(this is what i started learning to write smut for. i have the longest standing headcanon that james potter, as charming and sunshiney as he was, would be terrible at dirty talk. i am nervous, i am a baby deer in the woods yet again as i release this second endeavor into smut territory. please be kind <3)
about 4k.
—
Remus sat on his best friend’s couch, awkwardly slouched so he could put his forehead on the armrest as he only half-listened to Sirius in the kitchen talking to his six-month-old baby in French. Preparing some kind of bottle while Remus nursed a hangover and a fractured psyche after the events of last night. The tea Sirius had made him was sitting on the end table, steam wafting in the air around him, but Remus couldn’t be bothered to move to just yet, replaying scenes over in his mind, trying to remember where it when right and where it had completely taken a turn.
“Oi, put that on a coaster, I’m not about to get rings on my table,” Sirius said, walking into the room, and Remus picked his head up to squint at Sirius, his glasses forgotten at James’s flat. Forgotten because he had seen enough; forgotten because it gave him an excuse to go back to James’s bedroom in the event he wasn’t invited back again. Sirius was holding baby Teddy in his arms, cloth over his shoulder, dark curls thrown up into a ponytail with a pink scrunchie, “You look absolutely pathetic.”
Remusfelt pathetic. Somehow more sleep deprived and strung-out then his best friend who had an infant, who had just transitioned into a crib and wasn’t having it.
Remus groaned, and sat up, picking up his cup of tea and holding it in his hand, “Call it method acting.”
“I’ll continue to call it pathetic. James is a terrible date then? Bad luck.”
okay but geraskier modern au in which they first meet bc they live in the same building, and the landlord is showing up to fix something in geralt’s apartment that he didn’t expect, and they’re not supposed to have pets, so jaskier just opens his door to his VERY buff VERY handsome neighbor holding a VERY unimpressed-looking cat like, “hi we’re neighbors we’ve never spoken this is roach can i hide her here please” bc listen jaskier has good vibes and geralt’s desperate
there he goes again, geralt thought.
every morning, without fail, the neighbour guy says hello to roach.
in the beginning, geralt nearly came entirely unhinged. there he was, stepping out of the shower of his ground-floor apartment in a new city, and a shape of another human being stood straddling a bush directly in his front window. what had saved the stranger had been roach’s pleasant little chirrups at the shape and the realisation that the man was scritching at the window for roach to bat at.
okay. weird? yes. murderous? mmm. yet to be seen.
but the neighbour had done nothing but stop in geralt’s window each morning and make little coos at his cat.
the cat he really wasn’t supposed to have.
the cat the landlord was t-minus thirty minutes from running into thanks to a bum aircon unit.
all told…. the neighbour guy was his only option. he couldn’t very well put roach in the car. if the heat wasn’t a problem, he wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. he didn’t have any friends in this city yet (he said yet like he hadn’t been there a year) and his family were miles and miles away.
so under the bed went roach’s personal effects and up went roach. almost as if she knew some absolute buffoonery was afoot, she very helpfully dug one paw’s worth of claw into geralt’s tit and made unconvincing hurgling sounds the entire way down the hall.
“he’s not going to be friends with you if you keep that up,” geralt muttered, reaching the stairs and putting a hand under roach’s bum just before she decided to turn into a liquid. “he’s really not going to be friends with you if you do that.”
geralt hadn’t been snooping. that’d be the hill he’d die on, if he had to.
he’d simply been… admiring the view one day, when he saw his cat-infatuated neighbour speaking animatedly on the phone with someone and pacing to and fro in front of his bedroom window. from that vantage, geralt had estimated that the apartment he was stood out front had to be his, but…
well, if it wasn’t, there wasn’t really a good explanation, was there?
he knocked.
“coming!” a voice trilled from inside. “you’re early, so i’m— you’re not pris— oh, hello, beautiful!”
“um. hi,” geralt replied. helpfully, roach yowled. “is that how you always answer the door?”
“i was expecting someone else, but now i’m curious.” the man replied.
“hello, curious. i’m geralt.” he hefted the cat slightly higher, wincing as she dug further into his tit and her upset sounds reached a peak. “this is roach, and we are about to ask you for a really weird favour,”
“i’m jaskier and i’m sold.”
“i didn’t even explain yet,”
“when someone this lovely shows up at your door, i think you’d be hard pressed to say no,”
geralt felt his face heat as he tried to prise roach’s claws out of him as delicately as possible.
“i— i’ve got to get back down,” he stammered. “landlord. aircon. you know,”
“i do now,” jaskier replied. “give me the baby.”
the baby, traitor, began purring the instant she was plonked into the other man’s waiting arms.
“won’t be long.” geralt promised heading back for the stairs. before he began his descent, he felt a little brave and turned back. “were you talking to me or the cat earlier?”
“the cat!” jaskier said decisively. “but you’re not so bad yourself.”
This is fantastic and so confusing. So many songs I had a strong recognization for, and then some lines I had none. I really wanted to sing more than one of each. Wild.
from the notes (thank you to @ yetanotherplayer): Where is the Love Mashup Our Song – Taylor Swift, Angel – Shaggy, Whatever You Like – T.I., Chicken Fried – Zac Brown Band, Love the Way You Lie – Eminem, Feathered Indians – Tyler Childers (yikes), Hey Ya – Outkast, How You Remind Me – Nickelback, Ocean Avenue – Yellowcard, Tubthumping – Chumbawhumba, Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) – Wyclef Jean, It’s a Great Day to be Alive – Travis Tritt, Irreplaceable – Beyo, I’ll Name the Dogs – Blake Shelton, BBQ Stain – Tim McGraw, Shape of You – Ed Sheeran, Self Conscious – Kanye West, Country Grammar (Hot Shit) – Nelly, You’re Beautiful – James Blunt, Soul Sister – Train, Every Morning – Sugar Ray, Just A Friend – Biz Markie, Welcome to the Black Parade – My Chemical Romance, I’m Like a Bird – Nelly Furtado, Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry, I Wanna Talk About Me – Toby Keith, Changes – Tupac , Bad Day – Daniel Powter, Scars – Papa Roach.
