#tc stories
As I stated yesterday, M came back today!!! I am beyond thrilled that he has arrived, and he’s been acting happy as ever to be out again. I missed him so much — and he’s somehow gotten way more awesome since last time I saw him!!
I won’t ramble too much and I’ll get into the highlights of today. AHHH. Lots of stuff.
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When I first entered the band hall, M walked out of his office within the room. I was still standing, slightly leaning over my chair by the time he cut off the band from their warmup. I, of course, stopped what I was doing as well to look up at him. I saw him gazing at me with a huge smile on his face, cheeks squishing his eyes shut. It was absolutely adorable. I was already beaming, but this made me so, so happy.
He talked for a while, first saying how it was so great to be back and see us all again. He told us, as he got vaccinated, he had milder symptoms. That was a relief to hear. He mentioned a rehearsal we had today as well and told those who were a part of it not to forget. He looked straight at me while saying it. Lucky for M, I don’t think I would ever forget about an opportunity to spend more time with him.
~~
While he spoke, I’m not quite sure what he had said exactly, but I had smiled and bit my lip. Right as I did this, he looked straight at me. I saw him smile even more than he had been beforehand seeing my expression. In addition, a little bit after this, I was looking away for a moment and I looked back to see him looking at me again, but this time somewhere around my lips. I probably started blushing a little because wow, haha.
~~
He would keep looking at me during warmups, like full-on stares, for seconds at a time. Even while I breathed. I would stare right back until he’d look away. It was surreal. There was this one particular moment I keep thinking about; the whole band was all together on Concert F, yet M stared at me alone for a solid three seconds. Oh my god, I missed this. ❤️
~~
We had just finished playing a part of one of our piece. It was a weird section with sort of interesting rhythms (in the tuba world at least). My friend was gone momentarily, so it was just me at the very moment. M had just stopped us, and I smiled softly, satisfied with my playing and at the fact he was here right now.
Just as my tuba landed lightly on my lap where I laid it, I suddenly heard M’s voice raise. “And TUBAS NEED TO PLAY LOUDER.” He called over, grinning wildly with his teeth in my direction as he looked at my shock-ridden face.
I shot my tuba back up as fast as lightning, and all the while, my eyes were wide as saucers, and I was smiling hard. “Okay..” I chuckled. He spoke calmer now and locked eyes with me again. “This is a big moment for you, so you need to play LOUD.” I nodded, holding in a light giggle as I wrote this down. He watched me do so for a little bit then looked away.
~~
Random, but at one point during class as well, U had said something, and everyone was laughing. I was too. When I looked back at M, he was looking at me, smiling too. I thought that was so cute. ❤️ Maybe he wanted to see if I was laughing.
~~ MOVING ONTO REHEARSALS
When I walked into the band hall after school, I had seen M talking to one of the students in the middle of the room. I was so caught off guard by seeing him, but I almost couldn’t stop staring. He looked so good in the outfit he wore today. This guy REALLY knows how to dress up. He never fails to blow me away.
After gathering my things, I was heading towards the rehearsal room through the hall, and as I approached the wide-open door, I saw M and another director standing and talking. But when I was visible from the hallway door, M could not stop glancing back at me. He was smiling so much too.
I couldn’t help but do the same. I stared at him practically the whole way there, only looking away from brief moments so he didn’t think I was being weird or anything. I was fairly comfortable with my tuba in my arms, backpack on my shoulders, and whatnot. Super happy.
When I walked into the room, the only obvious open space was RIGHT NEXT TO THE TWO, and M was standing closest.Naturally, I went ahead and walked over that way. He was looking at me, so I turned my head to the right, towards where I would be sitting, then in front of me again. Just so it could seem like I wasn’t just…staring at him.
Soon after I began to move, I heard Mr. Williams begin to talk to me. I stopped in place, right in front of him, to listen. Mr. Smith just began to walk away as he asked me. “Is it just you, or is [tubist] coming here too?” His eye contact was pleasant. “It’s just me. Just me,” I repeated, as the room was pretty loud.
He nodded for a second he slowly began to move past me. My attention never broke; my pupils followed him, although he was looking in front of him now. He was close to my side. “I might add another tuba,” he stated. He quickly added, “I’m thickening the crop.” “Alright.” I smiled and nodded just as he passed me. I then made my way to my seat.
When I began to play my tuba and tune myself, I played loud on purpose, so I could show M that I was capable of doing so. I kept sneaking small glances at him and the director as they both began to talk again. They were talking about me.
I was looking at M, and he had his eyes locked on me. I saw him mouth the word “tuba”. He looked so concentrated and full of thought, with his eyebrows furrowed and whatnot. It was so cute. He pointed in my direction as he spoke as well. I looked away as to not interrupt them, but I do wonder how that conversation went.
~~
The band started playing, and for about more than half of the time, I was not playing at all. I was just watching him do his thing. He’s so beautiful. The way he conducted was elegant and I was mesmerized. He didn’t do it too much, but he would occasionally shoot glances at me. Once I was just putting my tuba down after realizing I’d be waiting a while, and he looked at me. That guy is so magical. I don’t know why or how, but he is. Literally so beautiful.
~~
The parts I finally played in, he always told me to play louder. First, he told me to play the two beats going into a new phrase louder when the first time, I quite honestly did not play at all. I had gotten lost in the sauce and didn’t know which measure we were on.
Once I fixed my mistake, he looked at me and smiled. “By the way, R, that was way better. You can play as loud as possible on this piece.” I smiled as well, both at him and the statement. “Cool.” I was doing flips on the inside. ❤️ On another segment, he wanted me to literally play the triple forte on the page. He wanted me to GO AT IT.
When I did, although he said nothing specifically to me, you could just tell he LOVED it. The loud sounds of the brass have the piece some shine, or whatever he had said back there. Haha. We played our last rep of the piece, ended on the last loud note, and he paused. “Something like that.” He awkwardly smiled and spoke in response to the rep, then thanked us all. I was then dismissed.
When I was walking to the door to leave, he very obviously scrambled to grab his things; his smile was wide and his eyes were panicked. I heard quick and rapid shuffling on the table he was using, and the guy even let out a tiny groan when he couldn’t pick up what he needed. Part of me wants to think it was so he could leave alongside me, because he got to the door just after I did.
He pushed the door open for me from behind when I was halfway done walking out. That was nice of him. He moved to walk right next to me in the hallway for a moment. “Welcome back!” I smiled at him, but don’t think he heard me, as I was a little quiet anyway.
“They play so loud in there, huh?” He commented with the slightest hint of a smile as he picked up his pace. When we exited the practice hall, he thanked me and the others thereafter. “Thank you guys!!” He smiled. I did the same, smiling at him. The last I saw of him was him walking towards his office. Then the Wednesday school day came to a close.
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I am so blessed and thankful to have this guy in my life. He has brought me so many amazing things in life, and he’s just amazing company in general. I love the dude so much, and I really do look forward to the future experiences we will have together.
Hoping everyone is doing alright!! Cases have been coming to a surge over here, so this is a reminder to wash your hands and be cautious!! ❤️ Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed reliving it!
I mentioned this in the hashtags of my recent post, but in case some of you didn’t read it, I’ll recap: There was an event last Friday with the band and W’s band. Unfortunately, M could not contribute as he’s been out, sick with COVID. This meant that U would have to watch over the band in his absence.
Of course, I never minded that it was him who had to watch over us. I quite like the dude, and I want to get to know him more. Besides, W would be present as well, so that gave me some stuff to look forward to. A sizable handful of things ended up happening by the end of the night.
So….I decided to write about them!! Well, the highlights, at least. The stuff here isn’t as entertaining as my usual content, so I decided to make it short and sweet for you all. Besides, M hasn’t been here, so there’s not much to speak of.
Anyway, hope you enjoy!! Now, onto the stories… (This is long — apologies.)
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I spent some time greeting and pointing people to the right direction, towards where the directors wanted them to go. Since these other people didn’t know their way around the school as well as we did, we were told to separate into different groups to help them out. Soon enough there was a steady flow of people coming in, and everyone seemed to know where they were going, so I stepped into the dispersing crowd.
There was a poor girl who had dropped her binder and was scrambling to put her things back in order. I felt for her. I smiled and asked if she needed help, and she said she was fine. Luckily, her friend was right beside her the whole time, on the floor as well. That was sweet.
I returned to my post for a little while longer, then I saw W walk in through the doors. I couldn’t help but stare at him, and as much as I was forcing my eyes away, they always returned. He looked so different, yet the exact same. It was peculiar. It’s odd to say this, but by just LOOKING at him, I could tell that his attitude has probably changed since I last saw him. I don’t know why, I just had a hunch.
He had this pretentious smirk on his face the whole time as he scanned the room with his eyes. I completely forgot what he was wearing, but I believe it was something like a black jacket and black pants. Just dark clothing in general. He might have had his hair gelled as well, as it was neat (in his standards at least…..I’m kidding! Haha.) He didn’t look too different aside from the expected aging over the year. Wrinkles, bumps, whatever. His features were still prominent though.
As I was trying to take this all in, we exchanged glances a couple of times, during which I looked away from him in fear of making things awkward as he took his time making his way over.
