#internalised misogyny
Susan Patton, commonly known as The Princeton Mom, first came into the public eye with her letter Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had inThe Daily Princetonian.
What was her advice?
Stop worrying about your studies and your career and start looking for a husband! (Your life has no meaning unless you marry a man! And you can’t marry unless you marry NOW! NOW! YOU HEARD ME, NOW!)
Patton has since become a controversial public figure, written two books (Marry Smart: Advice for Finding THE ONE&Marry by Choice, Not by Chance: Advice for Finding the Right One at the Right Time) and become the poster girl of internalised misogyny.
Let’s take a look at some statements she’s made in interviews and in her writing:
On marriage and ‘finding Mr Right’:
“[U]ntil you find a spouse, I would advise you invest your effort and energy at least 75% in searching for a partner and 25% in professional development.”
“You’re in your twenties, you’re no longer a student, and you are hoping to find a husband in a nonacademic setting. Good luck! You’ll need it.”
“To avoid a life of unwanted spinsterhood — with cats! — you have to smarten up about what’s important to you, and keep your head in the game.”
“When I say, ‘Find a man,’ what I really mean is, ‘Find a man who will respect you.’ And when I say, ‘Find a husband in college,’ what I’m really saying is, ‘It’s never too early to start planning for your personal happiness and looking for a husband who will respect you.’ It’s never too early, and it’s never too late. (Well, that’s not really true, but we’ll discuss that later.)”
“Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated.”
On rape:
“The definition of rape is no longer when a woman is violated at the point of a gun or a knife. We’re now identifying as rape what really is a clumsy hookup melodrama or a fumbled attempt at a kiss or caress." "Why don’t women get up and leave?”
“Sex can’t be unwanted after the fact. You can’t say it was unwanted after the fact. That is what is problematic. Sometimes when women find themselves in situation where again they have been overserved, they should have walked away, but they just didn’t. It’s easier not to. Then they wake up and say, ‘My God look at where I am. I didn’t mean to.’ It can’t be unwanted after the fact. That’s not assault. It’s bad, but it’s not assault. And I’ve said this many times, it’s the most horrific of all crimes, perhaps with the exception of child abduction. I don’t like the idea of diluting the horror, the true crime of rape with mistake sex. ‘I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want it and I didn’t mean to.’ Those are two very different things and then shouldn’t be convoluted. Again, I am advocating for women to take control of themselves, take responsibility for themselves, don’t put themselves in harms way, ever. It’s only your job to keep yourself safe, always.”
On feminism:
“Feminists 'have over-corrected’ for past inequalities. Women now have become so emboldened by these antagonistic feminists that they have lost sight of the fact that this is the man you married.”
Apparently marital dissatisfaction is caused by feminism….
On her books:
“There are very few statistics in this book, and my research has been limited to talking with people I know, like and trust.”
And watch this clip about the importance of having plastic surgery before you go of to university. (It will increase your chances of meeting Mr Right.)
Susan Patton is divorced.
Images of female celebrities without makeup is a popular feature in tabloid newspapers and gossip and fashion magazines. Who looks the best? Who looks the worst?Do you recognise these celebrities without makeup?(Yes, always. It’s not really a challenge.)
So, what’s happening here?
These articles, and many of their readers, are simultaneously shaming these women for wearing makeup and for not wearing makeup. By wearing it, they are deceitful about their true appearance, yet their natural faces are just too “shocking” for them not wear makeup. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Occasionally, someone will try to defend these features. They claim these magazines are just presenting reality as it is and thus crushing beauty ideals.They claim these images are empowering women:
See, if even Beyoncé looks like crap, then you’re okay too! It’s all just makeup and Photoshop! No one is really that beautiful!
But if the headlines call these celebrities “shocking” and"unrecognisable“, are these articles really empowering women? Or are they just telling their female readers (and the concerned celebrities) that maybe they shouldn’t ever leave their house without their makeup on? Aren’t they really saying that the natural look just doesn’t work for anyone? And if the natural look doesn’t even work for Uma Thurman, you can’t possibly be fine just as you are, you regular woman reader you! No, they are not empowering at all, they are just encouraging further girl-on-girl-hate.
If you have to drag down one woman (famous or not) in order to empower another, you’re not really empowering her.
