#everyday ds

Those gentle little touches.

When he kisses you and his hand rests on your throat. He’s not firm with you, he’s barely making contact with your skin.

The way he gently plays with your hair. Taking strands in his hand, tucking it behind your ear.

His fingers tracing little circles on your inner thighs. Never close enough.

It’s the tease.

His controlled patience. Forcing you to admit that you need it.

Admit that you’re desperate for his hand to wrap around your throat. Admit that you hope he will pull your hair sharply and without warning. Admit that you want your body claimed by his hands.

Admit that you need to be powerless with him.

And he’ll wait until you confess your every desire to him.

His hints of what’s to come, but only if you beg.

It’s been a week since L and I started a new accountability exercise together. In response to my starting to crave a return to D/s and recent lack of focus throughout the day + L’s desire to strengthen the communication between us, we came up with a plan to address both.

We created a task log that has daily activities for me - some chores, some for pleasure. Things like tidying the house, journaling, exercising, adhering to bedtime, etc. Each evening L and I make time to talk through my activities and he checks off each accomplished area.

Why it’s working for us:

• I’m usually really motivated and proactive and don’t need a granular system like this to get shit done. But it’s okay to realize you need help sometimes and it’s also okay to ask for that help. I’ve been so much more focused for the last week, and my overall happiness has increased with my mind and body being more engaged in my day.
• It’s a small step into D/s, but absolutely a step nonetheless. L is the only one who can check off tasks, and he is in a position of power to hold me accountable. I answer to him. We can gauge my emotional responses to the dynamic and increase the intensity of the power exchange gradually over time - if it feels right for both of us.
• Our system creates a space for “check ins” every evening. There is less focus on tasks being complete, but rather how we are doing, how the day treated us. If I don’t workout because my anxiety was crippling, L won’t punish me - but he won’t know what I’m going through unless we check in. We wanted to emphasize our communication and intentionally prioritize conversations rather than the task itself. And of course, I’m aware that there are consequences if I’m slacking and our conversation reveals no true justification. Also, L doesn’t have tasks obviously (lol), but when we have dedicated time to connect, I am also able to check in with him!
• It’s sort of fun… starting with the small things again. L is my best friend, partner, and boyfriend. I know him better than anyone. But we’ve grown a lot in the last couple years, and I’m sure our dynamic will shift from what it was when we first started playing together. This feels like the opportunity to slowly rediscover each other. I’m getting butterflies, and it’s just daily tasks!!!! We love some every day flirty fun!
• Personally, I’m finding joy in the little things and feeling good about my daily accomplishments - while also strengthening my relationship with L. Win/win tbh.

Many of you know that I’m a bit of a “pain wimp baby.” In other words, I have a low pain tolerance. Pathetically low.

I tap out of pain play quick. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy pain. I actually really love being taken to the edge of my pain tolerance and challenging myself to endure – it’s just that my tolerance is usually excessively less than almost absolutely everyone. 

L is a bit of a sadist. When I first learned that, boy, was I fucking CONCERNED. My dream man had found me and, in that realization, I felt that I wasn’t going to be good enough for him. I immediately knew that he wouldn’t be able to do the same impact play with me that he enjoyed with past partners. I also knew that no matter how much I was crushing on him, I had to respect myself and set my limits - and accept that we may not be a good match. That he may not choose to explore a relationship with me, and that was okay. That we’re all entitled to find a partner that fits our needs and desires. 

I remember that conversation and holding my breath when I told him that I might not be the right fit for him. I remember him sitting on my words for a moment, thinking. Me filling the silence, babbling about how it was fine if he left, I understood, no big deal, no harm done, totally fine - I’M FINE. 

I remember him gently shushing me, laughing at how I aggressively tried to give him an out. 

Then he explained. 

Finding pleasure in hurting me isn’t about the force behind his impact or out-performing the last spanking session he gave to another partner. It isn’t about any measurable unit of force or pain. 

L told me that what mattered most to him was my willingness to endure the discomfort for him. He may not be able to flog me as hard or as long as others, but he knows that when I submit to the pain, I am in full surrender. Trusting him to take me just far enough, but never too far. My submission gives him the power to hurt me, and I revel in the pain because I know it’s part of how he adores me. 

In the months we’ve been together, L has never made me feel pressured to accept more pain than I can handle. He only asks that I challenge myself to suffer to my limit for him. Give him everything that I can. So, I do.

And I am enough. 

Hard Limit Pusher

Should there really be any hard limits in a relationship? If you TRULY TRUST. Then wouldn’t you trust that he/she will know what you need? What you want? And isn’t it the role of your partner, male and female to push your hard limits, not aggressively or with intent but with purpose? Is it not the dynamic to get out of your comfort zone and see how uncomfortable you can get?

To live life on edge?

Speaking of edging…. Mmmmm

Master has tasked me with edging for five minutes every hour today, I know there is a lesson to be had, there always is. Over the past few days since I returned to him, needy and wanting, understanding the last lesson that I did not need answers to return, I needed to get out of my own way and trust he knows what is best for me. I have been learning so much. He truly is a Master. He fascinates me. How one human can be so in control of what his purpose is but missing the mark on other things. But I know he is the Master of his own self and it is not my role to push him, he does not permit me to do that. I know and accept what my role is with him. I know my purpose is to serve his needs. He is free to use my body whenever he wants. I no longer need him to receive and feel love because I love myself. What I need is to be taught a lesson. To continue to learn about my submission and my purpose to serve. And holy crap does this man teach me: not in the school girl being punished way you kinky fucks are thinking. (Although I am sure I would look cute in that getup) however I am all woman, goddess, alpha to my core, sadly dominant in my past relationships, it’s why men have been who they have been with me in the past. I learned and accepted that about who I used to be on day two of returning to London. But he has always known I am submissive, as are all women if they get out of their own way, they push past the uncomfortable zone of lacking trust, feeling unworthy, …

Hold please time to edge… and the alarm says “LUNCH”… so that is my fantasy…

Laying on the couch, legs hanging over the side, your mouth on my Crown Jewels, feeding on your pussy. Lapping up your juices, like it’s a ripe peach, messy and sticky, dripping down between my ass crack, covering your face, suckling on your clit, teasing and torturing me with that magnificent mouth of yours. Your strong arms wrapped around my thighs pinning me in place as I squirm and try to grind on your face. Purely teasing me as I know you’ll stop in 5…4…3… 2…1….

Fuck I love edging….

A friend posted “I have been dominating men most of my life without even realizing I was doing it. I much prefer being submissive. It has taken me to new heights…”

It’s a calm to my storm.

It’s who I Am.

I am submissive.

Sadly I let my alpha get in the way at times.

Learning to fully let go has been my hardest lesson in this journey. Not with him. But if my mental shit. With him I was able to let go, trust. Submit but sadly I could not stay in submission all day. I had to put my go to work, therapy, spend time with others hat on… and my alpha reared its ugly head(s). It is hard being alpha during to the outside world and submissive inside. Especially when trying to learn balance with so many other aspects of my life.

I know he did not understand why I needed him but I did, do. He calmed me, brought balance. Accepted my I Am.

But in doing that I made him feel. And he did not want to feel. He only wanted fun, laughter and orgasms. And although it came from a place of the heart, it was his hard limit. For he lacks emotion, his body tells me so.

And no matter how I forced it, you cannot dominate a Dominate man. And don’t even think about domineering one. For he will release you at the drop of a hat and even kick you in the stomach as he walks out.

I am sorry Sir.