So I wasn’t standing there like a sitting duck, I decided to avert my eyes once more and walk over to the girl on the ground a second time. “Do you need help..?” I smiled again, and suppressed a sympathetic chuckle, noticing that she was taking a while. “No,” she smiled, lightly embarrassed while she was scrambling to sort the scattered dividers in her band binder.
“This soon? Already, someone dropped their stuff.” A voice came in to the left of me, and I turned to meet the speaker. I kept a keen eye on W and responded, obviously wanting to prevent him from potentially making the girl feel even worse. “She’s fine.”
“Everyone look at her to make her feel better!!” I shot a wide-eyes glance at the kid, who was still looking down at her binder, before looking back at him. “She’s fine..!!” I passively-aggressively stated, eyes still wide, silently hinting at him to just walk away. Though I feel sort of bad for this, I wouldn’t have been so rude to him if I didn’t know how I would have felt being in this girl’s shoes.
He took the hint— although never once sparing a direct glance at me— and turned over his right shoulder to continue forward. Around this time, I looked back down and the girl had finally finished putting her stuff together. Her friend was like “finally! I was waiting for you. Let’s catch up with the others.” I gave the girl a light nod, whether she saw it or not, before the two left.
~~
There were more kids coming in now from another school, and a friend and I pointed the kids down the hall once they came in. I lightly cheered for all the tubas I saw. You know, tuba pride. It was like this for a little while longer. I wondered if I should be pointing the kids down the hall I originally had been, but when I looked down the hall, I saw a few another kids standing there, alongside U.
U was leaning against the wall. It always feels like like the dude’s watching me like a hawk (not creepily of course, the guy just gets quiet and observant at times). This time around, by the time I had brought my attention to him, his head was tilted my way, but his eyes were watching the crowd of band kids. Before he could notice ME looking, I focused on what I was doing again.
~~
At one point, W wove in between stands to go to the tubas. He made comments at some of them. He told one of them to be nice, to which I responded with “is he not?” He smiled a little more than he already was and stated, “he’s a very nice kid.” All without making eye contact. He’s usually good at that, so that was weird.
Afterwards, he looked at another tubist, whose face was partially dug into his arms, which were folded over the tuba resting on his lap. He seemed tired. “And don’t fall asleep, dude!” W told him. He looked at me right before I spoke, with a cheerfully expectant look. He knew I’d ask again. “Does he usually??” “No.”
W began to walk back the way he came, and he had just walked past my stand before I called his name. “Mr. [W]!” He quickly turned his head back to look at me over his right shoulder, lips in a neutral line and eyes widened a little. “What’s up?” He asked, probably expecting me to say something that would cause him concern.
“How have you been?” I smiled up at him. His look immediately relaxed, and his lips turned up in a grin. He turned his body to face me, showing that he was happy to have a conversation. This was relieving.
“I’ve been good!! And you?” “That’s good!!” I beamed, and just as I opened my mouth to continue, he did so first. “Would you say you’re happy, sad, or uncertain about where you are??” He had to make things just a liitttle more complicated, as per usual.
I smiled lightly before responding, averting my eyes to the floor for a moment before staring right back at him with a blank slate. “I’m…living the best life,” I told him genuinely. My serious, unmoving eyes bore into his own. I then beamed to show him I really was happy. “I loved marching band!” When I finished speaking, unlike what he tends to do, HE looked away first. Quickly too. “Cool,” he muttered before turning to walk away. His expression was blank— I couldn’t read him.
I don’t think he expected that kind of a response. I was confused and concerned for a moment on whether I said something wrong, but I pushed that aside. He was usually a wild card anyway. Can’t expect much of the same things from him.
~~
Before we knew it, the rehearsal began. Occasionally, throughout the whole thing, U would cast glances at me to make sure I was ready when during parts where the tubas needed to be heard.
He would also notice whenever I was super focused, like when he would mention the high schoolers and I would raise my hand. Or when he would say “hey band” and I would be one of the first to say “hey what!”. Also when he would ask what measure we started and which ones we’d finish at, and I would call them out right away. The little things.
During the rehearsal too, during a part where we had half notes, I believe, he stopped us and looked at the tubas. Or rather, right at me. “We need more tuba there.” He told us. After not too long of his whole spiel, I found that my favorite little quotes he used in there are “Go nuts!” and “Let ‘er rip.” Hahaha. He’s so childish. Then again, I’m the one laughing.
~~
On the subject of getting attention, too, during two or three points in time during the rehearsal, I saw W and one of the student teachers talking. While they conversed, I would see them looking straight at me, or at least very close to where I sat. It definitely made me confused. I didn’t know what the heck to expect, especially since they were both smiling and stuff.
Also, not exactly sure when, but I’ll write it here— W came up to the tuba section to tell some of the tubas where to put their cases after the concert. Apparently, he would be taking some of them back to the school.
For what felt like a solid minute, he was standing literally RIGHT behind me, just repeating himself to the kids who didn’t hear what he was saying. I did what some of the other kids did and took ten or so seconds to look right up at him. He was, again, right on top of me, so it was a little awkward. I saw every little detail of his face. How odd.
This was the first time that I noticed he wore cologne too. I never actually whiffed it before. It was way less noticeable than the stuff M cakes on every morning, haha. It was surprising though. I’m not sure why, but I never saw him as the type to do that sort of thing.
The smell even lingered a bit after I turned away. I was so baffled. It was odd how I didn’t notice this stuff back when I was in his class— but we did have a mask mandate, so that must have blocked the faint scent. Who knew.
~~
I sat and chatted with all of the tubas while we all ate. U was walking around and talking to some students while a friend and I began to talking about something, I’m not quite sure. Eventually, they had exclaimed, “What is WRONG with you?” I laughed. “Hold on—.”
I attempted to explain myself before I heard someone say “oh no.” I looked over my right shoulder to see none other than U walking towards us, eyes wide and serious as they often were.I smiled a little bit, wondering how this would go. “What is wrong with ME?” He leaned in and asked my pal with STRONG eye contact. He was looming over me slightly. “You were asking what was wrong with ME??”
“No, no!!” I butted in, still laughing. “She was asking what was wrong with ME,” I pointed to myself, “Not you.” I pointed at him. After I finished my statement, he looked down at me and paused for a second. His cold blue-eyed gaze never faltered.
“WELL,” he started with a sarcastic tone, “Let’s rollll out the list.” He then straightened himself up and turned over his right shoulder to walk away. I bursted out laughing once more, and so did some others. “WOW.” I called back to him as he walked away.
I looked back at my friend. “Mr. [U] hates me, confirmed.” I stated jokingly, smiling. They just shook their head in disbelief, and we went on with our tuba section talks.
~~
The concert went on without a hitch, and ended before anyone knew it. After putting my tuba away, I walked back over to the auditorium doors. There, I saw W standing right next to a couple of tubists, with quite a few tuba cases behind him. These people were rolling their cases into the auditorium.
“Are there ramps in there?” He asked me, with a slightly concerned tone of voice. I thought hard, and yet I forgot we had them in the moment. “No.” I spoke, then cringed with a smile at the thought of them having to haul their cases down those stairs.
“Oh no!” W laughed. “Oh well.” I looked into the room with uncertainty. “Should I help them?” I asked him. “Sure, if you want to! You’re a kind person.” He smiled. I looked back at him with a slightly embarrassed look, furrowing my eyebrows. “Well…thank you.” He just grinned and I turned around to walk in.
I had told my friend from earlier about my concern on whether or not we had to help them carry their cases down the stairs. They just gave me a look and told me that there WAS a ramp, to which I responded with a dumbfounded “Really??”
They shook their head at me and asked me how else I thought they got the stand racks up there. I just ashamedly told them I had forgotten. They shook their head once more and we started racking up stands and chairs.
~~
At some point before I left for the final time to go get my stuff, I had walked past the auditorium’s exiting doors closest to the band hall. Just my luck— W had opened the door to grab another tuba case! I directed a smile his way, even though he was preoccupied and didn’t see. “Have a good weekend, Mr. [W]!!” “You too!” He returned after a moment. I grinned and went on to do my thing.
~~
By now, (still) the same friend and I were heading towards the exit of the school. We were chatting and stuff about our day. When we got closer to the exit, I heard a door shut. Something told me it would be a director. Low and behold, a second later, I saw U walking out, looking all serious like he usually does.
He walked briskly towards the staff bathroom close to the door, and as he did so, he glanced over his left shoulder. We stared at each other for a solid second before he raised his left hand to wave goodbye, still keeping a neutral expression. I smiled and waved back, soon leading him to turn forward again and mess with the lock on the door.
“Have a good weekend, Mr. [U]!!” I called to him. “Deuces!” He called back. I laughed. I giggled. “Deuces…” I repeated. After a couple seconds of silence, with him failing repeatedly to unlock the door, he spoke. “It’s funny because I’m standing right in front of a bathroom.” He let a small smile spread on his face when he said down this. “Yeah!” My friend and I laughed a little more.
We got to the door, and I called to him one last time. “Have a good weekend.” By the time I was past the door, he replied. “You too, R.” I smiled at his mumbling. My friend and I complained about how U’s joke was literally not funny afterwards, but nonetheless, we—I— chuckled the whole way home.
