#i sure hope not

I’ve been trying to edit old posts but sometimes Tumblr doesn’t save the changes. Does this ever happen to anyone else or does anyone know why this is?

I mentioned this in the hashtags of my recent post, but in case some of you didn’t read it, I’ll recap: There was an event last Friday with the band and W’s band. Unfortunately, M could not contribute as he’s been out, sick with COVID. This meant that U would have to watch over the band in his absence. 

Of course, I never minded that it was him who had to watch over us. I quite like the dude, and I want to get to know him more. Besides, W would be present as well, so that gave me some stuff to look forward to. A sizable handful of things ended up happening by the end of the night.

So….I decided to write about them!! Well, the highlights, at least. The stuff here isn’t as entertaining as my usual content, so I decided to make it short and sweet for you all. Besides, M hasn’t been here, so there’s not much to speak of.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!! Now, onto the stories… (This is long — apologies.)

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I spent some time greeting and pointing people to the right direction, towards where the directors wanted them to go. Since these other people didn’t know their way around the school as well as we did, we were told to separate into different groups to help them out. Soon enough there was a steady flow of people coming in, and everyone seemed to know where they were going, so I stepped into the dispersing crowd.

There was a poor girl who had dropped her binder and was scrambling to put her things back in order. I felt for her. I smiled and asked if she needed help, and she said she was fine. Luckily, her friend was right beside her the whole time, on the floor as well. That was sweet.

I returned to my post for a little while longer, then I saw W walk in through the doors. I couldn’t help but stare at him, and as much as I was forcing my eyes away, they always returned. He looked so different, yet the exact same. It was peculiar. It’s odd to say this, but by just LOOKING at him, I could tell that his attitude has probably changed since I last saw him. I don’t know why, I just had a hunch. 

He had this pretentious smirk on his face the whole time as he scanned the room with his eyes. I completely forgot what he was wearing, but I believe it was something like a black jacket and black pants. Just dark clothing in general. He might have had his hair gelled as well, as it was neat (in his standards at least…..I’m kidding! Haha.) He didn’t look too different aside from the expected aging over the year. Wrinkles, bumps, whatever. His features were still prominent though.

As I was trying to take this all in, we exchanged glances a couple of times, during which I looked away from him in fear of making things awkward as he took his time making his way over.

So I wasn’t standing there like a sitting duck, I decided to avert my eyes once more and walk over to the girl on the ground a second time. “Do you need help..?” I smiled again, and suppressed a sympathetic chuckle, noticing that she was taking a while. “No,” she smiled, lightly embarrassed while she was scrambling to sort the scattered dividers in her band binder.

“This soon? Already, someone dropped their stuff.” A voice came in to the left of me, and I turned to meet the speaker. I kept a keen eye on W and responded, obviously wanting to prevent him from potentially making the girl feel even worse. “She’s fine.”

“Everyone look at her to make her feel better!!” I shot a wide-eyes glance at the kid, who was still looking down at her binder, before looking back at him. “She’s fine..!!” I passively-aggressively stated, eyes still wide, silently hinting at him to just walk away. Though I feel sort of bad for this, I wouldn’t have been so rude to him if I didn’t know how I would have felt being in this girl’s shoes. 

He took the hint— although never once sparing a direct glance at me— and turned over his right shoulder to continue forward. Around this time, I looked back down and the girl had finally finished putting her stuff together. Her friend was like “finally! I was waiting for you. Let’s catch up with the others.” I gave the girl a light nod, whether she saw it or not, before the two left.

~~

There were more kids coming in now from another school, and a friend and I pointed the kids down the hall once they came in. I lightly cheered for all the tubas I saw. You know, tuba pride. It was like this for a little while longer. I wondered if I should be pointing the kids down the hall I originally had been, but when I looked down the hall, I saw a few another kids standing there, alongside U.

