“It’s about vulnerability.” That’s what he’d said to her, when she was on her knees and his were about her chest height. She wasn’t kneeling up straight, instead reclining on her feet, feeling her heels dig into her bum as she stared up at him. She could but nod.
“You’re putting so much trust in another person’s hands, and even if you could walk away at any moment, that’s just physical. It’s your emotional self that you’re baring, and that’s twice as dangerous.” His hand had wandered down to her face, fingertips grazing her cheek like bullets.
“Everything I do to you..” He had paused, and his hand had pulled back, pulled into an arc, before coming down to lightly pat against her face, the pale shadow of a slap. She still tensed, still gasped. The expectation without any of the pay off. “Everything I do is amplified tenfold by that vulnerability. You expose yourself to me, and I could thrust the knife in at any moment. That I don’t is why you stick around, that I could is why you squirm and sigh.” From any other lips, at any other time, the words would have made her roll her eyes, smirk, and walk away without any worry of investment lost.
But here, every one rang true, and she could do nothing but smile, and stay quiet, demure, wholly not herself. Or maybe herself, just without all the clinking clanking armour she’d constructed out of acerbic wit, sarcastic remarks and a cultivated nonchalance that could do a pretty good impression of aloof.
His fingertips had patted against her cheek again, and he’d motioned her to her feet. “Come on, we’re going to take a trip.” He’d said, and a dozen questions had raced to her lips, each one barging the other out of the way to be first spoken.
The shortest got to the front first.
“Why?” He had looked almost confused at first. As if ‘where?’ was the only real option, and the why of it was inconsequential. But after a moment he’d shrugged, and smiled, and placed his hands on her shoulders.
“If I could explain why, I wouldn’t need a where. Besides, surprises are more fun.” They’d kissed, and then wandered out the door.
And now here she was, in an empty field in empty countryside, a light shiver rushing through her half naked form. The stockings felt like they were clinging to her for warmth, not the other way around, and her underwear was purely decorative. She felt exposed, but the way he was looking at her was making her feel all sorts of wonderful.
“You asked me why. How do you feel?”
And then she laughed. And span around on the spot. She felt invincible.
dany:*asks Jon to kneel but he refuses it* You … you don’t? wTF? What does that even mean? don’t you think I deserve this? You have no idea what I went through to get here, northern manbun! I have walked in the desert, overthrown governments, faced rebellions and dealt with fuckmen everywhere. Boy, I even walked through a flaming pyre tWICE
Here’s a couple from today The only reason I’m mainly posting pics is so that I can get used to being in front of some kind of camera. Ive decided I’m not going to just wing it on videoing. If I’m going to do it then I’ve decided im going to do it right!
I’m in a really, really good mood today because I’ve applied for 2 different jobs so far and tomorrow I have nothing planned other than applying for more jobs. I’m tired of letting my depression get in the way of my life and my goals that I have set for myself. The other day I was just sitting on the couch and got to thinking to myself “I don’t want to be like this forever, I have to do something to over come this.” I figured if I got myself excited about something and gave myself some kind of motivation and some kind of hope to hold onto, then I can over come this depression✊
3 goals I want to accomplish:
1.) Fix my car.
2.)Fix up the trailer.
3.) Find the right kind of people.
Now - I know most of you are probably thinking > Right kind of people, wth?! What I mean by that is people that are/have been where I am right now. I’m tired of feeling worthless and like a piece of shit. I don’t like feeling this way and im tired of putting Whit through it too. He doesn’t deserve to be going through this just because I am. I try to act like nothing is bothering me, I try to act like a happy-go-lucky person around every one at all costs but Whit knows when something is wrong. That’s the perks of a 3 year long relationship, I guess. I guess when you’re around someone for so long you just know when something isn’t right.
Anyways - all I ask is that you guys continue to pray for Whit and I as we continue to go through this long and difficult process. I know God wouldn’t put us through anything we couldn’t handle!✊