How eventful.
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Despite M not being there, I still had loads of fun!! I made some great memories with some great people and strengthened some bonds. I’d say it was a pretty good night.
Thank you all for reading, and please stay safe. ❤️ Hoping everyone has a great week.
Oh my gosh, this is 12 days late. Pardon the wait! I am currently building the posts about seeing W to post, then I am planning to write more about a 4-day band trip out of state that I just took part in!!!
Afterwards, I will probably keep the posts short and simple most of the time, as I would rather this blog not feel like as much of a chore as it has been. I’m sure you all understand that. I’m just here to obsess over my teacher like everyone else. Haha.
Alright, enough being said, enjoy!!
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1. Do you have more platonic or romantic feelings for them?
My feelings steer more towards romantic than platonic towards them. Especially M.
2. Have they ever physically touched you?
YEAH!!! I get so happy and excited whenever the thought comes to mind. M has initiated a lot of shoulder and arm pats, and he’s always perfectly fine with hugs too!! It’s so sweet.
I met W during the COVID era, so we never hugged, but we have bumped fists before on the last day of school. I also took a picture with him— but that’s not quite physical touch. Haha.
3. Would you ever plan to pursue them when you graduate? (And when you’re legal if you’re a minor like me)
Ahh, if they both weren’t married and had children, I would have definitely tried to shoot my shot in a very subtle way after being well over the legal age. All that matters to me is that they are happy though. In the best case scenario, I would at least love to stay friends with them.
4. Do you know their birthday/zodiac sign?
I DON’T??? I have no clue how I don’t know, but I’ve been wanting to figure it out for a while.
5. Do you know their favorite color?
I can assume W’s is green? I think M’s may be black or blue. I’m not exactly sure though.
6. What do they teach?
Both teach band! They are band directors.
7. Do you think you’re their favorite student?
Haha, as much as I’m smiling right now thinking about this question, I think, to some extent, they enjoy my company. They are both very nice to me and have told me many times how talented they think I am, and how nice they think I am. So sweet.
8. Are they tall, short, or average height?
M is about my height, maybe a couple inches taller— so 5′7? W is a bit taller than we are, so my guess for W’s height is 5′10.
9. Do they have any pets?
Ohh, yes!! M has two dogs. I’ve seen them both on a Zoom meeting before, one briefly, as they were barking at the window. Haha. His other one was quite calm though. She was so cute and small. When M held her, it was so sweet. ❤️
I am not sure about W, but he seems like a dog person. So if he did have pets, they would be dogs.
10. Do you ever plan to confess your feelings to them? (Careful with this one, they could possibly lose their job or get you in trouble)
I have been debating with myself on this one. On one hand, I want to tell M at some point that I have liked him for a very long time, and that he has changed my life more than he could ever realize it. On the other hand, I don’t want to strain our relationship in a way (though it’s probably obvious nonetheless).
M loves his wife and children, and he is the most genuine and loyal person I know. I would never want to take that away from him. If I did tell M about my feelings, I would not expect it to go anywhere by any means whatsoever. I care about M and his life more than anything, and if I jeopardized his career or marriage, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
For W, I’m not too keen on telling him. I may tell him one day in passing, like “I had a small crush on you in middle school. Haha.” But honestly, I think the crush was more-so developed due to M’s absence. I do find W attractive in his own way, of course— but again, it probably kickstarted because I wasn’t used to M not being there. You know?
11. Do you know any of their talents?
M can SING. Like, he can really sing. Whenever he sings in class (not super often), his low voice is so angelic, and it could be because I’m in love with him, but I find it to be so beautiful. I adore his voice, he is stunning. He also stated himself that he is good with helping to link people together, business-wise or not. He believes he was made for that.
This last thing is self-explanatory, but M is amazing at helping people. He can comfort you so much. He has comforted me and reassured me countless times, and just being around him is like being in a safe space. He’s like another home to me. He can teach you so much about everything too. He is so smart it’s crazy. He is such a hard worker and he does it not only for himself, but for the growth of the people around him. I look up to him so much for that.
Haha— I typed so much for M, but W is a great teacher as well. He is very spontaneous and cheerful, and will always crack a joke to make you laugh. He is also quite smart, but he doesn’t show it all too much. He puts himself out there as a funky sort of dude, but he’s really not all that crazy. He’s good at lifting spirits.
12. How often do you think of them?
Let’s be real— there’s almost never a time where I’m not thinking about M. He flows in my mind like water in an ocean — he just never leaves.
I’ll think about W too, but it’s not daily. It’s weekly, to put it into terms. It’s apparent, but my feelings for him don’t measure up to my feelings for M.
13. Have you told anybody irl about your crush?
I have told my sister about it!! I’m so grateful that she’s open to listen on and on to my ramblings. She thinks it’s cute. In some way, I have told my mother as well. She’s figured it out, but I don’t talk to her about it casually.
14. Be honest: Do you think you’re in love?
With M, there’s zero doubt— I AM in love. I have never truly fallen for someone before I met him. I constantly think about him and how much he has done for me in my life, and how much more I want to know about him. Whenever he’s gone, I wonder what he’s up to. I wonder when the next time I’ll get to see him again is. I constantly want to do everything and nothing with him; watch a movie, lay down and stare at the ceiling, try and fail to bake cookies, and the like.
Even through his tougher moments, his faults, and his mistakes, I still truly believe he is the most perfect man ever. I am deadset on that statement. There is no one like him. There never will be. He is absolutely phenomenal.
I really do think my feelings for W aren’t fixed. I don’t know how to label them. Love or a crush? I don’t see myself living with him forever and everything for sure, but at the same time I do find him attractive and I would love to build a relationship with him. I’m not too sure. It could be a huge crush or a little bit of love. I’ll get back to it eventually and ponder on it more. For now, I’ll keep the question open.
15. Do they motivate you to come to school?
YES. Always. Every single day. I always get out of bed with the thought of seeing them again. And the days they’d be gone, I would still go to school, partly so I could keep working harder to make them proud in the future. It’s also for my own education and whatnot; I love them dearly, but if they’re gone I’m not going to be irresponsible.
This feeling is the same with both M and W. They would always motivate me to wake up and attend class.
16. Have you ever seen them cry?
I have seen M get pretty close to crying a few times. I haven’t physically seen him cry, but I hope he would eventually be open to being that vulnerable around me so I can help him feel better. I would never judge him for that. He’s seen me cry twice, and he dropped everything to make sure I was okay— so I would never have a problem with doing the same for him. (Will probably post the story of this happening eventually, when I get more time and motivation to revisit and write it all.)
W isn’t too open with his more sorrowful emotions either. If anything, he would try to mask it with dark humor. He tends to jump a lot between super energetic and super serious. There are a small handful of times I’ve seen him be genuinely serious around me, but most of the time he is upbeat. It may be a facade or his real personality. I can’t be too sure of it yet.
17. What kind of dynamic do you guys have?
Pfft, I’m not sure.
M and I’s dynamic isn’t too concrete, but it can be explained as follows; We are at a point with each other where we can trust each other with things, and he’s comfortable starting and carrying a chat with me. I am the same with him, and I love to poke fun at him on occasion, but not too much as to not make him think I’m ridiculing him or anything.
In addition, he’s kind and oh so caring towards me, showering me with such lovely words of encouragement and compliments often. I am the same towards him. We’ll worry about each other; I’ll ask him if he’s okay and vise versa. I’ll buy him gifts sometimes as a token of gratitude.
I suppose, in summary, our dynamic is “a motivational, supportive person and their appreciative, sympathetic person”, if that makes any sense.
With W, I guess it’ just the “wild, outgoing dude and the more reserved person who’s soft with them”. Haha. While I was in class with him, some may remember, but we would chat sometimes outside of, before, or after class. He would look at me when he made a joke, I would laugh. Just the simple stuff. He could trust me and I could trust him. We had fun.
18. Have they ever caught you staring?
For sure!! Every time I start staring at them, they’ll eventually catch me. I’ll end up catching them gazing too, a lot of times…unless there are several times I haven’t, and I don’t know about it. Hahaha. The act of catching the other staring goes back and forth— but I’m usually the culprit staring at them in that scenario.
19. What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of them? (All of us have done some pretty embarrassing stuff, let’s be honest.)
HAHA UM. With M, there’s so much I’ve done, especially when I was younger and, henceforth, way more immature. For instance, I forgot my tuba to a concert once (ended up getting it there before the performance though!). I also started a debate with M in the bus once about how he wasn’t actually bald “because he had tiny hairs on his head”. It went on for a while. It’s so embarrassing to think about. I really hope he forgot about the second occurrence mentioned above.
Of course I have done some embarrassing things in front of W as well, but not too much comes up in my mind when I’m thinking about it. The occasional messing up in class— OH MY GOD, WHICH REMINDS ME. The one time I REALLY blasted on my instrument for the first time ever in front of M and W. That was absolutely EMBARRASSING. God, that was so much. Hahaha.