U was leaning against the wall. It always feels like like the dude’s watching me like a hawk (not creepily of course, the guy just gets quiet and observant at times). This time around, by the time I had brought my attention to him, his head was tilted my way, but his eyes were watching the crowd of band kids. Before he could notice ME looking, I focused on what I was doing again. 

~~

At one point, W wove in between stands to go to the tubas. He made comments at some of them. He told one of them to be nice, to which I responded with “is he not?” He smiled a little more than he already was and stated, “he’s a very nice kid.” All without making eye contact. He’s usually good at that, so that was weird.

Afterwards, he looked at another tubist, whose face was partially dug into his arms, which were folded over the tuba resting on his lap. He seemed tired. “And don’t fall asleep, dude!” W told him. He looked at me right before I spoke, with a cheerfully expectant look. He knew I’d ask again. “Does he usually??” “No.”

W began to walk back the way he came, and he had just walked past my stand before I called his name. “Mr. [W]!” He quickly turned his head back to look at me over his right shoulder, lips in a neutral line and eyes widened a little. “What’s up?” He asked, probably expecting me to say something that would cause him concern.

“How have you been?” I smiled up at him. His look immediately relaxed, and his lips turned up in a grin. He turned his body to face me, showing that he was happy to have a conversation. This was relieving.

“I’ve been good!! And you?” “That’s good!!” I beamed, and just as I opened my mouth to continue, he did so first. “Would you say you’re happy, sad, or uncertain about where you are??” He had to make things just a liitttle more complicated, as per usual.

I smiled lightly before responding, averting my eyes to the floor for a moment before staring right back at him with a blank slate. “I’m…living the best life,” I told him genuinely. My serious, unmoving eyes bore into his own. I then beamed to show him I really was happy. “I loved marching band!” When I finished speaking, unlike what he tends to do, HE looked away first. Quickly too. “Cool,” he muttered before turning to walk away. His expression was blank— I couldn’t read him. 

I don’t think he expected that kind of a response. I was confused and concerned for a moment on whether I said something wrong, but I pushed that aside. He was usually a wild card anyway. Can’t expect much of the same things from him.

~~

Before we knew it, the rehearsal began. Occasionally, throughout the whole thing, U would cast glances at me to make sure I was ready when during parts where the tubas needed to be heard.

He would also notice whenever I was super focused, like when he would mention the high schoolers and I would raise my hand. Or when he would say “hey band” and I would be one of the first to say “hey what!”. Also when he would ask what measure we started and which ones we’d finish at, and I would call them out right away. The little things.

During the rehearsal too, during a part where we had half notes, I believe, he stopped us and looked at the tubas. Or rather, right at me. “We need more tuba there.” He told us. After not too long of his whole spiel, I found that my favorite little quotes he used in there are “Go nuts!” and “Let ‘er rip.” Hahaha. He’s so childish. Then again, I’m the one laughing.

~~

On the subject of getting attention, too, during two or three points in time during the rehearsal, I saw W and one of the student teachers talking. While they conversed, I would see them looking straight at me, or at least very close to where I sat. It definitely made me confused. I didn’t know what the heck to expect, especially since they were both smiling and stuff.

Also, not exactly sure when, but I’ll write it here— W came up to the tuba section to tell some of the tubas where to put their cases after the concert. Apparently, he would be taking some of them back to the school. 

For what felt like a solid minute, he was standing literally RIGHT behind me, just repeating himself to the kids who didn’t hear what he was saying. I did what some of the other kids did and took ten or so seconds to look right up at him. He was, again, right on top of me, so it was a little awkward. I saw every little detail of his face. How odd.

This was the first time that I noticed he wore cologne too. I never actually whiffed it before. It was way less noticeable than the stuff M cakes on every morning, haha. It was surprising though. I’m not sure why, but I never saw him as the type to do that sort of thing.

The smell even lingered a bit after I turned away. I was so baffled. It was odd how I didn’t notice this stuff back when I was in his class— but we did have a mask mandate, so that must have blocked the faint scent. Who knew.

