Why He’s the Best.

Rosalie: You’re the best! *dreamily*

Damien: thank you… *nonchalantly*

Rosalie: So, what does that make me? *tauntingly*

Damien: …with the best *sadistically*

Rosalie: Oh… I’m with the best. *seductively*

ineedtochangemymadd:

My Daydreaming Experience and Why I want to Change

My blog’s name has made it pretty clear by now. I’ve been wanting to change my Maladaptive Daydreaming for a long while now. I’ve decided to start posting more about my progress from now on.

For my sake, and of those who follow me. If my posts will help anyone or not, I’m not sure at all. I just hope that what I tried to do before works for someone else, since everyone’s different.

In this post I shall explain a bit more about why that change is needed so badly, so prepare yourselves.

First of all, I should note down how does Maladaptive Daydreaming work for me, and what kind of symptoms I hold onto.

Right now, I’ve decided to separate two kinds of Daydreaming, in order to keep myself on check and for you to understand how it works for me.

In my Maladaptive Daydreaming experience, there is Active DaydreamingandPassive Daydreaming.

InActive Daydreaming, which I personally consider most of my Maladaptive Daydreaming, it involves not only the idea of creating scenarios and other character’s interactions on my own head, but also responding physically with my body to what I imagine that’s happening.

That includes, pacing, facial expressions, sudden twists and turns on my neck in the direction of what I believe the character is talking, smiling, trembling hands, putting myself on tip toes, and moving my fingers in a way that it looks like I got a screen right in front of me and I can control the angle it’s recording with my fingers.

InPassive Daydreaming, things looks much different. It’s more as if I’m still thinking about it in my head, however, my body doesn’t respond to my daydreaming experience. I’m not completely on the Maladaptive Daydreaming, but I still manage to get caught up in my thoughts and respond to the real world much slower than I would if I had done Active Daydreaming beforehand.

If I spent a long time without doing Active Daydreaming, my body and mind will slowly adjust to the Passive Daydreaming, unless I get caught up in another fandom that excites me a lot more than it should.

As some of you might already know, if you ever read the posts before, my Maladaptive Daydreaming has been impairing and getting in the way of other’s lives. It hasn’t been only that though.

My Maladaptive Daydreaming(or Active Daydreaming) is build up on a ritual I need to follow very throughly. If not, it won’t have the effect I desire and it will just take longer than it’s supposed to.

Many times did Maladaptive Daydreaming impaired and harmed my own life, not only in the mindful experience.

Things that Maladaptive Daydreaming brought upon me:

- I’ve already hurt myself while Maladaptive Daydreaming, and broken not only just glass, but also broken down headphones three times already;

-I’ve probably impaired my right knee, which hurts if I ever spend a long time Active Daydreaming;

- I’ve destroyed my own attention span, which used to be so well-developed. Right as of now, I’m completely unable to stay focused on a task for more than 30 minutes;

- My hearing has also been damaged, even if only slightly;

- I’ve proven myself over and over again that I’m not worthy of trust with any work or issue, even though I used to be the best of my class 5 years ago due to the lack of attention on the outer world;

- Not only did I get in the way of other’s daily activities, but also continued to do so, due to the urges of daydreaming. It made me say not only selfish things to others, but act as if I’m the only one in the world even though I am not.

It has been two years ever since I’ve spent more than one day without Maladaptive Daydreaming. One of the things I’ve been using to try to control it is the time counter that there is on youtube, the place where I listen to the music I want to.

I also work in a creative environment, where I’m supposed to keep consuming media over and over again to be aware of what is currently on and not. Way to trigger myself.

My relationship with my work is very sentimental and emotional. Letting go of it or letting go of Maladaptive Daydreaming triggers anxiety, that’s why I wish to take things very slowly if I can.

Well, I’m glad you find a way to deal with Maladaptive Daydreaming.

I’ll be sure to find mine.