20. Do they make you feel safe/loved?
Without a doubt, one-hundred percent. Being around M is one of the safest places I can be. M is the most sweet, charismatic, sympathetic, caring, and genuine person I know. He really cares about me, and he has shown me that several times, both in my presence and away from it. He has done so much for me in the years that I have known him and there is no one else that could ever make me feel as seen and as loved as he does.
I feel fairly safe around W. I know he’s there for me and that he cares for me. Of course these feelings aren’t to the emotional extent of how I feel about M, but I do feel safe around W. I feel like he cares about me, and he has displayed this many times as well. ^^
21. Have they ever rendered you speechless?
Oh yeah. There have been more occasions with M seeing that I’ve had him longer, but for sure. Those two can really do a great deal on my heart.
Especially like?? M in a suit?? His beauty is absolutely jaw-dropping. Every time I see the outfit, it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. So stunning.
22. Are they a good teacher?
M? YES. And it’s not even because I’m utterly in love with him. Many, if not all students would agree that he is amazing at his job. Countless awards and a reputation of gold. He is so motivated and if he wants something, nothing can get in his way.
From what I’ve seen, W is a pretty effective teacher as well! He has earned several awards as well in his time teaching, and he has taught me quite a bit as well. He is very smart despite his childish and loud attitude.
23. Is there something they do that gives you the ick?
With M? I suppose so. There are times when he fails to realize that other people think differently than others. For instance, I am very passionate about being in the band program, so much so that I am dead-set on pursuing a musical career. My great friend, though, has lost interest and is wanting to leave band.
Whenever he would talk to them about this situation, he would always try to find countless reasons for them to stay. One time he even went down the guilt-tripping road. (Eg. “Well, R wants you to stay too!”) Although I do agree with him and think it’s sweet he’d consider me in the scenario, I think he should try giving more kids like my friend grace in their options after they’ve expressed their disinterest multiple times. They’re a great player, but they’ve lost that spark.
Staying in band helped M too, with his future as a band director and whatnot, but he tried to leave once as well. After leaving, he came back right away because he missed it. I feel like he should give his students that opportunity as well, so that they can really see what school life would be like with the absence of band. — I rambled a lot, but in summary, I think he should give the students more freedom to explore their options if they want to. Sometimes he can be a bit too overbearing.
W will butt into a conversation he isn’t a part of, and I believe there were times he couldn’t read the room either. Sometimes he does something before thinking about it beforehand, and it bugs me. That’s the primary thing I can think of.
24. Are you guys close?
With M, I’d say we’re pretty close. I don’t know too much about his personal life via him telling me one-on-one, but I know quite a bit about him still. He knows some about me too. We don’t talk casually yet, but I would like to at some point in the future.
I am not as close with W as I am with M, but whenever we do chat I think it’s a short but fun time.
25. Have you ever looked for their initial in those stupid TikToks that eight year olds make? (If you don’t have tiktok: do other students like your tc?
AHEM. All the time. I constantly look for M’s initials. Honestly, I don’t even focus on W that much anymore now that I’m out of his class….it’s all just M at this point. I feel so childish admitting this, but I’m always looking for even the slightest chance that he’s thinking of me too. It’s fun.
26. Have you ever dreamed about them?
I’ve dreamed about both of them! I’ve shared a few kisses with M in different dreams too. It was the sweetest thing ever. ❤️
27. Do you see yourself in a relationship with them?
Thinking about it hard, I don’t think I could be in an actual committed relationship with W.
M, on the other hand, is another story. I have seen M during his higher points and some of his lower points, and although I haven’t seen him at his absolute lowest, I am always willing to help him through it. He has done the same for me when I was down in the dumps too, and mutual support is one factor that really builds a stable relationship.
And thinking about the very feeling I get just seeing, hearing, or even thinking about M? He’s definitely a keeper. I would do anything and everything for that guy, as much as it may seem odd to say, considering we’re not even together. I am fully in love with this man and have been for years. All the little things and big things, I’ll always fawn over. I could totally see us being in an actual relationship.
But of course, he does have a wife and beautiful children. I would never want to take what he loves away from him. I am more than happy just seeing him happy.
28. Have you ever cried in front of them?
Yes, I have only cried in front of M on two separate occasions in the span of a week. I never usually let myself break down like that in front of other people, but I am so glad it could be M that saw me in that state. I could not ask for anyone other than him to be there for me. ❤️ He is everything to me.
Oh my gosh, so many things happened today. It’s like everything fell into place before M’s leave for the rest of this week. I’m so grateful to have this great person in my life. He is so amazing. I love him so much, he makes me so happy.
Without further ado, let’s get into it!!
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I entered the band hall beaming, as my lesson prior went amazing. Upon my first step through the door, my eyes immediately darted left, as per usual. They landed on M right away, standing on his podium and conducting the band, as they were playing a rep before I walked in. Just seeing him there immediately made me happier than I was before.
Along with this bunch of joy and excitement, I was quite surprised as well; M was wearing a very saturated shirt that almost glowed. He would usually stick to more desaturated colors, most of the time leaning on darker tones for an outfit. But this was new. I liked it. It screamed personality. I think he was eager to get the show on the road before he left for a few days.
As this flood of thoughts came to mind, I looked away so no one would question why I was staring. I began to hustle a little to my seat with my instrument and binder, but I soon decided that it would be better if I made my way over quietly. That way, I wouldn’t interrupt them, and I could keep listening.
When I reached my seat, I brought myself to focus on getting everything around me set up before I gazed at him. I didn’t want to waste too much time anyway, since it’s so easy to get lost staring at his features. Quickly after I sat down, he called the band to a specific measure in the music, and I began to play immediately.
~~
He had us start at the beginning of another one of our pieces. After a few reps, he finally didn’t cut us off right before I came in, so I began to play. I’d have to say I had one of the BEST entrances I have ever had when I came in on that measure. I was so proud of myself.
M even recognized this after giving another section feedback once the rep had concluded. “…And no bumps! Good job.” He smiled happily and looked at the tuba that would usually bump at first, then he shifted his attention to me afterwards. He brought his head back down to his score after. He probably realized then that I was the only one playing there…during my solo. Haha.
He would give me a subtle glance for most of the other times we played there, to cue me to come in. Even remembering the calm and simple look he laid on me just gives me so many butterflies. It was so careful. So cautious. He’s so adorable.
~~
During the after-school rehearsal, I was playing the best I could in the first piece we looked at. Eventually, though, I had missed a cue and M stopped the rep. “You’re supposed to play there,” he looked at the percussionist who plays on the same beat I did, and then at me. “Did you miss the cue?” He kept staring at me, smiling and appearing lightly entertained.
I was cowering, smiling giddily yet sheepishly all at once. I felt myself beginning to hide under my stand. I at first didn’t think he was talking to me. I was probably blushing. Haha. “Be honest—It’s okay if you missed it!” He carefully encouraged me after I was silent for a good four to five seconds.
“Yeah, I came in early,” I finally called just as he had begun to speak—I’m pretty sure to someone else. That was so embarrassing. Hahaha. We played that part quite a few times and I think he might have waited until I got it once to move forward, because that’s exactly what happened. That was nice.
~~
We made it to a section towards the end; a brass feature, where we could play loud. After a little bit, he told the brass to play it on their own. During our first rep of it, when we came in to play a single eighth note of the first measure, we all sounded absolutely horrible. Ahahaha. I was not centered at all, and neither were the others!!
He screwed up his face in bewilderment and I couldn’t help but laugh. He grinned as well, chuckling to himself. “Did ANYONE play that spot on?—Like, PERFECT??” He grinned wildly, and I shook my head and moved my hand left and right in denial. He was looking at me while I did this, and he continued to smile. “Okay, let’s try that again.”
So, we did, and when he cued us in, I played the note pretty solid! I didn’t hear the others all too much though, but they probably didn’t do too hot because M was cringing again. Haha. “Ah, you didn’t—“ He began to say something, then he suddenly stopped himself. He looked into my eyes right when he did so.
“You were *good*,” he pointed at me, “but the others were all over the place. They’ll try to be like you next rep.” I could tell he was happy with me, all by the tone of voice and everything when he gestured to me. It was nice.
He called out the measure number had us start again, and this time we were all good. We kept playing on for a bit until he cut us off. I was the only one to play that last note though. Whoops. It seemed like he wanted to look at me after I stuck out on that last note, because he turned his body and head my way slightly, but he just kept a sort of strategizing smile on his face.
He gave feedback, then after a moment of silence, spoke without looking at me. “R, you can play out.” I was caught off guard by the sudden comment. “Okay,” I called back in response, just as he was getting ready to get others in ‘set’ position. Again with the bad response timing. Whoops.
Since then, I tried to play as loud as I could. Eventually, near one of our last reps of the chart, we had played the bigger part, and M nodded with satisfaction once we reached the last note. He had everyone come in now, and we played that for a bit before switching pieces once more.
~~
M had us warm up on our own before the next piece. I sat there in my seat for a bit, feeling quite warmed up already because we had to play so loud. I noticed that he and another director (we can call him S) were talking. I saw M pointing at people down the line of the low brass, then I saw that he pointed to me.
