#i feel like im hallucinating

It’s strange the things that stick in your mind, no matter how long the passing of time.

My dreams have been everything from repetitive, vivid n blurry, nightmares or night delights, sleep walking, day or lucid dreaming, even a combination of things….

Recall in a dream having to close my ‘dream eyes’ so I could squint thru to read the words in the dream book. So very hard n frustrating to do!

Yet, what really are dreams? Just head noodle nonsense, your brains way of organizing?, enlightenment? blips?

Some humans sadly (luckily?) don’t even recall their nightly wanderings! So, then do dreams really mean nothing?

So far, dreams have been everything from amazing, to horrifying, confusing, predictive, n making me feel so many conflicting n confusing emotions, n even caused me to doubt reality, cuz sometimes the dreams are so real, they’ve been confused with memory at times, n so many feelings of deja vu.

I can still recall the recurring nightmares that took my grandparents away from me. Over, and over again….

Being trapped inside my own body watching or even experiencing horrid things happening around or to me that I couldn’t control. People have told me about conversations, n things I’ve done, all when I thought I was asleep, n oft have no memory of happening.

Rarely, had some recollection of what happened during a 'sleep-walking episode’, but if remembered, it always felt/feels surreal, or even hyper real, if that makes sense?

Growing up n being advised by a religious family member, I thought I was tainted. Vile. Evil. The thing to be avoided. Cuz you know Wilson Phillips is the devil’s music n no one has ever heard of sleep paralysis!

Tho, even the horrors of dreams are worth it, methinks. When one can rewind a dream to make it better, yet stay fully in the dream, or to spend time making new memories with those long lost, sitting up laughing from a happy dream that’s already faded from your mind, but the overall feeling left from the dream n the belly laugh pain is real n comforting….

The rare, but wonderful feeling of being one with everything, n wondering if you ever actually sleep n 'shut down’ or, the experience of connecting with that 'one’ feeling is so overwhelming, it causes a forgetfulness akin to a drunkards blackout?…