#its truly pathetic
Many of you know that I’m a bit of a “pain wimp baby.” In other words, I have a low pain tolerance. Pathetically low.
I tap out of pain play quick. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy pain. I actually really love being taken to the edge of my pain tolerance and challenging myself to endure – it’s just that my tolerance is usually excessively less than almost absolutely everyone.
L is a bit of a sadist. When I first learned that, boy, was I fucking CONCERNED. My dream man had found me and, in that realization, I felt that I wasn’t going to be good enough for him. I immediately knew that he wouldn’t be able to do the same impact play with me that he enjoyed with past partners. I also knew that no matter how much I was crushing on him, I had to respect myself and set my limits - and accept that we may not be a good match. That he may not choose to explore a relationship with me, and that was okay. That we’re all entitled to find a partner that fits our needs and desires.
I remember that conversation and holding my breath when I told him that I might not be the right fit for him. I remember him sitting on my words for a moment, thinking. Me filling the silence, babbling about how it was fine if he left, I understood, no big deal, no harm done, totally fine - I’M FINE.
I remember him gently shushing me, laughing at how I aggressively tried to give him an out.
Then he explained.
Finding pleasure in hurting me isn’t about the force behind his impact or out-performing the last spanking session he gave to another partner. It isn’t about any measurable unit of force or pain.
L told me that what mattered most to him was my willingness to endure the discomfort for him. He may not be able to flog me as hard or as long as others, but he knows that when I submit to the pain, I am in full surrender. Trusting him to take me just far enough, but never too far. My submission gives him the power to hurt me, and I revel in the pain because I know it’s part of how he adores me.
In the months we’ve been together, L has never made me feel pressured to accept more pain than I can handle. He only asks that I challenge myself to suffer to my limit for him. Give him everything that I can. So, I do.
And I am enough.