I was super surprised, of course, but I tried not to react too much because I didn’t want to interrupt their chat. I saw him smile while speaking now, specifically mouthing the words ‘tuba’ and my grade level. I smiled to myself lightly; he was talking to someone else about me again?? That was so sweet.
S nodded at M’s statement, then I saw him do a double take. “Really??” I saw him mouth. His expression looked shocked. I’m not very young at all, but I was still flattered by their mutual surprise, and tried to suppress my smile as much as I could.
After S’s exclamation, M widened his eyes dramatically and nodded his head slowly and seriously at S, indicating that he strongly felt that surprise. I saw M mouth the words “Yeah” and “Right?”, and it was so sweet. Seeing him talk about me in that way….gosh, It’s always so heartwarming. He’s so nice to me.
M kept looking back at me for extended periods of time while he was talking to S, and at once point, after I caught his eye, I saw him chuckle a bit as I looked away quickly, leaning to grab my tuba off the ground so he would think I was doing something else…even though it was quite obvious I wasn’t. We made so much eye contact. I am fairly certain he knew that I knew that he was talking about me.
But still, again, it was so sweet. There’s always this light little cheeky look he gives others when he’s “bragging” about me. It’s so cute. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love him so much. ❤️❤️❤️
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I didn’t get to see him after that, but man, I had such a blast when I did. I hope he has tons of fun on his mini vacation. He deserves a good break and an enjoyable time. ^^
I hope everyone here has an amazing rest of your week as well! I probably won’t be posting stories since M isn’t going to be here, but I’ll post some answers to the February TC Challenge eventually, so look forward to it. Stay safe!!
I FORGOR
I’ll write the post for Friday and today some time this week!! Not a ton happened, so it shouldn’t be too long of a wait. Regardless, each day had its absolutely golden moments. Can’t wait to share those with y’all. ❤️
Okay, let’s get answering!!!
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Day 5: What’s the age gap? Did you ever think you would fall for someone that much older? Are you comfortable with the age gap?
M - 32 year age gap
W - If I had to guess, maybe 21-25 years?
I would have never thought it would be someone over twenty years back then, but now I believe that, as long as the committed relationship is HEALTHY and each of the people in question are well over the age of consent, I’m totally cool with it.
Day 6: Describe the first time you saw/met them. How did you meet? What was it like? Were you automatically attracted or did it take some time?
M - I first actually *met* M during a full band rehearsal. Although I did feel differently about him than I did the others, I never quite exactly recognized the feeling. It was more anticipatory, and I was always eager to see him again. The guy would always make me so happy. I was totally attracted to him very quickly, but it took some time for me to figure that out.
W - I met W for the first time when I was invited to volunteer for next-year prep for the band. We had chatted and stuff, he told some crappy dad jokes, and I mean REALLY bad ones, as well as got some work done. It was cool to see us all working together like that. I didn’t really know how to feel about W. I remember actually being relieved, yet a little disappointed about the fact I didn’t think I would be in love with him. Compared to M, he was just so…new. Luckily, as you can tell, thoughts have changed. Haha.
Day 7: Do you plan on keeping contact with your TC after graduation? How do you plan on doing it? If you’re graduated, have you kept in contact? How have you managed that?
Haha, oh, for sure!! I would love to keep M as a close contact and just a pal I could hang out with on occasion, and maybe even for assistance with my future career plan in the fine arts industry.
Day 8: Is there something that tends to remind you of them? Like a sport, food, animal, etc…?
M - A certain character from a movie, baseball caps, coffee, batons, metronome, Yoda (don’t ask, haha), more dark, desaturated tones, etcetera
W - Dinosaur, puppy, green and white/black masks, neon colors, etcetera
Day 9: Do you have a memory you are particularly fond of with your TC? Any cute stories?
M - I now have the time I cried in front of M for the first time as a core memory. I will write about it on this post eventually, but man, that changed me.
W - THE CHRISTMAS PARTY BACK WHEN I HAD HIM WAS COOL
Day 10: Have you ever touched your TC? Like a hug or a brush of the hand?
M - Yes, I have! I have hugged M multiple times, patted him on the shoulder, and he has hugged me as well, and patted my shoulder and arm. Once we were walking next to each other too, and our hands brushed. I apologized and he said it was okay. It was so cute. ALSO THERE WAS ONE TIME I WAS GOING IN FOR A HUG AND HE WAS CONFUSED SO HE PUT HIS PALM OUT TO TOUCH MINE??? THAT WAS SO NICE
W - Our hands may have brushed, and I also have him a fist-bump, but I had him during COVID so I don’t believe I hugged him. At least….not yet?
Day 11: How often do you talk to them? Do you talk to them outside of school?
M - Every day, either a little or a lot. It is on occasion that we exchange words after school, but it would only be for matters like questions and me texting him about gifts or something.
W - We don’t talk anymore since I go to a different school!! We used to talk just about every day though.
Day 12: Have you ever had any previous TC’s? What were they like?
M was my first love. There is no one like him.
Day 13: If it were to happen, how do you imagine the perfect kiss going down with your TC? If by chance you have kissed your TC, how did it happen?
UHHHMMMM!!! HAHAHAA
M - I feel like we would be at a special event, and it would be late at night. We would be standing or sitting, lingering in the night sky, talking amongst ourselves. Eventually, one of us would say that the other looked so beautiful under the refraction of the moonlight. We would compliment each other back and forth until we end up telling each other how we feel about one another. We would then share a mutual kiss under the night stars.
W - I feel like our first kiss would be in public, but maybe secluded? Like a photo booth. He seems like the guy who would have it happen somewhere out in the open. I haven’t thought of specific scenarios.
Day 14: Do you truly believe there is a chance that they’re interested in you? Has anyone else pointed out that maybe you’re special to you’re TC?
I do think that in some way, shape, or form, they like me. But I cannot be too sure. A big part of me wants to say it is, especially with M, but ??? I cannot truly tell whether the feelings expressed are of pride or love.
I have had people tell me that M really loves me, as he would always shower me with compliments and stuff (in front of the entire band???) and allow me to be the role model of my section. It would always make my heart flutter.
Day 15: Have you ever gotten them a gift? If so, what was it?
M - YEAH!! Many. A recent gift I gave M was a digital illustration that took me 11.5 hours, all as a Christmas gift. I’m fairly sure I posted about it here, but he loved it!!! It made me so happy!!!
W - I got him….Cheetos?? He didn’t give me any specific food choice during Christmas, so I had to improvise. I also got him some candy cane shot glasses from him and his wife, but haha, nothing too much.
Day 16: If you’re in their class, what are your grades like?
Always hundreds. I don’t know how I would do anything less for them.
Day 17: If you had to pick one feature about them, physical or personality, what would be your favorite?
M - His unique, witty state of mind
W - His ability to ramble on and on about miscellaneous topics
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I WILL DO MORE OF THESE LATER!!! I can’t believe it’s February already. Oh my gosh, haha.
AHH Today was so nice. M stalled to give me some time to set up which was sweet, and he’s was acting so kind. He’s always complimenting me now, ever since a week ago, and it means so much to me. I don’t ever want to be ‘that guy’, but I absolutely cherish his compliments, and he’s always adding to the pile. I don’t know what I did to deserve such praise.
Someone in my section had messed up their part in their concert music, and after having them try again on their own, he immediately told me to play as an example for for them. He chuckled lightly when I didn’t play a perfect note in a part of the measure, teasing me and telling me that I could have had a better tone, to which I replied with “yeah”, and giggled as well.
After this, I noticed that he’s been happy to call on me whenever the opportunity is granted. For instance, I was pointing at another student who was raised their hand when M didn’t see them. He looked at me and smiled cheerfully, thinking I had something to contribute with. I then told him I was pointing at the student, and he apologized while laughing. It was cute.
He’s also been looking at me so much today. I don’t know if it was the outfit I wore or what, but I caught him shooting glances my way multiple times. One prime example of this is, during the after-school rehearsal I had for today, I decided to look over at M. I was curious to see what he was doing as everyone else got their stuff settled.
His eyes were fixated on me. He had a poker face, but his eyes sparkled a little bit. After meeting his eye for a second, my gaze darted to my right. I then looked back at him, only to see that he was still looking at me. We were just staring until it had been a short two tension-filled seconds and he tore his eyes away quickly. Other times he had looked at me, it was more subtle since he was busy while we played.
We were at a brass segment of one of our pieces, and after a rep, M had the cutest look on his face. Crinkled eyes, a genuine shy smile, shaking a little bit between giggles. “The tuba sounds really good when it’s played…..” he hinted at me with a more quiet mutter. I mirrored his expression and nodded. I was probably blushing at how adorable he was being. Haha.
That’s basically it!! :)
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(For those curious, sectionals did go well!! I didn’t post about it as most of it was M chatting with us and telling us about his personal life; he elaborated on his background and whatnot. He also showed us all a picture of his father. Looking at the image, I can really see M in his dad. I’m so grateful to have him here with me. He was raised well. ❤️)
I am aware this is late, and I apologize, but holy smokes!!! I had a wonderful day this Thursday, and I finally mustered enough time to write about it. So many things. AHH I can’t wait to reminisce on this!!
Without further delay, let’s begin.
