For the dear anon who asked for this scene to be re-written (plenty of smut and angst, just as requested). Also since Beemoov completely ignored the fact that Nath was injured during the scene, I did the same thing.
Swirls of warm steam escape from the crack in the door, misting in the hallway while I hesitate, holding my bottom lip between my teeth.
He’s leaving.
He’s leaving me, and all I have before that happens is a measly eight hours. Eight hours to remember him by. Eight hours to show him how I feel. How I reallyfeel.
I intend to make the most of it.
Slipping through the door, I make out Nathaniel’s body through the shower glass, perfectly framed behind mist and water. Gathering my courage, my eyes stay on his silhouette the entire time my clothes come off. First my top, pulled over my head and discarded on the bathroom floor, and then my pants, until I’m left only in the blue, floral lingerie I had bought in town earlier.
Trying not to think about how excited I had been while buying the lingerie, I step into the shower behind him and he turns, water dripping from his hair, over his skin, as his eyes flicker over me. We don’t say anything. We don’t need to. He simply takes me in his arms, cocooning me in warmth while the shower rains down over us.
I swallow thickly, any words I might have spoken turning to ash in my mouth, and knowing that his arms are the only thing keeping me together in this waking nightmare I find myself thrown in.
I leave small kisses on his shoulder, my fingers digging into his back, holding him so tightly I never want to let go. Eventually I do, slipping my hands behind my back to undo my bra and letting him pull it off the rest of the way, his eyes devouring my naked skin with a mixture of longing and grief.
He pulls me against him again, chest to chest, his lips pressed against my neck as he whispers over and over, “Forgive me. Forgive me for what I’m doing to you.”
My throat goes tight, a lump of pain settling itself within but I swallow it down, forcing the tears not to fall. Instead, I slip my panties down to my ankles, stepping out of them and kicking them aside. Nath bends down to scoop my underwear up, his lips moving over every inch of my body, electrifying my skin as he does so, before he hangs them to dry on the towel rail.
When he comes back to me his lips are on mine in an instant, water streaming between us, wet and warm, as we cling to each other. My chest tightens, my breath growing heavy, though I’m not sure if it’s the steam in the room or the thought of losing him that causes it.
Probably both.
He bends to take me under the thighs and I wrap my legs around him, feeling his hard body tense against me and letting him press me back against the tiled shower wall, where I wince a little at the coldness on my back.
I feel him between my legs, feel that he wants this as much as I do, and my core warms in response to him, a tingling settling between my thighs. His golden eyes never leave mine as he positions himself against me and pushes inside, and my lips fall against his shoulder in a gasp as I melt.
A groan escapes him and he starts slow, kissing my face, my neck, giving my body time to adjust to him. My arms curl tighter around his neck, fingers threading through his soaked hair while the shower streams down behind him.
And then he thrusts into me harder, fingers digging into my ass as he holds me up and I try not to think how this is the first and last time I’ll ever feel him like this, how my heart is breaking in my chest even while his body sends me into a spiral of ecstasy.
I kiss him deep to chase away dark thoughts, letting his tongue send a jolt of wanting through me so strong I think of nothing but his body against me, insideme. Our eyes meet, heavy-lidded as we drink each other in, wordlessly acknowledging how fragile these last hours we have together are.
His face grows dark and he stills, swallowing down whatever dejected emotions are dancing behind those golden eyes. In an instant he pulls out and lets me down, turning me to face the wall before he slides inside again.
This time he’s less gentle. A hand travels up over my breasts, palming them roughly and rolling my beaded nipples between his fingers. I gasp and lean back into him when he buries his lips in my neck, his fingers gripping my hips as he pumps faster and faster.
Heat builds in my core, a coiling in my stomach so tight it begs to be released. A stuttered gasp escapes me and he knows I’m close. He slips a hand between my thighs, rubbing my clit in circles and bringing me closer and closer to the edge.
When I break it’s with his name on my lips and my head thrown back against his shoulder, water streaming down my face. My body tightens and I clench around him, a surge of pleasure running through me like liquid fire, like the release I’ve been craving for so long.
