself.
What is this movie?
Bad.
How scary is it?
It’s not. I feel like everyone has seen Michael Myers do his thing enough to the point there’s no way the image of him popping out can be scary.
At some point someone says, “There’s something in our house, and I don’t think it’s kids,” which would be scary in a different movie, if it created some suspense as to what exactly is in the house and let our imagination run wild, if we didn’t know the fate of these characters. But in this movie, it’s Michael Myers. If the people in the house simply leave, then they are safe. But if they decide to stay for whatever reason, they’ll die. It’s as simple as that.
Jump scares?
Uh, kind of? Maybe? Maybe Michael pops up sometimes, but it doesn’t really do much.
Is there blood and gore?
It’s the only thing this movie has going for it besides Dylan Arnold’s hair and Judy Greer.
On a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being Al– actually, Halloween Kills is the new 10), how dumb were the characters?
Imagine watching a bunch of people walking into a woodchipper and then thinking to yourself, “Well, I’m built different,” and proceeding to walk into said woodchipper, naked. That’s a decision every single character not named Michael Myers makes in this movie.
Does the story make logical sense if you think about it too long?
No.
Can’t you just enjoy it as a dumb fun slasher flick?
If it fucking LET ME.
The thing about this franchise is, the 2018 Halloween was actually good. It was a lean, mean slasher movie that didn’t reinvent the wheel but had some interesting things going on in its head with Laurie’s PTSD and that fracturing her relationship with her family.
This movie also tries to have deeper themes. It forgets those along the way. It feels as if it’ll have something to say about making sure the next generation doesn’t experience the same trauma, then a man who has Michael Myers PTSD takes his son on a Michael Myers-hunting stroll about town. There is also a weird mob mentality storyline that says nothing and adds nothing but 15 minutes of brain-killing runtime.
There are a gazillion characters in this, and this movie lets you latch onto exactly zero. Jamie Lee Curtis hangs out in a hospital gown for 15 minutes before cashing her check. The camera lingers meaningfully while introducing or re-introducing various characters who you think will provide some narrative cohesion and emotional weight to the story. Then they don’t. They probably get up and run naked into the woodchipper and call it a day. One character gets like a 15 minute flashback sequence then has probably 5 minutes of present day screen time. Anthony Michael Hall says one emotionally complex sentence and then is directed to act like an angry Elmer Fudd for all his other scenes.
And then the drama. It wants you to feel awful about some kills, and then it makes some kills kind of funny. Having someone goofily assist Michael Myers in their own murder in one scene and then having someone grieving over their loved one’s corpse in another is some tonal whiplash more brutal than any of the executions.
It feels as if this movie was made in spurts. As if they had to pause production because of Covid multiple times, but every time they resumed production, they had completely forgotten what they were going for last time they were all together. I wish I could forget the same way. 2/10
I liked the intro thing with the burning pumpkins.
Spoiler-y thoughts below
I guess Big John and Little John were kind of fun.
I would have decked that skull kid who took all the candy. Crushed him.
“Since Laurie is in the hospital, I wonder if the main characters in this movie are gonna be the doctor and nurse… nevermind.”
I thought that dude who played Joe Collie in Midnight Mass, the dude who Michael let live as a kid, was going to have some meaningful encounter with the killer. Nope. Dude gets fucking stuffed.
Dude’s son also gets destroyed.
That was Theo from You. Damn. But this franchise could take some cues from You on how to balance the fucking tone in a murderfest.
They seem to bring back characters from the dead all willy-nilly, and it looked like Michael was just stabbing Judy Greer’s arms. She was blocking like she was playing RE, so I kinda doubt she’s dead.
Though my memories have faded They come back to me once again And though my mind is somewhat jaded now It’s time for me to strike again I’m coming back for you, my friend