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M handed out ensemble music for us to work on. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to form the extra band he informed me of previously. It was due to a lack of time, he had said. That’s perfectly okay though!! There’s always next year to look forward to.
He began to pass out to the tubas and euphoniums a piece for our ensemble that he said sounded BEAUTIFUL. “R…” He trailed off as he stood in front of me. He thumbed through the music for five long seconds, just standing there. I took in having him right in front of me. We were only thinking of each other in that moment. Those moments are always so important to me.
After what felt like an eternity of tension-inducing silence, he pulled out two pieces of already hole-punched paper. How convenient. “R,” he repeated, “I want you to play tuba 1.” “Okay.” He handed the paper to me and I grasped it lightly with three fingers on my right hand, sparing but a moment to glance down at the music before I put it on my music stand.
“And you two can play tuba 2.” He spoke to my peers while he looked through the stack of pages again, giving the two a brief glance before he handed the other music to one of them. He turned around to pass more out. The one with the new music looked through and handed our third tuba their piece.
To reiterate, he had wanted me to play the first tuba part, while the others played the second part. After looking at my music a little more in depth, I saw that my part had the same rhythms and all that jazz, but it had higher notes. He believed I could pull it off. That made me so happy just thinking about it.
After passing that stuff out, M put one of our concert pieces on the speakers for us to listen to. Of course, this wasn’t the first time I listened to the recording, so it was a pleasant revisit. I positioned along while the band’s recording played. It was so much fun!
We didn’t do much warmup afterwards; after some concert Fs, he had us start at the beginning of the piece we just listened to. Right off the bat, it was a HOT mess. Haha! The tubas and I sounded extremely different from one another. For instance, one of them was cracking their notes a bunch. M got onto this issue right away instead of giving the kid grace.
He gave the tubas some feedback, but looking at that one student the whole time and telling him to get his face set before playing, all before we started again. Failure ensured once more, and soon enough he had us go down the row. After another person before me, it was my turn.
I played the note, trying my best to make the accent at the beginning of it sound at least decent. I thought it sounded funky, but M thought the complete opposite. “That’s what sound we’re aiming for.” He pointed at me, then without making me play it again, went to the next person.
They didn’t play very clean in that moment, but I don’t blame him, the whole situation probably got the best of them. The beginning of the note had blasted and the note sort of just flopped into place. M made a weird grunt/growl of frustration (haha) and gave the student more things to focus on for future practice sessions.
M told me to play the note again. I did so with a little apprehension, because again, I didn’t (and still don’t) think I sounded all too good playing accents. But alas, one more, he said that both the other tubas needed “try to sound like R.”
“You know what?” He muttered before raising his voice. “R’s in the middle (of you two) for a reason!” He had said, “I know you hate that she’s younger than you, but she sounds RIDICULOUS.” I looked down at the ground for a second, both embarrassed and extremely flattered by what he was saying. I mumbled a thank you that no one in particular could hear, and dug my head halfway behind my stand.
For one, I didn’t want to look like a jerk smiling at these barrels of compliments, so this helped me hide any amount of joy in the smile I was slowly failing to suppress. Two, despite my efforts, I was probably blushing as well, haha. It meant a lot, what he was saying— but everyone was looking at me!! I didn’t want it to be too painfully obvious that I was in love with this guy’s every word.
He may have thought I took what he said in a bad way due to my reaction, so he stated “I mean ridiculous in a GOOD way, not bad.” One of the other tubas smiled, chuckled, and nodded. “I know,” they had said. Again, I was trying not to smile too hard, but I was really happy. I absolutely love him, and getting compliments from him is one of the greatest feelings in the world. ❤️
He got onto the tubas a bit more as the time passed, but not as much as he did previously. At one point, he even had all of the model players play a tiny segment because he wanted me to show the tubas how the notes should sound.
Jeez, so much happened, and I probably look like a prick to everyone now because of the tons of attention he was giving me. On the bright side though, I really know that he thinks highly of me and genuinely cares for me. That means more to me than anything. ❤️
~~
After school, I was walking out of the band hall’s exit after retrieving my stuff. When I passed a section of people who were warming up, I remembered what sectionals M had said were taking place later. I was like, woah! This is where the sectional is taking place! He’ll will be directing the sectional in this room!! I wonder when he’ll get here.
And, who would have guessed it, he turned the corner just as the thought crossed my mind. He was walking at a decent pace, not in much of a rush but not just strolling around either. I felt my eyes widen a bit, as the timing of his arrival was ON POINT, and it caught me so off guard. Hahaha.
We locked eyes right away. I shot my eyes away for a brief second, to the left, then right back at him. I think he did the same, looking once at the woodwinds in front of him before returning his gaze over to me. I saw his eyes focus on me even more as we drew closer. “Hey R.” He did a subtle little wave with his right hand—his free hand. Fingers splayed out, palm slightly tilted upwards from being parallel to the floor. A small and cute gesture.
I smiled lightly under my mask and lifted my free hand as well, the one on my left. I waved to him a little less subtle. It was a still wave, with my hand just coming up for a second, fingers positioned a little above my chin. “Hey.” I spoke in a voice loud enough for him to hear it, then I put my hand down.
We kept eye contact as we passed each other, and his large brown eyes were so huge. They were so pretty. I saw him smile just a little bit. Just a little bit, as we kept walking. It was so cute. I couldn’t help but smile as well.
I inched to the left to let him enter the room before me. As I came to a stop, I began to walk again, realizing we could both fit through the huge door in front of us. I smiled even more after I walked out of the room. How lucky am I?? So many occurrences lately.
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I love him so much!!! So many good things happened with him this Thursday. I’m so glad he appreciates me ❤️❤️❤️
Overall, M has been such an absolute sweetheart lately. He’s behaved way nicer to everybody else and has been so open to giving people love. This makes me feel so warm, hearing all the kind words he’s given out to everyone. I guess this made him even nicer to me— who would have thought? Haha.
I hope this was fun to read, and I definitely look forward to having an even greater week this week!!! Have a great night, everyone!!
It’s finals week! I won’t be seeing M that much at all, but I got to spend an extended class time with him today, so here’s what came out of that. (Not much — but it’s something I suppose)
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Before class, the assistant director, U, was babbling about something going on. Of course, as the information wasn’t too vital, I kept a good amount of my attention on M. As U rambled, M looked a little bored. Eventually, M dragged his eyes up out of his music stand and moved his eyes to his left until he stopped to look at me (I was almost right in front of him from where he was facing, so it wasn’t too far).
When we met eyes, instead of looking away right away, we both just gazed. His lips were in a straight line. He was thinking. I began to smile at his concentration and shyly averted my eyes to my right. When I had looked back, he was looking down at his music, away from me as well. I wasn’t particularly caught off guard by the action, but from loads of previous experience, I knew M was usually the one who would keep eye contact with people. He’s good at that.
I thought the sudden attention was cute. When I looked back towards U, I saw him looking right at me as well. I cast a quick glance at M once more, who seemed to be doing his own little thing now, then continued to listen. Same as before, his eyes were off me after mine were off of his. It made me wonder if he saw the entire silent interaction between M and I.
~~
When the class began, M told us that we would do a warmup. He had instructed model groups to play firsthand, and the rest of the band would echo. It was the same exercise we had usually done at the beginning of class, but I suppose I wasn’t fully immersed in the moment because I had forgotten the first exercise we would always do in this scenario.
The model group began to play following M’s count-off, and it’s all fine and dandy until I slurred down from Concert F to Concert E (knowing full well I should have articulated in between the notes). I had thought we were playing a Remington exercise, but it was just a SUSTAINED CONCERT F. Back and forth, as we usually did.
When I messed up, I felt my heart drop , along with the volume of my tone. I IMMEDIATELY looked at M to see if he heard me, lifting my finger off the second valve as well to continue playing the F before our first turn ended.
M had furrowed his eyebrows slightly and stared in my direction upon hearing my note slip. Out of panic and desperation for him not to call me out, I widened my eyes a LOT to show him that I was just as appalled as he was that I messed up on something so simple. I was so nervous that I even began to tremble a bit; it took everything to sturdy myself and not shake my note in the process.
Within the first glance, he looked slightly annoyed at the unnecessary mistake, but after seeing my shocked expression, his eyes began to widen as well, in response. He matched my expression. He tried to remain serious in the process, but I believe I remember seeing a ghost of a smile crack on his lips as well. Before he could succumb to the smile, though, he turned away from me, knowing full well that I knew the instructions now.
Thank God — he never stopped the band and just kept going. I made sure to perform to the best of my ability after that…at least, for now. Jeez.
~~
M got onto the tuba section a little bit today.
For one, as a whole, we never started our notes the same way during a piece. Since we all have different tone quality, too, that doesn’t quite help with this— and it makes our playing sound sloppy. U kept telling us to play our notes light like a string bass, and M had told us this as well.
It came to the point where he would cue us in during the specific measures he wanted us to focus on sounding good in. A fun thing about him as well is that he would make direct eye contact with me for a majority of the times the tuba section is called on. I think this was because he’d always tell me, ever since he first taught me, that I was amazing at the tuba, and that I sound more mature than everyone else. Honestly, though, I think it’s just flattery to keep me in the program. Feels nice coming from him though, haha. ❤️
Also, short one, but we got assigned a new piece yesterday, and I had not looked at it prior to the first day we tried to play it, which was today. Faulty mistake— we had sixteenth notes during this song, something I never expect to see in tuba parts. That was fairly interesting.