My forehead falls forward against warm tiles and I feel the stuttered movements of him falling apart before he surges inside me, impossibly deep, holding there while he groans and comes undone, his golden hair splayed over my back when he leans forward against me.
Afterwards he wraps me in a soft, white towel and helps me dry my hair. Dressed in only a pair of sweatpants, he hands me one of his t-shirts to wear and we slip into bed together, his arms around me and my head against his chest.
When he whispers ‘I love you’ through the dark, for a moment I think I must have dreamed it, until I realize his breath is held, only to be released when I say it back with tears in my eye and my lips against his.
*
A shaft of buttery sunlight warms my face, and I rub my face gently as I wake, surveying my surroundings through eyes still heavily laced with sleep.
Until I remember the night before, everything that was said, everything we had done, and I bolt upright in bed.
There’s a note on the bedside table, and a set of keys. I don’t even have to read it to know what it says, because when my eyes scan the room to see his suitcase already gone, my heart shatters into a thousand pieces.
Foolishly, I had hoped he would change his mind. I had hoped we would find another way, together, for him to be safe in this city. I had hoped he loved me too much to let me go.
“You wanted us to bond, we might end up real close.” // “You could have my back any day.” “Yeah, or you could have mine.” // “Is your son really the reason you don’t date?” // “So does this boy crush on Eddie mean you’re over Abby?” // “Yeah, he gets that a lot. You should meet his kid, though.” // “You don’t find it son, you make it.” // “You two have an adorable son.” // “Hang on, Buck.” // “You’re gonna get out of this house, take a walk around the block, and get some fresh air.” // “He’s hanging out with his Buck today.” // “He was looking for Buck.” // “There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.” // “Thank you, for not giving up.” // “Do you know how much Christopher misses you? How could you, you’re not around.” // “I couldn’t even call you to bail me out of jail.” // “Your actions have consequences. Also what it means to be part of a team.” // “ I just want you to talk to me. Even if it’s just to say you’re still mad.” // “Whatever it takes for you to forgive me.” // “I forgive you. Just don’t do it again.” // “A total impulse buy. Not like you at all.” // “Especially if you’re not around to see that they need saving.” // “You and Chris needed me and I had my head so far up my own behind with that stupid law suit.” // “I should have been there.” // “This is my kind of therapy.” // “Buck, can I spend Christmas with you?” // “Yeah, I think you might be over-correcting here.” // “Then we dig by hand.” // “Wait. You all think he’s dead.” // “That won’t happen to us.” // “Two weeks away from home? What if something happens? What if he gets homesick?” // “Buck, stop, look, I know you made a promise.” // “What’s next?” // “Buck, can we go to your house to play video games?” // “I can know weird stuff, too.” // “If that’s how you feel, how they made you feel, you have every right to say so.” // “I had to do it.” “I know you did.” // “Still not sure what inspired the software update.” // “You’re a miracle worker.” // “You always got me, cuz I’m not going anywhere.” // “Curious what your definition of too much discipline is.” // “Two heads are better than one. What if we teamed up?” // “Just make sure you’re following your heart, and not Christopher’s.” // “Are you hurt?” // “Eddie, I need you to hang on.” // “Your dad’s tough as nails. He’s a fighter.” // “The team feels off without Eddie.” // “Hey, Buck.” // “You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters.” // “Christopher would be taken care of. By you.” // “Nobody will ever fight for my son as hard as you, that is what I want for him.” // “Because, Evan.” // “You act like you’re expendable, but you’re wrong.” // “He takes Christopher there all the time, got the place memorized.” // “You need to tell me if something is wrong.” // “You’re the guy who likes to fix things.” // “Ice goes on the eye bud.” // “You don’t have to pretend with me.” // “Wait here, I’m gonna go get him okay?” // “Eddie, it’s me. I’m coming in. Stay away from the door.” // “I’m afraid.” “Okay. Okay. What are you afraid of?” // “Where’s Chris?” “Buck took him to school already, figured you could use the extra sleep.” // “That one’s mine. I misunderstood the assignment.” // “You guys should take this act on the road.” // “I know, I’m the guy who likes to fix things.” “Hey, it comes in handy when I have a bunch of holes in my wall.”
