i respect people’s decision to tag or not tag whatever they wish, but i just spent a minute reading an untagged post about “guillermo“ being cool, not despite of, but absolutely because of being very feral and deranged, thinking it was about Guillermo del Toro, before i figured out it was one of the vampire show characters.
I feel so betrayed by Klavier’s. I can envision a whole series of Klavier valentines with no allusions to penis.
heyyy! to be completely honest with you: i made these when i was 13. i was having a really hard time coming up with some of the puns (case in point: the gumshoe, lang, sebastian, manfred ones)– english isn’t my first language. the thing is i really wanted to include klavier, so i used the only shitty line i could think of XD
i would actually like to redeem myself this year with a few new ones (valentine’s is just around the corner!!!), but feel free to make contributions to the post… the more the better. it’d be great to see your ideas
YOUR LAZY MEAL IS RISOTTO?? WHAT’S YOUR LAZY DESSERT, A FUCKING SOUFFLE? IS YOUR GO-TO QUICK READ WAITING FOR THE BUS THE FUCKING POETIC EDDA IN ITS ORIGINAL OLD NORSE?
RISOTTO?? ARE YOU AN ALIEN???
Would you like a lazy-ass rissoto recipe? Like it’s not as low-effort as eating shredded cheese right out of the bag, and I have been there, but if it’s one of those nights where you’re too tired to go all Julia Child but you’ve got more energy and aspirations than bagged cheese, this may work.
Lowest Effort Rissoto:
Tools you’ll need:
Working Stovetop
Clean Pan and lid
Pan-safe spoon or spatuala
Cup, Like for drinking out of
Ingredience:
Arborio Rice but really you can use any short or medium-grain rice, and if you don’t care about the rissoto gooey texture, you can use any damn rice you want. You can even use farro, because that’s what you had in the pantry and can’t be arsed to go to the store.
Chicken Broth or chicken bullion and water.
Some kind of cooking oil or butter
Pre-chopped or Dehydrated Onion*
dried or fresh thyme*
fresh or dehydrated mushrooms*
Everything with a * can be bought fresh and frozen for later, or use the dehydrated version, whatever is convienient.
Those frozen pre-cooked chicken breast things, cut into 1-inch-ish chunks
Swiss cheese. The pre-scliced/or shredded and bagged stuff.
Salt and pepper to taste
Yes, that’s a lot of ingredience. This is like. Lazy Cooking 201. this recipie also makes a shitload of food that reheats well for lunch and dinner tomorrow.
How Do:
Decide how much you want to make. the ratio is: for every 1 frozen chicken breast, use: ½ of your drinking cup of rice, cheese, cooking fat and mushrooms ¼ drinking cup onions and thyme if using fresh/frozen, or ¼ inch if the dried stuff. 2 drinking cups chicken broth 1 drinking cup water.
Once you’ve decided how much you’re going to make, gather all ingredients and tools together and make sure everything is clean.
pan on stove, put your oil or butter in. When the oil is hot, add the rice and swirl it until the oil coats the rice and let it toast a bit until it’s a bit brown. Add mushrooms, thyme, onion and chicken. You don’t even need to defrost anything.
Once all the frozen stuff is mostly thawed or the dried ingredients are fragrant, add 1 drinking cup of chicken broth. Stir so everything is wet, put the lid on the pan, and leave it for 5-7 minutes. Sit down. Fuck around on your phone, watch youtube, whatever.
after 5-7 minutes, add 1 drinking cup of water, stir again, and leave it for 5-7 minutes. repeat this liquid-5 minutes-liquid, using 2 parts broth to 1 part water until the rice is fully cooked and sort of making it’s own sauce. you realy don’t need to stir it constantly.
Once the rice is cooked, take the pan off the heat, pull the stems of the thyme out if using fresh/frozen, and add the cheese. Stir one last time, and eat as much as you want.
This isn’t the easiest recipie. but it’s something filling and nutritious that tastes good and you won’t have to cook again tomorrow, so for a day you’ve got a little extra and want to do more? this is pretty good.
[ID: A panel crop of Malik landing on Khut’s back as he stabs his net spear into Khut. A bright glowing yellow net releases from the spear’s holding compartment and begins enveloping Khut. Khut cries out in pain with a loud “ROOOOO!!!” which is cut off by the image cropping. End ID]