When we arrived to this section of the piece, only one of my peers played, along with the lows assigned that part as well. He began a second rep on that, probably to ensure that people like myself didn’t have a brain fart in the moment. When this was finished, he looked in my peer’s direction— the one who played it — maybe thinking that he didn’t.
He told anyone that has this part needs to work on improving it. Definitely did that tonight with a good old practice session. Hope he finds it well enough. We’ll find out next rehearsal!!
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This week is going to be tough, I don’t see M for the next two days— at least not in class— so that’ll be interesting. Chance is that he won’t, but I’m curious to find out if he will ever miss me in that time. Haha.
Hope everyone is having a good week! Please get some rest, especially for those like me with tests coming up just around the corner!
Today’s highlight was adorable!! ❤️ The day in general was fairly decent — I hope you all had an amazing Friday as well.
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Before the bell, my section and I got our instruments out of their cases and began to work on putting them together. While I was getting my towel out of my backpack and onto a shelf, I heard his voice call across the room. “Where’s R?”
When I heard him call me, I immediately put everything I had down and raised my right hand straight into the air. In case he didn’t see me, my friend called back swiftly as well, “right here!!” I turned around just as they spoke, quick as well, to see where M was. Just about fifteen or less feet in the distance. Not very far at all.
When M saw me, he smiled and walked over to me. He held out a folder in his right hand, his left arm tucking another within its grasp. “Here’s your region folder,” he told me, the smile never leaving his face. I almost stumbled forward with how fast I was trying to walk over to him. Oh, right! I had made it into the band after playing yesterday. But the folders were already made?
I smiled like a fool, almost certain my face was flushing, and leaned forward sheepishly on my way over. “Oh, I.. alrea?…––Thank you.” I cut myself off and let out an airy chuckle at my surprisingly shy attitude. When we were three feet away, I finally extended my arm out to grab the folder. I spared one look at him while I did this, and he began to smile so much. Once my fingers folded over the material, he carefully let go.
I cast a quick glance at it. The folder was a beautiful dark gray color with light gray details decorating the cover. I saw a white sticker with my band, instrument, and chair number on it. I smiled and held the folder gently with both hands now. The closer proximity between us brought the smell of his cologne to fill my senses, and that was so calming. I remained there, content, not really expecting him to say anything else, but he seemed to linger as well. He paused in place. I looked up to see his eyes squinting with the softness of his smile before he began speaking once more.
“Congrats,” he told me in a warmer, gentler voice. He began to turn over his left shoulder after the statement. It felt like our faces were so close. That’s how I remember it anyway. “Thank you..!” I somehow managed to smile even wider. If my cheeks weren’t already red, they definitely were now. I felt so warm. So appreciated.
“You’re welcome.” He said this quietly as well. I could hear the smile in his voice, though he was now turned around and walking back towards the front of the room. I turned back to the opposite side of the room once more and allowed myself to beam. A soft giggle escaped from my lips as I set my folder down next to the metronome. Feeling rejuvenated from the interaction, I continued my previous task.
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Just thinking back to this made me so happy. From now on, I’ll probably post brief updates like these so I don’t fall behind on schedule, haha. We have another event tomorrow, so that’ll be awesome!! He won’t be there, but U will be. I may write about it in the future, so keep your eyes peeled!
Hey y’all! I hope everyone has been well. I know it’s been a hot minute since my last post; I thought I would focus more on my education and band now that marching season has been in full swing.
Seeing as this time of year has finally concluded, I now have way more freedom on my hands. With this extra time, I decided to finally start writing here again!! (I haven’t even written much in my personal notes. After-school practice really stole my hours, haha.)
I’ll be jotting down only a handful of things I remember from the bucketload of experiences I had throughout the course of these few months. There’s always the chance I’ll bring something else up that I haven’t mentioned here in the future though!
So, without further ado, I’ll get onto it!!
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First off, I actually cried in front of M more than a month back… for the first time ever. I’ll elaborate on this in a future post once I am up to it, since this moment in my life so dear to me and there are many things I remember from it. Until then, I’ll continue with other highlights. ❤️
~~
For some background, my band does a little ‘people of the week’ selection every week. There are different categories like section of the week, color-guard of the week, marcher of the week, etcetera. These are announced after our band’s performance of the marching show during halftime.
So, one night, after performing on the marching field, the band speed-walked to get off the field with the remaining time we had. I remained next to my section, and we exchanged subtle words of support for what we had just done. As we did this, the announcer’s voice blared from the speakers, listing off which students won the vote this time around.
I was listening intently, although I never really suspected to hear anything regarding me. It was one of those moments where I thought ‘haha, wouldn’t it be surprising if I was chosen? Maybe next week’. And right after thinking that, I heard my name from the speaker.
I was chosen as the band member of the week. Out of everyone in the band, I was selected. I was so caught off guard. “What??” I exclaimed as my section screamed and cheered around me. I was still in disbelief for sure, but their support turned my shock into more of a feeling of excitement.
Later on, when we were back in the stands, I and a handful of other students were called down to where the directors stood. We were given different props based on what we were proclaimed as for a photo. Mine was a dog mask— it looked so silly on me. Sitting about six feet across from where I stood was none other than M himself, smiling.
We made eye contact a few times, each time leading me to smile in embarrassment. He was grinning with a look I couldn’t quite read. Amusement? Pride? Whatever it may have been, it was fun to have him see me like that. I think he agreed.
After the pictures were taken, we all went back to our spots in the stands. We kept the hats or masks we were given, and luckily, we were able to play with them on. I did just that without any complaints; it looked silly having this thing on with the sousaphone. I even caught M and U looking over occasionally, chuckling at me, R, the dog-masked student doing horn moves and playing stand tunes.
This achievement meant a lot to me. Though the title was assigned weekly, not everyone was able to get to say that they were chosen. It was so nice to hear that he and the others believed in me. Even while we were loading the busses after the game, I was still ecstatic. I caught M just as he entered our bus. He stood in front of my seat for a little while, so I decided to thank him.
“Mr. [M]?” He glanced down with the slightest hesitation, just barely missing my eye. He looked a little tired, body language sort of fuzzy, and he had a tiny grin on his face. It was cute. “Again, thank you for giving me the award.” I felt my eyes shyly drift to the floor, “I appreciate it..”
I soon trailed off and brought my face back up to look at him. My response brought a soft chuckle to escape his lips, and his eyes met the floor in front of him as well. He had a big grin on his face now. “I didn’t give it to you. Your peers did.”
“…Really??” My exclamation came out in a whisper. There were a number of reasons I was surprised to hear this— one being that I never really thought others recognized me. Most of the time I would settle somewhere alone, with my friend, or maybe my section if I had the option to. Aside from when I was with them, I always thought I was more like a background character.
But I guess I’m not as invisible to the others as I believed? I was so perplexed at the thought.
M walked away and let me ponder for a while, a warm smile still prominent on his face. And yet again, this guy has changed my perspective of life. He’s so kindhearted.
~~
Following a pre-contest rehearsal, M dismissed the students— out of order, unlike what he usually does— to the band busses. He slowly trailed behind them all as they made their way over. I slowed down to catch up to him, or rather, let him catch up to me.
“What was THAT?” I asked him regarding his dismissal style, grinning. He glanced back at me, smiling, before averting his gaze. Either he was being silent because he had something on his mind, or he thought I was poking fun at him. I wanted to make sure he was doing alright regardless. I waited until the band kids were at a standstill, all lined up to enter, before I turned back to look at M.
“How’re you feeling?” I asked him. The kids were very slow filing in, so I had some time. Hopefully he didn’t mind the conversation. He looked at me before quickly replying. “Good!” He said, optimistically, although I could sort of tell he was anxious. I don’t blame him. “That’s good—“ “How are you?” He returned and leaned his head towards me in question, grinning.
“Good!” I smiled, “I’m very excited for this.” I spoke in a level tone, trying to push away my nerves as best I could. “Me too,” his voice softened. “It’ll be so much fun!” I glanced left to the students and to the right, over to him. “Keep being confident,” he stated with a gentle smile. We then loaded the bus.
A little bit after I sat down, M entered. I was super happy. I usually am when he first steps into the vehicle. We made eye contact almost immediately. He smiled at me once more, and I managed to return it just before he looked away. I definitely felt some butterflies there, haha. Lifted my mood a ton. I continued to do my own thing while the busses were preparing to depart.
I was sat in an open spot, ending up a row behind M on the opposite side. Early into the ride, I finished getting settled and looked up at him. It seemed like he was gazing out of the window to his left for a while. This angle allowed me to get a better view of his face, as he was turned towards my side.
What I noticed was that there was a sort of wistful look in his wide, sparkling eyes, like he was reflecting. His hand was folded under his chin, his arm leaning on the bag sitting in his lap to do so comfortably. There were so many things going on at once. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was actually feeling okay.
