honestly the worst thing about adhd for me is that a new hobby or hyperfixation is one of the greatest sources of joy, but its always haunted by the knowledge that it won’t last and i don’t get to decide or even know how long. I can’t count on being interested in anything long term.
it feels like theres a clock ticking above my head and i cant see how much longer i get to enjoy something. i can’t start big projects for fear of never finishing them. i have to hold myself back from anything that requires long-term commitments or consistency because i can’t rely on future-me to follow through.*
when i pace myself and try to casually keep up with something after the hyperfixation ends it just isn’t the same, the joy is gone. when i say fuck it and just let myself run, i end up trying to cram years of a hobby into weeks or months. i bite off way more than i can chew, burn out spectacularly, and spend the next month feeling guilty every time i look at the pile of expensive, unused materials that i sat down one day and never picked back up.
Theres a toll that years of it takes on your self-trust, it compromises your ability to make decisions without second guessing the most basic things. “What will I want?” and “what will I like?” aren’t any less opaque at six months from now than six years. I can’t count on what I want. In a way, I can’t count on myself and there’s a grief that comes along with that.
i see so much about dealing with adhd shame, but i dont think i’ve heard more than one person express the grief that comes with losing something you really love, not because it leaves you, but because your body simply decides without your permission to stop loving it.
a year ago I was going through the worts months of my life and I’m kinda uneasy because well… I remember exactly the month things started to go down and just, knowing how I was feeling a year ago during a couple of months it’s depressing I am in constant fear it’ll happen again, and like … my girlfriend feels this way too and we’ve been kind of weird lately. Also wtf a lot of couples I followed on social media and irl are breaking up like I swore they were the definition of love and would be together always y'know couple goals and all that… but nope relationships of YEARS are ending and what if it happens to us? what if we aren’t in love what if it’s just habit of have been friends for over a decade and we are all each other knows and it’s safe but one day it won’t be enough there will be the need to feel what it feels to date other people and other genders …
I really need to learn to not feel so guilty for things I can’t control because of my health, but I’m also so furious for all the things I’m missing out of because of my health. I had to cancel all my weekend plans, for ONCE I actually had plans, because I had the work week from hell and my body was like nope we’re not doing anything anymore. and every time I have to disappoint people when I’m canceling things on short notice, things I was actually excited about, so of course I’m disappointed too and it’s just a vicious cycle that it makes me feel even worse…
I worked at a grocery store. We did this same shit with literal tons of food and it radicalized me more than any book ever could.
Legitimately I would start giving away pastries to anyone who tried to buy one after 8pm because I felt viscerally disgusted by the idea of selling someone a muffin I was supposed to throw away in an hour.
I used to work at a Tim hortons a few years ago and because I usually worked short afternoon shifts knowing full well that we had to do that at closing, I would purposely buy at least two boxes of donuts and timbits to take with me to dnd on Fridays because the boys in my group are bottomless pits and I knew they’d eat them all.
I hate wasting food because I know someone out there would’ve wanted it or liked it. And working there only solidified my hatred towards wasting food.
Next Friday, the IOC board will decide whether combined for women will be on the Olympic program in 2026. American Bill Demong, who has both World Cup and Olympic gold and is a board member of the US Ski Association, fears that the sport will instead be completely removed from the Olympics . - What I hear clearly through back channels is that the solution to create gender balance is that they remove combined for men from the Olympic program in 2026, Demong says to the news agency AP.
Okay so their solution to equality is basically ending the sport for both genders?! How on earth does that make sense …
Guys so uh…. Pretty concerning heads up in regards to season 5
Apparently, the ENTIRE SEASON 5 BIBLE was leaked and while it hasn’t gone public yet, a decent amount of people have it and are sending it around.
Everyone is in a freak out because, while so far everyone who has it is spreading it via dms, it’s only a matter of time before someone leaks it publicly for clout.
For those of you who don’t know, a Bible in tv shows is a general outline of the season/series, so a season 5 Bible will be an outline for the entire season and essentially spoil, wait for it… EVERYTHING.
So keep an eye out! I have a lot of free time so I’m following this closely, and if it goes public I’ll try and let y’all know so you can put up the filters, but…yeah. if this thing leaks it will be literal hell, so let’s just hope it doesn’t
UPDATE: the Bible is over 100 PAGES LONG and very few people are already starting to post spoilers on Twitter. Their accounts are being taken down fairly quickly but please watch out omg.
UPDATE 2: someone dropped the link to the Bible in the main tag on Twitter, I checked out the first page (I didn’t get spoiled just wanted to check the formatting and stuff) and yeah, it’s legit. A lot more people have access to it now so… please stay off of twitter. More info here.