~~

I sat and chatted with all of the tubas while we all ate. U was walking around and talking to some students while a friend and I began to talking about something, I’m not quite sure. Eventually, they had exclaimed, “What is WRONG with you?” I laughed. “Hold on—.”

I attempted to explain myself before I heard someone say “oh no.” I looked over my right shoulder to see none other than U walking towards us, eyes wide and serious as they often were.I smiled a little bit, wondering how this would go. “What is wrong with ME?” He leaned in and asked my pal with STRONG eye contact. He was looming over me slightly. “You were asking what was wrong with ME??”

“No, no!!” I butted in, still laughing. “She was asking what was wrong with ME,” I pointed to myself, “Not you.” I pointed at him. After I finished my statement, he looked down at me and paused for a second. His cold blue-eyed gaze never faltered.

“WELL,” he started with a sarcastic tone, “Let’s rollll out the list.” He then straightened himself up and turned over his right shoulder to walk away. I bursted out laughing once more, and so did some others. “WOW.” I called back to him as he walked away.

I looked back at my friend. “Mr. [U] hates me, confirmed.” I stated jokingly, smiling. They just shook their head in disbelief, and we went on with our tuba section talks.

~~

The concert went on without a hitch, and ended before anyone knew it. After putting my tuba away, I walked back over to the auditorium doors. There, I saw W standing right next to a couple of tubists, with quite a few tuba cases behind him. These people were rolling their cases into the auditorium.

“Are there ramps in there?” He asked me, with a slightly concerned tone of voice. I thought hard, and yet I forgot we had them in the moment. “No.”  I spoke, then cringed with a smile at the thought of them having to haul their cases down those stairs.

“Oh no!” W laughed. “Oh well.” I looked into the room with uncertainty. “Should I help them?” I asked him. “Sure, if you want to! You’re a kind person.” He smiled. I looked back at him with a slightly embarrassed look, furrowing my eyebrows. “Well…thank you.” He just grinned and I turned around to walk in.

I had told my friend from earlier about my concern on whether or not we had to help them carry their cases down the stairs. They just gave me a look and told me that there WAS a ramp, to which I responded with a dumbfounded “Really??”

They shook their head at me and asked me how else I thought they got the stand racks up there. I just ashamedly told them I had forgotten. They shook their head once more and we started racking up stands and chairs.

~~

At some point before I left for the final time to go get my stuff, I had walked past the auditorium’s exiting doors closest to the band hall. Just my luck— W had opened the door to grab another tuba case! I directed a smile his way, even though he was preoccupied and didn’t see. “Have a good weekend, Mr. [W]!!” “You too!” He returned after a moment. I grinned and went on to do my thing.

~~

By now, (still) the same friend and I were heading towards the exit of the school. We were chatting and stuff about our day. When we got closer to the exit, I heard a door shut. Something told me it would be a director. Low and behold, a second later, I saw U walking out, looking all serious like he usually does.

He walked briskly towards the staff bathroom close to the door, and as he did so, he glanced over his left shoulder. We stared at each other for a solid second before he raised his left hand to wave goodbye, still keeping a neutral expression. I smiled and waved back, soon leading him to turn forward again and mess with the lock on the door.

“Have a good weekend, Mr. [U]!!” I called to him. “Deuces!” He called back. I laughed. I giggled. “Deuces…” I repeated. After a couple seconds of silence, with him failing repeatedly to unlock the door, he spoke. “It’s funny because I’m standing right in front of a bathroom.” He let a small smile spread on his face when he said down this. “Yeah!” My friend and I laughed a little more.

We got to the door, and I called to him one last time. “Have a good weekend.” By the time I was past the door, he replied. “You too, R.” I smiled at his mumbling. My friend and I complained about how U’s joke was literally not funny afterwards, but nonetheless, we—I— chuckled the whole way home. 

How eventful.

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Despite M not being there, I still had loads of fun!! I made some great memories with some great people and strengthened some bonds. I’d say it was a pretty good night. 

Thank you all for reading, and please stay safe. ❤️ Hoping everyone has a great week.