Just as I tilted my head towards him and opened my mouth to ask this very thing, he began to smile, as if he was already expecting me to say something. His giggly smile continued to grow as I went on to speak, causing an inevitable grin to appear on my face as well. “Are you *really* okay?”
He was very quick to answer. “Yes,” he responded softly with the hint of a light, bubbly chuckle in his tone, “are *you* okay??” He turned his head towards me and stared, with a mix of both playfulness and sincerity. “Yes,” I replied.
He closed his eyes for a moment and turned his head to the volunteer sitting next to him. As he moved, I muttered, “I’m just worried.” I think he heard this too, because he waited a second after I said this to begin talking. “R’s always been checking in on me since we first met.”
I felt a flushed smile spread on my face. He was talking about me!! That made my heart flutter immensely…I was so honored. This was unreal. I listened in, extremely contented at the situation unfolding before me.
“My favorite text I got from her is when I was trying to remove a signature piece from our performance last year.” He began. Throughout his rambling, he shot occasional glances back my way to see if I was listening, to which I would always meet his gaze with a smile. He then began to relay a message I had sent to him back then.
(A band kid he knew well had given me M’s phone number so I could send it — hence the reason I have his number, even now.)
He began to imitate me. “It was like— ‘I don’t want to bother youu,” he dragged out the word, “I know I..it’s not the time—‘“ he paused. I blushed with how silly he re-enacted my message, and despite being sort of embarrassed, I contributed with what I remembered.
“I know this isn’t the best time,” I started for him. He nodded and went on. “I know this is not the time, but we cannot get rid of [piece]. Tomorrow is a new day. Just breathe. Think about this.” He was smiling such a kind and genuine smile. Like he was proud while he was talking about the whole ordeal. It was so cute. He looked back at me for a second before looking back forward.
“I’m glad you liked it..,” I muttered happily. Afterwards, we were silent for another minute. I checked my phone and seen that a friend had asked me about spending the night at her place. I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking back to how late we were planning to stay at this event, then began to type in response. It wasn’t very long at all until I was halfway done, and I heard a familiar voice pipe up once again.
“What are you doing?” I widened my eyes and looked up at M, perplexed. His sudden attention caught me so off guard. He was looking at me with a sort of challenging or teasing expression on his face, leaning on his lap. He had open-teethed grin on his lips. Super adorable, as always.
At first I didn’t think he was talking to me. I took a quick glance to the phone of the person to my left to see if that was what he was referring to, but nothing happened. He kept his look fixed at no one but myself. “Playing a game?— Writing a message?” He added, “You were just like—“ he mimicked fast tapping on his phone’s screen with his index fingers. I felt my face brighten.
“Me?…Um,” I smiled tentatively, then gained my composure. I tilted my head downwards in thought before replying in a regular speaking volume. “My friend just asked me if I could spend the night at her place.” Listening intently, he nodded with an ‘oh!’ expression. I widened my eyes further to emphasize a now jokingly annoyed tone as I went on, “I was just telling her that we were planning to get back at ONE-THIRTY AM.”
He looked back forward and chuckled. I finally allowed myself to beam ear to ear while his back was turned. (He probably saw it in the bus’s mirror though.. haha.) He took a second or few to look back at me. I relaxed my smile. “Are you going to arrive to her house at 1 AM?” He questioned. I shrugged and softened my eyes more. “Maybe. We’ll see.” He smiled cheerfully and looked back forward afterwards.
I was so excited for a while after that. ❤️
~~
“What did you get?” After some snack bags were passed around the bus, he turned back to talk to me once again, grinning happily. I wasn’t used to getting this much attention in one sitting, so I looked at him, surprised, for a second before replying. “Well..” I slightly furrowed my eyebrows and moved my eyes to look left before returning my gaze to his own. The answer was sort of obvious. “They served Cheezits and fruit roll-ups.”
After he heard the last food item, he furrowed his own eyebrows and turned back forward. “Fruit of the foot,” I added. I didn’t know if he knew what I was talking about. “Yeah, I know. I already had one.” He stated to me without looking my way. “Do you want one?” I questioned, lifting my right hand to motion that I would pick up the bag of food sitting to the right of me.
“No thanks. I already had one,” he insisted. I nodded and didn’t speak any further.
For the rest of the ride, every time he would look to the back of the bus, I would always meet his eye. And he would look away right after. Needless to say, I was very happy. I wonder what he was thinking about.
~~
I was late to class one day. The entire period, upon first walking in, I was so nervous to hand M the slip, even though he didn’t pay my late entry any mind. I knew he wasn’t going to kill me or anything, but he was usually the type to talk about always being on schedule. Didn’t know how he would feel about me messing that up.
Soon enough, the time came for the period to end, and I made my way over. He smiled at me when I came up to him with the tardy slip, handing it over. “Sorry,” I smiled apologetically as he took it. “Don’t be.” He held the slip of paper in his hand and glanced at it for a second before looking right back up at me. He never stopped smiling.
“Did you oversleep?” He asked with a knowing grin. “What..?” I smiled lightly in question. “You overslept?” He rephrased his question. I felt my lips tug into an even bigger grin and my eyebrows began to furrow as well. “No, my sibling did! I told them to wake up…” I muttered the last part while he made a face as if he was offended, probably adding to my previous tone.
“What is WRONG with them??” He demanded. His contributing attitude earned a chuckle from me. “I’m the only one who sets alarms…” I trailed off. I stood there for a couple seconds, smiling, before I went to leave.
“Have a great day, R,” he said, seeing as I was turned the other way. “You too.” After hearing his voice once again, though, I paused in place. I then turned back over to him, hesitantly approaching once again. With no context, I slowly stuck my left hand out to him, making his face scrunch up in confusion. Puzzled, he grinned and furrowed his own eyebrows, eyeing my hand.
He extended his own right hand slowly to touch mine. This was so awkward. Haha. I stifled a laugh. After lingering momentarily, taking in the feeling of his palms, I removed my hand from his. After the action, he finally caught on.
“Are you hugging me?” A funky, beaming expression grew on his face, making it appear as if he wanted to chuckle. Seeing this made my heart flutter, and I replied, beginning to giggle myself. “Yeah…”
Nothing more was said after that. We moved in and wrapped our left arms around each other. A second passed, then we were done. I was beyond happy, yet a little embarrassed.
“Have a great day, R.” He offered another kind smile.
“Thank you.” I returned it wholeheartedly.
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This is so long, haha. Sorry about that - hopefully it was interesting! I sure thought so.
I’m so happy to be here again! I missed rambling back and forth with y’all about TC matters and the like. Glad to have a place filled with people I can relate to. ❤️ Look forward to even more fun stories with M!! We’ve been talking a bunch lately. ^^
The game has concluded, and I’m finally home. I’m in a pretty decent mood despite being super tired, which is why I am writing this before I go to bed bed. Look forward to hearing the short and sweet M highlights of this week’s game!
Please stay safe everyone.
Update time!!!
Game day was pretty alright last week! Almost all of M and I’s interactions happened on or near the bus, both on the way there and back, so you may not hear a bunch about stuff happening in the stadium. Besides, the bus rides were quite long this time around.
Now, time to look back on Friday’s highlights!!
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First things first, when I was finally dismissed to board the bus, I sat near the front of it. I was pumped for the ride to begin. The day before, I had been hoping a lot that M would be on the bus I was in, and maybe we could talk or something like that in the meantime.
Though we never got to chat back and forth in conversation, the other part of my wish came true; I saw his through the window on the other side of the bus. When he walked in, it was impossible to restrain an excited smile. He saw me and returned the said grin.
Now filled with a new light of energy from his contagious cheerful attitude, I turned away and giggled to myself. He was so cute. I was soon brought to look back up, only to see him staring at me again, smiling just as before. I was a little confused, but it was very cute. After this fun little interaction, M took role to make sure everyone was there. We then began the bus ride.
~~
I listened to music the whole time, but at moments I would glance at M as I mouthed its lyrics. Some time passed and I guess he had seen me eyeing him from the corner of his eye (or the overhead mirror?), because I saw him turn his head to the left and look back. I couldn’t tell who he was looking at because I tore my eyes away right when he tried to meet them.
Luckily he didn’t look back for too long. It would have been nice to see him like that. In honesty, though, I also had a great time observing his body language, or to phrase it better, his hand gestures. He had been talking to a staff member next to him, so his subtle and not-so subtle communication was going strong. Very cool.
~~
All I need to say is that he began to bounce along with the music we were playing. I saw him look at me for a bit while doing it, but I did not return his gaze because I needed to focus more on the drum major. He soon remembered this and eased a little on busting out his “groovy moves”.
He still kept dancing in spot though. That was so cute.
~~
Lastly, on the way back, we talked about therapy momentarily. M asked me if I was bringing it up because I needed it in life —— haha, it was a bold guess. On the money too.
He said he may think about trying to do something related to therapy with the band. I hope it works out, haha. It would be nice to have a little support group.
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That is all. Nothing very interesting happened during the game, but I still had quite a bit of fun. I got to stay up past twelve in the morning with him too. That was nice to experience, haha.
I hope you are all doing well! Sorry about the short update, I warned you all. Haha. Hope everyone is doing well.
